"My five wives"

ktjanesmom · May 2014

I am very curious what the ladies of The Knot think about this program, or the idea of this program. Also "sister wives". Would you allow your husband more than one wife? Do you think we will ever see "My five husbands"? Would you want 5 husbands? Or even two?

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2014

I asked DH once if he'd want more than one wife. He said, 'Hell no. You're quite enough to be going on with.'

On a serious note, I'm all in favor of people doing their own thing, but it doesn't seem to me that there is real equality in those polygamous marriages. The husbands hold all the power and the wives are subject to him.

smalfrie19 · May 2014

ktjanesmom said:

I am very curious what the ladies of The Knot think about this program, or the idea of this program. Also "sister wives". Would you allow your husband more than one wife? Do you think we will ever see "My five husbands"? Would you want 5 husbands? Or even two?

No, my husband cannot have multiple wives..he already has acquired extra women who are in his home (my sister and bff) and I dont think he would WANT more wives...

I would also NOT like 5 husbands...one drives me crazy enough....

JCbride2015 · May 2014

I have never seen this TV show, but I really like sister wives. I find it very entertaining and sort of enlightening about how other people live their lives.

I would never be in a relationship like this. It's not really about the jealousy, but I just feel relationship is much more meaningful when you are monogamous.

However, the Brown family seems to have a lot of love and they are doing a lot of work to raise good kids. It's not my place to judge them. And from a legal point of view, I think it was absolutely the correct decision that they won their recent court case. Nobody is saying that their marriage should be legally recognized, just that they should not be criminally punished for having whatever kind of romantic relationship and family they so choose.

Please note – I only feel this way about them because they are clearly not hurting anyone else, the wives are pretty independent, and nobody is underage. They are adults and should have whatever kind of intimate relationship they want.

doeydo · May 2014

I do not agree with either of those shows/types of marriages. I am fine if a couple are polyamorous as long as they are open and OK with it all. However, when I see those types of relationships where the husband/man has multiple spouses but the wives/women only have him, it really rubs me the wrong way.
No, I would never "let" my husband have another wife because I prefer monogamous relationships. I would not want multiple husbands, either.

ktjanesmom · May 2014

I wonder if we will ever see a show with one wife and 5 husbands. I wonder how she would be perceived.

AlexisA01 · May 2014

ktjanesmom said:

I wonder if we will ever see a show with one wife and 5 husbands. I wonder how she would be perceived.

She would be called all types of names. I would love to see a show with a woman with more than one husband.

RebeccaB88 · May 2014

I really try to be a 'live and let live' type of person, but honestly, I don't really see what any of the women in polygamous relationships get out of the whole setup. Seems to me like only the men come out ahead, and like they just want to have a harem. But you DON'T see the flipside, a woman with multiple husbands, so it's kinda sexist. I guess I'm just too monogamous.

StephJean83 · May 2014

I said that I could be polygamous with either Clay Matthews or Aaron Rodgers as my DH. With FH we discussed it because I love The Browns and it isn't anything we would want. I tease FH that when it is us and our roommate, we probably look polygamous because it is 2 guys and me.

I personally see polygamous relationships of consenting adults no different than a gay couple wanting to be legally married. If something happened to Kody, legally only Meri can make life or death decisions, but I know she would consult the other wives. Without them having some type if legal documents drawn up, Meri is the one who would receive everything.

I think polygamy should be open to anyone, I think society has us made us more willing to accept a man with 5 wives over a woman. With 5 husbands. Which I do find very sexist. If Bones has any truth to it, there were and still are some cultures with females with multiple husbands.

smalfrie19 · May 2014

StephJean83 said:

I said that I could be polygamous with either Clay Matthews or Aaron Rodgers Russell Wilson as my DH. With FH we discussed it because I love The Browns and it isn't anything we would want. I tease FH that when it is us and our roommate, we probably look polygamous because it is 2 guys and me. I personally see polygamous relationships of consenting adults no different than a gay couple wanting to be legally married. If something happened to Kody, legally only Meri can make life or death decisions, but I know she would consult the other wives. Without them having some type if legal documents drawn up, Meri is the one who would receive everything. I think polygamy should be open to anyone, I think society has us made us more willing to accept a man with 5 wives over a woman. With 5 husbands. Which I do find very sexist. If Bones has any truth to it, there were and still are some cultures with females with multiple husbands.

@StephJean83 FTFY

Simply Fated · May 2014

I like the show, I think it's kinda cool to see how others live.
Having said that, I think it's very... sexist, I guess. Just that why does HE get multiple partners and they only get him once every five nights.

On one hand, that's the life they chose. On the otherhand, most of the time they don't know any other way.

I saw one episode where he had to work through the night during one if his wive's nights. I would have been pissed. Now she has to wait ANOTHER five days for a chance to be alone with him. Not just for sex, but, in general... just to have him next to her.

I agree with pps that if the reverse was on tv, she would be labelled a slut. As it is, the girls on Girls Next Door were mocked for their situation, Hef being old and them being Bunnies.

I wouldn't want another SO. Between work and everything else, it wouldn't be fair to them.
I would not want to share my SO with another woman. My time with him is precious.

RebeccaFlower · May 2014

I like watching it because I like seeing how other people live, however I agree with HGF that the women are definitely subservient. I think they are less on Sister Wives and more on My Five Wives.

