Is it so bad to be an introvert? NWR rant

FiancB · February 2014

This year I went back to school to be a nurse, and part of the requirements is that I take this CNA class, which is almost over and I started clinical for it this week at the nursing home. On day 2 I asked the instructor how I was doing and got feedback that is getting to be all too familiar: I'm not aggressive enough and not chatty enough. When I was feeding a blind resident, I seemed like I didn't know what to say. I've gotten this sort of feedback at nearly every job I've had.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not antisocial and I would hesitate to even call myself shy or socially anxious. More than anything, I suck at small talk. And I did start conversations here and there with people, with varying success. I just... don't feel like it's the best thing to do to yammer at people when they're trying to eat, or to invite myself into their rooms to talk about the weather and Wheel of Fortune, but I guess that's what's expected of me. Some people are more chatty and that's fine, but with some I feel like it would just be annoying to force a conversation.

I don't know. I'm pleasant and am sure to at least introduce myself, smile, let them know what I'm doing, attempt conversation and get on with business. It seems like introversion is some terrible awful personality trait in our culture, and it's frustrating as hell. Obviously nursing is working with people, but I just don't get the merits of blabbing all day. I'm working on it, but I'm sure I'm going to hear this again and again through clinical and then on the job.

Grumble.

HaileyDancingbear · February 2014

No you're automatically bad at everything if you don't chatter constantly while doing it. Silence is evil and everyone is just dying to hear what you have to say about mundane shit like the weather (Granted, around now the weather has been pretty interesting near me, but that's usually not the case.)

I'm in the same boat as you, I don't see what's so awful about not being super bubbly and outgoing as long as the job gets done, and I don't see the point in forcing conversations to happen, and I really hate being stuck in conversations where you can tell you're just talking for the sake of talking. Idk, I talk about stuff I care about. Otherwise silence is perfectly acceptable.

Needless to say, I have yet to apply anywhere where the person doesn't tell me "We're looking for outgoing, people-oriented people" then never call me back. I mean jeez, just because I'm not talking your ear off doesn't mean I can't work a cash register, and say "hello," and "have a nice day" with a smile. I once looked at a friggin maid service- the job was to show up to an empty house and clean, and they still wanted outgoing people! Who am I going to start conversations with, the couch?? Does anyone really care if their maid isn't their bff?

Luckily the family business is getting a lot more successful and there's now enough money, and necessity from the extra business, to hire me full time. It's a better job anyways, I've been wanting to work full time where I am for ages now.

JCbride2015 · February 2014

HaileyDancingbear said:

No you're automatically bad at everything if you don't chatter constantly while doing it. Silence is evil and everyone is just dying to hear what you have to say about mundane shit like the weather (Granted, around now the weather has been pretty interesting near me, but that's usually not the case.)

I'm in the same boat as you, I don't see what's so awful about not being super bubbly and outgoing as long as the job gets done, and I don't see the point in forcing conversations to happen, and I really hate being stuck in conversations where you can tell you're just talking for the sake of talking. Idk, I talk about stuff I care about. Otherwise silence is perfectly acceptable.

Needless to say, I have yet to apply anywhere where the person doesn't tell me "We're looking for outgoing, people-oriented people" then never call me back. I mean jeez, just because I'm not talking your ear off doesn't mean I can't work a cash register, and say "hello," and "have a nice day" with a smile. I once looked at a friggin maid service- the job was to show up to an empty house and clean, and they still wanted outgoing people! Who am I going to start conversations with, the couch?? Does anyone really care if their maid isn't their bff?

Luckily the family business is getting a lot more successful and there's now enough money, and necessity from the extra business, to hire me full time. It's a better job anyways, I've been wanting to work full time where I am for ages now.

Hahaha this made me laugh. I'm picturing you trying to chat with a couch in an empty house.

Here's my opinion on this as an extrovert. Sometimes when a person is very quiet, has difficulty making eye contact, or responds to my conversation efforts with monosyllables, that person seems unfriendly and distant. Or like they just can't be bothered to help me with whatever job they're doing. But that's an extreme example: it's totally fine if somebody is naturally quiet, but smiles and seems friendly. It's only extreme introversion that I would consider "unprofessional" in the sense that it makes you seem like you don't want to be with the customer.

