Snarky Brides

"I don't even want to get married... I just want a wedding, sort of!" The PPD to end all PPDs

Re: "I don't even want to get married... I just want a wedding, sort of!" The PPD to end all PPDs

  • Eh idk it sounds more like they want some kind of commitment ceremony which is fine by me.

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  • Perhaps I'm just grumpy today, but her comment about "just wanting to wear a dress" screamed PPD to me.  
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  • doeydodoeydo Southwestern Ontario member
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    It seems like a PPD to me.  ``I want to have a wedding without having to get married`` sort of thing.
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    Vivandiere8312Emily
  • Yeah fair enough. I'm feeling overly forgiving today.

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    MinnieLovesMiki
  • Sorry to be the dummy here but I haven't been able to figure this one out - can someone please enlighten me on what PPD stands for?!
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  • InkdancerInkdancer The Shire member
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    Sorry to be the dummy here but I haven't been able to figure this one out - can someone please enlighten me on what PPD stands for?!
    PPD is Pretty Princess Day. On this board, that typically means that the bride and groom have already been married in a small civil ceremony, and are now having a great big shebang with white dress and flowers and all that--typically while lying to their guests about their marital status.
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  • Eh...I don't really get what she's doing. I have friends who are poly - they're married. They are going to be together forever, raise kids, own a home - all the regular marriage stuff. They just don't remain monogamous, because that wasn't part of their commitment. All marriages can be different on what the commitment really is.

    But yeah, she doesn't really bug me except the dress comment. 
  • as long as she hosted a good party and did not do a registry or expect pre wedding parties, I'd be fine celebrating the commitment.  But it would be weird if she wore a white dress, had bridesmaids, etc. 
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  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl Desert Oasis member
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    I had two friends do something kind of similar. They had a commitment ceremony because while they were in heterosexual relationship they didn't want to take advantage of the benefits of marriage until those benefits applied to everyone. They used those words actually. But they did want to commit to one another in front of their loved ones so they had a small ceremony, and made sure it was clear to everyone that this was not legally binding, but spiritually binding (again using their words).

    Then after DOMA was repealed they headed to the courthouse with their two kids, got married and posted pictures of the family enjoying lunch afterwards. A bunch of their friends (me included) got together and threw them a party to celebrate being legal. 

    Their commitment ceremony was fun, it was mostly just a big party with this 10 minutes of them saying "Hey we love each other and plan to stick it out forever", and then tons of food and some good drinks and cake. Damn that was good cake.

    So I can live with other people doing similar things. Just be honest and make sure there is good food. 
    grumbledore
  • I might be the minority in this, but I really don't get what the point of doing something like that is. Is it not enough to just be in the relationship if you don't want to get married? Do you really need a party to celebrate it? A wedding is so expensive; I wouldn't want to spend that kind of money just for a party; I'm already reluctant on spending such a large amount on my own wedding... :-/

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    mcgarci2312Emilybmydesigner
  • I might be the minority in this, but I really don't get what the point of doing something like that is. Is it not enough to just be in the relationship if you don't want to get married? Do you really need a party to celebrate it? A wedding is so expensive; I wouldn't want to spend that kind of money just for a party; I'm already reluctant on spending such a large amount on my own wedding... :-/ 

    This. I don't get the point. If you want to do everything, but sign the papers why not just get married? You can form your ceremony around your beliefs and commit to each other the way you want. I don't get it either.
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    312Emilyvulpiepop
  • I don't see why other types of relationships couldn't be celebrated. If they're not monogamous, a marriage doesn't make sense. It doesn't mean they do not want to celebrate their unconventional relationship. I don't understand the entitlement around who should throw a private party or not (the whole : ''you already got married at the JOP, if you delay your reception in a week, it's not a wedding, it's a PPD'' kind of argument). Their money, their decision. It's not worse than people who throw vow renowals either. 
    geneva2
  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
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    I don't really get the point of it either. It sounds like she's an AW that just wants a party to celebrate herself. 
    mcgarci2
  • vh2014vh2014 member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited April 2014
    I know a situation where this sort of made sense... Distant cousin was married before and spouse died young.  She currently gets a pension because of it.  If she got remarried she would lose that pension so they had a commitment ceremony to declare that they intended to spend the rest of their lives together, complete with rings, vows, an officiant, and everything they just couldn't get legally married. This was many years ago and I had forgotten about it until this post.... I remembered thinking it was odd that they weren't *really* getting married. 

    ETA: I was responding to the thread in general about commitment ceremonies but then went to read the link. WTH? Where do these people come from?  The internet has taken humanity to a whole new level of insanity for me. 
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  • InkdancerInkdancer The Shire member
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    valharte said:
    I know a situation where this sort of made sense... Distant cousin was married before and spouse died young.  She currently gets a pension because of it.  If she got remarried she would lose that pension so they had a commitment ceremony to declare that they intended to spend the rest of their lives together, complete with rings, vows, an officiant, and everything they just couldn't get legally married. This was many years ago and I had forgotten about it until this post.... I remembered thinking it was odd that they weren't *really* getting married. 

