Wedding Woes

Say my name, bitch!

Dear Prudence,
I’ve been married to a very nice man for 40 years. We have raised a family, he has been an excellent provider, and to my knowledge has been faithful to me. He comes from a family that’s not emotionally close, but he is a dutiful son to aging parents who live nearby. My problem is that my husband never calls me by my name, either a nickname or by my given name. He just starts speaking to me, but without any sort of address. He does call others by their given names, and I cringe to hear him say other people’s names over and over. I’ve tried not answering him if he fails to address me, then he’ll just say my name sarcastically. I am hurt that I have this void in our relationship and I long for my husband to call me something. I have had this sad discussion with him a trillion times. I went to a counselor by myself who consulted with a renowned marriage therapist, and all they could suggest was that it had something to do with my husband’s relationship with his mother. He is not interested in couples therapy.

—Call Me Something

Re: Say my name, bitch!

  • 40 years, and this is just now a problem.
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    dharmabunnymelbelleup
  • Ha. It always comes back to mom, doesn't it?
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    dharmabunny
  • Ha. It always comes back to mom, doesn't it?

    Freudian slip - you say one thing and think of a mother
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    ReturnOfKuusshaylagirlthejucheidea
  • Why was this not the headline of the original article??
    GBCK
  • That's bizarre!  What's his hang-up with calling her something?  And I wonder how long it look her to notice at first . . . I feel like experimenting to see how long it takes H to notice, but I know I won't be able to keep it up. 


  • kerbohl said:
    That's bizarre!  What's his hang-up with calling her something?  And I wonder how long it look her to notice at first . . . I feel like experimenting to see how long it takes H to notice, but I know I won't be able to keep it up. 
    Hah, honestly if I tried this I feel like it probably would take my fiance about 40 year to notice I was doing something different
    image
  • thejucheideathejucheidea East Nashville, Tennessee member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer

    Husband doesn't say my name unless he's talking to someone else about me. I don't use his name unless he's made me angry. We also don't use pet names. So... I guess we just start talking to each other and assume we know who we're talking to.


  • I rarely call my significant other by his name, unless I'm trying to get his attention. Any time he calls me by mine, I feel like I'm in trouble! lol Anyway, ask him to use your name? Maybe you should have asked him 39 years ago? It's probably a weird habit to break out of after 40 years. 
    jules3964
  • Weeeird.  I actually sometimes feel uncomfortable being addressed by my name.  I mean, if you're calling out across a room to get my attention, that's one thing, but using my name *to* me, during conversation?  Feels weird.
  • After 40 years and that's her only issue? Not bad!

  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    Fi has told me he really dislikes my first name and he actively avoids using it.  He's gotten better lately, and I've heard him say it to other people a few times and maybe once or twice to me.

    I don't think it reflects on our relationship.  He just doesn't like a name my 23 year old dad picked out of a song.  Oh well.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  • Fi has told me he really dislikes my first name and he actively avoids using it.  He's gotten better lately, and I've heard him say it to other people a few times and maybe once or twice to me.

    I don't think it reflects on our relationship.  He just doesn't like a name my 23 year old dad picked out of a song.  Oh well.
    i'm so curious now....
    JCbride2015
  • Aw man, I thought this was going to be a post about Jesse Pinkman.
    9.13.15 <3

    I say "that's what she said" more than any normal person should.
  • ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited April 2014
    That is a super weird thing to say to a girlfriend, that you hate her name and avoid saying it.  And it's important to him that he change your last name, too?  What other really weird and possibly inappropriate things does your FI say, JCBride?  Is he controlling?
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  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    That is a super weird thing to say to a girlfriend, that you hate her name and avoid saying it.  And it's important to him that he change your last name, too?  What other really weird and possibly inappropriate things does your FI say, JCBride?  Is he controlling?
    @ReturnOfKuus Thanks for your concern!  Nope he is the farthest thing from controlling.  He's never said he "hates" my name, just that he doesn't really like it.  My name is a very common stripper/ porn star name and I kind of don't like it either.  I mean every single time someone with my name is on TV, she is a stripper, hooker, porn star, or occasionally a ditzy cheerleader.  So it's sort of a joke at this point.  I don't love my name either and I feel that it's a hurdle I have to overcome professionally every time I meet someone new.

    He wants me to change my last name mostly because it's the traditional thing to do.  So... not great reasons.  He's not really forceful about it, and I know if I decided not to change my name he would be disappointed but he would live with it.  Lately I'm leaning toward changing it but he doesn't know that.  As far as he knows I'm keeping it and he doesn't bother me about my decision.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

    pinkcow13

  • That is a super weird thing to say to a girlfriend, that you hate her name and avoid saying it.  And it's important to him that he change your last name, too?  What other really weird and possibly inappropriate things does your FI say, JCBride?  Is he controlling?
    @ReturnOfKuus Thanks for your concern!  Nope he is the farthest thing from controlling.  He's never said he "hates" my name, just that he doesn't really like it.  My name is a very common stripper/ porn star name and I kind of don't like it either.  I mean every single time someone with my name is on TV, she is a stripper, hooker, porn star, or occasionally a ditzy cheerleader.  So it's sort of a joke at this point.  I don't love my name either and I feel that it's a hurdle I have to overcome professionally every time I meet someone new.

    He wants me to change my last name mostly because it's the traditional thing to do.  So... not great reasons.  He's not really forceful about it, and I know if I decided not to change my name he would be disappointed but he would live with it.  Lately I'm leaning toward changing it but he doesn't know that.  As far as he knows I'm keeping it and he doesn't bother me about my decision.
    Sounds like my friend named Caroline, she doesn't mind it... That is until Neil Diamond comes on!
    She once had a guy at the grocery store walk around serenading her while it was playing in the store.

    JCbride2015
  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    mimiphin said:

    That is a super weird thing to say to a girlfriend, that you hate her name and avoid saying it.  And it's important to him that he change your last name, too?  What other really weird and possibly inappropriate things does your FI say, JCBride?  Is he controlling?
    @ReturnOfKuus Thanks for your concern!  Nope he is the farthest thing from controlling.  He's never said he "hates" my name, just that he doesn't really like it.  My name is a very common stripper/ porn star name and I kind of don't like it either.  I mean every single time someone with my name is on TV, she is a stripper, hooker, porn star, or occasionally a ditzy cheerleader.  So it's sort of a joke at this point.  I don't love my name either and I feel that it's a hurdle I have to overcome professionally every time I meet someone new.

    He wants me to change my last name mostly because it's the traditional thing to do.  So... not great reasons.  He's not really forceful about it, and I know if I decided not to change my name he would be disappointed but he would live with it.  Lately I'm leaning toward changing it but he doesn't know that.  As far as he knows I'm keeping it and he doesn't bother me about my decision.
    Sounds like my friend named Caroline, she doesn't mind it... That is until Neil Diamond comes on!
    She once had a guy at the grocery store walk around serenading her while it was playing in the store.
    Wait... how did he know her name was Caroline?
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

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