Confused

anjelica6 · April 2014

My fiance had proposed to me on New Years Day, right and I was excited about getting married and planning the whole thing because I like to plan. A month later my fiance tells me that we need to save for a bed. I was not okay with the idea because I wanted to go on ahead and save for the wedding, you know, get it over with. He want a new bed because he is tired of his and want to sleep better so he want us to pitch in together to get a bed for us, a queen at that. I'm still not okay with the idea, I wan to get married first and get the bed, bed frame, box spring, comforters, and sheets later. We're not agreeing with each other and its a bit frustrating. What should I do? Do I seem selfish because I want us to get married first or get the bed first and get married later.

CMGragain · April 2014

I was briefly engaged to a young man who was very kind, protective, but not good with money. He decided buying a new guitar was more important than buying me an engagement ring. (It was a very expensive guitar, imported from Spain, and cost more than my ring would have cost.) We broke up.
If the price of a new bed would prohibit you from getting married, I honestly would suggest you wait a while until you are both more financially stable.

hlvonb · April 2014

anjelica6 said:

My fiance had proposed to me on New Years Day, right and I was excited about getting married and planning the whole thing because I like to plan. A month later my fiance tells me that we need to save for a bed. I was not okay with the idea because I wanted to go on ahead and save for the wedding, you know, get it over with. He want a new bed because he is tired of his and want to sleep better so he want us to pitch in together to get a bed for us, a queen at that. I'm still not okay with the idea, I wan to get married first and get the bed, bed frame, box spring, comforters, and sheets later. We're not agreeing with each other and its a bit frustrating. What should I do? Do I seem selfish because I want us to get married first or get the bed first and get married later.

I agree with @CMGragain.

Also if a getting married is more important to you that making sure your fiance is able to get a good night sleep which is beneficial for his health and his health is coming 2nd to you in terms of your priorities.... you need to re-think getting married.

Why can't you save for the wedding and buy a new bed? Or put the wedding back 1 year from when you wanted to have it? After all, you want to marry him and plan on spending the rest of your life with him anyway so what does pushing the wedding back 6 months to 1 year matter?

To me, it seems like your priorities aren't exactly where they need to be based on your post here and the one from February which is very similar to this one. Which I quoted below:

"Hi, my name is Anjelica and I got engaged to my boyfriend New Years Day. We have not thought of a wedding date yet, but we are going to save up money and then plan a date. So, its toward the end of February and I had mentioned him when are we going to save for our wedding. He didn't seem interested at all about it, he felt "meh" about saving up for a wedding. Yesterday he came from his friend house and was very enthused about saving for a mattress because he haven't been sleeping well lately as he tells me. Though there are other times he would tell me that he slept fine and dandy and now of all times he decides to get a new mattress. I want to wait saving for a new mattress, but he doesn't. He owes his dad money and he want to save for the mattress and THEN save for a wedding. What should I do? Should I give in and help save a mattress (that will be in his room until we are married and finally sleep in the same bed) or should I convince him to still save for our wedding since that was our first priority?"

Dignity100 · April 2014

It sounds like you guys haven't talked about dates or wedding budget or anything like that.

It's great to save up for a wedding and all, but keep in mind, while you're saving up life is still going to happen all around you and sometimes life will take up some money as well.

It sounds like you guys have a lot of talking to do to figure out 'what engaged mean's and what time lines you have.

bananasplit472001 · April 2014

I mean a new bed shouldn't cost that much. Maybe in all a decent bed plus sheets and everything like $1000-$2000? If you can't afford that then i'm not sure you should be splurging on a wedding. I think that if he said "I want to get a playstation instead of saving for a wedding" you would have a problem, but a bed? I think you are making a big deal our of nothing.

mbross3 · April 2014

I agree with PP, it sounds like you need to be more financially stable before seriously planning a wedding. Money is not a romantic topic by any means, but it's an incredibly important one. It sounds like you and your FI need to have a serious chat about finances and priorities.

