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Is it rude to skip out on part of bachelorette?

yellowdaisies84yellowdaisies84 member
Third Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I'm a bridesmaid and the bachelorette is going to be dinner out and then off to a nightclub. I do not go to nightclubs anymore and I am not interested in this part of the night. Is it okay to come out for dinner and drinks and then go home when they go to the nightclub? I really don't want to go but I also don't want to be rude or insulting. Is it acceptable to not go? It's not my scene, I'm old and boring now. lol. The other bridesmaids are younger and single. I am NOT saying that people who like nightclubs are always younger and single, I'm just pointing that out. I would be okay if it were a sit-down type bar but it's a full-out nightclub. 

What do you guys think?
"It's always better when we're together." -Jack Johnson
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Re: Is it rude to skip out on part of bachelorette?

  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I'm not a fan of nightclubs either, so I'd probably want to do exactly what you're doing, including declining because I'm 'old and boring', lol.  I hope it's not rude.
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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I think it's perfectly fine to just go to dinner.


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  • Vivandiere8Vivandiere8 member
    250 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    Nothing wrong with that. You shouldn't feel you are obligated to do something you really don't want to do just because the rest of the wedding party is doing it. You will be at the dinner ahead of time so I wouldn't imagine people would have any objections to you calling in a night earlier than the rest.
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  • KittyKaty20KittyKaty20 member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper

    It's fine, as long as you aren't judge-y about it.

    One of my guests joined us for dinner and karaoke, but left before we hit the clubs-no problem.

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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Enjoy dinner & then politely excuse yourself. I know amongst my friends it's becoming normal to have different events (meaning, dinner then bar or golf/dinner/bar) so people can join in or exit out based on their preferences, budget or schedule.

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  • tammym1001tammym1001 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    My MOH planned my bach party and she sent an itinerary with the invites of what we would be doing so people could go to whichever parts they wanted and know where we would be at certain times. I asked her to do it that way because I knew there would be people who didn't want to go out to clubs with us. I think it's perfectly fine for you to skip that part of it. As a bride, I will just be happy if everyone is able to join me for a little part of the day to celebrate and have some fun.
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  • happymellowhappymellow member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    Nope.  Not rude at all.  My sister only went to the first part of mine.  I was happy to have her for as long as she wanted to be there.
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  • sarawifenowsarawifenow member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer

    OMG IT IS SO RUDE!!!

     

    Only kidding!

    I think you are perfectly fine with doing this. In all honesty, I would do the same thing and I fit the "young" criteria of nightclubs. Go to dinner, then head home and kick your feet up!

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  • cmclairecmclaire member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    I don't think that's rude at all.  I did the same at a recent hen do, but arranged for a bottle of bubbles for the bride to be at the club with my compliments.  She really liked the gesture :).

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  • LondonLisaLondonLisa member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I definitely don't think it is rude. I would just let the hostess know that unfortunately you cannot make it to the dancing part of the party so she doesn't pay any cover fees/ seat reservations for you.

    And it doesn't sound like you are being judgy about it so just quickly and  politely bow out after dinner (you don't need to give a reason or excuse, just a hug and a "I had a great time and I'm really looking forward to seeing you all at the wedding")
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I don't think it would be rude to decline to attend the "clubbing" side of the party.
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  • abbyj700abbyj700 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    I did the same for my SIL bachelorette and I was a groomsmaid. My mom was invited as well so she and I along with the best man's pregnant wife decided dinner and one bar for drinks - and then headed out. Honestly I think SIL was a little disappointed - but she still had a killer time and in the long run she probably doesn't even remember us leaving. 
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  • lvgirl1000lvgirl1000 member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    LondonLisa said:
    I definitely don't think it is rude. I would just let the hostess know that unfortunately you cannot make it to the dancing part of the party so she doesn't pay any cover fees/ seat reservations for you.