But extreme extroversion has its problems too. I've been told more than once that I seem intimidating until people get to know me well. And I've had to learn not to dominate social/professional situations; it's really a skill I've worked on as I've gotten older. So I think there are negative aspects to being on either extreme of the I/E spectrum.

CLoGreenEyes · February 2014

Yay nursing school! I have been a CNA for about a year and a half, and am a little over halfway through nursing school, so I'm excited for what you've got to look forward to! (That's genuine excitement. Really. Mostly.)

As someone who has tested as a 100% introvert, I feel your pain. I used to feel like something was wrong with me when I first started this work; it's like everyone else on staff was so capable of making instant connections with everyone, whereas I'm this quiet presence who didn't always have much to say. BUT, there are a lot of good things introverts have to offer in nursing, and that's what you need to focus on (your instructor could stand to do that too). To begin with, not everyone wants to engage in meaningless chatter. Part of the job is picking up on those cues and making your clients comfortable - even if it means not talking their ears off. Introversion also gives you a leg-up on being able to listen and observe, which are so important.

Another thing I realized is that, after you have been working in a certain place for so long and are comfortable with your job duties, it's much easier to make conversation with people. I know that when I first started out, performing the job duties was a challenge and I had to channel all of my energy into getting my workflow down and doing the tasks properly. It's like learning to do anything for the first time: you don't start out being able to multi-task. But once you're comfortable, conversation will surely come a lot easier.

*Hugs* It does seem like the world has it out for introverts sometimes, but it sounds like you're doing fine and will be a great nurse. As long as you're introducing yourself, explaining the procedure/task before you do, and testing the waters to see if there's something the client wants or needs to talk about with you, I think that's a great place to start. Once you're in nursing school, I'm sure there will be plenty of emphasis and practice on therapeutic communication too. I know my program had us do an entire project that was based around sitting with a client and just conversing with them for 15 minutes, which was terrifying but extremely helpful in learning how to deal with this kind of situation. So if you do feel like you have room for improvement, you will get ample opportunity to do so while in school.

FiancB · February 2014

JCBride2014 said:

HaileyDancingbear said:

No you're automatically bad at everything if you don't chatter constantly while doing it. Silence is evil and everyone is just dying to hear what you have to say about mundane shit like the weather (Granted, around now the weather has been pretty interesting near me, but that's usually not the case.)

I'm in the same boat as you, I don't see what's so awful about not being super bubbly and outgoing as long as the job gets done, and I don't see the point in forcing conversations to happen, and I really hate being stuck in conversations where you can tell you're just talking for the sake of talking. Idk, I talk about stuff I care about. Otherwise silence is perfectly acceptable.

Needless to say, I have yet to apply anywhere where the person doesn't tell me "We're looking for outgoing, people-oriented people" then never call me back. I mean jeez, just because I'm not talking your ear off doesn't mean I can't work a cash register, and say "hello," and "have a nice day" with a smile. I once looked at a friggin maid service- the job was to show up to an empty house and clean, and they still wanted outgoing people! Who am I going to start conversations with, the couch?? Does anyone really care if their maid isn't their bff?

Luckily the family business is getting a lot more successful and there's now enough money, and necessity from the extra business, to hire me full time. It's a better job anyways, I've been wanting to work full time where I am for ages now.

Hahaha this made me laugh. I'm picturing you trying to chat with a couch in an empty house.

Here's my opinion on this as an extrovert. Sometimes when a person is very quiet, has difficulty making eye contact, or responds to my conversation efforts with monosyllables, that person seems unfriendly and distant. Or like they just can't be bothered to help me with whatever job they're doing. But that's an extreme example: it's totally fine if somebody is naturally quiet, but smiles and seems friendly. It's only extreme introversion that I would consider "unprofessional" in the sense that it makes you seem like you don't want to be with the customer.