    ETA: I was responding to the thread in general about commitment ceremonies but then went to read the link. WTH? Where do these people come from?  The internet has taken humanity to a whole new level of insanity for me. 
    That would really bother me. If something were to happen to her new spouse, she'd sacrifice spousal rights just to keep getting the financial benefits from a previous marriage? That just feels icky to me.

    Obviously I'm not involved in the situation, but I'm definitely side-eyeing it.
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    mcgarci2rajahmdhappymellow
  • @Inkdancer I wouldn't do it.  Supposedly they covered their legal bases (they live in CA... no idea what the laws are there).  I think there is more to life than money, and what I knew of her she was generally that way... but I wasn't privy to all the details so maybe there was more to the story than that.   Other than this one thing she definitely has her head on straight... so who knows. 
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    happymellow
  • larrygagalarrygaga Czechoslovakia member
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    valharte said:
    I know a situation where this sort of made sense... Distant cousin was married before and spouse died young.  She currently gets a pension because of it.  If she got remarried she would lose that pension so they had a commitment ceremony to declare that they intended to spend the rest of their lives together, complete with rings, vows, an officiant, and everything they just couldn't get legally married. This was many years ago and I had forgotten about it until this post.... I remembered thinking it was odd that they weren't *really* getting married. 

    ETA: I was responding to the thread in general about commitment ceremonies but then went to read the link. WTH? Where do these people come from?  The internet has taken humanity to a whole new level of insanity for me. 
    That doesn't sit well with me, but I'm not sure why.
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  • The above is only slightly better than people who won't remarry after divorce because they want to continue to receive alimony.  It's certainly sadder, becausethe person is a widow and not a divorcee, but it still doesn't sit well with me...and if i were her "committment ceremony partner" instead of her spouse just because of a little bit of money, i'd be offended.  it seems like she's saying "the money is more important than us getting married" which is ridiculous.
    Inkdancer
  • valharte said:
    I know a situation where this sort of made sense... Distant cousin was married before and spouse died young.  She currently gets a pension because of it.  If she got remarried she would lose that pension so they had a commitment ceremony to declare that they intended to spend the rest of their lives together, complete with rings, vows, an officiant, and everything they just couldn't get legally married. This was many years ago and I had forgotten about it until this post.... I remembered thinking it was odd that they weren't *really* getting married. 

    ETA: I was responding to the thread in general about commitment ceremonies but then went to read the link. WTH? Where do these people come from?  The internet has taken humanity to a whole new level of insanity for me. 
    That's an excuse, just like all the excuses people give for why they need a PPD.

    But maybe the couple really needed that money to make it or something, I don't know... Still doesn't seem right.
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  • BlergbotBlergbot An enchanted land member
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    I have some acquaintances who are poly and are fully committed to each other and have been together over 10 years. If they wanted to have a commitment ceremony, I would totally support them. I think it's closed minded to think that people can't have a different type of relationship without an opportunity to honor their commitment with their loved ones.
  • InkdancerInkdancer The Shire member
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    Blergbot said:
    I have some acquaintances who are poly and are fully committed to each other and have been together over 10 years. If they wanted to have a commitment ceremony, I would totally support them. I think it's closed minded to think that people can't have a different type of relationship without an opportunity to honor their commitment with their loved ones.
    I am perfectly fine with poly weddings/commitment ceremonies.

    What I am not fine with is choosing not to marry the person you supposedly love so that you can continue to receive government benefits from someone else.
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  • According to most of your logics, as expressed in various "PPD" threads, a ceremony without a marriage certificate is "fake" and "make believe" anyway, so I don't understand what any of you care what a couple who doesn't commit legally considers themselves? So what if a couple plans to spend the rest of their lives committed to one and other, and says as much to each other in front of other people but does't make it legal. It doesn't necessarily mean one person values money over their partner, any more than say a prenup does. Prenups are often considered being financially wise and shrewd. So could a situation like this. Doesn't mean they can't celebrate their relationship however they see fit.
  • Older widowed people sometimes do this.  They are uncomfortable with changing their legal status, especially if they have older children and a substantial estate involved. They have commitment ceremonies, but these are usually private affairs, not fake weddings, or even big celebrations.
    Most older couples do not want the fuss and expense of a fancy ceremony, especially if they are not being legally married.  I know I wouldn't!
    I know one couple in town that was legally married for 14 years before they told anyone.  They both worked in the same place.  Most people just thought they were living together.  Only the IRS knew.  I guess that is the opposite of a PPD.
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    ohannabelle
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