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If most important cant make it, do you cancel?

bdiamond068bdiamond068 member
in Destination Weddings Discussions
I've been planning my wedding for St. Thomas this December but due to a family member now pregnant and cant travel they are not going to make it, which was half of my wedding party. To add to to it, there is a good chance the baby will be born while we are away so most of the family (if they still attend my wedding) will miss the birth.

Would you reschedule it the wedding ? 
* i have bought invitations but have not sent them out yet, some close family has already booked 
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Re: If most important cant make it, do you cancel?

  • LatilloLatillo member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment First Answer

    That decision is completely up to you but I would not cancel my wedding. I made the decision that I wanted a destination wedding and came to terms with the fact that if people couldn't make it to our wedding we had to be OK with that. My best friend actually planned her pregnancy around my wedding lol. She is one of my MOH so she wanted to make sure she was baby free while she was in Mexico so she will be giving birth this September and will have a year until the wedding.

    Even if my other MOH was pregnant and could not attend I would still have my wedding. I know it's a tough choice but it was also her choice to get pregnant knowing she had made a commitment to you to attend your wedding. That being said, you have to do what you feel is right. If you cant imagine your wedding day without her, you might want to cancel :(  Good luck deciding!!

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  • princessleia22princessleia22 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment First Answer

    That's up to you and your family.  Talk to your family and see what they think. 

    When we originally booked our destination wedding we discussed it with all of our VIP's to make sure they could go. We had decided that if even one of them couldn't make it, we would change plans, because having them there was most important to us.  If one of our VIP's were to suddenly say they couldn't come, we would definitely have to discuss options with ourselves and everyone else. At this point our wedding is 2 months away, so it would be a little late to change plans.  But, if it had happened 6 months ago, we may have considered moving the wedding date (or maybe even changing to wedding at home if needed) to accommodate, depending on who it was and the circumstances.  That would also depend on whether bookings could be changed or refunded.  If people had already booked and would lose money, I wouldn't change the date unless I was able to pay them back any lost expenses. But, there is also a chance that we would just leave our plans alone and not change anything.

    Another option if they can't go and it isn't feasible to change plans, you may want to look into is if you can do a live web streaming of the wedding or Skype, so they can still see and be a part of your wedding from home. That could make things easier to have her absent.

