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Stop Sending Me Wedding Stuff!! Vent

raeah219raeah219 member
250 Love Its 100 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
in Snarky Brides
I told you guys a few days ago that FI and I have postponed our wedding and stopped all wedding planning to focus on our relationship. We are in therapy and working to try and rebuild our bond without the haze and pressure of wedding planning there to cloud our judgement. We have only told our close friends because our wedding isn't supposed to be until March 28, 2015 any way, so there are no save the dates or invites sent so we feel people don't need to know. I'm even still wearing my ring, just to avoid questions. My bridesmaids however, do know because they are my best friends and my support system through all of this. That's why I just don't understand why one of them keeps sending me pictures of dresses and asking me wedding questions. It's hard enough to put on a fake smile when random people at the grocery store or my co workers ask to see my ring or about my wedding plans. I just smile and say that things are going great, but she knows better. She knows how upset I've been and how much this hurts. Her theory is that we love each other very much and will work through this and still get married so Its ok to talk wedding. We do love each other very much, but we have some very fundamental issues that can ruin a future marriage. We realize that and are taking it seriously. I need her to do the same, or at least hush. Up until now I've just been ignoring her emails or texts about the wedding or "bean dipping' her, but I dont know how much longer I can do that. 
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Re: Stop Sending Me Wedding Stuff!! Vent

  • Rebl90Rebl90 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    Maggie0829 said:
    You should be very blunt with her.  "BM, stop sending me wedding stuff.  This is a rough time for FI and I and you sending me pictures of dresses is not making it any better.  So just stop.  Thank you."
    This.  It sounds like she cares more about the wedding and what it means for her (dress, etc) than your feelings right now.
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Yes, be blunt with her, like Maggie said.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Marzipan13Marzipan13 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    I'm sorry your BM isn't understanding of your feelings :(
    A lot of people do dumb things without realizing it's dumb and is hurting other people's feelings.  This is a harder time for you than it is for her, so I would just tell her flat out that you don't want her to send pictures or ideas until you're ready again.  Hopefully she'll understand that.
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  • tammym1001tammym1001 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    I feel like your BM might be thinking that she is keeping your hopes up and basically saying "hey don't worry everything is going to work out and you guys will still get married" by sending you wedding stuff. I would definitely be straightforward with her and let her know that it upsets you and you really need her to stop.
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  • carliealissacarliealissa member
    Seventh Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    Is it possible she just doesn't quite understand?  There's a difference between the wedding is off and we're just postponing the planning to focus on other things.  It's a tricky situation and maybe she doesn't realize that wedding talk is taboo because the wedding is off (is it? I'm not even clear).  I agree with the above that she's probably just trying to do her best to be a good friend, and needs to be directly told that it's upsetting you.

     

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  • raeah219raeah219 member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    The wedding is postponed until further notice. We wont know if its "off" or not until we go through a lot more therapy and gain a lot more understanding
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  • robinwinegirlrobinwinegirl member
    First Comment
    Can you tell them that you are overwhelmed and just need some time to process it all?

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  • princessleia22princessleia22 member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    Yeah, I think you just need to talk to her and let her know that you would appreciate if she could stop all wedding talk for the time being.  She's probably just trying to remain positive about the whole situation and doesn't realize that discussing it makes things harder for you, not easier.

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