Plus-Sized

gastic bypass

My FI had a gastric bypass about 2 weeks ago - he's already losing a ton of weight and I'm super proud of him.  I'm also overweight (obese [meh]). Years ago I lost over 100lbs on diet and exercise but managed to gain it all back. He's been talking to me about surgery as well. I've been so anti-surgery for myself....I just don't want to permanently change my body like that. But then I'm afraid that I am not going to be able to lose weight and he is already so close to me weight wise now and he is going to be under me soon. I'm active and I'm trying to eat right. Right now, he is my biggest obstacle to fitness because I've been having to come home after work to be with him during his recovery. Otherwise I'd be at my kickboxing class and trying to get into my gym routine.

I'm just overwhelmed I guess. If I do it, I can't get pregnant for two years. But if I don't lose weight, the likelihood of me getting pregnant anyways are slim to none. Also, with the wedding in 6 months, there's just no way I could get it done before it and have enough time to recover before the wedding.  I just feel lost. I don't know what to do. 

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Re: gastic bypass

  • Dignity100Dignity100 Northeastern Ohio
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    It sounds very very frustrating.  Honestly you need to weigh all your options and see what's going to be best for you.  I'm sure your FI knows that you need to take care of yourself and if you went to a kickboxing class before coming to see him he wouldn't be opposed (if he wants to marry you, I'm sure he wants you healthy too).

    What about doing morning classes instead of evening classes?

    You could always go over see him and spend an hour with him then do a workout video while there.  Is he able to join you at the gym and just WALK on the treadmill?

    There's nothing wrong with you wanting to lose weight naturally either, maybe set up an appointment with a dietician.  I also know there are therapists that can help talk about weight issues.


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  • I know several people who have had surgery and they have life time effects health wise that have to be monitored and they have to continue to watch not only how much they eat but what they eat. Since you have lost the weight the old fashion way before I would go that route. I would also try to do research on the risks of getting pregnant after having the surgery. You should include your gynocologist in this conversation. Would having the surgery increase any risks with a pregnancy? I don't know if it will or not, but I think it's something important to check into so you have as much info as possible going to help you make your decision.
    Cokezerofreak
  • InkdancerInkdancer The Shire
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    My aunt is one of the gastric bypass horror stories you hear -- she has to give herself vitamin injections every day because she doesn't have enough stomach left to absorb them, and the injections leave horrible red stains that look like burns and bruises all over her skin. She's also severely anemic and has lost a number of teeth. But hey, at least she's thin!

    I'm not saying this to scare you, but to emphasize that if you want to lose weight, do it in a way that is moderated and healthy. Don't let your FI's situation influence you --- I know it's hard not to compare yourself to him, but you are not him and your health is different.

    Take care of yourself, dear.
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  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!)
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    debmonn said:
    My FI had a gastric bypass about 2 weeks ago - he's already losing a ton of weight and I'm super proud of him.  I'm also overweight (obese [meh]). Years ago I lost over 100lbs on diet and exercise but managed to gain it all back. He's been talking to me about surgery as well. I've been so anti-surgery for myself....I just don't want to permanently change my body like that. But then I'm afraid that I am not going to be able to lose weight and he is already so close to me weight wise now and he is going to be under me soon. I'm active and I'm trying to eat right. Right now, he is my biggest obstacle to fitness because I've been having to come home after work to be with him during his recovery. Otherwise I'd be at my kickboxing class and trying to get into my gym routine.

    I'm just overwhelmed I guess. If I do it, I can't get pregnant for two years. But if I don't lose weight, the likelihood of me getting pregnant anyways are slim to none. Also, with the wedding in 6 months, there's just no way I could get it done before it and have enough time to recover before the wedding.  I just feel lost. I don't know what to do. 
    You did it once, you can do it again.  I'd definitely skip the surgery.  
  • tobytyler11tobytyler11
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    edited March 2014

    I had a lapband done a five years ago.  The first 18 months was amazing and I lost about 80 pounds.  All was well until the band slipped.  HOLY GOD that was painful!  The band was deflated to allow it to fall back into place.  It did and was inflated again.  It never worked properly again.  It got so bad one time I ended up in the ER for an emergency deflation because the acid reflux was so bad and so irritating that I was throwing up blood.

