Just received the first terrible invitation of the season.

Jean0715 · April 2014

1. Was mailed to FI parents house. He hasn't lived there in 3 years.

2. Was addressed to only him. I didn't even have the pleasure of being called guest.

3. Theres something called a "social hour" before cocktail hour. I have never heard of that before. I asked my FMIL and she said that generally its an unhosted gap that people mingle at while they take pictures.

4. Not one, but two registry inserts.

It could always be worse right?

Thank you ladies for letting other girls know whats right and wrong etiquette. Too bad this bride never popped on over to this board.

missnc77 · April 2014

I wanted to invite my brother's best friend for the past 20 years, but I can't get his address. My brother doesn't know it, and when he does visit him, he doesn't think to get it. I have facebooked this family friend. I have called him. Nothing. I would feel offended, but he really is a true family friend. My dad and him are good friends as well. Anyway, I actually considered sending the invite to his parents' house. And not only that, I'm unsure of his relationship status with his on again/off again girlfriend, and my brother doesn't keep up with it because he dislikes her. Your #1 and #2 make me laugh about my own situation. Damned if I do, damned if I don't.

sarawifenow · April 2014

Jean0715 said:

1. Was mailed to FI parents house. He hasn't lived there in 3 years.
2. Was addressed to only him. I didn't even have the pleasure of being called guest.
3. Theres something called a "social hour" before cocktail hour. I have never heard of that before. I asked my FMIL and she said that generally its an unhosted gap that people mingle at while they take pictures.
4. Not one, but two registry inserts.

It could always be worse right?

Thank you ladies for letting other girls know whats right and wrong etiquette. Too bad this bride never popped on over to this board.

Wow...so are you going to go? It would be great to hear about this wedding!

climbingsingle · April 2014

Wow - they didn't even invite you?

JellyBean52513 · April 2014

SaraBrideSoon said:

Jean0715 said:

1. Was mailed to FI parents house. He hasn't lived there in 3 years.
2. Was addressed to only him. I didn't even have the pleasure of being called guest.
3. Theres something called a "social hour" before cocktail hour. I have never heard of that before. I asked my FMIL and she said that generally its an unhosted gap that people mingle at while they take pictures.
4. Not one, but two registry inserts.

It could always be worse right?

Thank you ladies for letting other girls know whats right and wrong etiquette. Too bad this bride never popped on over to this board.

Wow...so are you going to go? It would be great to hear about this wedding!

How can she go if she's not invited?

grumbledore · April 2014

missnc77 said:

I wanted to invite my brother's best friend for the past 20 years, but I can't get his address. My brother doesn't know it, and when he does visit him, he doesn't think to get it. I have facebooked this family friend. I have called him. Nothing. I would feel offended, but he really is a true family friend. My dad and him are good friends as well. Anyway, I actually considered sending the invite to his parents' house. And not only that, I'm unsure of his relationship status with his on again/off again girlfriend, and my brother doesn't keep up with it because he dislikes her. Your #1 and #2 make me laugh about my own situation. Damned if I do, damned if I don't.

If your brother can't be bothered and the potential guest won't respond, then I wouldn't bother sending an invitation, but I guess I'm mean.

RebeccaB88 · April 2014

missnc77 said:

I wanted to invite my brother's best friend for the past 20 years, but I can't get his address. My brother doesn't know it, and when he does visit him, he doesn't think to get it. I have facebooked this family friend. I have called him. Nothing. I would feel offended, but he really is a true family friend. My dad and him are good friends as well. Anyway, I actually considered sending the invite to his parents' house. And not only that, I'm unsure of his relationship status with his on again/off again girlfriend, and my brother doesn't keep up with it because he dislikes her. Your #1 and #2 make me laugh about my own situation. Damned if I do, damned if I don't.

I'd leave one last message (and one last FB PM) stating WHY you need this information and when you need it by, because you'd love to see him at the wedding. Then, if you don't hear back by the deadline, then he probably just isn't interested in attending and/or may not be as good a friend to you as you thought. Either way, you're off the hook and he can't complain about a lack of an invitation.

RebeccaB88 · April 2014

Jean0715 said:

1. Was mailed to FI parents house. He hasn't lived there in 3 years.
2. Was addressed to only him. I didn't even have the pleasure of being called guest.
3. Theres something called a "social hour" before cocktail hour. I have never heard of that before. I asked my FMIL and she said that generally its an unhosted gap that people mingle at while they take pictures.
4. Not one, but two registry inserts.

It could always be worse right?

Thank you ladies for letting other girls know whats right and wrong etiquette. Too bad this bride never popped on over to this board.

I'd seriously have FI ask them why you weren't included in the invitation. If they don't fix the problem immediately ("Oh, I'm so sorry we didn't know! Of course she's invited!"), then he has a decision to make. And I hope it's in your favor.

jalyndani · April 2014

So I have a question concerning #1 and mailing invites to guests'/family members' parents.

My mom and I just spent all weekend addressing our outer envelopes. FI's mom gave us the address list for all of their family. Two of FI's cousins had the same addresses as their parents, even though they are adults- however, I do know that they are college students that live in dorms. Is this a situation where it's ok to mail to the parents (the aunt & uncle who are, of course, also invited)? Also, a third cousin lives with her boyfriend, but the address given to us is the same as her parents (another aunt & uncle, also invited) ? FI's mom is the one who collected all these addresses for us, so I'm guessing she inquired with her siblings as to where to send everyone's invitations and these were the answers she got.

