this is the code for the render ad
Wedding Etiquette Forum

Registry items not 'wedding gift material'?!

I just received a funny phone call at work from my fiance's Aunt. She let me know that she went into the store that we are registered at and printed the list of what's left. We have a small registry to begin with and with what's already been purchased, there isn't a whole lot left. She wanted to know if we would be adding anything else because what I have left on there (such as a meat thermometer lol) isn't 'wedding gift material', that is more fitted for a Bridal Shower according to her. It's all kitchen related items left, so I never considered any of it to be inappropriate for a gift!

I'm just shaking my head at the fact that someone would call me and say that. I was a little put off by it. I told her that I will speak to my fiance but that we don't really want to add something just for the sake of adding it. She said she was calling on behalf of her and her husband and some other guests who are attending so it sounded like they were all looking to go together on something a little more significant, which I understand. We would prefer a monetary gift to put in our savings and that's why we have a small registry but I didn't say that because I thought it would be rude coming straight from me.

Anyway, it was such an odd conversation to have with someone whom I've only met once and for a few minutes!!
Wedding Countdown Ticker

Re: Registry items not 'wedding gift material'?!

  • She was rude and makes no sense.No gifts are more bridal shower than wedding. After all, ALL the gifts are really just wedding gifts seeing as how you are getting these gifts BECAUSE you are getting married, regardless of when you receive them.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • Perhaps there are only small items left and they were planning on gifting you something larger. Either way, it is absolutely not your fault and not on you to add to your registry whatsoever. You can let her know (or maybe have your FI's parents pass along) that you are saving for xyz. Some people do prefer to give a physical gift, though.
  • Jen1051Jen1051 member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Yes there are only small things left and that's what I figure, that they prefer to give a physical gift and were just looking for a little direction but she came across very blunt!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • emmyg65emmyg65 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    If she doesn't like what's on your registry, why doesn't she just buy you something else?
  • She probably means she wants something more substantial that you'll keep longer, but there's definitely no point in registering for things you don't want or need. 
  • I'm guessing she wanted to buy you china or glassware or something - some people get strange about wedding gifts. If she throws a fit again, I'd have suggestions ready or tell her she's welcome to go off-registry. 
    image
  • She probably means she wants something more substantial that you'll keep longer, but there's definitely no point in registering for things you don't want or need. 
    Even if that's true, how can she judge what you'll value and keep? Some of my most prized possessions are teacups without mates, or a tea ball that a friend got me. It's all about what the recipient values.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    eyeroll
  • Jen1051Jen1051 member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    @Inkdancer I agree. I feel like she's put us in a tough spot because it may come off rude if we don't add anything else but then again I don't want to add something just so that someone has a boxed gift to give us. I'm sure we can find something else to add on there but I'm sure if we wanted it that bad, it would have been added already. I know I'm making this out to be more than what it is and I'm sure she didn't mean to come across as rude or blunt. If it were me going to a wedding and there wasn't a lot left, I would probably buy a few of a the things and make a nice gift basket!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Well, it sounds like she's not taking the cash hint (some people won't give cash) and you may end up getting something you really don't want and are possibly unable to return if you don't add something else.  I normally wouldn't advocate this but I would add something to your registry that you can return for store credit (at a store you know you will use the credit eventually) if you decide you're really not going to use the item.
  • I think it's really rude that she called you to say that. I'd be put off by that too! 
  • Jen1051Jen1051 member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    @CrazyCatLady3 I was thinking the same thing... but if I'm going to add something I'll make sure it's something we're going to use as I'd hate to return a thoughtful and well meant gift. Is it weird to put a bbq on a registry?? We could totally use a bbq since we just have a tiny little thing and that would be a good group gift if that's what she was implying they were wanting to do.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Jen1051 said:
    @CrazyCatLady3 I was thinking the same thing... but if I'm going to add something I'll make sure it's something we're going to use as I'd hate to return a thoughtful and well meant gift. Is it weird to put a bbq on a registry?? We could totally use a bbq since we just have a tiny little thing and that would be a good group gift if that's what she was implying they were wanting to do.
    FI and I have a grill on our registry. Go for it!
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    eyeroll
  • Jen1051Jen1051 member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    There is more than just small kitchen gadgets left! Regardless of what is left though, like you said @scribe95 it's weird that she called about it.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Jen1051Jen1051 member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Inkdancer said:
    Jen1051 said:
    @CrazyCatLady3 I was thinking the same thing... but if I'm going to add something I'll make sure it's something we're going to use as I'd hate to return a thoughtful and well meant gift. Is it weird to put a bbq on a registry?? We could totally use a bbq since we just have a tiny little thing and that would be a good group gift if that's what she was implying they were wanting to do.
    FI and I have a grill on our registry. Go for it!
    Maybe that's what we'll do! And just hope no one gets to it before his Aunt haha... 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • mysticlmysticl member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    scribe95 said:
    As someone who prefers boxed gifts over cash, if there is literally nothing left but small kitchen gadgets I can see the guest being annoyed. Not sure I would have called though.
    That's my go to gift.  I buy like three or four of them and put them in a gift bag.  
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Jen1051 said:
    @CrazyCatLady3 I was thinking the same thing... but if I'm going to add something I'll make sure it's something we're going to use as I'd hate to return a thoughtful and well meant gift. Is it weird to put a bbq on a registry?? We could totally use a bbq since we just have a tiny little thing and that would be a good group gift if that's what she was implying they were wanting to do.
    I think a BBQ would be a great gift for a newlywed home.
  • I just wonder what would happen if you did go back and add something. You have no idea what her original intention was... whether it was to go in on something with some other people, or if she just threw in that line about other people saying the same thing so she wouldn't like the lone complainer. If she had the gall to call you up the first time, who's to say she'll be satisfied with whatever you add?