I'm confused about the bed. Do you two live together currently? Are you as uncomfortable in the current bed? If this is a serious issue for your FI (meaning that it is having a real impact on his daily life) then this bed issue needs to be a priority. If your FI is constantly coming up with other things to spend money on/experiencing financial issues (he owes his dad money too?) then I would really consider the question of whether or not he's in a place where he is able to get married and plan a wedding right now.

anjelica6 · April 2014

Yeah, I don't really remember my last post about the bed and wedding issue so I did another one. Where did you find that one and what is the title? I was trying to remember what it was and I would like to read the comments there.

manateehugger · April 2014

anjelica6 said:

Yeah, I don't really remember my last post about the bed and wedding issue so I did another one. Where did you find that one and what is the title? I was trying to remember what it was and I would like to read the comments there.

If you go to your profile, (click on your username) you can see on the right (under your avatar pic) all the threads you've started and replies you've posted.

KatWAG · April 2014

bananasplit472001 said:

I mean a new bed shouldn't cost that much. Maybe in all a decent bed plus sheets and everything like $1000-$2000? If you can't afford that then i'm not sure you should be splurging on a wedding. I think that if he said "I want to get a playstation instead of saving for a wedding" you would have a problem, but a bed? I think you are making a big deal our of nothing.

All of this. Plus, sleep is really important. I would happily buy a bed first because I wouldnt want to deal with a grumpy sleep-deprieved fi for our whole engagement

Maggie0829 · April 2014

You do realize that you can save for multiple things at one time right? You and your FI need to decide on a wedding budget and how much you want to save/can save each month towards it. Then you need to shop for beds and see how much you need to save for that. There will be many times in your life where you will need to multi task your money so you need to get used to this.

anjelica6 · April 2014

Thank you!! I'm trying not to be the bad guy because my fiance does not like dates. He hates deadlines and setting a date is...a tad frustrating. I spoke to my mom today and she said it was the bride role to set the date and ect. I told him that and he still does not like the date. Should I just set the date and tell him he has to deal with it? I don't want to, but how everything been going and feedback I should.

KatWAG · April 2014

anjelica6 said:

Thank you!! I'm trying not to be the bad guy because my fiance does not like dates. He hates deadlines and setting a date is...a tad frustrating. I spoke to my mom today and she said it was the bride role to set the date and ect. I told him that and he still does not like the date. Should I just set the date and tell him he has to deal with it? I don't want to, but how everything been going and feedback I should.

I think you have an overall communication issue that needs to be addressed. It is not the "bride's role" to set the date. You are both getting married and should both have a say. And FWIW, you cant really set a date until you book a venue.

Maggie0829 · April 2014

KatWAG said:

anjelica6 said:

Thank you!! I'm trying not to be the bad guy because my fiance does not like dates. He hates deadlines and setting a date is...a tad frustrating. I spoke to my mom today and she said it was the bride role to set the date and ect. I told him that and he still does not like the date. Should I just set the date and tell him he has to deal with it? I don't want to, but how everything been going and feedback I should.

I think you have an overall communication issue that needs to be addressed. It is not the "bride's role" to set the date. You are both getting married and should both have a say. And FWIW, you cant really set a date until you book a venue.

This. And also you should be checking with your VIPs, like your parents, siblings, super close friends about your date as well before locking it in.

Also, it sounds like your FI is just not a fan of the date that you have picked. You both need to decide on a date together. But first you need to look at some venues and see what they have available.

AddieCake · April 2014

I'm confused why you started a second thread on this 2 months after your first one.

climbingsingle · April 2014

I don't understand why it's not possible to save for a bed and a wedding.

You need to a choose a date together.

fourtsixand2 · April 2014

Why is it a bed or wedding? I don't understand why you can't save for both. Weddings aren't cheap ... even if you're planning an inexpensive, low-key wedding. If you're already planning to save for the wedding, cut your savings in half. If you'd usually put $100 toward the wedding, split it 50/50 until the bed is paid off. A bed is much cheaper than a wedding.