But extreme extroversion has its problems too. I've been told more than once that I seem intimidating until people get to know me well. And I've had to learn not to dominate social/professional situations; it's really a skill I've worked on as I've gotten older. So I think there are negative aspects to being on either extreme of the I/E spectrum.

That's totally a legitimate concern. I know I've met some nurses/other employees wherever they may be that seem downright unfriendly or like they don't want to be there or don't want to help you. I worry that maybe that's how I come across but I don't think so. I do need to work on more eye contact, and while I feel like I smile a lot I could probably do it more. I've definitely been in some situations where as a customer or whatever I felt like the person just didn't want to deal with me, and I hope that's not how I come across.

@HaileyDancingbear haha that gets me too. It's part of like every job description ever. Wtf. I get it's important for some things, but not everything.

@CloGreenEyes, thanks so much for the nursing specific information! That makes me feel a bit better, I'm only about 60% introvert but you would think I was on the Sheldon level of social skills with how much this kind of thing happens. I agree it's not necessary for all departments of nursing, but clinicals will run the gamut. My instructor described the dementia unit as needing people that are very quiet and calm and I thought THAT'S where I should be working, dammit!

HaileyDancingbear · February 2014

JCBride2014 said:

HaileyDancingbear said:

No you're automatically bad at everything if you don't chatter constantly while doing it. Silence is evil and everyone is just dying to hear what you have to say about mundane shit like the weather (Granted, around now the weather has been pretty interesting near me, but that's usually not the case.)

I'm in the same boat as you, I don't see what's so awful about not being super bubbly and outgoing as long as the job gets done, and I don't see the point in forcing conversations to happen, and I really hate being stuck in conversations where you can tell you're just talking for the sake of talking. Idk, I talk about stuff I care about. Otherwise silence is perfectly acceptable.

Needless to say, I have yet to apply anywhere where the person doesn't tell me "We're looking for outgoing, people-oriented people" then never call me back. I mean jeez, just because I'm not talking your ear off doesn't mean I can't work a cash register, and say "hello," and "have a nice day" with a smile. I once looked at a friggin maid service- the job was to show up to an empty house and clean, and they still wanted outgoing people! Who am I going to start conversations with, the couch?? Does anyone really care if their maid isn't their bff?

Luckily the family business is getting a lot more successful and there's now enough money, and necessity from the extra business, to hire me full time. It's a better job anyways, I've been wanting to work full time where I am for ages now.

Hahaha this made me laugh. I'm picturing you trying to chat with a couch in an empty house.

Here's my opinion on this as an extrovert. Sometimes when a person is very quiet, has difficulty making eye contact, or responds to my conversation efforts with monosyllables, that person seems unfriendly and distant. Or like they just can't be bothered to help me with whatever job they're doing. But that's an extreme example: it's totally fine if somebody is naturally quiet, but smiles and seems friendly. It's only extreme introversion that I would consider "unprofessional" in the sense that it makes you seem like you don't want to be with the customer.

But extreme extroversion has its problems too. I've been told more than once that I seem intimidating until people get to know me well. And I've had to learn not to dominate social/professional situations; it's really a skill I've worked on as I've gotten older. So I think there are negative aspects to being on either extreme of the I/E spectrum.

I totally get that, and unfortunately, I know I tend to give off that vibe in a lot of social situations. I have pretty bad anxiety and have had enough people in my life who I thought were friends pretty much declare their hate for me, so I'm very wary of new people.

However, in professional situations I try my hardest to come out of my shell. I'll never be super outgoing, and I've come to accept that (I'm content just having a few very close friends) but I always make sure I give good, helpful answers to questions I am asked, smile and greet people, and am friendly.