    I've decided to have it removed and, not so surprisingly, I've gain all the weight back and then some.  I have been unsuccessful with diet and exercise (PCOS kicks my butt) so I'm having the sleeve done on March 19th.  It is a removal of 85% of the stomach but the intestines are left alone so you don't have the nutrient issues like with the bypass. 

    Our wedding is on the 26th of April which will be about 6 weeks out from surgery.  I have no idea what size I will be at that time.  I had already decided I wanted a non-traditional wedding dress so I'll be dress shopping a week or two before the wedding for something "wedding-esque".  The timing is far from great but I'm quitting my job at the end of June and I didn't want to worry about getting it reapproved thru a different insurance company so I'm biting the bullet and doing it now.

    Weight issues are hard and surgery decisions shouldn't be taken lightly.  I wish you well in whatever route you choose.

    *Edited because I can't spell.

  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!)
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    edited March 2014

    I had a lapband done a five years ago.  The first 18 months was amazing and I lost about 80 pounds.  All was well until the band slipped.  HOLY GOD that was painful!  The band was deflated to allow it to fall back into place.  It did and was inflated again.  It never worked properly again.  It got so bad one time I ended up in the ER for an emergency deflation because the acid reflux was so bad and so irritating that I was throwing up blood.

    I've decided to have it removed and, not so surprisingly, I've gain all the weight back and then some.  I have been unsuccessful with diet and exercise (PCOS kicks my butt) so I'm having the sleeve done on March 19th.  It is a removal of 85% of the stomach but the intestines are left alone so you don't have the nutrient issues like with the bypass. 

    Our wedding is on the 26th of April which will be about 6 weeks out from surgery.  I have no idea what size I will be at that time.  I had already decided I wanted a non-traditional wedding dress so I'll be dress shopping a week or two before the wedding for something "wedding-esque".  The timing is far from great but I'm quitting my job at the end of June and I didn't want to worry about getting it reapproved thru a different insurance company so I'm biting the bullet and doing it now.

    Weight issues are hard and surgery decisions shouldn't be taken lightly.  I wish you well in whatever route you choose.

    *Edited because I can't spell.

    Oh my, that would be way too stressful for me!  What if you don't find something you like or you can't find it in your size or it needs to be altered?   I hope you look beforehand.....unless you don't mind the added stress!
  • JoanE2012, I'm just hoping for the best.  I know I want more of a sundress and I'm not even set on having it in white so a pretty pink or green, etc. would be fine too.  I live near Nashville so somewhere in the city must have something I can wear off the rack.  I'm choosing to be zen at this moment but come mid-April I'll be a basket case.  I was just happy the surgeon re-arranged his schedule for me to get me in sooner rather than later.
  • Dignity100Dignity100 Northeastern Ohio
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    @tobytyler11 keep in mind they can alter a dress down about 3-4 sizes, so that might help you have a little more wiggle room and start shopping/purchase a dress a little earlier.


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  • That's a good point, Dignity100.  Thanks!
  • I would second the trying it on your own again only because my BF had her done right before Thanksgiving in Mexico and last week she sent me a text that she was scared because she's fainting all the time.  She's so obsessed with losing weight that she's not eating right so I know her numbers are down.  I begged her to go to the doctor or ER but she just won't listen.  She had the sleeve as well so you can get the deficiency with that method, too.

    Since your FI has to eat well now because of his surgery, your house can have all the healthy foods in it.  It'll take you longer, but you can do it.
  • I had RNY gastric bypass 2-1/2 years ago.  It was the best thing I ever did.  I am down over 100 lbs. and am maintaining.  I have gained a little back, but am keeping it under control.  I had high blood pressure, high cholesteral, stress incontinence, and a seriously painful knee.  ALL gone.

    If you opt for surgery, make sure you take advantage of the counseling and nutrional education most surgeons offer.

    No doubt you must learn a whole new way of eating, but the benefits far outweigh the problems in my opinion. 

