Aaaaand my planner suggested an unplugged wedding last night.

delujm0 · April 2014

**HEAD-DESK**

Last night we had a meeting with our planner, and i mentioned that one of my concerns for the ceremony/pictures is that FI's crazy Uncle will likely annoy the photographer like he did at FSIL's wedding. Basically i told her this so that she would escort him away if he gets to be too much (he should be fine for the ceremony, it's the fact that he followed FSIL's photog around after the ceremony for ALL OF HER PICTURES, standing behind him and taking the same shots as him for several hours). My photog is a person iv'e known for 10+ years, so i gave her permission to punch him/be a B to him to get him to stop if he tries this with us, but I also wanted backup from the planner just in case.

She proceeds to tell us that she just did her first "unplugged ceremony" last weekend, and it was so beautiful, and everyone was so present, blah blah blah. I kept my mouth closed out of shock (everything else she has told us has been 100% etiquette appropriate), but FI was totally buying into it. He was all "yeah i hate it when i'm trying to watch a ceremony and people are holding up iPads to take pictures and it blocks my view" and all that nonsense. Planner was like "i mean you pay so much for professional photos, why would you want them ruined?" Apparently her bride made a sign, put it on her website, and also had her officiant mention to guests that the ceremony would be "unplugged" (i hate this term).

The second we got in the car i said to FI "we are not making a sign to tell our guests to not take pictures of our ceremony, that is insane." and he was lilke "you know i'm starting to think it's kind of rude to tell adults what they can and can't do?" THANK YOU. i was like "they're adults, we should assume they know how to act appropriately" and he was like "yeah that's true, and we totally rolled our eyes at (cousin) when he was all 'please don't post any photos of our wedding on FB' and this is almost the same as that."

Guess I got a good one. FI, that is. Planner i'm starting to wonder about.

RebeccaFlower · April 2014

I've definitely seen snap-happy people get in the way of photographers, but it's like preaching to the choir... people who are going to be obnoxious are going to be even if you tell them not to. High five to your FI for knowing better

ashleyep · April 2014

I don't think there's anything necessarily wrong with doing one - though I'll probably roll my eyes. My issue is more with how it's mentioned - cutesy signs with bullshit wording about "being present" are condescending to your guests. Making a note in your program, or having your officiant ask that guests not take photos during the ceremony would be fine, IMO.

But I'm on the same side as you - and it's always nice to get FI on your side. We went to a PPD a few weeks ago and they put the start time 40 minutes before the ceremony actually started. We were running late and raced to get there at 5 and we were the ONLY PEOPLE THERE. FI totally understood why both things are problematic.

ktjanesmom · April 2014

When ever I read "unplugged" I think acoustic/no amps.

grumbledore · April 2014

I really don't care for this trend. I think if one of my friends or family members feels so strongly about my marriage that they need to capture it on film, more power to them. And we're not doing video so if someone happens to catch it, that's awesome.

I will say that our minister prohibits ANY flash photography (including from our photog) during the ceremony but that's his rule, not ours. However, he also said we can restage any photos we want immediately after the ceremony if the photog needs flash to get a better shot.

sarawifenow · April 2014

scribe95 said:

Seriously there is a big thread on this topic two above. Can we not start another one!!!!

This

larrygaga · April 2014

I hate cutesy pintrest signs. Having the officiant say "Please keep your phones on silent and out of the way" or whatever is fine. Actually, I would recommend it if you got some tech-crazy people in your guest list.

grumbledore · April 2014

Seriously there is a big thread on this topic two above. Can we not start another one!!!!

OP's situation specifically happened to her, she doesn't have to post in a 350 comment thread about it so she can be ignored and get no advice.

Jen4948 · April 2014

scribe95 said:

Seriously there is a big thread on this topic two above. Can we not start another one!!!!

Sometimes it's time to start another one that relates specifically to one person's situation, rather than continue a general thread that's a large number of pages long.

delujm0 · April 2014

grumbledore said:

Seriously there is a big thread on this topic two above. Can we not start another one!!!!
OP's situation specifically happened to her, she doesn't have to post in a 350 comment thread about it so she can be ignored and get no advice.

Thanks, @grumbledore.

I didn't want to be the reason that a million page topic got even more out of control...just sharing a specific story. i couldn't believe after all the craziness in that thread the past day or two that this got brought up to me last night! strange coincidence.

PrettyGirlLost · April 2014

Just tell your planner, "Planner, I was warning you about my Uncle so that YOU can politely escort him out of the church after the ceremony when he tries to follow our photog around and take pictures. That's part of your job now for our wedding day. We will not be having an unpluged wedding ceremony."

Inkdancer · April 2014

@kimches That same article has been linked a dozen other times--and the responses from reputable photographers all say unplugged is unnecessary.