I guess the problem they have, which I don't see as a problem, and isn't a problem at the family business, is that when I'm not greeting someone or giving an answer to a question that a customer has asked me, I just keep quiet and work. I'd rather get shit done than stand around and chit-chat, and luckily where I work now, there's so much to get done that's an asset. I keep a children's studio spotless, even when kids are around, nuff said. That's not even my only job, I also handle registrations/payments and am a sous chef when needed for cooking parties.

lc07 · February 2014

Of course, I don't know you personally but I think that there are strengths in your personality type! I am more of an extrovert and tend to put my foot in my mouth regularly because I talk excessively and sometimes talk before I think. I doubt you do that! Also, while this is a different position, I can't STAND it when I'm shopping especially at a boutique store and the sales person will. not. leave. me. alone. to shop. I feel so pressured and want to be left alone!

Perhaps it would be helpful to hear what about your "quietness" is a problem. Do people feel uncared for? Like you don't care about them? Do they just want you to engage with people on a personal level? Do you unintentionally come off as cold/rude? I'd want more specific guidance as to what they're looking for from you. If you express a willingness to meet their needs specifically I'm sure they'd be grateful for your interest and caring in adapting.

mysticl · February 2014

lc07 said:

Of course, I don't know you personally but I think that there are strengths in your personality type! I am more of an extrovert and tend to put my foot in my mouth regularly because I talk excessively and sometimes talk before I think. I doubt you do that! Also, while this is a different position, I can't STAND it when I'm shopping especially at a boutique store and the sales person will. not. leave. me. alone. to shop. I feel so pressured and want to be left alone!

Perhaps it would be helpful to hear what about your "quietness" is a problem. Do people feel uncared for? Like you don't care about them? Do they just want you to engage with people on a personal level? Do you unintentionally come off as cold/rude? I'd want more specific guidance as to what they're looking for from you. If you express a willingness to meet their needs specifically I'm sure they'd be grateful for your interest and caring in adapting.

It will show you are trying and will help you (and them) figure out if they have a legitimate concern. I started college as nursing major but switched majors partway through. I did do some clinicals and we were not expected to chit chat with the patients. We were expected to be polite, professional, and respectful but we weren't expected to hang out and talk.

ETA: When I was pregnant I had to be induced for medical reasons. On the day I was admitted and the induction was started my nurse kept hanging out in my room trying to chit chat. I had my husband and my mom with me and I was worried about my baby. I seriously did not want her in the room if she wasn't doing something medical.

smalfrie19 · February 2014

JCBride2014 said:

HaileyDancingbear said:

No you're automatically bad at everything if you don't chatter constantly while doing it. Silence is evil and everyone is just dying to hear what you have to say about mundane shit like the weather (Granted, around now the weather has been pretty interesting near me, but that's usually not the case.)

I'm in the same boat as you, I don't see what's so awful about not being super bubbly and outgoing as long as the job gets done, and I don't see the point in forcing conversations to happen, and I really hate being stuck in conversations where you can tell you're just talking for the sake of talking. Idk, I talk about stuff I care about. Otherwise silence is perfectly acceptable.

Needless to say, I have yet to apply anywhere where the person doesn't tell me "We're looking for outgoing, people-oriented people" then never call me back. I mean jeez, just because I'm not talking your ear off doesn't mean I can't work a cash register, and say "hello," and "have a nice day" with a smile. I once looked at a friggin maid service- the job was to show up to an empty house and clean, and they still wanted outgoing people! Who am I going to start conversations with, the couch?? Does anyone really care if their maid isn't their bff?

Luckily the family business is getting a lot more successful and there's now enough money, and necessity from the extra business, to hire me full time. It's a better job anyways, I've been wanting to work full time where I am for ages now.

Hahaha this made me laugh. I'm picturing you trying to chat with a couch in an empty house.

Here's my opinion on this as an extrovert. Sometimes when a person is very quiet, has difficulty making eye contact, or responds to my conversation efforts with monosyllables, that person seems unfriendly and distant. Or like they just can't be bothered to help me with whatever job they're doing. But that's an extreme example: it's totally fine if somebody is naturally quiet, but smiles and seems friendly. It's only extreme introversion that I would consider "unprofessional" in the sense that it makes you seem like you don't want to be with the customer.

