How do I tell people about my registry?!?!?!

KarlaJudithZ · April 2014

I DO NOT want to make a wedding website. No offense to everyone who has one or is planning on making one, but I really think they are cheesy and lame.

So how do I let people know where I am registered? I've been seeing a lot of "You can't do it on the invitation, it's tacky."

Any thoughts? Any other anti0wedding website people have this problem? How'd you fix it?

artbyallie · April 2014

KarlaJudithZ said:

I DO NOT want to make a wedding website. No offense to everyone who has one or is planning on making one, but I really think they are cheesy and lame.

So how do I let people know where I am registered? I've been seeing a lot of "You can't do it on the invitation, it's tacky."

Any thoughts? Any other anti0wedding website people have this problem? How'd you fix it?

Most people are quite capable of checking for your name on the usual registry sites (BB&B, Target, and so on) and even if they aren't, they will know to call you or your mother or someone else close to you to ask if you are registered. Incidentally, if someone throws a shower for you, the registry can be mentioned on that invitation, since a shower is explicitly a gift-giving event while a wedding is not.

Ven&Radio · April 2014

I didn't use a wedding website or have a shower. Literally 3 items were bought from my registry. The conventional wisdom is people should ask the MOB/MOG/MOH where the couple is registered, but my experience was this just doesn't happen. It felt like a huge waste of time to register and as someone who has only ever gotten cash for birthdays/xmas/etc from my family, I was SUPER excited at the prospect of getting real, physical gifts I could open and use.

JMalettas · April 2014

We registered at 2 big name dept stores for both the wedding & the shower. My BMs sent out the invitations for my bridal shower, and included a little card in the envelope, that stated where we were registered. We didn't put anything on the invitations, as I agree, it looks tacky, but I think most people assumed we used those same stores for our wedding registry. It was the easiest way to do it, and got the job done!

*J

Maggie0829 · April 2014

KarlaJudithZ said:

I DO NOT want to make a wedding website. No offense to everyone who has one or is planning on making one, but I really think they are cheesy and lame.

So how do I let people know where I am registered? I've been seeing a lot of "You can't do it on the invitation, it's tacky."

Any thoughts? Any other anti0wedding website people have this problem? How'd you fix it?

I didn't have a wedding website. My registry information was spread via word of mouth by my parents, my H's parents and by me/H when either of us were asked.

emmyg65 · April 2014

We didn't have a wedding website or a shower either, and our registry was almost entirely bought out. People just asked where we were registered. Plan to spread it by word of mouth when people ask.

MyNameIsNot · April 2014

We didn't put our registry on our website, and people found it just fine.

If people want to know, they'll ask. If people prefer to give cash, they aren't going to go shopping just because you tell them about your registry.

Simply Fated · April 2014

I agree, if people want to know, they'll ask. Registries have been around since before the interwebz.

KatWAG · April 2014

If people want to know where you are registered, they will ask. Its not rocket science.

KarlaJudithZ · April 2014

What about posting links from facebook? Is that tacky?

lovesclimbing · April 2014

KarlaJudithZ said:

What about posting links from facebook? Is that tacky?

Yes, it is tacky.

We didn't have a wedding website either. I have no idea how people find out. A fair number found out because they were invited to one of my bridal showers. The rest, I would assume, asked. We also got some off-registry gifts, and yes, they were all good gifts! No metal chickens or fifteen toasters or anything like that.

Maggie0829 · April 2014

KarlaJudithZ said:

What about posting links from facebook? Is that tacky?

Was this a serious questions? I really hope not.

MNVegas · April 2014

You don't tell people. If someone wants to find out they will ask you, wedding party member, family or they will google.

KatWAG · April 2014

KarlaJudithZ said:

What about posting links from facebook? Is that tacky?

@karlajudithZI really hope this is a joke but in case you are actually serious.... yes it is VERY tacky to put your registries on fb. Its best to leave anything wedding related off fb as well.

manateehugger · April 2014

DO NOT put your registries on facebook.

Just use word-of-mouth and make sure your registries are searchable. I google the name of the bride whenever I get an invitation and the registries usually pop right up in the first or second result.

KarlaJudithZ · April 2014

lovesclimbing said

I have no idea how people find out. A fair number found out because they were invited to one of my bridal showers. The rest, I would assume, asked.

