Accommodations for children?

Re: Accommodations for children?

• lyndausvi mod

  

  May 2014

  I would make sure there is kid foods and maybe high chairs or buster seats.  But other than that you don't have to do anything special.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  

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• huskypuppy14 member

  

  May 2014

  weddingmcgee said:

  I never set a "policy" for children when I sent wedding invitations. There are only 3 couples invited who have kids: one I was sure would get a sitter because they LOVE to party and their son is only 2, plus it's an evening wedding by a lake. Another couple wasn't a problem because the wife (my fiance's sister in law who is just the worst) said she refused to attend my wedding because no one likes her. She's right. But that also meant she would keep the 2 kids home with her. The other couple is a 50/50 on whether they will even come. 

  
  So, I found out this week that the party couple is bringing their son. And that the awful sister in law has decided to grace us with her presence, therefore the children will be coming because they heard the party couple is bringing their son. I feel like I don't have the right to say anything because I never set a policy. Granted, they probably should have asked but whatever. My question is, now that we have kids that will be at the wedding (at the least, 3 kids ages 2, 3, and 7 and at the most 6 kids between 2 and 9) are we expected to make accommodations for them? Like kid friendly foods and drinks? We are having a taco buffet for dinner and there will be water and soda for non alcoholic drinks. Is it expected that we make sure they have food to eat and things to do or is that the parent's responsibility?

  
  

  On another note, like I said, it's an evening wedding with alcohol and pretty close to water. There's a railing, but with 3-6 kids, I have some anxiety that something could happen. I thought about asking the parents if they would want to split the cost of a babysitter to attend the wedding. It might be nice to have an extra set of eyes and hands.Or should I offer to pay a sitter myself? Or is it rude to even bring up these concerns to parents? They know we're getting married at a lake, at night, with alcohol, so I don't want to offend anyone by pointing these things out, but I don't want to be concerned for children's safety while trying to enjoy my wedding. Also, two of the dads are groomsman (both fiance's brothers) and I know he wants them to go out with us after the reception to drink, but if they have kids to worry about my fiance feels like they will be more focused on the kid than the party. 

  
  

  I know some of these reasons are selfish, but we just didn't anticipate some of the issues that come up when kids are suddenly added into the mix. I know I could tell them no kids at the wedding, but it would just cause drama and hurt feelings on my fiance's side of the family and I'd rather do what I need to do to make it work than cause friction with my new family. It's not a battle I want to pick. Thanks in advance for advice! 

  First of all, you don't set a policy, certain children are either invited, or not invited. Did you put "and family", or the children's names on the invite? If it was addressed to just the parents, than they were rude for RSVPing for their children as well.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• huskypuppy14 member

  

  May 2014 edited May 2014

  If you didn't invite children, than you don't have to provide children's foods or anything. Maybe a high chair would be nice, but if the parents RSVP with their children, it's on them.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• AprilH81 member

  

  May 2014

  weddingmcgee said:

  I never set a "policy" for children when I sent wedding invitations. There are only 3 couples invited who have kids: one I was sure would get a sitter because they LOVE to party and their son is only 2, plus it's an evening wedding by a lake. Another couple wasn't a problem because the wife (my fiance's sister in law who is just the worst) said she refused to attend my wedding because no one likes her. She's right. But that also meant she would keep the 2 kids home with her. The other couple is a 50/50 on whether they will even come. 

  
  So, I found out this week that the party couple is bringing their son. And that the awful sister in law has decided to grace us with her presence, therefore the children will be coming because they heard the party couple is bringing their son. I feel like I don't have the right to say anything because I never set a policy. Granted, they probably should have asked but whatever. My question is, now that we have kids that will be at the wedding (at the least, 3 kids ages 2, 3, and 7 and at the most 6 kids between 2 and 9) are we expected to make accommodations for them? Like kid friendly foods and drinks? We are having a taco buffet for dinner and there will be water and soda for non alcoholic drinks. Is it expected that we make sure they have food to eat and things to do or is that the parent's responsibility?

