ANNOUNCEMENT: 'It's MY WEDDING'....but I recognise that actions have consequences
Rule No. 1: It’s our wedding, but as soon as we decided to invite people, it became our responsibility to host them properly.
Rule No. 2: It’s our wedding, BUT if other people are financially contributing, they get a say. If we don’t want to have them have a say, we will host and pay for this entirely on our own.
Pre-wedding:
It’s our wedding, and we can choose to have however long or short of an engagement we want. (Recognising that having a shorter engagement means our families may not be able to financially contribute to our wedding and also realising that it’s our wedding and we should pay for the whole thing ourselves anyway.)
It’s our wedding, and we will register for what suits us, even if that’s not what our families would prefer, and we may choose not to register at all. We will not register for a honeyfund or any other cash-giving online service.
It’s our wedding, and we may accept or decline any and all pre-wedding events as long as we adhere to the rule that anyone invited to a pre-wedding event will be invited to the wedding. That means we may decline showers and that’s OK.
It’s our wedding, and we may do as many DIY projects as we
want (or think we can undertake), but we will not expect anyone else to help
with those.
Attire:
It’s our wedding, so we get to choose our own attire, even
if that means wedding dresses in non-traditional colours.
It’s our wedding, so we get to choose our attendants’
attire, as long as we ask them their budgets privately beforehand.
It’s our wedding, so if we want to have mis-matched BM dresses, that’s OK.
Invitations:
It’s our wedding, not a family reunion, and we will invite those people whom we are closest to. We will invite all SOs of guests, even if we don’t like the SOs. We may decide not to invite a friend if his or her SO is too terrible to be tolerated. Our friend will have to accept that actions have consequences and if you date a douchecanoe, you get excluded from some events.
It’s our wedding, and we don’t have to allow it to be used as an excuse to force reconciliation between people, ourselves included.
It’s our wedding, and we don’t have to invite people we haven’t seen in decades (unless someone else who is paying wants them to be invited, and then I will see Rule No. 2.)
It’s our wedding, and we can choose not to invite people, even family members, who have assaulted us, threatened us, lied to us, or in other ways demonstrated that they are not people we want in our lives.
It’s our wedding, and we can decide that an accidental genetic relationship does not automatically guarantee someone a wedding invitation.
Rehearsal:
It’s our wedding, and we can choose to forego a rehearsal if we want to.
It’s our wedding, and we can choose who will be invited to an RD, if we have one, but we will, of course, include all SOs of everyone in the WP. (Unless someone else is paying for the RD, in which case, see Rule No. 2.)
Ceremony:
It’s our wedding, and we can choose the time, date, and location that best suits us. We acknowledge that having a DW on a holiday weekend might mean higher declines, and we will accept that as part of the realisation that our wedding is not as important to anyone else as it is to us.
It’s our wedding, and we will have whatever kind of ceremony – religious or otherwise – we want.
It’s our wedding, and we will choose the person to marry us.
It’s our wedding, and we will choose who will walk the bride down the aisle, recognising that that person doesn’t have to be male, doesn’t have to be genetically related to her, and that we could walk ourselves down together if we wanted to.
It’s our wedding, and we will choose whomever we want as our attendants – including mixed-gender, uneven sides, and even NO attendants.
It’s our wedding, and we will choose whatever colour palette we like. If you don’t like it, well, no one asked you.
It’s our wedding, and we will choose whatever flowers – real, paper, silk, none – that we like. (Unless someone else is paying for the flowers, and then we will take their budget and their tastes into consideration. If we don’t want to do that, see Rule No. 2)
Reception:
It’s our wedding, so we can choose the food we want to serve at the reception. (Unless someone else is paying for the reception, and then we will take their budgets and their tastes into consideration. If we don’t want to do that, see Rule No. 2)
It’s our wedding, so we get to choose the kind, colour, and decoration of a wedding cake, even if it’s not a vanilla cake with white frosting.
It’s our wedding, so we get to choose which, if any, spotlight dance we do (limiting them so as not to bore our guests).
It’s our wedding, so we get to decide if we want to do so-called ‘traditions’ that include bouquet and garter tosses or not.
It’s our wedding, so we can say to hell with family tradition, we will NOT be having a cash bar or money dance on account of that’s tacky as hell and our fellow Knotties have taught us better than that.
It’s our wedding, so we can have the DJ play music we do like, ban music we don’t like, ban special dances (‘Electric Slide,’ ‘Chicken Dance,’ ‘Cupid Shuffle,’ etc.) but we will make sure the DJ doesn’t play the music so loudly people are unable to hold conversations. We also promise not to seat anyone directly next to the speakers.
It’s our wedding, so we can decline and any all speeches if we want to.
It’s our wedding, and if we cannot afford to or don’t want to host alcohol, we may do that, as long as whatever we do serve we host properly.
It’s our wedding, so we can have whatever kind of ceremony decorations (or lack thereof) that we want, including mis-matched centrepieces, no centrepieces, etc.
Miscellaneous:
It’s our wedding, and we will decide what portion of our budget goes to what aspects. If that means hosting far fewer people at a very upscale restaurant in lieu of a reception, that’s OK.
It’s our wedding, and we will decide what kind of photography we want, including not having getting-ready photos.
It’s our wedding, and we will decide if we want to do photos beforehand or have a first-look.
It’s our wedding, but not the most important day of anyone else’s life, so we will keep our expectations reasonable. We will host our guests graciously and properly, we will stay within the budget that we set, we will not have unreasonable expectations based on outdated notions of tradition, and we will not attempt to invoice anyone for any part of the wedding.
It’s our wedding, and we will address all thank-you notes by ourselves, promptly, and correctly.
Re: ANNOUNCEMENT: 'It's MY WEDDING'....but I recognise that actions have consequences
Edited for clarity
You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
That's my contribution, lol!
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
Washington is rolling in his grave ;-)
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."