I find My Five Wives boring. In one of the earlier episodes, they discuss a system for airing out issues with other wives and one flipped out. They had been married for like 15+ years and they didn't already figure it out? It feels like they don't actually discuss/not actually ready to open up to the camera.

climbingsingle · May 2014

I've watched the Five Wives show before. I just have a hard time understanding why these women agree to it. There seems to be jealousy among the wives too. There's no way I'd let my husband bring on another wife. And I'd never want more than one husband.

jenna8984 · May 2014

I can't stand that tv stations just rip off each other's shows. Every time I see a commercial for My 5 Wives and they say "our groundbreaking new series" I just yell "It's not groundbreaking- Sister Wives broke that ground 5 years ago!!" Pawn Stars then came Hardcore Pawn. There are 2 different shows abourt Alaska gold, there are 2-3 different shows about buying rubbage from people's barns and selling it, 2 different shows about buying storage units. Just pisses me off lol.

But back to the point, I would never want anything but a monogomous relationship. I know they view it differently, but to me it's no different than cheating. Kodi was married for 10-15 years and then decided to woo and bring home Robin. I'd be like are you fuckin kidding me? Clearly I'm not good enough for you if you want her now. I honestly think he's a douche because instead of cherishing the wonderful woman/women he has, he's out there picking up a new one.

grumbledore · May 2014

ktjanesmom said:

I wonder if we will ever see a show with one wife and 5 husbands. I wonder how she would be perceived.

Doubtful. Patriarchy aside, the nature of polygamous relationships favors the one man/multiple women model. Biologically, it makes sense - one man is perfectly capable of impregnating multiple women in the same time period that a woman can only procreate with one man.

That said, people are free to do what they like but it certainly seems there is almost always a power imbalance in these families and that makes me very uncomfortable.

ElcaB · May 2014

I watch Sister Wives semi-regularly and I think Kody is a huge tool. Although I like the wives, it rubs me the wrong way when they talk about their money problems and then waste money on absurd things. Also, their jewelry line is fugly.

I gave My Five Wives about two watches and can't stand the show, but at least that guy seems semi-normal.

I would hate to share FI with anyone, and I personally do not agree with polygamy (although I don't think anyone should be prosecuted for it).

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2014

grumbledore said:

ktjanesmom said:

I wonder if we will ever see a show with one wife and 5 husbands. I wonder how she would be perceived.

Doubtful. Patriarchy aside, the nature of polygamous relationships favors the one man/multiple women model. Biologically, it makes sense - one man is perfectly capable of impregnating multiple women in the same time period that a woman can only procreate with one man.

That said, people are free to do what they like but it certainly seems there is almost always a power imbalance in these families and that makes me very uncomfortable.

So much this. I get the biological imperative -- children are nature's currency, and the more progeny you produce, the greater likelihood your genes have of making it to the next generation after your kids -- and in nature, I understand species that have harems.

If you're a baboon or a golden snub-nose monkey or a Bengal tiger or a pheasant or a hogfish, you want to form a harem so you can have as many offspring as possible, because you have predators and you want to increase the odds your children will make it to adulthood and thus pass on their/your genes to the next generation.

In humans, we don't have that imperative. We don't have predators, we're not hunted, we're not endangered, males of our species don't move in and kill the offspring of previous males to bring females back into heat and start procreating again, etc. Since we're at the top of the food chain, there is no biological need for us to have a plethora of offspring.

That being said, if this is the lifestyle people freely chose, I wouldn't have an issue with it. But the imbalance of power, and the sexual nature of that power imbalance, really bothers me.

shaylagirl · May 2014

I tend to run in what some people consider "alternative lifestyle" circles, and actually know of a couple of relationships where the woman is the "hinge pin" and she has 2 husbands. Truth be told, for about 6 months, I was in a relationship with two boyfriends; didn't work because 1 of them wasn't honest about his jealousy issues.

I've also got other friends where there is a husband/wife, the wife has a wife AND a boyfriend, and the husband occasionally has a girlfriend.

There are couples out there with all sorts of permutations and variations. To be honest, yes I see a LOT of men who desire a 'harem' of women; I don't understand that myself. 1 or 2 women, I guess I could understand, but much more than that seems like a PITA. But, there are also poly families that I know where the two women connected first (either sexually/romantically or as friends), and then the 'second' woman met and connected with the husband/boyfriend/partner and it's a loving, healthy and thriving relationship.

Personally, I'm okay with a casual sex relationship (I'm capable of disassociating love and sex). It's when love and emotions start getting tangled up in to things that I start battling jealousy and I don't do well and start having issues.

afox007 · May 2014

shaylagirl said:

I tend to run in what some people consider "alternative lifestyle" circles, and actually know of a couple of relationships where the woman is the "hinge pin" and she has 2 husbands. Truth be told, for about 6 months, I was in a relationship with two boyfriends; didn't work because 1 of them wasn't honest about his jealousy issues.

I've also got other friends where there is a husband/wife, the wife has a wife AND a boyfriend, and the husband occasionally has a girlfriend.

There are couples out there with all sorts of permutations and variations. To be honest, yes I see a LOT of men who desire a 'harem' of women; I don't understand that myself. 1 or 2 women, I guess I could understand, but much more than that seems like a PITA. But, there are also poly families that I know where the two women connected first (either sexually/romantically or as friends), and then the 'second' woman met and connected with the husband/boyfriend/partner and it's a loving, healthy and thriving relationship.

Personally, I'm okay with a casual sex relationship (I'm capable of disassociating love and sex). It's when love and emotions start getting tangled up in to things that I start battling jealousy and I don't do well and start having issues.

This pretty much sums up exactly what I was thinking! Since I started dating FI he is the only man I have been with, but we have had sex with other women together and he has been with a few women on his own. One of them I even encouraged him to go hook up with. My only rules are wear a condom, let me know, and it is JUST sex.

VulgarGirl · May 2014

Pretty much as long as everyone is of age and consenting, I don't really care much what others do with their relationships.

I do have to wonder if these women's menstruation cycles sync up. And if so, is there just one time every month the husband really regrets his life choices?

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