  
  

  On another note, like I said, it's an evening wedding with alcohol and pretty close to water. There's a railing, but with 3-6 kids, I have some anxiety that something could happen. I thought about asking the parents if they would want to split the cost of a babysitter to attend the wedding. It might be nice to have an extra set of eyes and hands.Or should I offer to pay a sitter myself? Or is it rude to even bring up these concerns to parents? They know we're getting married at a lake, at night, with alcohol, so I don't want to offend anyone by pointing these things out, but I don't want to be concerned for children's safety while trying to enjoy my wedding. Also, two of the dads are groomsman (both fiance's brothers) and I know he wants them to go out with us after the reception to drink, but if they have kids to worry about my fiance feels like they will be more focused on the kid than the party. 

  
  

  I know some of these reasons are selfish, but we just didn't anticipate some of the issues that come up when kids are suddenly added into the mix. I know I could tell them no kids at the wedding, but it would just cause drama and hurt feelings on my fiance's side of the family and I'd rather do what I need to do to make it work than cause friction with my new family. It's not a battle I want to pick. Thanks in advance for advice! 

  A taco bar is pretty kid friendly and as long as there is water available I think you have it covered for the kids (assuming there aren't any allergy issues).  If you are having a cocktail hour as long as there is something simple (cheese and crackers, veggies, fruit) they will be fine.

  
  

  If you want a baby sitter YOU need to pay for it, but keep in mind that not all parents are comfortable leaving their kid(s) with a stranger.  The parents are responsible for their kids and their behavior.

  
  

  I bought coloring books at Michaels ($1 each) and 8 packs of crayons from Amazon for the kids, but entertaining them is not your responsibility.  If you have the time and money something simple would probably be appreciated, but it isn't necessary.

  

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• weddingmcgee member

  

  May 2014

  The invitations were addressed to the parents. IE: David and Cathy Smith (fake names). No mention of children or family. Since most of the kids are family, I definitely wouldn't invite some and not others. I know plenty of people who have set a no kids policy if they are set on an adult only wedding, but made it known by adding something like "adult reception" or somehow saying it up front. Or even approaching parents privately to let them know. I didn't do this, but I did expect them to ask first. Which they didn't. 

  
  

  Yes, I agree it was rude of them not to ask. It was brought up when discussing the location of the rehearsal dinner on facebook and my FSIL said, "Oh, and so and so won't be at the rehearsal dinner but will be at the wedding". I was kinda taken aback, but when I approached my fiance about it, he didn't care either way. So, I've accepted kids as young as 2 will be there, I just want to make sure I handle the arrangements I need to make, if any, in the best way so everyone is happy. 

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  May 2014

  Don't make any special arrangements.  If the parents are bringing their kids, they'll be in charge of making sure the kids eat (even if it's just the emergency granola bar from the bottom of the purse), are entertained, and are safe.  And don't let yourself worry about the kids, just enjoy your wedding.  Take a couple cute pictures with the little ones and go about your day.
  

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• RebeccaB88 member

  

  May 2014

  weddingmcgee said:

  The invitations were addressed to the parents. IE: David and Cathy Smith (fake names). No mention of children or family. Since most of the kids are family, I definitely wouldn't invite some and not others. I know plenty of people who have set a no kids policy if they are set on an adult only wedding, but made it known by adding something like "adult reception" or somehow saying it up front. Or even approaching parents privately to let them know. I didn't do this, but I did expect them to ask first. Which they didn't. 

  
  

  
  

  There's your answer. If you addressed the invitations to just the adults, then just the adults are invited, not the kids. Your couples who said they are bringing their kids are wrong and rude. You are completely within your rights to call them and let them know their kids aren't invited and you hope they can still make it. You don't have to set a no kids policy, and putting 'adult event' on the invitations isn't proper either.  In your place I would tell them you're sorry, their kids aren't invited and can't be accomodated. If that makes them not come, so be it. You don't have to let them bring them, so don't.
  
  If you do, don't make accomodations for someone not invited. Let the parents figure out how to feed them with what's available and let them watch their kids themselves. If they don't have a good time because they brought their kid, then that's on them.
  