This is insane!! So, I'm supposed to spend a bunch of time making registries but then not tell people about them. I'm just supposed to let people 'figure it out?' What the hells the point? I can put it on a wedding website that is all dedicated to me but not my facebook? (Which is essentially just another website about me?) But putting it on a wedding website isn't tacky? People are stupid.

ohannabelle · April 2014

Well, yes, people are indeed stupid.

misshart00 · April 2014

KarlaJudithZ said:

lovesclimbing said

I have no idea how people find out. A fair number found out because they were invited to one of my bridal showers. The rest, I would assume, asked.

This is insane!! So, I'm supposed to spend a bunch of time making registries but then not tell people about them. I'm just supposed to let people 'figure it out?' What the hells the point? I can put it on a wedding website that is all dedicated to me but not my facebook? (Which is essentially just another website about me?) But putting it on a wedding website isn't tacky? People are stupid.

Are you inviting everyone on your friend list to your wedding?

ohannabelle · April 2014

You don't advertise your wedding on Facebook, because it's really damned rude to talk about a party or event you're hosting in front of people who aren't invited. Much less saying, oh, by the way. I want presents, and here's where to get them. Not a confusing concept.
The wedding website (which I personally think is a little over the top) is only known to people who are actually invited. So that's not rude, because you're not making anyone feel shitty about not being invited.
When people find out they're invited, they ask where you're registered. They call and ask, they ask your family, they ask your bridesmaids- hey, do you know where they're registered? Just like that. It's that easy, it works, and it's worked that way for at least fifty years that I know of without any issues.
So unless all of your friends are complete frikking idiots who don't know how to use a phone, speak out loud, or send an email, you'll get presents. I can't answer to the odds of that possibility, because I don't know your friends. Mine managed, my mother's managed, my daughter's friends are already asking. The ancient Facebookless system is working.

manateehugger · April 2014

How old are you and how many weddings have you been to? This isn't a hard concept. Poor you who has to spend so much time so that people can buy you the gifts you want...

There's a big difference between making information available to those who have expressed interest in your wedding by going to your website and between posting "Here's what I want you to buy me!!" on your Facebook.

KatWAG · April 2014

KarlaJudithZ said:

lovesclimbing said

I have no idea how people find out. A fair number found out because they were invited to one of my bridal showers. The rest, I would assume, asked.

This is insane!! So, I'm supposed to spend a bunch of time making registries but then not tell people about them. I'm just supposed to let people 'figure it out?' What the hells the point? I can put it on a wedding website that is all dedicated to me but not my facebook? (Which is essentially just another website about me?) But putting it on a wedding website isn't tacky? People are stupid.

Oh poor you, taking so much time to pick gifts for people to buy for you.

Are you inviting every single one of your fb friends? Doubt it. So why would you advertise an event they arent invited to. Presumably, you arent advertising your wedding website either and only wedding guests will visit it.

FWIW, you are coming off really immature and gift grabby.

MNVegas · April 2014

KarlaJudithZ said:

lovesclimbing said

I have no idea how people find out. A fair number found out because they were invited to one of my bridal showers. The rest, I would assume, asked.

This is insane!! So, I'm supposed to spend a bunch of time making registries but then not tell people about them. I'm just supposed to let people 'figure it out?' What the hells the point? I can put it on a wedding website that is all dedicated to me but not my facebook? (Which is essentially just another website about me?) But putting it on a wedding website isn't tacky? People are stupid.

Are your guests totally lacking in communication skills that they would be unable to call, email, ask you or other people about your registry? You seem to think your guests are pretty stupid.

If it is such an imposition for you to make a registry then just skip it. Just make sure you graciously accept whatever gifts if any are given to you and thank your guests properly.

Registries existed long before the internet, wedding websites, facebook etc. Guests didn't seem to have a problem finding out what the couple wanted. You seem to be very concerned about gifts. You do realize that people don't even have to give gifts at all for a wedding.

Simply Fated · April 2014

KarlaJudithZ said:

lovesclimbing said

I have no idea how people find out. A fair number found out because they were invited to one of my bridal showers. The rest, I would assume, asked.

This is insane!! So, I'm supposed to spend a bunch of time making registries but then not tell people about them. I'm just supposed to let people 'figure it out?' What the hells the point? I can put it on a wedding website that is all dedicated to me but not my facebook? (Which is essentially just another website about me?) But putting it on a wedding website isn't tacky? People are stupid.

I'm going to take a guess that you weren't born before the internet became common in most households. Otherwise you wouldn't be so confused.

I'll repeat what I said earlier. Registries have been around longer than the internet. Wedding websites are a fairly new concept. People figured it out where people were registered before the internet even existed. They will figure it out now without you posting a link directly to them. The fact that you couldn't figure out where your friends would be registered is concerning. If you want to know something... what do you do? You ask. People will ask you. They will ask your fiance. They will ask your mom or his mom or a sibling or friend.

