Help!

doeydo · April 2014

nay0ungee said:

First of all, the bride-to-be, *Briana, and I had a falling-out of sorts when I did not choose her to be my bridesmaid at my wedding last year. Yes, we had become friends recently but I didn't consider her close enough to be a bridesmaid. Needless to say, she expressed her disappointment that a mutual friend, *Krystal, was chosen over her. Briana refused to acknowledge my engagement or wish me congratulations which upset me greatly.

She did attend my bridal shower (which I was surprised about) and gifted me a $50 card to a store. I went to redeem it the day before my bachelorette weekend in Vegas and... I found out the card design was discontinued two years ago (it was purchased in 2010) and the $50 amount was actually $15.
I was livid and going to let it slide.. but I brought it up to Briana to ask where she had purchased the card. She promptly asked if there was a problem and declared, "I knew it. The girl there was an idiot." and provided a number to call.. she even offered to call for me to resolve it but she never did.

I would like to think it's the saleperson's fault but somehow I highly doubt this.. Briana never brought the issue up again, not even if everything was okay and what she could do to help. Not wanting to cause drama among our group of friends, I never told anybody except for my husband.

I really wanted nothing to do with her so whenever our mutual friends got together, I would say, "hi" but not engage in a conversation with her. She would then tell everyone that I was "strange" and "acted weird" without saying that I did this because of her previous behavior. When we finally did talk on the phone to try to settle matters, she brought up *Krystal and tried to use her as a scapeboat on why WE aren't friends anymore. She kept badmouthing her and I kept defending her.

Then, this past weekend Briana went on a bachelorette trip.. and guess who she had invited? Krystal. After all the bashing, she invites her.. to spite me?! Who knows.. maybe they made up which is great for them. I wouldn't have gone if I was invited anyway but I am flabbergasted at her actions.

Her bridal shower is coming up and I haven't yet RSVP'd. I feel I should go because she attended mine.. but I do not want to get her a "nice" gift. In addition, my husband and I spent $2,700 to attend their destination wedding next month. I was adamant about not going but my husband, along with everyone else, wants to support the groom... and so, we are treating it like a vacation. I don't even want to get them a wedding gift because of all these expenses!

What to do???

QFP

Northrend · April 2014

Don't go to the bridal shower. You're not obligated at all.

doeydo · April 2014

She might have grabbed the wrong VS card for you (ie. grabbed the one she had for years and put it in a card when she meant to grab the new one) or something. Or maybe she thought it still had $50 on it and thought that you might like to use it.
What you give to her for her bridal shower has nothing to do with what she got you when you had your bridal shower. Gifts are not tit for tat.

misshart00 · April 2014

Her gift to you shouldn't relate to what you give. That being said, you clearly don't like her, so don't go.

lc07 · April 2014

It sounds like you don't want to be friends with her and don't like her at all. I don't get it.

manateehugger · April 2014

Just don't go. You're making this way more dramatic than it has to be. Write off the giftcard as a lame fluke, and move on with your life.

alphabridesmaid · April 2014

Don't go to the shower. You don't like her. You're only going to the wedding for her FI. Easy.

monkeysip · April 2014

Ditto pps.

Give the gift you want to give the person.... don't base it on what they gave you. It might have been an honest mistake on her part.

At the same time, you don't have to go the shower or buy a gift if you don't want to/can't afford to. It's not required of you.

nay0ungee · April 2014

Thanks for the advice.

wrigleyville · April 2014

Many gift cards are "blank" until the cashier loads an amount onto them. I can see a salesperson putting $15 on a card instead of $50. They sound the same if someone mumbles. Maybe she bought it for someone else a couple years ago, ended up not going to whatever gathering it was for, and then hung onto it for another gift-giving occasion.

Anyway, since your FI is adamant about going, I would just suck it up, be pleasant, and treat it like any other wedding. Hopefully, you'll have a nice vacation, and then you can just put this all behind you.

huskypuppy14 · April 2014

Thanks for quoting @doeydo but not sure why the OP DD.

manateehugger · April 2014

laurynm84 said:

Thanks for quoting @doeydo but not sure why the OP DD.

I'm guessing she wanted us to be up in arms with her about the giftcard.

doeydo · April 2014

laurynm84 said:

Thanks for quoting @doeydo but not sure why the OP DD.

No problem. I had a feeling she might DD because of how skewed her thinking was.

huskypuppy14 · April 2014

Why can't people be grateful for what they get. It's a little weird it said 50, but only had 15, but whatever, move on. No one has to get you anything. I really can't stand it when people think they are entitled to gifts.

RebeccaFlower · April 2014

Many gift cards are "blank" until the cashier loads an amount onto them. I can see a salesperson putting $15 on a card instead of $50. They sound the same if someone mumbles. Maybe she bought it for someone else a couple years ago, ended up not going to whatever gathering it was for, and then hung onto it for another gift-giving occasion.

Anyway, since your FI is adamant about going, I would just suck it up, be pleasant, and treat it like any other wedding. Hopefully, you'll have a nice vacation, and then you can just put this all behind you.

**Stuck in box:

This exact situation happened to me while getting gas the other day.

As for the DW, YOU chose to attend. You can't be mad about the costs now, you could have chosen not to attend just as easily.

SP29 · April 2014

If you do not wish to be friends with her, then decline the shower. You don't have to give her a reason, but if she asks you can simply say you already have plans for that day. You don't have to get her a gift.

As for the wedding, you are also not required to get her a gift. I think it *should* be expected that because you and DH are putting out a large sum of money to attend a DW that gifts are less likely.

crunchymamaof2 · April 2014

If you feel she's such a shitty friend then stop being friends with her. Your spouse must be close to her FI to want to go to the wedding so go and have a good time. Your post sounded like something from high school so take a step back and just enjoy your life. Skip the shower and move on. Easy peasy.

wrigleyville · April 2014

RebeccaFlower said:

Many gift cards are "blank" until the cashier loads an amount onto them. I can see a salesperson putting $15 on a card instead of $50. They sound the same if someone mumbles. Maybe she bought it for someone else a couple years ago, ended up not going to whatever gathering it was for, and then hung onto it for another gift-giving occasion.

Anyway, since your FI is adamant about going, I would just suck it up, be pleasant, and treat it like any other wedding. Hopefully, you'll have a nice vacation, and then you can just put this all behind you.

**Stuck in box:

This exact situation happened to me while getting gas the other day.

As for the DW, YOU chose to attend. You can't be mad about the costs now, you could have chosen not to attend just as easily.

Yup. Every time I buy a gift card and the number is ambiguous like that, I say, "Fifty. Five zero," or, "Forty. Four zero," just to be sure they know.

phira · April 2014

No one is forcing you to spend almost $3k to attend the wedding of someone you don't even like all that much.

No one is obligated to give you a gift.

You are not obligated to attend a bridal shower.

RissAnn1970 · April 2014

Both of you sound 12.

Couggal12 · April 2014

Another DD? Not even a good one.

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