Groom's ring woes...

Re: Groom's ring woes...

• VulgarGirl member

  

  April 2014

  So I ran this by a guy at work and he said "I don't see the problem. He needed a ring so he got one. And he got a back up just in case ring". What I've learned about men is that they see something needs to be done (in this case, he needed a ring), so they set out to solve the problem and do the thing (in this case, get the ring). To him, it's a task that needed to be completed. 

  
  

  Why don't you go and buy him a new ring, something you choose for him based on what you learned from the shopping you did together and even by looking at the rings he picked from the internet. Present him the ring and explain to him that you wanted to buy him this ring as something special from you to him. The way he bought your ring as something special from him to you.

  
  

  And the cheap rings he has can be used maybe when he's doing something that could cause a ring to get lost, or even he could wear one now as an engagement ring (my friends did that).

  Report5 Reply
• CrazyCatLady3 member

  

  April 2014 edited April 2014

  The ring may mean a lot to *you* but clearly it is not something your FI puts emphasis on and he doesn't want you to spend a lot on it.  My FI bought me a $$$ custom diamond and platinum e-ring and a matching diamond and platinum wedding band.  When we went to look at bands for him, I told him I was more than happy to buy him a nice platinum band if he wanted.  He knows that he loses things and did not want me to spend a lot of money on a ring for him.  I got him a nice titanium band from Amazon.com for $50 (they also had nice ones for $15).   Now we have more money for our HM, extras for the wedding, etc.  I doesn't mean I love him less than he loves me because his ring was inexpensive.

  
  

  ETA: Also look at it like this: some couples cannot afford expensive rings for either the B or G.  Does it mean that their marriage is less valid or meaningful because their rings are cheap?  You are essentially equating level of meaning with cost of the ring.

  Report5 Reply
• perdonami member

  

  April 2014

  I would let it go myself. As much as you wanted to be the one to pick out the most perfect ring that reflects that the amount of love you have for him, he will not see it this way. Not because he doesn't love you but because he doesn't need a ring to represent that. 

  
  

  I think what inkdancer suggested is some really good advice to follow if you really can't shake your bad feelings. And don't worry, this ultimately won't change anything and it would be really awful his ring purchase ruined your moment at the altar. 

  Report2 Reply
• CMGragain member

  

  April 2014

  My father had three different wedding rings.  He traveled for business, and he had the bad habit of taking off his ring to wash his hands.  He left them on the sink in the hotel, never to be returned.
  
  A ring is a thing.  Things can be lost, stolen, broken beyond repair.  Your love is more important than a thing.  Let it go.
  

  

  Report0 Reply
• theartistformerlyknownas member

  

  April 2014

  I totally second what MagicInk said. Guys can be very solution-oriented - mine definitely is. He wanted to buy a ring off Craigslist! He didn't even realize at first that I was "supposed" to buy him his ring. He thought he'd just pick one up, like it's a gallon of milk. We compromised and picked one out on Overstock together.
  
  Don't take offense at this. If it means that much to you, buy him your own ring. He can wear his backups on vacation or doing dirty work or whatever.

  ---

  
  

  
  

  Report0 Reply
• mysticl member

  

  April 2014

  sockmiser said:

  I am not sure how to feel about this. Okay, no that is a lie - I do know how I feel but I just don't know how to fix it. My FI went and bought his wedding ring without even telling me. And i'm really hurt!

  
  

  A month back or so i started asking him if we could look for his. I did make it clear that I wanted to be the one o really get it for him. After all he put a lot of thought into mine and all, yet I still asked him to start the process with me so I could get a basic idea of what he liked.  (After all, asking my friends is how he picked out mine!) Anyhow we did this, with a minor disagreement that he didn't see the point in buying a ring made out of a precipitous metal. Which i do get, but expressed that I felt like that was him getting cheated almost. Its his dang wedding ring. I have no issues spending a bit more on something he will wear the rest of his life. 