    And it doesn't sound like you are being judgy about it so just quickly and  politely bow out after dinner (you don't need to give a reason or excuse, just a hug and a "I had a great time and I'm really looking forward to seeing you all at the wedding")
    This.  If you're sure you won't be going to "da club", just let the bride/MOH know.  Earlier is better in case something is planned that is dependent on an accurate headcount.
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  • crystalpropescrystalpropes member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its

    It is definitely not rude.  I'm only 23 and I HATE night clubs, I've only been once (for a bachelorette) and I was absolutely miserable. I think its fine if you don't go :)

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  • yellowdaisies84yellowdaisies84 member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited April 2014
    Thanks for your advice everyone. I talked to the bridesmaid planning it and at first I just let her know that I wasn't going to join them for at the club but I was in for everything else. She was really nice but she was surprised and really disappointed and she wanted to know if there was anything she could do to convince me to go- change the venue? I told her no, it's not the venue, it's just me- it sounded great I'm just not up for that kind of thing anymore. Then I thought about it and realized that the bride would be disappointed that I wasn't coming and I felt bad so I changed my mind and I told the girls that on second thought, I would come! I told them that I feel sort of out of my element to go clubbing but as long as I'm with them and there are fun cocktails I'm sure I'll have a great time.

    It worked out REALLY GREAT actually! I told the bridesmaid not to change any of her plans just because I got a little nervous but she said she was still figuring out the best place to go and she actually ended up choosing a different place that I am 100% comfortable with. It's a bar with a dance floor, not a club (and to me there is a huge distinction!) and it's somewhere that I have actually been to many times with my husband for dinner or for drinks. It's just around the corner from where I live and I just feel so good about it. I never mentioned or suggested it to her- the suggestion came from someone else who doesn't even know me so it just couldn't have worked out better. I wouldn't have wanted to say, "You know, I'm not up for the club, but if we can go to a place that I like better, then I'm in." The way that it worked out is really perfect without me having to feel guilty or responsible for changing the plans. I do feel kind of embarrassed that I admitted to them I'd be nervous of the club- they don't know me very well so that must seem kind of weird- but luckily they're really nice and I'm so happy and excited about the new plans.

    Thanks for the advice, everyone who responded! I did use to do stuff like that when I was in college and around that age but I've obviously changed a lot. I remember I went about 4 years ago and I remember thinking "Umm...nope, you don't do this anymore." 

    ETA: After reading everyone's responses I noticed that I had been calling it a 'nightclub' which I think really shows that I am not cool or young enough to go. lol. It's bizarre because I never called them 'nightclubs' when I was younger and going to them so I don't know why I've started now. It's alarming. It's like I'm becoming my Mom. ;)


    "It's always better when we're together." -Jack Johnson
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  • NowIamMrsKleinNowIamMrsKlein member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    I'm in a similar situation and Im glad that the general consensus is that its not rude to bow out early. My sister is 5 years younger than me and her bachelorette is at a club this summer. I was never a club person... ever, and I am coming from another province to attend the shower/bachlorette so I am going to have to be on the road early the next morning to drive the 7 hours back home. When I mentioned to the other bridesmaids (i am a bridesmaid as well) that I wouldnt be drinking and would probably bow out of the festivities early, they all seemed to think i was being rude and that i should 'be there' for my sister, and that its one night and theyre sure ill survive one night out.

    I was a little thrown off because I thought everyone would be happy that I was coming at all since i live 7 hours away and that no one would question me not drinking and bowing out early (7 hour drive tired and hungover?? no thanks!!!)

    Im going to talk to my little sister ahead of time just to make sure that she's ok with it all as she may not have the same views as the bridesmaids.If youre close with the bride I would recommend just mentioning it to her ahead of time so that if she really was expecting you to be there, there arent any surprises night of.

    :) 
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  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited April 2014
    It's definitely not rude to bow out early, but I'm glad the plans worked out a little better for you.

    I'm the same as you- a bar with a dance floor, heck yeah! Well even then, it's not something I do frequently, but once every few months is fun. I'm not really into clubs- never really was (though I occasionally went). 
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