But extreme extroversion has its problems too. I've been told more than once that I seem intimidating until people get to know me well. And I've had to learn not to dominate social/professional situations; it's really a skill I've worked on as I've gotten older. So I think there are negative aspects to being on either extreme of the I/E spectrum.

ALL OF THIS...QFT!!! Seconded. As an extroverted person

clueclaw.defunct635777689035314155 · February 2014

I have to admit, it is nice to read this even though I know how tough it is for you. I know, because I am the exact same way. In everything I have done, I have been told I don't talk enough.

I was in a program to be a teacher, and the not being able to "be bubbly" thing pretty much killed that idea. Not because I didn't think I would be fine, but the way my professors treated me. They actually implied that the way I was would be a disservice to the students.

Also, when I was in college, I was trying to get a part time job. I had an interview at Old Navy, they lady offered me a job, then went back at got some paper work. When she got back, she took back the job offer, because I was out going enough. That felt great.

Even my job now, in a law firm, I do a good job. They said I do a good job, but the not being "aggressive" and talkative stuff came up as well. Its frustrating. I get it on one hand, but the other hand, I do a good job so what is the big deal. It was also extra frustrating, because the situation that was happening where I wasn't being "aggressive" enough wasn't all my fault, which made me feel better when that was admitted.

What is really difficult for me is I know it can be a problem, but I feel like I can't do anything about it. At my job now, they said I came off as I was interested in doing tasks people asked me too. That is far from true, but I don't know what to besides jumping for joy when given a task. I suck at all social situations. I can imagine in my head what I need and should do, but I choke. Nothing comes out.

I am frustrated that I am this way, and no one understands. I am lucky the office manager in my office now is understanding and gave me a shot. I was unemployed for a long time.

HaileyDancingbear · February 2014

clueclaw said:

I have to admit, it is nice to read this even though I know how tough it is for you. I know, because I am the exact same way. In everything I have done, I have been told I don't talk enough.

I was in a program to be a teacher, and the not being able to "be bubbly" thing pretty much killed that idea. Not because I didn't think I would be fine, but the way my professors treated me. They actually implied that the way I was would be a disservice to the students.

Also, when I was in college, I was trying to get a part time job. I had an interview at Old Navy, they lady offered me a job, then went back at got some paper work. When she got back, she took back the job offer, because I was out going enough. That felt great.

Even my job now, in a law firm, I do a good job. They said I do a good job, but the not being "aggressive" and talkative stuff came up as well. Its frustrating. I get it on one hand, but the other hand, I do a good job so what is the big deal. It was also extra frustrating, because the situation that was happening where I wasn't being "aggressive" enough wasn't all my fault, which made me feel better when that was admitted.

What is really difficult for me is I know it can be a problem, but I feel like I can't do anything about it. At my job now, they said I came off as I was interested in doing tasks people asked me too. That is far from true, but I don't know what to besides jumping for joy when given a task. I suck at all social situations. I can imagine in my head what I need and should do, but I choke. Nothing comes out.

I am frustrated that I am this way, and no one understands. I am lucky the office manager in my office now is understanding and gave me a shot. I was unemployed for a long time.

To the first bolded, I know exactly what you mean. Fun little story about me, when I was younger my parents took me to see a therapist about my social anxiety- at that point I hardly spoke to ANYBODY. I could go an entire week without saying a single word to anyone other than my immediate family, and I didn't even talk to them much. I was too anxious to talk to the therapist. I've gotten better, but definitely not to "normal."

To the second bolded- This is so similar to me. FI, my MOH, one of my bridesmaids, and our best man, are the only people, other than blood relatives, who I feel completely comfortable with. Otherwise socializing is very hard for me. The best I can do is saying hello to guests, smiling and nodding, and answering questions. I know I manage to come across as at least nice if not super outgoing (I work with kids- While I don't think a parent would call me out on coming across as cold/mean, the kids certainly would. And they tend to really like me, so I'm glad I can at least manage to show I'm not mean.) But getting past that is very difficult. Conversation? About what? How do I organize the jumble in my brain in terms of what this person gives a fuck about and what they don't? What do I do? Oh no, it's silent, what do I say? Freaks me out. I know everyone deals with some form of bullying in their life, but I got it so bad as a kid that for a long time, I was absolutely certain that anything I had to say was stupid and I better shut up if I didn't want to be ridiculed more. I know now that this is an irrational thought, but it's still something that looms in the back of my mind and rears its ugly head when I start getting flustered, and I still have a habit of staring at my feet when I walk.