Maybe to you a bed isn't a necessity. Maybe to him it is. Your bed is where you spend 6-10 hours of your time every day. If you're going to break the bank buying a bed, you're not near ready for a wedding.

Getting engaged and wanting to plan a wedding doesn't mean the world has to go into lock down mode and any and all nickels and dimes go into a 'wedding fund'. Set a reasonable goal of what you can save for toward the wedding, but don't forget that things will come up.

Look at it this way ... what happens if you blow a tire? There goes another $100+ from saving for your wedding. At this point, be happy and excited to just be engaged and let the planning and saving just roll ..... you'll be much happier (and so will he) when you're not going nuts on the budget.

LabLove86 · April 2014

BF and I just moved in together and just got a brand new KING sized bed for under $700 - we went to a warehouse shop - did our research - and our mattress is a good quality and very comfortable for us.

That $700 included brand new mattress, box spring, and metal frame (no - its not anything pretty - but its solid and if we wanted to we could attached a headboard to it eventually)

I understand that we live in a LCOL area so the price may be more than that depending on location - but keeping that in mind I'm just gonna give my 2 cents and echo split the savings between the 2, and make sure you keep your priorities in line.

And best wishes - and enjoy being engaged!

mimiphin · April 2014

I get the saving for one thing over a wedding - we are having ours in 2015 instead of 2014 because our house needs a roof, but that's a heck of a lot different than a bed! I bought a good queen mattress/boxspring from costco about 4years ago for about $350.

We want a new bed but will be using our 'wedding' money to buy a nice new King (or register,ect, ect, ect).

singinchick13 · April 2014

I am very confused about your posts. The first one makes it sound like you are sleeping in different rooms in the same house, while this one seems to imply you are sharing a bed. Are you upset at the fact that you would both be buying a bed that only he would get to use before you are married? Are you indeed sleeping in different rooms or do you share like you have suggested in your post? That is a whole separate issue, because I can definitely understand hesitation over contributing to something you will not even be using until well into the future.

A bed does not have to be overly expensive, neither do sheets and comforters. You can get perfectly decent bedding from Walmart, and there are tons of warehouse sales where you can get bed and mattress sets very affordably. If saving for a bed causes this much trouble for you financially, you may want to rethink trying to plan a wedding until you are in a more stable position.

hlvonb · April 2014

anjelica6 said:

Thank you!! I'm trying not to be the bad guy because my fiance does not like dates. He hates deadlines and setting a date is...a tad frustrating. I spoke to my mom today and she said it was the bride role to set the date and ect. I told him that and he still does not like the date. Should I just set the date and tell him he has to deal with it? I don't want to, but how everything been going and feedback I should.

@anjelica6

It's in this board from Feb 22

KeptInStitches · April 2014

If you're still looking to get a new mattress/box spring set, see if you can hold out until next month, preferably around Memorial Day (assuming you're American). Mattresses go on clearance in May as retailers make room for next year's lines, and who's going to know if your mattress is last year's model or not?

Maggie0829 · April 2014

KeptInStitches said:

If you're still looking to get a new mattress/box spring set, see if you can hold out until next month, preferably around Memorial Day (assuming you're American). Mattresses go on clearance in May as retailers make room for next year's lines, and who's going to know if your mattress is last year's model or not?

This and also check out Sears. H and I bought a mattress from them a year or so ago and they usually offer a 3-year no interest financing. We are doing this and we are only paying $37/month for the next 3 years.

Fairyjen1 · April 2014

Hmm, I didn't notice you had a second thread going on this. I answered you on the first one, for what it's worth, LOL.

claudialrodas · April 2014

I think that whatever you are arguing on is for better good of each other, but if you are getting married soon enough and you find that buying a bed would ruin your budget then try not to buy it, If there is plenty of time for your marriage then buying a bed would not be an issue.

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