And if there is no one you can ask, what do you do? You look it up on the internet. People will look you up on the internet. It's super easy. Just go to any store's website that has a registry. Just try Bed, Bath and Beyond. You type in the input and viola!

LondonLisa · April 2014

I agree with PP- are you inviting EVERYONE on your FB friend list to your wedding? If not, it is rude to advertise your wedding.

Frankly, I usually just google the names of the bride and groom and their registries pop up very easily. If people want to buy you a gift, they'll know how to ask. Posting it on FB just looks really gift grabby.

You are making it sound like people should feel obligated to buy you gifts of because you spent so much time creating a registry. If you didn't want to register, you didn't have to.

KarlaJudithZ · May 2014

You guys are all getting huffy and misconstruing what I'm saying. My point is if you don't want to be rude and seem 'gift-grabby' then why make a gift registry in the first place? Obviously you want people to buy you gifts because you're telling them what to buy you. So what? We're just supposed pretend you don't because it's 'rude' and hope people get the message. That seems silly. If anything, I'm trying to be considerate and take the guess work out of the equation.

And also, yes I am totally and completely inexperienced with planning weddings. I've never ever planned a wedding before and I don't ever plan on doing it again because I only plan on getting married once. Sorry if that offends everyone.

I'm glad that you all were so greatly considerate and remember what it was like to be overwhelmed when planning your own wedding.

Viczaesar · May 2014

KarlaJudithZ said:

You guys are all getting huffy and misconstruing what I'm saying. My point is if you don't want to be rude and seem 'gift-grabby' then why make a gift registry in the first place? Obviously you want people to buy you gifts because you're telling them what to buy you. So what? We're just supposed pretend you don't because it's 'rude' and hope people get the message. That seems silly. If anything, I'm trying to be considerate and take the guess work out of the equation.

And also, yes I am totally and completely inexperienced with planning weddings. I've never ever planned a wedding before and I don't ever plan on doing it again because I only plan on getting married once. Sorry if that offends everyone.

I'm glad that you all were so greatly considerate and remember what it was like to be overwhelmed when planning your own wedding.

No, you're giving people who seek out the information an idea of your personal style, favorite colors, bed size, etc. It becomes gift grubby and rude when you ADVERTIZE that information. When people seek it out of their own volition by googling the information or asking you where you're registered it's helpful suggestions, not demands.

CamiSelene · May 2014

KarlaJudithZ said:

You guys are all getting huffy and misconstruing what I'm saying. My point is if you don't want to be rude and seem 'gift-grabby' then why make a gift registry in the first place? Obviously you want people to buy you gifts because you're telling them what to buy you. So what? We're just supposed pretend you don't because it's 'rude' and hope people get the message. That seems silly. If anything, I'm trying to be considerate and take the guess work out of the equation.

And also, yes I am totally and completely inexperienced with planning weddings. I've never ever planned a wedding before and I don't ever plan on doing it again because I only plan on getting married once. Sorry if that offends everyone.

I'm glad that you all were so greatly considerate and remember what it was like to be overwhelmed when planning your own wedding.
*says OP, dripping with sarcasm*

Look, OP, nobody here is "getting huffy" or being inconsiderate of the fact that you don't know/understand how planning a wedding works. We're all on here to help because we DO know what it is like to plan a wedding. Some of us are still in the process ourselves.

HOWEVER, I understand that you think it is more considerate to share the info with your guests but it is more considerate to assume that your guests are fully grown adults with the problem solving capabilities and know-how to ASK you or your family where you are registered, should they wish to get you a physical gift. Some people like to give money though and so they won't ask you. It is improper and inconsiderate to assume that everyone will want to give you a present. What about cousin john or jane that just graduated from uni/got married/had a baby/lost their job and can't afford to give you a present because they rely heavily on every last dime? Are you going to be upset because they didn't get you a present when you made sure to inform them that you expect one? I remember going to a friend's wedding literally 3 weeks after moving back from England and I had absolutely no money to spare. When I saw the registry information in my friend's invite, I felt terrible that I couldn't afford to get them anything they wanted. Thankfully I was able to make them something instead but this is the reasoning that I was brought up with for not including registry information. Think from the perspectives of others before your own wants.

manateehugger · May 2014

KarlaJudithZ said:

You guys are all getting huffy and misconstruing what I'm saying. My point is if you don't want to be rude and seem 'gift-grabby' then why make a gift registry in the first place? Obviously you want people to buy you gifts because you're telling them what to buy you. So what? We're just supposed pretend you don't because it's 'rude' and hope people get the message. That seems silly. If anything, I'm trying to be considerate and take the guess work out of the equation.