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• phira member

  

  May 2014

  We're inviting kids (although most of them are older than 10 at this point). But while we're letting parents request kid-friendly meals when they RSVP, we're not doing anything besides that. I went to weddings as a kid where there was nothing extra for kids (like, no kid room, no coloring, no sitter) and it was fine.

  

  now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
  
  

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• Jen4948 member

  

  May 2014

  Since you didn't invite these kids, you are not required to accommodate them.  You are even within your rights to call these people and tell them, "I'm sorry, but the invitation is only for you and your SO-your kids are not invited and cannot be accommodated.  I hope you can still make it and will understand if you can't."
  
  If you do choose to admit them, again, you don't have to accommodate them, but it would be a kindness.  You aren't required to provide a babysitter, entertainment, or kids' meals, but if you do so, it would be generous of you.
  

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• lc07 member

  

  May 2014

  Putting "No Children" or "Adults Only Reception" on an invitation is against etiquette. You did the right thing by addressing the invitations to those who are invited. It is considered rude to put "Adults Only" because you are pointing out who is not invited.

  
  

  With that said, you have two options now.

  1. Call the people who have RSVPd that their children will be attending and let them know that the invitation was only for Susie and Jon (the adults) and that you are unable to accommodate their children and that you hope they can make it. If they cannot, they will be missed.

  
  

  2. Accept that the children are coming and provide a meal and a seat for them. It does not need to be a special meal. A taco bar is kid-friendly. You have no other hosting responsibilities aside from seating and feeding these children. They are your guests if you decide not to correct the parents on their RSVP.

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• blabla89 member

  

  May 2014

  laurynm84 said:

  weddingmcgee said:

  I never set a "policy" for children when I sent wedding invitations. There are only 3 couples invited who have kids: one I was sure would get a sitter because they LOVE to party and their son is only 2, plus it's an evening wedding by a lake. Another couple wasn't a problem because the wife (my fiance's sister in law who is just the worst) said she refused to attend my wedding because no one likes her. She's right. But that also meant she would keep the 2 kids home with her. The other couple is a 50/50 on whether they will even come. 

  
  So, I found out this week that the party couple is bringing their son. And that the awful sister in law has decided to grace us with her presence, therefore the children will be coming because they heard the party couple is bringing their son. I feel like I don't have the right to say anything because I never set a policy. Granted, they probably should have asked but whatever. My question is, now that we have kids that will be at the wedding (at the least, 3 kids ages 2, 3, and 7 and at the most 6 kids between 2 and 9) are we expected to make accommodations for them? Like kid friendly foods and drinks? We are having a taco buffet for dinner and there will be water and soda for non alcoholic drinks. Is it expected that we make sure they have food to eat and things to do or is that the parent's responsibility?

  
  

  On another note, like I said, it's an evening wedding with alcohol and pretty close to water. There's a railing, but with 3-6 kids, I have some anxiety that something could happen. I thought about asking the parents if they would want to split the cost of a babysitter to attend the wedding. It might be nice to have an extra set of eyes and hands.Or should I offer to pay a sitter myself? Or is it rude to even bring up these concerns to parents? They know we're getting married at a lake, at night, with alcohol, so I don't want to offend anyone by pointing these things out, but I don't want to be concerned for children's safety while trying to enjoy my wedding. Also, two of the dads are groomsman (both fiance's brothers) and I know he wants them to go out with us after the reception to drink, but if they have kids to worry about my fiance feels like they will be more focused on the kid than the party. 

  
  

  I know some of these reasons are selfish, but we just didn't anticipate some of the issues that come up when kids are suddenly added into the mix. I know I could tell them no kids at the wedding, but it would just cause drama and hurt feelings on my fiance's side of the family and I'd rather do what I need to do to make it work than cause friction with my new family. It's not a battle I want to pick. Thanks in advance for advice! 

  First of all, you don't set a policy, certain children are either invited, or not invited. Did you put "and family", or the children's names on the invite? If it was addressed to just the parents, than they were rude for RSVPing for their children as well.
  