Third bolded- Honestly if it weren't for the full time job at the family business I don't know what I'd do, nobody else would hire me. I'm very glad that my mother's dream has created such a wonderful children's studio and that we're finally getting successful. She understands my anxiety and while I'm definitely encouraged to work on getting out of my shell, she works with it and gives me the hard jobs that don't require speaking- for instance we do cooking parties, each kid makes their own batch of cupcakes, from scratch, scoops them into liners and everything. One of my jobs is, during the 20 minutes when they go into another room to dance, is to get those cupcakes in the oven, clean the kitchen (Because it is also the dining area) get the cupcakes out of the oven when they're ready, get the table set, etc. and I don't really have a minute to spare- which is perfect for me, I don't mind the work and it gives me an excuse to not talk.

APDSS22 · February 2014

Just sending more internet hugs from one introvert to another *hugs*. I really don't understand why being "outgoing" is more important than doing the job. Interviews are nightmarish for me because seriously, I know I can do the job, check my resume, I've got the skills. Why is selling myself for the job in interview more important that a boatload of excellent references and proper job experience? I'm currently looking for full time work again and even thinking about interviews makes me anxious.

CLoGreenEyes · February 2014

FiancB said:

JCBride2014 said:

HaileyDancingbear said:

No you're automatically bad at everything if you don't chatter constantly while doing it. Silence is evil and everyone is just dying to hear what you have to say about mundane shit like the weather (Granted, around now the weather has been pretty interesting near me, but that's usually not the case.)

I'm in the same boat as you, I don't see what's so awful about not being super bubbly and outgoing as long as the job gets done, and I don't see the point in forcing conversations to happen, and I really hate being stuck in conversations where you can tell you're just talking for the sake of talking. Idk, I talk about stuff I care about. Otherwise silence is perfectly acceptable.

Needless to say, I have yet to apply anywhere where the person doesn't tell me "We're looking for outgoing, people-oriented people" then never call me back. I mean jeez, just because I'm not talking your ear off doesn't mean I can't work a cash register, and say "hello," and "have a nice day" with a smile. I once looked at a friggin maid service- the job was to show up to an empty house and clean, and they still wanted outgoing people! Who am I going to start conversations with, the couch?? Does anyone really care if their maid isn't their bff?

Luckily the family business is getting a lot more successful and there's now enough money, and necessity from the extra business, to hire me full time. It's a better job anyways, I've been wanting to work full time where I am for ages now.

Hahaha this made me laugh. I'm picturing you trying to chat with a couch in an empty house.

Here's my opinion on this as an extrovert. Sometimes when a person is very quiet, has difficulty making eye contact, or responds to my conversation efforts with monosyllables, that person seems unfriendly and distant. Or like they just can't be bothered to help me with whatever job they're doing. But that's an extreme example: it's totally fine if somebody is naturally quiet, but smiles and seems friendly. It's only extreme introversion that I would consider "unprofessional" in the sense that it makes you seem like you don't want to be with the customer.

But extreme extroversion has its problems too. I've been told more than once that I seem intimidating until people get to know me well. And I've had to learn not to dominate social/professional situations; it's really a skill I've worked on as I've gotten older. So I think there are negative aspects to being on either extreme of the I/E spectrum.

That's totally a legitimate concern. I know I've met some nurses/other employees wherever they may be that seem downright unfriendly or like they don't want to be there or don't want to help you. I worry that maybe that's how I come across but I don't think so. I do need to work on more eye contact, and while I feel like I smile a lot I could probably do it more. I've definitely been in some situations where as a customer or whatever I felt like the person just didn't want to deal with me, and I hope that's not how I come across.