And also, yes I am totally and completely inexperienced with planning weddings. I've never ever planned a wedding before and I don't ever plan on doing it again because I only plan on getting married once. Sorry if that offends everyone.

I'm glad that you all were so greatly considerate and remember what it was like to be overwhelmed when planning your own wedding.

FWIW our wedding is in two months, and I feel confident that I'm going to host a pretty good wedding because I listened to the women on here. They aren't trying to be mean or superior, they're trying to tell you the best options. Listen to them, even if it's contrary to your own inexperienced instinct. You're inexperienced, we get it, so were most of us at some point. That's why everyone here is here to tell you what's the best route in their experience. Listen!!!

Registries help the guests who have expressed an interest in getting you a physical gift know your tastes and needs. Any conversation or interactions with gifts should be guest-initiated, not bride-initiated.

theartistformerlyknownas · May 2014

OK Karla do me a favor. Go to Google, type in your first and last name and "wedding registry" and hit search. See how many of your registries you find. I bet you'll find them all. It really, truly is that easy. Whenever I get a shower or wedding invitation, that's the first thing I do. I just google it. If I can't find it, I might call them up and ask them where/if they're registered, but it has honestly never happened. Your guests will do this too.

If yours don't pop up, link them to your TK account - even if you don't have a wedding website, it will give people one landing pages with links to all your registries on those stores' sites, and is optimized quite well for search. (Web analytics-speak.)

Everyone here has either planned or is planning their own wedding (oftentimes our first). We all know how stressful it can be. But if you just trust people and listen to their answers and advice, you will be fine. You have the answers you need, just accept them and let it go. This is not something you need to stress out about, I promise.

CrazyCatLady3 · May 2014

KarlaJudithZ said:

lovesclimbing said

I have no idea how people find out. A fair number found out because they were invited to one of my bridal showers. The rest, I would assume, asked.

This is insane!! So, I'm supposed to spend a bunch of time making registries but then not tell people about them. I'm just supposed to let people 'figure it out?' What the hells the point? I can put it on a wedding website that is all dedicated to me but not my facebook? (Which is essentially just another website about me?) But putting it on a wedding website isn't tacky? People are stupid.

You know you can make a wedding website that isn't "cheesy" or "all about you" right? My wedding website has no pics of us or anything, just tabs with information about the venue, lodging and transportation options, and yes, a separate tab with our registries.

But no, do not post on FB. That's like telling your friends to buy you gifts. If people want to buy you gifts they will seek out the info.

ohannabelle · May 2014

Yes, true, people got huffy. (Not pointing fingers at anyone whose name sounds like Annabelle.)

Apologies if your remarks were genuinely misconstrued.

When you respond to genuine answers with words like insane and stupid, it sounds hostile. You might have meant "there are so many rules for reasons I just don't even understand, that I am really overwhelmed with this whole bigass wedding planning thing," but we can't hear your tone of voice, and yep, I can be a snappy bitch when I think people are being rude. I'll own it.

Again, sorry if it wasn't the case. Truth.

That's exactly why there are specific etiquette rules about registering and gifts. To avoid giving the wrong impression to other people, and creating unnecessary unpleasantness.

It's very common sense, beneath the surface. Compare it to any other occasion when you might get a present.

A girlfriend might say, Hey, Karla. We're all getting together for my birthday Friday. I'd love you to come.

You say, excellent. Sounds fun.

She says, I really want cash instead of presents. So right here under the directions is a list of what I want, and there's an account where you can give me money.

You think, WTF. Yep, birthdays often include gifts, but really? Assume much? How about a card that says Happy Birthday, greedy?

Yes, people give presents for weddings, and it's not that you're pretending that they don't. It's that you don't want people to feel like that's the reason they're invited, or that's what it's all about. Because that can be really easily misconstrued as entitled and greedy.

The registration is really a convenience for people who aren't sure what you need or like, or what color bath towels you plan to put in your new bathroom, or do you need or want wine glasses. It's not a list of demands, or an attendance requirement, so you wait until someone asks, so they don't misconstrue your motives or intentions.

Because that can lead to a lot of bitchiness and unpleasantness, and yes, you have enough to do without dealing with that.

I hope that makes the rules seem more sensible, and not just random weird fakeness. It's just taking care that you don't make your friends and family feel used or unappreciated, and taking care that you don't sound greedy.

How do I tell people about my registry?!?!?!

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