Furious at future MIL!!!

jlteach78 · April 2014

Hello everyone, I'm getting married on April 26th (I think). My FI mom said she knew the manager at a local hotel and she would take care of the reception. This was around Thanksgiving. She said the manager could reserve a room for a small (20 people) wedding and reception. Cue to 2 weeks ago they come from being gone 3 months in Florida and future MIL starts in on what kind of food we should have. Mind you, she's been saying all along that "the reception is taken care of stop worrying. Well come to find out last night we are getting whatever room is left over. WTF?!? We went to the hotel last night because we were told to come view rooms between 6-9pm. We get there and all rooms are booked, we can't see them. Then future MIL says to my FI today (18 days before the wedding) that he and I have to foot the food bill after being told for months the reception is taken care of. I'm freaking out! No firm venue, no food, etc. I don't know what the heck to do?!? Trust she's got the location covered and find out the day of the wedding we have no venue or take the bull by the horns and find some cheap backup. I haven't budgeted anything for the reception as far as food or the actual venue. I'd appreciate any kind advice:)

jlteach78 · April 2014

I've even thought of postponing it:(

CaliMel11 · April 2014

Since it's his mom, your Fiance should really be the one talking to her. He should ask her why she promised when she clearly did not ever plan anything?
I would try to find out what is really going on asap so that you can try to at least plan something else instead if need be!

climbingsingle · April 2014

What a clusterfuck.

At this point, I would postpone. It sounds like you're having a small wedding - 20 people? Call them and tell them all it's being pushed back. You and your FI need to figure out what you can afford and find a venue. Pay for everything yourself. Do not again relay on your FMIL to foot the bill.

climbingsingle · April 2014

Also, I understand you're furious at your FMIL, but you should also be furious with yourself. Why would you essentially give her all control and not once check in with her about anything until two weeks before the wedding?

Maggie0829 · April 2014

Um, you should be more pissed at yourself then you should be at your FMIL. This is your and your FI wedding and you never once asked for details regarding food, room, decorations, etc?

You have two choices here. 1) stop expecting your FMIL to do anything and organize something yourself or 2) postpone.

My suggestion is that since you are having a small wedding start looking into restaurants in your area with separate rooms.

jlp41704 · April 2014

Ladies,
I have checked in with her weekly regarding this situation. She kept telling me it's all taken care, the room will have a refrigerator, wet bar, seating, etc. When someone tells me it's taken care of every time I ask, I assume it should be and shouldn't have to follow her around. It's not like I dropped the ball. It's the same thing if the venue itself lied and said I was booked and called today and said oops, no your're not.

jlp41704 · April 2014

She was in Florida for 3 months and kept telling me "We will check out the room and it's logistics etc when I come back".

climbingsingle · April 2014

Then you should have gone there without her, instead of waiting for her to get back. Did you not have any kind of food tasting?

I'm sorry, but you're in as much of the wrong here as she is. Why would you expect and allow your FMIL to plan your entire wedding? This is crazypants.

sarawifenow · April 2014

This is why I always say that you can't count on any contributions until they are in your hands/on paper. Planning a wedding is your responsibility no matter how much assistance is offered. At this point, I would probably postpone.

doeydo · April 2014

Option 1. Find a venue (a room in a restaurant, your own backyard, etc.) and get some kind of food. If the reception goes through a meal time, then enough food for a meal needs to be there. Perhaps you could use food prepared by a local grocery store or something.
Option 2. Postpone. Call up all your guests and tell them (no need to go on about the situation of you FMIL and the restaurant, just try to be general).

huskypuppy14 · April 2014

Where was your ceremony going to be?

mbross3 · April 2014

Do you have a ceremony location lined up? If your ceremony is at a different location from the reception, just find a restaurant that can fit 20 people. I can't imagine that would be too hard. If your ceremony was going to be at the same location, postpone and do the planning yourself.

sarawifenow · April 2014

@jlteach78, have you decided what to do?

[Deleted User] · April 2014

Can you afford to host a simple cake & punch reception at your ceremony location for your guests? Granted it's not what you had invisioned, but you would still be able to hold your wedding date then. Sorry that your FMIL did this to you.

jlteach78 · April 2014

Thank you for the kind posts. Those who chose to bash me, did you really think I needed to feel attacked with all the stress going on? For those asking, everything went according to plan and I found a caterer.

Angusaur · April 2014

jlteach78 said:

Thank you for the kind posts. Those who chose to bash me, did you really think I needed to feel attacked with all the stress going on? For those asking, everything went according to plan and I found a caterer.

Congratulations on getting married, I'm glad everything worked out for you. Not to be rude but I do think you needed that reality check from the PPs. It wasn't what you wanted to hear, but probably what you needed to hear. This is good advice for newly engaged people who are lurking the boards also. Take control of your own wedding planning if you don't want to be burned in the end.

Pennibear87 · June 2014

I am glad everything worked out for you. Also, I want to say that you did not drop the ball, in my opinion. If a similar situation had happened among friends or co-workers, no one would ever blame you. The blame is certainly with her for not being honest. Anyway, I'm sure it's water under the bridge, now. Congratulations on your marriage!

Furious at future MIL!!!

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