7 months to go - replacement bridemaid?

smile414 · May 2014

My close friend has just called to let me know she can not give the time or support that I deserve my wedding in mid-November. Long story short, I'm now short a bridesmaid but we haven't even picked out dresses yet. Well - really, we have barely begun planning. I only sent out save the dates last week. The engagement bbq isn't until Memorial Day weekend. Is it too late to invite someone else in her place? or is that just plain out rude?

Thanks for the help!

MrsMcCaw · May 2014

You should not replace her. It's ok to have uneven sides.

Viczaesar · May 2014

smile414 said:

My close friend has just called to let me know she can not give the time or support that I deserve my wedding in mid-November. Long story short, I'm now short a bridesmaid but we haven't even picked out dresses yet. Well - really, we have barely begun planning. I only sent out save the dates last week. The engagement bbq isn't until Memorial Day weekend. Is it too late to invite someone else in her place? or is that just plain out rude?

Thanks for the help!

It's just plain rude. Don't replace any of your wedding party members.

What kind of time and support did she think you needed?

phira · May 2014

Don't replace her. It sends the message that she's a prop and therefore replaceable, and it sends that message to both your now ex-bridesmaid and anyone you'd ask to replace her.

CamiSelene · May 2014

It would be rude to replace her and your sides don't need to be even. I, too, would like to know what time and support she thought you needed since a bm's only job is to buy the dress and show up for the wedding.

banana468 · May 2014

I'm still stuck on the first sentence.

smile414 · May 2014

Thanks everyone -

She is going through some serious life adjustments, from needing to find a new job and a new home to fixing a very broken (though once perfect) relationship with her parents. I think she is feeling very overwhelmed with life in general and wants to be there for me but knows she has stretched herself much too thin.. I'm not upset with her, and while I think she couldn't totally just buy the dress and show up, I have to respect her personal needs. It sucks and I'm upset, but it is what it is.

huskypuppy14 · May 2014

smile414 said:

Thanks everyone -

She is going through some serious life adjustments, from needing to find a new job and a new home to fixing a very broken (though once perfect) relationship with her parents. I think she is feeling very overwhelmed with life in general and wants to be there for me but knows she has stretched herself much too thin.. I'm not upset with her, and while I think she couldn't totally just buy the dress and show up, I have to respect her personal needs. It sucks and I'm upset, but it is what it is.

Why not?

Why don't you tell her that she doesn't have to make this decision now. If she decides she wants to be in the wedding later on, in a few months or so, tell her you'd still love to have her. Be a friend, and be there for her.

SammiNJonni · May 2014

Do not replace her.

crunchymamaof2 · May 2014

huskypuppy14 said:

smile414 said:

Thanks everyone -

She is going through some serious life adjustments, from needing to find a new job and a new home to fixing a very broken (though once perfect) relationship with her parents. I think she is feeling very overwhelmed with life in general and wants to be there for me but knows she has stretched herself much too thin.. I'm not upset with her, and while I think she couldn't totally just buy the dress and show up, I have to respect her personal needs. It sucks and I'm upset, but it is what it is.

Why not?

Why don't you tell her that she doesn't have to make this decision now. If she decides she wants to be in the wedding later on, in a few months or so, tell her you'd still love to have her. Be a friend, and be there for her.

OP I'm assuming you made a typo but I otherwise agree with @huskypuppy14, bridesmaids (and oer WP members) only need to buy the dress that is at or below the lowest budget and show up on your wedding day. I'd tell her not to even think about your wedding right now and focus on herself. Ask if there's anything YOU can do to help HER. Drop any wedding talk for awhile. Let her know that she can let you know once you're a few months out. That all you want is for her to stand by you on such a special day but not at he expense of her own life.

Uneven sides aren't an issue. People aren't replaceable.

HaileyDancingbear · May 2014

huskypuppy14 said:

smile414 said:

Thanks everyone -

She is going through some serious life adjustments, from needing to find a new job and a new home to fixing a very broken (though once perfect) relationship with her parents. I think she is feeling very overwhelmed with life in general and wants to be there for me but knows she has stretched herself much too thin.. I'm not upset with her, and while I think she couldn't totally just buy the dress and show up, I have to respect her personal needs. It sucks and I'm upset, but it is what it is.

Why not?

Why don't you tell her that she doesn't have to make this decision now. If she decides she wants to be in the wedding later on, in a few months or so, tell her you'd still love to have her. Be a friend, and be there for her.

I'm relatively sure that is a typo and autocorrect got her. I think it was supposed to say "Could totally."

blabla89 · May 2014

I'm still hoping for OP to elaborate on the "support that she deserves for her wedding" bit. A bride deserves for her BMs to be there on time, preferably sober. That's about it.

Also, b-listing is unbelievably rude to whomever you would ask in her place.

ETA: some additional stuff

smile414 · May 2014

Yes I made a typo- sorry. That should have read "could totally"

I think she feels that dress shopping, bachelorette party planning, bridal shower planning, make up trials, etc is all a bit more than just buying a dress and showing up. I'm not asking her to do all of this, but I think she feels she would want to and doesn't know how to fit it all in.

I, OF COURSE, am giving her all the time in the world in that she needs. I have and will continue to give her all of the support she needs. I have told her that her space next to me will always be hers and that I chose her for a reason but that in the meantime, I am here for her in anyway shape, or form and have offered my home while she is house hunting if she needs space.

Thanks for everyone's responses. Weddings are a very new thing to me. I've only ever been to one in my entire life and I'm 28 but she has been in countless!

crunchymamaof2 · May 2014

smile414 said:

Yes I made a typo- sorry. That should have read "could totally"

I think she feels that dress shopping, bachelorette party planning, bridal shower planning, make up trials, etc is all a bit more than just buying a dress and showing up. I'm not asking her to do all of this, but I think she feels she would want to and doesn't know how to fit it all in.

I, OF COURSE, am giving her all the time in the world in that she needs. I have and will continue to give her all of the support she needs. I have told her that her space next to me will always be hers and that I chose her for a reason but that in the meantime, I am here for her in anyway shape, or form and have offered my home while she is house hunting if she needs space.

Thanks for everyone's responses. Weddings are a very new thing to me. I've only ever been to one in my entire life and I'm 28 but she has been in countless!

I think what you've said to her is perfect. I'm sure she's dealt with bridezillas who expect all you've listed. It's sad that she feels she'll have to plan parties, help plan the wedding, etc etc. hopefully as time goes she'll believe that those aren't required or necessary.

grumbledore · May 2014

smile414 said:

My close friend has just called to let me know she can not give the time or support that I deserve my wedding in mid-November. Long story short, I'm now short a bridesmaid but we haven't even picked out dresses yet. Well - really, we have barely begun planning. I only sent out save the dates last week. The engagement bbq isn't until Memorial Day weekend. Is it too late to invite someone else in her place? or is that just plain out rude?

Thanks for the help!

No. Just no.

7 months to go - replacement bridemaid?

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