    Of course there are always exceptions because surgery is not without risk and should not be taken lightly.  I was one of the lucky ones that breezed through surgery and recovery.

  • I also had gastric bypass 5 years ago. I do not regret it but I know it is a personal choice. I had no complications and have kept a decent amount of weight off and am nowhere near the weight I started at. It is more psychological than anyone ever tells you going into it. Yes, there are lots of rules and restrictions, but if you don't take it seriously and do the emotional work you will never make lasting changes. I had several health issues: migraines, sleep apnea, reflux that all have been gone since surgery. I hope to try to have a kid within the next year but my age is a factor now, so who knows how that will work. But I did the surgery 5 months before I was supposed to get married, which I ended up canceling the wedding right before surgery so I didn't have to worry about finding a different dress. Anyway, sorry, I'm rambling. But there are many success stories out there as well. Just wanted to share mine. Good luck with whatever you decide!
  • I had RNY gastric bypass 11 years ago (oh my has it really been that long? ) and it was the best decision I ever made. The only lasting side effect is that I can't eat bacon (it makes me extremely sick). I lost 140 lbs and have probably gained about 40 back in the last 5 years. I'm not happy that I've gained but I know its all on me & the choices I make on what I eat.

    Do your research, talk to people who've been there, dig deep to see if there is an emotional reason for your weight (if so, surgery won't fix that part & you'll end up gaining back what you lost). Most of all strive to be healthy. Only you can decide which method works best for you!
  • @windie If you don't mind me asking, what was your weight when you started?  I am looking to get gastric after the wedding in *fingers crossed* July sometime.  I know it's the right choice for me and I so so look forward to being able to work hard and actually see results for once.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker}
  • I was at 313 at weigh in day of surgery (i am 5'6" tall). I lost 100lbs in 5 months and my lowest was about 175. I'm up to about 220 now - not where i want to be, but i know why/how i gained it back. My FI and I are both on the same page that we want to eat better & be more active (he is diabetic & has gained some in the past 3 years) so I am hoping to get back down under 200.

    Good luck with your journey! I found a great support group in www.obesityhelp.com . Lots of people who've been there, are currently going through it or are thinking about it! If you haven't checked it out yet - i highly recommend it! (also if you ever have any questions i'll give you my email if you need/want to chat!)

    mcgarci2LabLove86
  • @windie Thank you so much! That would be awesome!  I'll definitely get me an account on obesityhelp.  I'm currently in the mid 260s and I hate it.  I've lost a little since last summer when I reached my all time high of 288.  I'm only 5'1 so that on my frame is not nice.  I would love to be under 200.  I'm not giving myself any crazy goals, but I am trying to drop a few pounds before the wedding and I also need to lose about 9 more lbs to prepare for my surgery as recommended by the surgeon.  I'm very much looking forward to it all and I'm more than ready for the change.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker}
    windie
  • There are so many things in your post that I would love to respond to. I had vertical sleeve surgery done & lost 110 pounds in the first 6 months. Then my weight loss came to a grinding halt. I still have at least another 110 to lose. My wedding is in September & I am struggling to accept the fact that I won't be at my goal weight for our wedding. I will still very much be a plus sized bride. So, surgery isn't the answer to everything, but it can be helpful. As far as staying with your FI while he recovers, that shouldn't last long. Recovery is hard, but I was by myself a lot after the first 2 weeks. I understood that the people in my life had their own lives to live. Take the time to go to the gym. Your FI should not only understand but support you. You're right about pregnancy. You're supposed to wait 2 years after surgery. I was concerned about my age & waiting 2 years to start trying. My Obgyn told me that my weight was much more of a detriment to getting pregnant & having a healthy pregnancy & baby than my age would be. So, weigh your options. Surgery is difficult. It changes your whole life. If I could have lost the weight without surgery I would have. That being said, I do not regret having the sleeve done. I am not where I wanted to be as fast as I wanted to be, but I am much healthier than I was that 110 pounds ago. This is such a difficult & personal, decision. I don't recommend rushing it & I wish you the best of luck.
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