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NER but I am so happy

[Deleted User][Deleted User] member
25 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
that this is going to be the only time I have to deal with our wedding guests at this capacity. Our RSVP date was two weeks ago and now that I'm reaching out, I get a lot of "Oh yea, sorry about not send the card in. Put us down"

Uh no, send in your card (which they don't even after I say "Great, can you please still send your RSVP?")

What have you ladies done to deal with this or unrage?
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Re: NER but I am so happy

  • sofakingmadsofakingmad member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    If you have them on the phone and they say they are coming, just ask for their meal choice (if you have that) and just be done with it.  I don't see why you would need them to send in the card.  I mean, it's not like it makes it anymore official if they send in the card.

    I do understand that for organization reasons, having the card makes it easier, but some people are just not going to send it back.  
    sexy, harry styles, best song ever, cute, beautiful, asdjglñlñ, marcel
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    DragonBlood13 said:
    If you have them on the phone and they say they are coming, just ask for their meal choice (if you have that) and just be done with it.  I don't see why you would need them to send in the card.  I mean, it's not like it makes it anymore official if they send in the card.

    I do understand that for organization reasons, having the card makes it easier, but some people are just not going to send it back.  
    I feel people are more apt to say yes simply because I'm asking them, because they don't want to say no. So if they say yes but are really not planning on it (ie- my sister's SIL says she's "planning " on coming but doesn't know if her husband can come yet and she switched jobs but just put her down for two) is not an ideal answer for someone to give. And we still have 40 rogue people and a lot of them have been giving these wishy washy answers. 40 people at our price per person is about $2500
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  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    JMVA2014 said:
    DragonBlood13 said:
    If you have them on the phone and they say they are coming, just ask for their meal choice (if you have that) and just be done with it.  I don't see why you would need them to send in the card.  I mean, it's not like it makes it anymore official if they send in the card.

    I do understand that for organization reasons, having the card makes it easier, but some people are just not going to send it back.  
    I feel people are more apt to say yes simply because I'm asking them, because they don't want to say no. So if they say yes but are really not planning on it (ie- my sister's SIL says she's "planning " on coming but doesn't know if her husband can come yet and she switched jobs but just put her down for two) is not an ideal answer for someone to give. And we still have 40 rogue people and a lot of them have been giving these wishy washy answers. 40 people at our price per person is about $2500
    Confession -- I first read that as 'our price per person is about $2,500' and I wanted to know if you were Kim Kardashian. Now that my reading comprehension skills are better...

    I would start answering it in the negative -- 'Since we haven't heard from you, we assume you're not coming.' That gives them an out if they want it, and if you're worried that they're saying yes because they feel guilty.

    I hate to break this to you, but asking them to send in their RSVP card in no way guarantees they'll still come. It just won't.

    And, frankly, with your SIL, you're going to have to suck it up and prepare to eat the $120 or so for her two meals if she and her husband don't show, or if only one of them shows. If you force her to make a decision and not come, she'll resent you forever, and it'll cause drama. Is the $120 or whatever worth that?
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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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  • APDSS22APDSS22 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Tell the wishy washy people that they have until X date (right before caterer deadline) to make up their mind, yes or no because your caterer needs the final numbers and you need to know how much to pay him.  If they can't give you an answer by then, they will be marked as a no and you'll miss them.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    HisGirlFriday13 said:
    JMVA2014 said:
    DragonBlood13 said:
    If you have them on the phone and they say they are coming, just ask for their meal choice (if you have that) and just be done with it.  I don't see why you would need them to send in the card.  I mean, it's not like it makes it anymore official if they send in the card.

    I do understand that for organization reasons, having the card makes it easier, but some people are just not going to send it back.  
    I feel people are more apt to say yes simply because I'm asking them, because they don't want to say no. So if they say yes but are really not planning on it (ie- my sister's SIL says she's "planning " on coming but doesn't know if her husband can come yet and she switched jobs but just put her down for two) is not an ideal answer for someone to give. And we still have 40 rogue people and a lot of them have been giving these wishy washy answers. 40 people at our price per person is about $2500
    Confession -- I first read that as 'our price per person is about $2,500' and I wanted to know if you were Kim Kardashian. Now that my reading comprehension skills are better...

    I would start answering it in the negative -- 'Since we haven't heard from you, we assume you're not coming.' That gives them an out if they want it, and if you're worried that they're saying yes because they feel guilty.

    I hate to break this to you, but asking them to send in their RSVP card in no way guarantees they'll still come. It just won't.

    And, frankly, with your SIL, you're going to have to suck it up and prepare to eat the $120 or so for her two meals if she and her husband don't show, or if only one of them shows. If you force her to make a decision and not come, she'll resent you forever, and it'll cause drama. Is the $120 or whatever worth that?
    I have a problem with trying to control the entire situation, even realizing people who say yes may not come, and people who say no may come and it's boiling my blood. The invitee (my sister's SIL) is mostly invited out of obligation so no hard feelings if she gets a little sour over me.

    We are supposed to submit a final number to the caterer 1 week before the event and can increase but not decrease. 3 days before the event, if we have additional increases, there's an additional charge. So at least we have a tiny bit more of wiggle room.
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