@HaileyDancingbear haha that gets me too. It's part of like every job description ever. Wtf. I get it's important for some things, but not everything.

@CloGreenEyes, thanks so much for the nursing specific information! That makes me feel a bit better, I'm only about 60% introvert but you would think I was on the Sheldon level of social skills with how much this kind of thing happens. I agree it's not necessary for all departments of nursing, but clinicals will run the gamut. My instructor described the dementia unit as needing people that are very quiet and calm and I thought THAT'S where I should be working, dammit!

Haha, I doubt we're anywhere NEAR the Sheldon level of things! At least I hope that's the case. Anyway though, see, I feel like MOST nursing jobs require someone who's quiet and calm. No matter what your specialty, no matter which population you're working with, clients need someone who calms them down, relaxes them, and can tell them what's going on and how they're going to feel better. There's just no way to convince me that introverts can't succeed in nursing! I certainly don't want to make people feel uncomfortable by not being talkative enough, and I will admit that I've had to push myself to make some amount of small talk with people if that's what they needed or wanted; it's a necessary evil. But there have been plenty of time where some therapeutic silence and literally or figuratively just holding my patient's hand has made a world of difference, when a lot of chatter would have kept them from getting what they really needed from me. There are moments that call for one approach over the other, and both extraverts and introverts need to be able to identify them.

hikebikebemerry · February 2014

A pet peeve of mine while working in health care was when people won't let people just eat in fucking peace like an adult. I don't talk during every single meal, and I'm a fairly talkative person. A lot of these patients just want someone who is kind and gentle, but does their job.

I would rather see someone quietly feeding a patient than someone talking with a coworker about their weekend plans.

clueclaw.defunct635777689035314155 · February 2014

TheFutureMrsRohlman22 said:

Just sending more internet hugs from one introvert to another *hugs*. I really don't understand why being "outgoing" is more important than doing the job. Interviews are nightmarish for me because seriously, I know I can do the job, check my resume, I've got the skills. Why is selling myself for the job in interview more important that a boatload of excellent references and proper job experience? I'm currently looking for full time work again and even thinking about interviews makes me anxious.

A trick I was told for interviews is to make yourself laugh right before you go in. It helps you to relax and be comfortable. Just don't laugh too much where you look crazy.

tigersgirlgv · February 2014

I, too, am an introvert and hate when people speak about tending to be shy and quiet as a negative. I once sat in on an interview and the interviewee was going on and on about how she was captain of some team, she made it her mission to make the quiet girls more outgoing. I'm sorry, but that is none of your business and I don't need to be fixed! It really turned me off to her and several other people on the committee!

FiancB · February 2014

This all made me feel a lot better. I was starting to wonder if I was in the wrong place and if I shouldn't look for something where I could be locked away in a lab or studio or something. Away from people. Don't look at me, I'm too quiet! Like Igor or the hunchback of Notre Dame or something.

While it ruined my night, I think it's probably a good thing that I asked for feedback to show I'm really wanting to do a good job. I think my plan of attack for my last night will be to find a chatty resident to hang out with whenever I'm not too busy with something else. There's about three of them that talk a lot. Unfortunately, the resident I have on Tuesday isn't one of them, it's the same one I was feeding that didn't seem that talkative. I guess I'll loudly talk about how great the food seems? IDK.

It's like "hey, you suck at talking to people. Let's give you the blind resident that's barely verbal and falls asleep a lot!"

Honestly, my perfect match. But on the same token, not a great chance to prove that I can be more engaging. I really don't think she wants to be engaged.

hikebikebemerry · February 2014

@FiancB-

It might sound stupid, but everything that you're thinking, just say out loud.

For example, when feeding them, you're probably thinking: "Am I giving them too much? Is this too hot? Do they like this crap?"

So when you're feeding, just clean up your thoughts and say those things out loud. (Imagine that listening to someone talk brings the patient a lot of comfort.) You would pretty much be saying, "Here's your napkin, I don't want to get your lovely shirt all messy. I really love how someone cross-stitched kittens on it for you, the did such an excellent job. I've never gotten into cross-stitching myself, I never had the patience. I'm going to start with the potatoes. Let me put a little bit more gravy on them, etc., etc." ... obviously taking care to not use a condescending tone.