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  • malynamalyna member
    First Anniversary First Comment Name Dropper
    I probably wouldn't cancel but talk about it with the family!
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  • mrs4everhartmrs4everhart member
    First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer
    This hits home very hard for me. When my FI and I decided we were going to get married, we gave ourselves 17 months to save and plan. We always knew we wanted a DW. We discussed whose attendance would or wouldn't be a deal breaker then set about our planning. We are now less than 5 months out and just found out my Mom has cancer. She's in treatment and thankfully, so far, they are saying it's not aggressive and her treatment protocol, for now,  is as tame as cancer treatment can be. But it's only the beginning and the prospect of a stem-cell transplant is floating on the horizon. Depending on all sorts of different scenarios and such, there's a chance my Mom (and therefore my Dad as well) will not be at our wedding. I am beyond crushed and devastated. We offered to postpone and she wouldn't hear of it. We have other friends and family members making their travel arrangements and we are pretty deep in the planning stages. I am keeping the most positive vibes going that they'll be in attendance, but it looks like right now that if she cannot travel due to restrictions because of a stem-cell transplant, a huge hole will rip open in my heart, but the wedding will go on. It was a tough decision but it seems impractical to move a big event like a DW around on what-ifs. Obviously, OP your situation is different. If you want your MOH there and your plans are changeable, once the baby is born you can get your show back on the road!
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  • LatilloLatillo member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment First Answer
    @STBMrsEverhart I'm so sorry to read about your mom. I know that if my mom couldn't make it I would be devastated as well, but I am sure she wants you to have a wonderful time! Like one of the other girls suggested maybe you could stream your wedding for your mom, but fingers crossed she will be able to attend!! Best wishes to you and your mom :)
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  • mrs4everhartmrs4everhart member
    First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer
    Thanks @latillo! I am going to secretly research my streaming options just in case, but my hope is that she'll be there, in remission! 
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  • KieralynnKieralynn member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary
    STBMrsEverhart said:
    This hits home very hard for me. When my FI and I decided we were going to get married, we gave ourselves 17 months to save and plan. We always knew we wanted a DW. We discussed whose attendance would or wouldn't be a deal breaker then set about our planning. We are now less than 5 months out and just found out my Mom has cancer. She's in treatment and thankfully, so far, they are saying it's not aggressive and her treatment protocol, for now,  is as tame as cancer treatment can be. But it's only the beginning and the prospect of a stem-cell transplant is floating on the horizon. Depending on all sorts of different scenarios and such, there's a chance my Mom (and therefore my Dad as well) will not be at our wedding. I am beyond crushed and devastated. We offered to postpone and she wouldn't hear of it. We have other friends and family members making their travel arrangements and we are pretty deep in the planning stages. I am keeping the most positive vibes going that they'll be in attendance, but it looks like right now that if she cannot travel due to restrictions because of a stem-cell transplant, a huge hole will rip open in my heart, but the wedding will go on. It was a tough decision but it seems impractical to move a big event like a DW around on what-ifs. Obviously, OP your situation is different. If you want your MOH there and your plans are changeable, once the baby is born you can get your show back on the road!
    I am so sorry to hear about your mom, you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers (if that is ok). I lost my mom to cancer last september (labor day) She had cancer when we got engaged, she suffered through it throughout most of my relationship with FI. I had alot of difficulties and still do. Luckily it is in the early stage, but if you need sum1 to talk to please feel free to PM me.
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  • mrs4everhartmrs4everhart member
    First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer
    Kieralynn said:
    STBMrsEverhart said:
    This hits home very hard for me. When my FI and I decided we were going to get married, we gave ourselves 17 months to save and plan. We always knew we wanted a DW. We discussed whose attendance would or wouldn't be a deal breaker then set about our planning. We are now less than 5 months out and just found out my Mom has cancer. She's in treatment and thankfully, so far, they are saying it's not aggressive and her treatment protocol, for now,  is as tame as cancer treatment can be. But it's only the beginning and the prospect of a stem-cell transplant is floating on the horizon. Depending on all sorts of different scenarios and such, there's a chance my Mom (and therefore my Dad as well) will not be at our wedding. I am beyond crushed and devastated. We offered to postpone and she wouldn't hear of it. We have other friends and family members making their travel arrangements and we are pretty deep in the planning stages. I am keeping the most positive vibes going that they'll be in attendance, but it looks like right now that if she cannot travel due to restrictions because of a stem-cell transplant, a huge hole will rip open in my heart, but the wedding will go on. It was a tough decision but it seems impractical to move a big event like a DW around on what-ifs. Obviously, OP your situation is different. If you want your MOH there and your plans are changeable, once the baby is born you can get your show back on the road!
    I am so sorry to hear about your mom, you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers (if that is ok). I lost my mom to cancer last september (labor day) She had cancer when we got engaged, she suffered through it throughout most of my relationship with FI. I had alot of difficulties and still do. Luckily it is in the early stage, but if you need sum1 to talk to please feel free to PM me.
    @Kieralynn, thank you, that's very sweet of you. I'm so sorry for your loss, there's really no other words to ease the pain you must be feeling. I hope there is peace and comfort for you and that you are able to find solace in her memory. Best of luck to you and yours :-)
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  • Fairyjen1Fairyjen1 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
        When we chose a destination wedding we cleared the dates with our VIPs (parents, siblings and our photographer ). Up until two weeks ago when I signed the contract and put down the deposit, we would have changed the date no questions asked if something had come up. 

       Now that everything is booked, we would have to have a discussion. The good news for us is even though it's a destination, everyone is driving down (at most a 10 hour drive for fi's parents and they like to road trip). So flights wouldn't have to be canceled and you can cancel hotel rooms with a 48 hour notice. 

       We would lose our deposit if we cancelled now so we would have to discuss. Our package is through Disney, and anecdotally they are known to work with you if you have a family emergency and have to reschedule. I'm on a Disneyland Brides board and one of the girls had to do this and Disney was completely understanding and let her move the date without losing the deposit. They didn't have to do this. I'm also sure if she had to cancel completely, and not just re-schedule, they would have kept the deposit. So it would depend. 

       I am in the process of buying wedding insurance just in case, LOL.  
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