  
  

  So, we get distracted and a few weeks go by. Then at lunch with friends if how I find out he has already had is ring ordered and delivered without saying a word to me about it. A $15 dollar ring from some obscure site. He even got the next size up too to keep around just in case he "gets at someday." Ouch. his leads to a large fight. I tried to explain to him that I was hurt way more than mad. The rings and what the symbolize means a lot to me. I really though that had bee clear from the start. And while he id sincerely apologize for hurting me, stuck to his guns and want to use the one her go. Tired of the whole thing I have in. Just didn't not want to fight any more. 

  
  

  Another weeks has gone by and I still can't shake the feeling of this really sucks. the rings he bought are still sitting on his night stand and I hate looking at it. And Now I'm still hurt and worried of what it will feel like to put THAT ring on his finer he day of our wedding. I worry the significance of it will be lost on us both. So.. what now? I have tried really really REALLY hard to not be a bridezilla at any cost here. Seem it done, not pretty, I don't want that to be me! So I wonder if it is worth bring up again, or do I just let this slide. Suck it up and all that?

  I've been married 3.5 years.  I developed an allergy to my rings.  So I no longer wear them.  DH is considering getting a new one because his hurts him.  It's because of the style of the ring but it's not something he noticed when he was trying it on in the store.  He realized the issue after wearing day after day.  Even with a new one he won't wear it everyday because he has a job where depending on what he is doing that day wearing a ring can be dangerous.  

  
  

  People stop wearing their rings for lots of reasons.  Or they replace them. It's just a symbol.  It's not what's important.  The commitment you make to each other is what's important.  

  

  Report2 Reply
• MrsMarende member

  

  April 2014

  Let it go. The ring is a symbol yes, but any ring can have that same meaning. He likes it and he is happy. Focus on getting married and being happy. In the big picture this is really not a big deal.

  Report0 Reply
• lyndausvi mod

  

  April 2014

  My dad not only doesn't wear a ring, he refused to even get one to wear.  They have been married for over 45 years.  None of my uncles wear rings.   Most of my captain friends do not wear rings either because they might loose a finger.       I guess my point is rings can be a symbol, but I don't think they should be the only symbol.  And often others don't feel the way on the subject.  It's his finger and he has to wear the ring.  He should be able to wear what he wants.   For the record I feel the same way about e-ring.  Which is why I designed my own.

  
  

  I'm not trying to dismiss your feelings.  I just think you just need a little perspective here.  Him buying his own ring really should not bring on such strong emotions that last as long as they have.  Sure I get being disappointed, but you should not have weeks and weeks of anguish and thoughts of being upset at during your ceremony over a ring.  Marriage is way, way more than a piece of metal.  Sometimes I think people put too much symbolism into rings.

  
  

  Can I ask if there something else going on?   Does he have a habit of dismissing your feelings?

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  

  Report2 Reply
• sockmiser member

  

  April 2014

  Alright ladies! This IS what I needed to hear!! Going to let this go. Thanks for the advice and keeping me in check!

  Report0 Reply
• VulgarGirl member

  

  April 2014

  Every time I hear the words let it go now, I get that damned Frozen song stuck in my head. So now, I've got "Let it go! Let it go! I am one with the wind and snow!" (not even sure those are the right lyrics). Now now this thread has that stuck in my head. Just thought I'd share that information. 

  Report1 Reply
• mysticl member

  

  May 2014

  MagicInk said:

  Every time I hear the words let it go now, I get that damned Frozen song stuck in my head. So now, I've got "Let it go! Let it go! I am one with the wind and snow!" (not even sure those are the right lyrics). Now now this thread has that stuck in my head. Just thought I'd share that information. 

  "wind and sky"  It seems like it should be "snow" because it rhymes with "go".  

  

  Report0 Reply
• CamiSelene member

  

  May 2014

  Yeah, I'd definitely let it go. Heck, my FI probably won't even wear his ring after the day we get married! (he hates the feeling of wearing rings or really any type of jewellery)

  

  
  

  
  

   

  
  

  Report0 Reply