Kids

LakeR2014 · April 2014

Due to the shear amount of kids in our family and our venue we have elected to not have kids at our wedding.   This means that people will not attend our wedding because of that.

We had our first 'can't come because Suzy and Johnny aren't invited and we have no one to watch them," today. This was from a relative who had previously stated how excited they were to attend. They believe a wedding is equal to a family reunion and therefore all ages should be invited.   I can understand that and I said I was bummed they couldn't make it but understand.

That being said I'm still upset and bummed they can't make it.   We are providing alternative options for babysitting here, but that idea didn't work for them. Still understandable, but still hurt.   I guess, I'm trying to understand how they were able to attend another relatives DW where only adults were invited a few months ago, but can't attend ours because we don't want to use it as a family reunion?

I know it was the chance we took having no kids, and I'm taking that responsibility, but it doesn't stop the 'decline to attend' from hurting.

raeah219 · April 2014

It's hurting you because you are choosing to take the declines personally. It's not personal. They told you that they WANT to attend, they simply cant due to childcare issues. You said you understood that this would happen due to your "kid free" choice. Dont charge it to your relatives hearts if they cant go. They love you. They just have to do whats best for them and their families, just like you and your FI had to do what was best for you with your venue choice, and stop worrying about whose weddings they were able to attend. You have no clue what the circumstances were, so dont assume. Especially when those assumptions are causing you to harbor unnecessary hurt.

climbingsingle · April 2014

Are they local? I don't understand why they can't find a babysitter for a few hours. Surely they've used a babysitter at least once before.

LakeR2014 · April 2014

@ClimbingBrideNY - I'm sorry no they're not local, they live where the spouse grew up and near his family and siblings (who watched the kids for the DW wedding). But like @raeah219 said, I can't take it personally. It's what they had to do that's best for them, just like we had to do what worked best for us.

I'm just having a hard time separating the two. I'll get there eventually, just hurts right now, hence the snark post.

wrigleyville · April 2014

Maybe those siblings aren't available this time? My brother and SIL couldn't attend a family wedding because all of her siblings had travel plans that weekend.

kmmssg · April 2014

I am ALL for no kid weddings BUT...if you are going to have one, you MUST be gracious about declines. You have every right in the world to do kid free, and they have every right in the world to decline because of that.

If you go kid free you need to be very gracious about declines and not take them personally.

JMalettas · April 2014

We also had no children at our wedding, and some declines because of that. I didn't take it personally, but it is kind of a downer when you know that's why they won't/can't come. Bottom line is, you chose to have a wedding 'sans kiddies', and sometimes there's downsides to certain things. I would also have a child care option, & ultimately, with that known, guests can decide whether or not that's right for them. I think having that option there is a great alternative, so your adult guests can still attend if they'd like.

I think you just have to realize it isn't a personal thing, and try your best to be okay with it. (Same idea as guests receiving your invite, and not having their children invited). It's not personal, it's just the choice you've made for your wedding. Which there's nothing wrong with.

*J

NYCBruin · April 2014

kmmssg said:
I am ALL for no kid weddings BUT...if you are going to have one, you MUST be gracious about declines. You have every right in the world to do kid free, and they have every right in the world to decline because of that.

If you go kid free you need to be very gracious about declines and not take them personally.

I agree with this but this should apply for ALL weddings, whether kid fee or not. Couples should always be gracious about declines and not take them personally. There are a million reasons why someone may decline a wedding invitation and speculating about the reasons only leads to heartache and headache.

QueerFemme · April 2014

It could be a personal thing. They might be offended that you didn't include their whole family. But even so, you'll have to get over it. Having a kid free wedding is sure to offend some people. You'll have to own that decision.

PrincessOfHavoc · April 2014

Only have three couples who have kids invited. One have our ring bearer. Another has our flower girl. Final are expecting now, will have a very young baby.

However, if we have a larger wedding, I would require it to be no kids. Various relatives have hellspawn. But I'm not only the princess of havoc, I'm the queen of stuck up meanie pants. So I don't give a fig if so and so isn't invited. Plus, those with hellspawn, I don't really want to see them at my wedding.

Kids

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