  SITB: Okay, so the children were not invited by name, which means the parents were rude to assume they were invited. I would call them up and politely explain that the invitation was just for the parents, and you're sorry you're not able to accommodate the children, but you hope that parents can still make it. While you do not owe them any explanation for this, if they make a big deal about it you can express your concern about the lake - I think it's a perfectly valid concern.
  

  

  
  
  

  
  

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• Newborndoc2008 member

  

  May 2014

  We had 9 children at our wedding from 6 mos to 13 years.  We had a buffet meal with chicken, beef and seafood as well as a variety of sides which everyone ate from as well as some passed appetizers and a cheese and veggies display at cocktail hour.  We did not offer a special kid's meal as it would have added to our cost.  No one died of hunger that I'm aware of, and all the little ones left by 8 with either their parents or sitters except for the 11 and 13 year old.  No wild kids on the dance floor or unattended.  We too had a water hazard (large ground level fountain without a wall around it), and no one went swimming.  It's on the parents to chaperone their children at the reception.  If they don't want to be responsible for staying sober and watching their children, they should either not come or leave the kids at home with a sitter (which another couple at our wedding opted to do).  You do not have to provide entertainment or a babysitter for them.  Most adults know what a wedding entails and whether they will need to pack food/entertainment for their little one.
  

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• PrettyGirlLost member

  

  May 2014

  RebeccaB88 said:

  weddingmcgee said:

  The invitations were addressed to the parents. IE: David and Cathy Smith (fake names). No mention of children or family. Since most of the kids are family, I definitely wouldn't invite some and not others. I know plenty of people who have set a no kids policy if they are set on an adult only wedding, but made it known by adding something like "adult reception" or somehow saying it up front. Or even approaching parents privately to let them know. I didn't do this, but I did expect them to ask first. Which they didn't. 

  
  

  
  

  There's your answer. If you addressed the invitations to just the adults, then just the adults are invited, not the kids. Your couples who said they are bringing their kids are wrong and rude. You are completely within your rights to call them and let them know their kids aren't invited and you hope they can still make it. You don't have to set a no kids policy, and putting 'adult event' on the invitations isn't proper either.  In your place I would tell them you're sorry, their kids aren't invited and can't be accomodated. If that makes them not come, so be it. You don't have to let them bring them, so don't.
  
  If you do, don't make accomodations for someone not invited. Let the parents figure out how to feed them with what's available and let them watch their kids themselves. If they don't have a good time because they brought their kid, then that's on them.
  

  This. 
  
  I'd call up your friend and have your FI call his brother and SIL, and politely explain that you are sorry for the confusion but the children are not invited, and that you hope they can still make it to the wedding.
  

  
  "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
  
  

  
  

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• ei34 member

  

  May 2014

  Your guests were rude to include their children when you didn't. You may either call them and remind them that the invitation was only for the adult couple, or let them bring their children. If you go with the latter, the taco bar and water/soda should suffice.
  And don't let the fact that your wedding is on a lake stress you out. Most of the parents have probably had their children near a body of water before. If parents are bringing their kids, they know that entails watching them.

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• OliveOilsMom member

  

  May 2014

  I would agree with PP if your FI doesn't want the kids there, but in OP's follow up, her FI seems indifferent to having the kids there.  OP - I think you need to discuss with your FI about what you two want: kids or no kids.  If it's no kids, then make your phone calls.  If you do want kids, I would give the parents a heads up on the food for dinner and ask if a booster seat or high chair is needed for their kids.

  

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• theartistformerlyknownas member

  

  May 2014

  Yes, you're within your right to call and say the kids weren't invited. If you do allow them to come though, give the parents the benefit of the doubt that they will adequately supervise their kids around the lake and the booze. You don't need to provide different food, I think a taco bar is perfect, as long as there are enough servings for the extra mouths. Let the parents know, like any other guest, what the menu is so they can warn you of any allergies. If their kids hate tacos, maybe they'll change their mind on bringing them. Asking your venue if they have boosters/high chairs is a nice gesture; if they don't, be sure to tell the parents this ahead of time - again, they may just decide this isn't the place for kids after all.

  
  

  You don't need to change all your plans to accommodate guests who weren't invited.

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