Sugargirl1019 · February 2014

Yay! As a nurse, there's totally a difference between being polite and talking with your patients, and being overly crazy chatting with EVERYone about what you're doing this weekend.

I would look into how to get better at therapeutic communication. It is one of the most important things when talking to your patients, and it allows the focus to be on them rather than yourself, and makes you seem more caring. Look into classes or information about it. You don't have to come up with things to talk about, just ask open questions and allow them to talk if they want. It also allows you to respond without focusing on yourself and stressing you out with what to say.

I would also suggest smiling more frequently or keeping in mind how your body language looks so that you don't give an impression of "dont wnt to be here.. this is boring.. I hate my job". If you are short with your patients, your body language will increase that kind of vibe.

clueclaw.defunct635777689035314155 · February 2014

HaileyDancingbear

I understand the feeling that I will just say something stupid. I also feel like no one will care, basically. Even though there isn't a basis for it.

selenathegreat · February 2014

Oh man, I feel you. I've managed to end up in a job doing marketing, because that seems to be one of the only jobs that uses my skills of writing and designing, but it is definitely not a natural fit for an introvert. I HATE calling people, I'm so terrible at it...ugh. I definitely feel like the world is set up to reward the loud and bubbly and confident, and who really cares if they can actually do anything?

Chipmunk415 · February 2014

If it helps at all, it annoys my 92 year old grandma to no end that the nurses will come into her room, yammering and chatting at her, without listening to her. Note, I said AT her, not TO her. She's hard of hearing as it is, and they speak to fast for her to understand. She's blind, so she needs things set a certain way for her to find and use them. Yet despite her efforts to ask the nurses, "Could you please set X item in Y spot so I can find it?" half the time they don't because they aren't actually listening to her, they're too busy talking.

She'd much rather have someone ask her one or two open ended questions for her to respond and talk, or get short, accurate responses to her own questions.

APDSS22 · February 2014

clueclaw said:

TheFutureMrsRohlman22 said:

Just sending more internet hugs from one introvert to another *hugs*. I really don't understand why being "outgoing" is more important than doing the job. Interviews are nightmarish for me because seriously, I know I can do the job, check my resume, I've got the skills. Why is selling myself for the job in interview more important that a boatload of excellent references and proper job experience? I'm currently looking for full time work again and even thinking about interviews makes me anxious.

A trick I was told for interviews is to make yourself laugh right before you go in. It helps you to relax and be comfortable. Just don't laugh too much where you look crazy.

Thanks @clueclaw ! I'm definitely going to have to try that. (Keeping in mind the not looking crazy thing, of course.)

FiancB · February 2014

Speaking of interviews, in case there's anyone that hasn't seen this, this is basically the most helpful thing I've ever seen: http://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are.html REALLY good talk. Great for anyone to watch, but especially introverts.

I will look into the therapeutic communication thing for sure. I will also make a concerted effort to smile a lot- I feel like I already do, but I often have had people ask me what's wrong or why I look upset. I guess I have something like Bitchy Resting Face, only it's Emo Resting Face.

HisGirlFriday13 · February 2014

I am super-introverted myself and nothing bugs me more than people telling me to 'talk more' and 'be bubbly.'

Between my general anxiety disorder and my introverted nature (and they're probably related), I need time to be alone, to myself, to just think and do my job, and I work with a bunch of people who really don't take that well.

dottiandj · April 2014

I'm introverted as well and when I first started my RN that was one thing I really struggled with. Over the years I developed a conversation style that mixed relevant questions disguised as chit chat and calm conversation. Not bubbly, very professional, and always calm. I've found that goes over extremely well with patients and I interned on what you think would be a very extroverted floor (postpartum). Hospitals are fast paced and tiring (for nurses and patients), I think if you focus on therapeutic communication but deliver it in a way that makes you comfortable you will do just great.