Customs and Traditions
wandajune6
Chicago-ish
member
Multicultural wedding ceremony decisions
After seeing the post on padrinos, I'm starting to feel like there might be more multi-cultural couples on here!
We're having a non-religious wedding. FI is Mexican and was raised Catholic, though doesn't practice. I am Eastern European Jewish mutt and was raised in a humanistic Jewish family (great explanation here).
We have the option of my aunt officiating our ceremony or hiring an outsider. My aunt got ordained to marry my uncles in August so she'll have a wedding under her belt by the time we get married. However, we'll need to provide her with much more direction than we would an officiant-for-hire.
I want a ceremony that respects both of our backgrounds. I'd love to break a glass (Jewish) and use the lasso (Mexican). Neither of us is comfortable with the newer trends like unity candles or sand, etc. We're just struggling with the scripting of this type of ceremony. He's never attended a non-Catholic wedding and I've never attended a Catholic wedding so our perspectives are very different.
Has anyone navigated multicultural ceremonies before? Or seen any? We're not sure where to start.
Thanks!
We're having a non-religious wedding. FI is Mexican and was raised Catholic, though doesn't practice. I am Eastern European Jewish mutt and was raised in a humanistic Jewish family (great explanation here).
We have the option of my aunt officiating our ceremony or hiring an outsider. My aunt got ordained to marry my uncles in August so she'll have a wedding under her belt by the time we get married. However, we'll need to provide her with much more direction than we would an officiant-for-hire.
I want a ceremony that respects both of our backgrounds. I'd love to break a glass (Jewish) and use the lasso (Mexican). Neither of us is comfortable with the newer trends like unity candles or sand, etc. We're just struggling with the scripting of this type of ceremony. He's never attended a non-Catholic wedding and I've never attended a Catholic wedding so our perspectives are very different.
Has anyone navigated multicultural ceremonies before? Or seen any? We're not sure where to start.
Thanks!
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Re: Multicultural wedding ceremony decisions
1) Find an officiant who is okay with a multicultural wedding
2) Don't treat the glass breaking as a "bonding" ritual. Also, it doesn't represent luck. If you do it, do it in the spirit of the ritual.
3) Realize that on both sides, the people around you may not be okay with any or all of what you do and be prepared for that.
We're definitely not going to please everyone, and we're ok with that. His family's sufficiently thrilled that he's marrying me that they're dealing with the secular wedding better than would be expected. My family would be horribly offended if there was anything religious about the ceremony. It's not a perfect win but we're more focused on finding something that makes us comfortable without offending than we are with making them all happy.
FI is not religious nor does he have any interest in becoming religious. We've spoken about the subject extensively due to the broad differences in how we were raised.
Good call on asking family though. I've gotten some feedback from his family but they're still unsure of some of it. For instance, we keep being told that the lasso is a Mexican custom but no one has actually seen it done outside of the Church. We love the symbolism of it but are still trying to figure out how to make it our own. On my side, anything goes. However, it would mean a lot to certain members of the family to incorporate at least a nod to Jewish traditions. Breaking the glass is the common in my family and would make my side happy without offending his family.
The Catholic Mass is very straightforward, and a lot of the parts of it that are standard -- like the Liturgy of the Word, which is the first reading, responsorial psalm, second reading, gospel acclamation, gospel reading, and homily -- are parts your FI's family will be familiar with.
I've tried talking to his family but they're not terribly forthcoming. I've gotten comments about a money dance (not happening) but that's about it. There haven't been a lot of non-JP weddings in the past few decades so I don't think they have a lot of preferences to share.
Thanks!
(Although I don't know of any Christian denominations who do anything - flowers, prayer, etc - to honor the Blessed Mother, except for Catholics... so I would say that traditions involving the Blessed Mother are Catholic, but not required for a Catholic ceremony or Mass.)
Taking flowers to the image of the Blessed Mother is not part of the Catholic Rite of Marriage. This is permitted only if both the bride and the groom have a strong and deep devotion to Our Lady. Both the bride and groom must present the flowers to the image.
The history of the unity candle is unclear but it appears that it was invented in the 1970s. The ritual was first popularized when the lighting of a unity candle was performed in the fictional wedding of Luke and Laura on the TV soap opera General Hospital in 1981 and has since enjoyed widespread commercialization by the wedding industry.
Although some churches and clergy may allow its use, it is strongly discouraged at Church because of the candle’s secular origins and lack of Christian symbolism. While non-Judeo-Christian rituals are not necessarily without merit (and, indeed, some have made their way into Christian worship over the centuries), the appropriate place for the unity candle is outside the Christian liturgy, such as at the wedding reception. There are several powerful signs of unity that the liturgy offers us. Among them are the exchange of vows and rings between the bride and groom. The most powerful symbol of unity is the gift of the Eucharist, given to us by Christ. When the bride and groom partake of the Body and Blood of Christ, they are professing a oneness with Christ and his Church. No other candles are to be used in the wedding liturgy other than the candles that are always present in the church and in the Sanctuary.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."