Are these situations considered "ok" to send the invites to the parents? Am I going to be given the side-eye & be thought of as rude, even though I'm simply using the information that was provided to me by their family member?

Jean0715 · April 2014

FI already said that he's not going to go. FI have drifted apart recently and its far enough out of town that it would require him to spend the night and use a personal day at work. The fact that his fiancé wasn't invited was the last straw. He does plan on filling in the RSVP with Regrets and write in that he's "very sorry that he and his fiancé can not make it."

People are just crazy.

ktjanesmom · April 2014

I don't feel like people are "crazy" in this instance. People are not perfect. Why do others get so worked up over things like this? Perhaps it was an honest mistake.

@jalyndani I would say if those are the addresses you were given, then its ok to mail them to those addresses.

Kauris · April 2014

ktjanesmom said:

I don't feel like people are "crazy" in this instance. People are not perfect. Why do others get so worked up over things like this? Perhaps it was an honest mistake.

I don't see how these things can ever be honest mistakes, you either do or don't care enough about your guests to find out their current relationship status. Simple as that.

I have a list of notes for every guest that indicates what their status is, I will follow up on that the week before I send invitations. Is it time consuming? Yes. But is it worth it to ensure my friends and family's relationships are respected? DAMN SKIPPY!

fourtsixand2 · April 2014

It sounds to me like this isn't a close personal friend of either you or your fiance. Otherwise, they would have a clue about his living situation, relationship status, etc.

It isn't uncommon when people get married to come out from under the wood works to start inviting every person they've ever come in contact with .... you know, for the gifts.

If it isn't someone either of you are close to, which I think is the case, I would politely decline. Although it is 'appropriate' to send a gift when receiving a wedding invitation, it is not a requirement and there are certain situations where you couldn't pay me to send a gift.

Jean0715 · April 2014

@fourtsixand2 We see them on occasion (apron 4-6 times a year) and we all have the same circle of friends. There is no way that they didn't know that we were still together, let alone getting married. I can forgive the address since its only a 2 minute drive to his parents.

insertusernamehere · April 2014

jalyndani said:
So I have a question concerning #1 and mailing invites to guests'/family members' parents.

My mom and I just spent all weekend addressing our outer envelopes. FI's mom gave us the address list for all of their family. Two of FI's cousins had the same addresses as their parents, even though they are adults- however, I do know that they are college students that live in dorms. Is this a situation where it's ok to mail to the parents (the aunt & uncle who are, of course, also invited)? Also, a third cousin lives with her boyfriend, but the address given to us is the same as her parents (another aunt & uncle, also invited) ? FI's mom is the one who collected all these addresses for us, so I'm guessing she inquired with her siblings as to where to send everyone's invitations and these were the answers she got.

Are these situations considered "ok" to send the invites to the parents? Am I going to be given the side-eye & be thought of as rude, even though I'm simply using the information that was provided to me by their family member?

Definitely mail to their parents' if they are living in dorms! Especially if that was the address given.

I am a full-time student, and when you finish the year and/or move dorm rooms, your mailing address changes. The only way your mail gets forwarded is if the new owner of your school address gives your mail back to the mailroom for forwarding. I've had stuff sent to my old box in error and it was simply thrown out.

Also, since the school year for most colleges ends in a few weeks, they'll be back at that address soon anyways. I have had invites mailed to my permanent address (my parents') and was grateful to receive my mail!

Dignity100 · April 2014

Wow - don't people even look at etiquette before they send???

My FMIL keeps trying to get me to have a bridal shower (long story, she feels her family 'owes' her kids for all they've given to their families for weddings/graduations/etc - so yes she's being gift-grabby). I've explained to her 3 times anybody invited to a shower/pre-wedding party has to be invited to the wedding and we're simply doing DW w/immediate family only.

FI also recently got an invite from one of his friends. FI's friend new us as a couple before FI's friend even was dating his future wife, and I got the pleasure of being called 'and guest' on the invite (so it's not like he didn't know FI and I are a couple... he even gave FI crap about not being invited to our wedding).

fleur1870 · April 2014

I would be ticked, too. My godparents' son is getting married, and supposedly my sister and I have been invited via an invitation sent to my dad's house. I don't live there anymore, and I guess I can't bring my fiance? Since the invitation was never sent to me, I'm not stressing to much about responding to it.

crunchymamaof2 · April 2014

ktjanesmom said:

I don't feel like people are "crazy" in this instance. People are not perfect. Why do others get so worked up over things like this? Perhaps it was an honest mistake.

@jalyndani I would say if those are the addresses you were given, then its ok to mail them to those addresses.

They care because they want to be treated with respect rather than feeling like an afterthought or a dollar sign.

JellyBean52513 · April 2014

crunchymamaof2 said:

ktjanesmom said:

I don't feel like people are "crazy" in this instance. People are not perfect. Why do others get so worked up over things like this? Perhaps it was an honest mistake.

@jalyndani I would say if those are the addresses you were given, then its ok to mail them to those addresses.

They care because they want to be treated with respect rather than feeling like an afterthought or a dollar sign.

Or an audience member/seat filler.

Just received the first terrible invitation of the season.

Re: Just received the first terrible invitation of the season.

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