    I say you have two options: go back and add some more stuff, perhaps with one or two bigger items, or do nothing. Either way, if she calls back to complain some more, tell her "There really is not much else we can think of that we need. If you and the others don't want to get anything from the registry, please feel free to get whatever you have in mind and we will be very appreciative!" 
  • Jen1051Jen1051 member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    @JellyBean52513..... I know!! She put us in a bit of a funny spot.... damned if you do, damned if you don't! I must admit, when I was on the phone with her, I was so taken aback by her comments that I didn't even think to tell her feel free to go off the registry if you would like to get us a gift. I hope she calls my fiance next time if she does call, I don't want to have that conversation again!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • The disparity between what we actually want or need and what people want to give us amazes me. There's a group of FMIL's friends who "always give the same gift" as a group, and we just discovered what it is via a conversation with FBIL and FSIL... a custom engraved $650 pewter cake stand. I didn't even realize they made those. I don't plan on making a weekly cake. FILs keep flowers on it, and they get side-eye from FMIL each time she notices. Of course, their thinking is that either flowers are displayed on it and they see it regularly, or it's used only for cake and spends 98% of its time in a cabinet.

    The generosity is incredible, but I really wish it were directed differently. Ah well.

    Of course, they will be receiving a very gracious thank you note (which of course will make them continue to think that this is the best gift idea ever).

    man, what a waste!
  • Add the grill! Worst case scenario, no one buys it and you get a completion discount.
  • APDSS22APDSS22 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer

    The disparity between what we actually want or need and what people want to give us amazes me. There's a group of FMIL's friends who "always give the same gift" as a group, and we just discovered what it is via a conversation with FBIL and FSIL... a custom engraved $650 pewter cake stand. I didn't even realize they made those. I don't plan on making a weekly cake. FILs keep flowers on it, and they get side-eye from FMIL each time she notices. Of course, their thinking is that either flowers are displayed on it and they see it regularly, or it's used only for cake and spends 98% of its time in a cabinet.

    The generosity is incredible, but I really wish it were directed differently. Ah well.

    Of course, they will be receiving a very gracious thank you note (which of course will make them continue to think that this is the best gift idea ever).

    What?!?!?! You don't make a weekly cake?  Just kidding.  I put a 6-way cake stand on my registry for a reason.  It's a bowl, chip and dip plate, cake plate, etc. so it's always in use.  I actually do like to have cake laying around frequently, but no way would I have enough use out of a $650 engraved cake stand.

    We just got a new grill for ourselves and I love it.  OP, I definitely recommend getting a grill if you want to put one on your registry.  At our financial low, H and I got our friends a bag of chip clips and a couple of spoons I assume they put on the registry to use the completion discount on.  You know what?  They told us last year they wish they had registered for 2 bags because they use them all the time.  So their fancy relatives that bought the crystal glasses that look like fish they still haven't used can suck it.
  • The disparity between what we actually want or need and what people want to give us amazes me. There's a group of FMIL's friends who "always give the same gift" as a group, and we just discovered what it is via a conversation with FBIL and FSIL... a custom engraved $650 pewter cake stand. I didn't even realize they made those. I don't plan on making a weekly cake. FILs keep flowers on it, and they get side-eye from FMIL each time she notices. Of course, their thinking is that either flowers are displayed on it and they see it regularly, or it's used only for cake and spends 98% of its time in a cabinet.

    The generosity is incredible, but I really wish it were directed differently. Ah well.

    Of course, they will be receiving a very gracious thank you note (which of course will make them continue to think that this is the best gift idea ever).

    I fucking love cake, but I'd feel weird about using something that expensive to display cake. 
    image



    Anniversary
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards