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Ceremony and Vow Ideas

How should I involve him?

Ok so long story short, my parents were divorced when I was very young. My mother re-married and my father pretty much fell out of the picture (we didn't even speak for about 10 years).  I am close with my step father and he is the one that raised me, so he will be the one to walk me down the aisle. HOWEVER, my biological father has really been making a conscious effort lately to mend our relationship and come back into my life-he is even contributing to the wedding budget (it just about floored me when he offered).  I am looking for a way to involve him somehow that day but I'm at a loss. Walking me halfway or even having both father and step-father walk me down is out of the question. I want to let him know that his efforts are appreciated without disrespecting my step-father, who has been around all along.

Re: How should I involve him?

  • princessleia22princessleia22 Oceanfront Property in Arizona member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer

    What about having all of your parents stand up to support your marriage?  You could do that and include him in it.  After my father walks me down the aisle, instead of officiant asking "who gives away this woman?", we plan to have all our parents (mine and FI's) stand up, officiant will as ask something like "who supports this union?", so all of our parents can show their support rather than just dad "giving me away".

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  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    What about doing the father- daugther dance with him? Having him do a reading? Or giving a toast?
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • I assume he will be an invited guest?  That is including him.  Get him a bouttoniere.
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    zitiqueen
  • chibiyuichibiyui The Boring Part of MD member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Yeah, I'd go with get him a bout. 

    I mean, my bio-dad has in fact started acting like an adult and not a petulant child in the last year or two. That doesn't take away the pain he cause me. It doesn't give him a pass to partake in father/daughter wedding stuff. Being invited to your wedding is an honor. And your wedding is not the time or place to mend fences. 
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    Anniversary
    zitiqueenHisGirlFriday13
  • chibiyui said:
    Yeah, I'd go with get him a bout. 

    I mean, my bio-dad has in fact started acting like an adult and not a petulant child in the last year or two. That doesn't take away the pain he cause me. It doesn't give him a pass to partake in father/daughter wedding stuff. Being invited to your wedding is an honor. And your wedding is not the time or place to mend fences. 
    I'm in the same boat with how my biological father acts. I'm still on the fence about inviting him to the wedding. Just because he talks nicely to me now doesn't fix all the hurt he's caused. My mother will be walking me down the aisle and participating in a mother/daughter dance with me at the reception. 
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  • Boutonnière, make a point of having your photo taken with him, and ask him to dance at the reception (not a spotlight dance). If you are having toasts at the rehearsal dinner, he could offer one.
    lbbe
  • This is tough! My dad and I don't have a great relationship either. I'd take some of the suggestions these ladies have already given. If you can include all of them, do. If you don't necessarily want to do father-daughter stuff with him, but still want him to be involved Starmoon's suggestion of letting him give a toast, etc. could be great! Just make sure you're comfortable!
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