Pre-wedding Parties

Bachelorette Party Issues: Please share some ideas!

My wedding is coming up this summer and my friend who is a bridesmaid offered (and seems legitimately excited) to plan a bachelorette party for me. I told her that I really appreciate that she would offer and that if she truly wants to do so that would be great. She has been coming up with some tentative plans and running them by me causally for my input- I have mostly been telling her that I trust her and will be happy with whatever she decides to plan, the only stipulation being that my other bridesmaid (future sister-in-law who I have a very tense relationship with) who is only 18 be able to participate. My friend has been very willing to accommodate this and has come up with ideas that will allow the 18 year old to take part in the party (aside from a little bar hopping later in the evening)- she was planning to do a spa day at her apartment with bachelorette party games etc, then dinner and drinks downtown at a underage appropriate restaurant. 
Everything seemed great until...The other night I went out with both bridesmaids for dinner and to look at bridesmaid dresses. I thought it would be good for them to meet and such before the wedding. Future SIL brought up the bachelorette party and implied that SHE would be taking part in the planning. When my friend explained that she had started on the plans future SIL immediately shot down all the ideas that my friend and I had set. Future SIL has a migraine condition and insisted that a spa day is out of the question because sometimes cosmetics give her headaches. While this is somewhat true, I also know that future SIL goes to the salon and gets her hair done etc so I am not sure if she is really worried about it or just wants to change the plan to something she will like more.  I dont know what to do. My friend didn't have anything set in stone yet ,but she had gone to alot of trouble to try to plan around future SIL and I feel bad that her ideas might get pushed aside.

Does anyone have any ideas of what to do about this situation? I don't want to insult my friend but I also don't want to do anything to make my stressed relationship with future SIL any worse. 

Re: Bachelorette Party Issues: Please share some ideas!

  • First, take a very deep breath.  I think there are some other issues that future SIL has, and this is just the way it is coming out.  There are many reasons an 18 year old will "act out" prior to her brother bringing another female into  the family and this is probably her safest way to do it.  That said, you will never plan a party that works for everybody who is invited (time, place, activity) so you make the best decision you can and make your peace with it.  Your friend, who is doing the planning sounds kind, generous, and thoughtful.  I'd suggest you continue with her ideas and invite future SIL as though this meeting never happened.  It sounds like a fun evening.
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