To women who have been bridesmaids

AlexBT89 · May 2014

Hello everyone.

I’m dying from ALS. Since my diagnosis, I've thought about the things I won't ever get to experience. None of my married friends asked me to be in their wedding parties years ago and the remaining unmarried friend probably won’t ask me because of my condition, which has progressed to the point where I can't speak anymore and I'm wheelchair bound. I just want to get an idea, of what it feels like to be asked to be apart of a very important day. I had always hoped that I would be in at least one wedding years before I was diagnosed. I wanted to know that I mattered a lot to a friend, to let me stand up with them. I will never know that feeling, but I want to hear different stories of how it feels to be asked to be apart of a wedding. My friend had an account here and she let me use it to ask this. I've asked this on other sites.

theartistformerlyknownas · May 2014

I'm very sorry to hear about your condition.

Honestly... it's not as big of a deal as you're making it out to be. I've been in 2 weddings plus one next month, and I see it more as a favor I'm doing my friend than an honor that they asked me. You shouldn't feel deprived at all by not having done this. Focus on the things that you have done and experienced rather than romanticizing the ones that you haven't.

I wish you the best.

mysticl · May 2014

I agree with PP. I was happy to be in the weddings because I cared about the person getting married. But as far as it being some amazing experience and feeling like some special honor was being bestowed upon me……….nope, not at all. I actually don't think I was ever asked. I was supposed to be a flower girl when I was little but they didn't get married. I think they asked my parents instead of me. I was in a relative's wedding as a tween and again I think they asked my parents more than me. I was supposed to a bridesmaid in a wedding that didn't happen and it was more of an understanding that I would be in it. Same with when my BFF got married. She never asked because of course I would be in it.

Jen4948 · May 2014

I'm sorry to hear about your situation.

My one experience as a bridesmaid was for my SIL when she married my brother. I suppose it was meant to be an honor, but unfortunately the logistics of getting the dress and being at the wedding didn't make me feel that way. It was a PITA to get the dress and go, because I had just moved from Houston, where the wedding was, to NYC and was working as a tax accountant. The wedding was on March 14 (the heart of tax season, so I had to beg my bosses for permission to go-luckily they were understanding and gave it), and I was supposed to get the dress made. My SIL and her mother, who are normally wonderful people, had the idea that they'd buy a bolt of fabric and have the bridesmaids each get measured and cut off the yardage that they needed, and then pass the bolt on to the next bridesmaid. But, they made me the last person to receive it, and I was supposed to get it from someone in South Africa. Needless to say, it didn't happen, and I didn't get the fabric and pattern until Christmas Eve. Then I had to shop around for a dressmaker in a new city and get the dress made in two months while working overtime, and the one I was able to find held the dress hostage at the last minute while demanding an extra $200 for a girdle she threw in (and she was already charging me a lot more than the other bridesmaids in Houston were being charged), and all this pissed off my mom, who insisted that I be a bridesmaid and she'd pay for the dress. Also, I am nearsighted and at the time did not have contact lenses or the time to get any, and my mom made a big fuss about me not wearing glasses, so I had to go nearsighted that day. Finally, my brother and SIL had me walk back up the aisle paired off with a guy I babysat for as a kid while all the other attendants were paired off with people their own ages.

All in all, it did not make me feel honored.

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2014

I have been a BM five times (soon to be six.) Other than for my SIL, I have never felt honoured. I have always felt put upon, used, and treated like free labour.

For my SIL, I really did feel honoured. She was marrying my brother, and I was honoured she asked me to be in her wedding. It felt like she loved me and wanted to include me in her and my brother's day.

But honestly, I probably would have felt just as honoured to be a guest.

coffeekay · May 2014

Good thoughts sent your way.

My bridesmaid experiences were all pretty terrible. I would rather have not been asked. My mother and sister didn't even give me the option of saying no (I was ten years old that time).

The other time I was asked (by a friend) I had to decline due to finances. Friend took it personally and acted like I hated them. Friend went on a rampage (uninvited my husband and me) and is now a former friend, though they have since asked to resume the friendship.

CMGragain · May 2014

So sorry you are dealing with this. I have never been a bridesmaid, and I likely never will, since I am 63 I really don't think I have missed out on anything. I moved 17 times before I was 18 years old, and it was difficult to form lasting friendships. Most of my family had simple civil ceremonies, without attendants.

[Deleted User] · May 2014

Both times I was a bridesmaid, I had a wonderful time. But, really, I would have had just as wonderful a time if I was a guest rather than one of five women wearing the same dress. I danced with uncles of the bride, cousins of the groom, and the cutest 19 year old ever (I was at least 30 at the time). I don't remember the asking to be a bridesmaid.

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