ETA: You may not care about your aunt's picture of your first kiss, but your aunt cares! Guests are trying to capture these moments the way they saw them. Your aunt isn't a professional photographer--she just wants to remember the moment the way she saw it, as someone who loves you. I am a little taken aback at the dismissive attitude of that statement--just because you are getting married doesn't mean that only your thoughts and opinions matter.

PrettyGirlLost · April 2014

kimches said:

At the very least, ask the minister to say something along the lines of "please silence your phones at this time. and if you would like to take pictures, please turn off your camera flash to avoid interfering with the photographer's pictures" One of my friends had picture-happy guests who used their phone/camera with the flash on and it wrecked a bunch of her professional pictures. Here's a great article from Bridal Guide about the perils of camera-happy guests and examples of what happens when guests' pictures interfere with the photog's pictures!

http://www.bridalguide.com/blogs/bridal-buzz/unplugged-wedding

I'm personally asking our pastor to say "The bride and groom kindly request that you please silence your phone and turn off your camera flash at this time. K and A have hired a wonderful photographer to capture the day and they would like him to have the best pictures possible." Your photographer will be able to get the best pics possible by virtue of being a professional with professional equipment, even if your guests take photos. If your professional photographer can't, then you paid too much for a bad vendor. I don't care if it makes me sound like a bridezilla. I am paying big bucks for professional pics (and video), not for guest's pics! Your guests' pics are not for you, they are for them! They aren't going to be buying pictures from your photographer. I also told my photographer and videographer that they have my full permission to asks guests to move/turn off their flash/whatever if they get in the way. I love my family and friends but I don't care about my aunt's digital camera pic of the first kiss, I want a great professional pic of the first kiss!

Read this article: http://blog.craigmitchelldyer.com/2013/05/30/unplugged-wedding-no-way-plug-in/

countrygirl061513 · April 2014

All this trend tells me is "my pictures are more important than my family or their desires". I tell you almost a year after my wedding I hardly think about my wedding pictures. I love them and they turned out great even though we had guests take their own pictures. The only pictures that were ruined were the ones we took outside because of the sun. Why would you want to tell your guests what they can and cannot do when its not a rule for the facility?

PrettyGirlLost · April 2014

kimches said:

PGL I see yours points, but for what I'm paying, I'm not going to risk having Aunt Whoever's head in the middle of a picture of a key moment. Yes, my photographer can move around Aunt Whoever and still capture the moment, but he shouldn't have to dodge guests to get the pictures. Everyone should stay in their seats. And I don't want a bunch of candids of my family during the ceremony where everyone's face is blocked by their camera or phone because they're trying to capture the moment. FI didn't want to be unplugged either at first. He said our guests will want their own pictures, which I understand. The problem here is that I know how technoloically challenged my family is and I know if we simply said "please turn your camera flashes off" most of my relatives wouldn't know how and would just be like "oh well, I'm taking pics anyway!" The other thing about technology (one I like) is that I'm going to post my professional pics of facebook. It's easy for people to tag themselves, share pics, or even save them to the computer or their phone so they can see them whenever. Part of my package includes more prints than I will use, so I am more than happy to send my relatives, WP, and our closest friends prints that they want.

If you're worried about people stepping out into the aisle then block the aisle by draping a swag of tulle or ribbon or whatever you are using for pew bows/ chair bows across the ends of the pews/rows so ppl can't step out.

That's really the only way to prevent people from moving into the aisles. Having a cute poem in your program or having your officiant ask people not to take pictures won't actually ensure no one will.

I understand photographers are expensive- we are paying a fuckton to get good pictures, but we expect that they will be able to do their jobs w/o trying to control our guests.

SP29 · April 2014

I agree with PrettyLostGirl, I would tell your planner that the reason you brought up your uncle was so that she was aware and could do her job in making sure he remained courteous during photos.

During our photo session, we had a few people trying to snap shots the same time the photographer was, but to the point that we would pose, photographer would take a shot, we would move to change poses or people and guests would ask us to stop and wait and pose for a few more minutes- started slowing down the photographer! She was super polite about it, I would not have been offended if she told them to back off.

However, I generally have no issues with guests taking photos during the ceremony or reception as long as they are being courteous. I agree, your guests are not going to buy pictures from the photographer, they want their own. I collected a few photographs from our guests and they are great!

During our ceremony, no one stood in the aisle. I feel like that is common sense, but maybe not

. There is a photo from our photographer that has the guests with their cameras/phones up in the air. Honestly, when I first saw the photo I didn't even register them- all I saw was my husband and I. As long as people are not standing in front of you, it shouldn't be an issue.

I think it the minister gives a message such as "The bride and groom request that you turn your camera flash off" that is OK, just don't use some cutesy message about being present. Whenever I have taken photos, I feel like in that act I am being very present and quite focused on the subject at hand. Thus, I think it is condescending.

Aaaaand my planner suggested an unplugged wedding last night.

Re: Aaaaand my planner suggested an unplugged wedding last night.

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