Reception only guest list

hlstrean · December 2011

We're starting to hit the max amount of people we can afford for cocktails/dinner and our parents keep trying to add people to the list. How frustrating! So there is a group of people we want to come to the reception only; which includes a few people who are friends of friends that we aren't the closest with, some people who are friends with my parents or other siblings that my fiance and I don't know that well, etc. My question is... do we send them invites to the wedding and reception or reception only? I'm not sure what the proper etiquette is and if it's rude to invite them to the wedding but then basically say "you didn't make the cut for dinner".... Thanks!

KellyBrian2013 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_reception-only-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:fca7bc7a-9917-4668-b4ad-9d1a3bca3a2bPost:b615a894-af3a-416c-a139-4af890215bff">Reception only guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]We're starting to hit the max amount of people we can afford for cocktails/dinner and our parents keep trying to add people to the list. How frustrating! So there is a group of people we want to come to the reception only; which includes a few people who are friends of friends that we aren't the closest with, some people who are friends with my parents or other siblings that my fiance and I don't know that well, etc. My question is... do we send them invites to the wedding and reception or reception only? <strong>I'm not sure what the proper etiquette is and if it's rude to invite them to the wedding but then basically say "you didn't make the cut for dinner".</strong>... Thanks!
Posted by hlstrean[/QUOTE]

A "wedding" is one event consisting of a ceremony and a reception. Everyone invited to one part needs to be invited to both parts.

Inviting people only to the reception will come off as very gift grabby:
"You're good enough to bring us a gift, but not good enough to see us get married."

Sounds like you'll need to look for a new venue or start making concessions on the guest list.

ski2play · December 2011

One event as the other PP said. Rude to invite them to only a portion of the event.

RaptorSLH · December 2011

[QUOTE]We're starting to hit the max amount of people we can afford for cocktails/dinner and our parents keep trying to add people to the list. [/QUOTE] <div>Tell your parents that you've hit your budget limit, and unless they want to contribute $$$, you need to start trimming the guest list.</div><div>
</div><div>[QUOTE] So there is a group of people we want to come to the reception only[/QUOTE]</div><div>This is rude. The reception is the expensive part, so there's little reason to cut people from the ceremony. Unless you're having an "immediate family only" ceremony (and I mean that in the strictest possible sense) this is a really bad idea. Even if you are, you're bound to ruffle a few feathers.</div><div>
</div><div>[QUOTE]do we send them invites to the wedding and reception or reception only? I'm not sure what the proper etiquette is and if it's rude to invite them to the wedding but then basically say "you didn't make the cut for dinner"[/QUOTE]<div>Yes, very. Limit the guest list to those you can afford, and send invites to both the ceremony and full reception.</div></div>

littleluckypenny · December 2011

Uhm, isn't the reception where you spend the most money? You say you cannot afford to host these people but are still inviting them to the reception and not the ceremony.

Besides not understanding this logic, yes, it's extremely rude to have guests attend only one part of your wedding. Don't do this.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_reception-only-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fca7bc7a-9917-4668-b4ad-9d1a3bca3a2bPost:ee8d7985-93a6-4b09-bfd8-560cf926092d">Re: Reception only guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]Uhm, isn't the reception where you spend the most money? You say you cannot afford to host these people but are still inviting them to the reception and not the ceremony. Besides not understanding this logic, yes, it's extremely rude to have guests attend only one part of your wedding. Don't do this.
Posted by littleluckypenny[/QUOTE]

She wants to do a "tiered reception" and invite them to come to the reception, but only AFTER they serve dinner.

Aside from this being very rude, I don't understand the logistics. These people still need seats, so you'll spend money on tables, linens, centerpieces. They'll still need drinks. We had an hourly bar - it was $x for 5 hours. So do you tell the venue, "well, we're going to pay for x amount of people for only 3 of those hours." Do they need to RSVP? What if they show up an hour "late" and you waste that money on drinks? What if they show up early and you're still in the middle of dinner, and they have to wait around until they can even get something to drink? Do they get cake? I just don't get how you could even begin to pull it off.

Mrs.B6302007 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_reception-only-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fca7bc7a-9917-4668-b4ad-9d1a3bca3a2bPost:b615a894-af3a-416c-a139-4af890215bff">Reception only guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]We're starting to hit the max amount of people we can afford for cocktails/dinner and our parents keep trying to add people to the list. How frustrating! So there is a group of people we want to come to the reception only; which includes a few people who are friends of friends that we aren't the closest with, some people who are friends with my parents or other siblings that my fiance and I don't know that well, etc. My question is... do we send them invites to the wedding and reception or reception only? I'm not sure what the proper etiquette is and if it's rude to invite them to the wedding but then basically say "you didn't make the cut for dinner".... Thanks!
Posted by hlstrean[/QUOTE]

Friends of friends? WHy are they even being considered in the first place?

DramaGeek · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_reception-only-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fca7bc7a-9917-4668-b4ad-9d1a3bca3a2bPost:64acb0a7-8aea-499b-a7d9-c16945818c94">Re: Reception only guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Reception only guest list : She wants to do a "tiered reception" and invite them to come to the reception, but only AFTER they serve dinner. Aside from this being very rude, I don't understand the logistics. These people still need seats, so you'll spend money on tables, linens, centerpieces. They'll still need drinks. We had an hourly bar - it was $x for 5 hours. So do you tell the venue, "well, we're going to pay for x amount of people for only 3 of those hours." Do they need to RSVP? What if they show up an hour "late" and you waste that money on drinks? What if they show up early and you're still in the middle of dinner, and they have to wait around until they can even get something to drink? Do they get cake? I just don't get how you could even begin to pull it off.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

<div>All of that. Plus, even if it somehow worked out perfectly - they didn't get there early, etc - it would be very clear to them that they were walking in on a party that had been in full swin for an hour or two already.</div>

hlstrean · December 2011

Wow, I'm extremely glad I posted something on here. I've been invited to reception only (drinks after dinner) a few times and really didn't think too much of it but after reading these responses it is def something I am NOT going to do. Appreciate the advice.

Reception only guest list

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