Really?! B-listed to a PPD

Pipsqueak34 · May 2014

I am generally a lurker, but I thought you would enjoy this.

Apparently, the groom (husband?) called my parent's house the other day and said sorry for the late notice... but we would love to have you there. Seriously? You can't even lie and say that for some reason the post office returned the invite to you? My mom said she was so glad my dad answered the phone, as it would have been too awkward for her to handle. Oh, and from the sounds of it, my sister and I (both adults) were invited with our parents. My sister is only 18 and lives at home, but I live on a different continent!

On the bright side, this couple is one of the reasons I am on here. They and my brother (and SIL) are having PPDs, and my mom asked me to investigate if they are normal now. If only we could convince my brother and SIL not to have a PPD.....

sofakingmad · May 2014

In general, I can deal with PPDs and I don't really get all that upset over B-lists, but having both happen together would just make me side eye that couple.

LOL/

doeydo · May 2014

Pipsqueak34 said:

I am generally a lurker, but I thought you would enjoy this.

Apparently, the groom (husband?) called my parent's house the other day and said sorry for the late notice... but we would love to have you there. Seriously? You can't even lie and say that for some reason the post office returned the invite to you? My mom said she was so glad my dad answered the phone, as it would have been too awkward for her to handle. Oh, and from the sounds of it, my sister and I (both adults) were invited with our parents. My sister is only 18 and lives at home, but I live on a different continent!

On the bright side, this couple is one of the reasons I am on here. They and my brother (and SIL) are having PPDs, and my mom asked me to investigate if they are normal now. If only we could convince my brother and SIL not to have a PPD.....

Tell them to come onto The Knot forums to help with wedding planning, etc.

Pipsqueak34 · May 2014

They are being upfront about the fact that they are already married, so I don't mind the PPD so much. I am just wondering what's next. Cash bar? Dollar dance? Honeyfund?

sofakingmad · May 2014

Pipsqueak34 said:

They are being upfront about the fact that they are already married, so I don't mind the PPD so much. I am just wondering what's next. Cash bar? Dollar dance? Honeyfund?

Yeah, I don't mind well hosted PPDs as they are just parties with free food/booze/dancing, but I do agree that a lot of the time PPDs aren't well hosted at all.

ninewest86 · May 2014

We're invited to a PPD this year complete with a Catholic ceremony and reception in a hall. The invitation came with the time of the ceremony penciled in as well as a registry card from BB&B. The next day I was also invited to the bridal shower. How can you have a bridal shower when you're not a bride? Hello, you're a wife. I'm wondering if she's going to have a bachlorette party since...um...you're not a bachlorette. Typically I'm ok with PPDs so long as it doesn't scream big fancy wedding with a gift grab. B-listed for a PPD means I would already have plans that day that can't be canceled or rescheduled.

monkeysip · May 2014

ninewest86 said:

We're invited to a PPD this year complete with a Catholic ceremony and reception in a hall. The invitation came with the time of the ceremony penciled in as well as a registry card from BB&B. The next day I was also invited to the bridal shower. How can you have a bridal shower when you're not a bride? Hello, you're a wife. I'm wondering if she's going to have a bachlorette party since...um...you're not a bachlorette. Typically I'm ok with PPDs so long as it doesn't scream big fancy wedding with a gift grab. B-listed for a PPD means I would already have plans that day that can't be canceled or rescheduled.

For the record, I wouldn't really consider being invited to a Catholic convalidation ceremony a PPD, since technically, in the eyes of the Church, the couple is being married for the first time (since the legal wedding would've been considered invalid).

But a convalidation should NOT include a bridal shower or registry. It's about the couple making their marriage in the Church, not about having a do-over wedding with all the frills.

huskypuppy14 · May 2014

OP, how are these people related to you and your family?

ashleyep · May 2014

monkeysip said:

ninewest86 said:

We're invited to a PPD this year complete with a Catholic ceremony and reception in a hall. The invitation came with the time of the ceremony penciled in as well as a registry card from BB&B. The next day I was also invited to the bridal shower. How can you have a bridal shower when you're not a bride? Hello, you're a wife. I'm wondering if she's going to have a bachlorette party since...um...you're not a bachlorette. Typically I'm ok with PPDs so long as it doesn't scream big fancy wedding with a gift grab. B-listed for a PPD means I would already have plans that day that can't be canceled or rescheduled.

For the record, I wouldn't really consider being invited to a Catholic convalidation ceremony a PPD, since technically, in the eyes of the Church, the couple is being married for the first time (since the legal wedding would've been considered invalid).

But a convalidation should NOT include a bridal shower or registry. It's about the couple making their marriage in the Church, not about having a do-over wedding with all the frills.

True, but you don't generally throw a full blown wedding reception after a convalidation. It's not a wedding ceremony.

grumbledore · May 2014

ninewest86 said:

We're invited to a PPD this year complete with a Catholic ceremony and reception in a hall. The invitation came with the time of the ceremony penciled in as well as a registry card from BB&B. The next day I was also invited to the bridal shower. How can you have a bridal shower when you're not a bride? Hello, you're a wife. I'm wondering if she's going to have a bachlorette party since...um...you're not a bachlorette. Typically I'm ok with PPDs so long as it doesn't scream big fancy wedding with a gift grab. B-listed for a PPD means I would already have plans that day that can't be canceled or rescheduled.

MY FI was a GM in a PPD and the bride and groom both had bach parties. It was gross and weird.

Pipsqueak34 · May 2014

The groom went to school with my brother. My brother was the BM at the actual wedding. Our parents are friends, but I have not talked to the groom in years.

ashleyep · May 2014

grumbledore said:

ninewest86 said:

We're invited to a PPD this year complete with a Catholic ceremony and reception in a hall. The invitation came with the time of the ceremony penciled in as well as a registry card from BB&B. The next day I was also invited to the bridal shower. How can you have a bridal shower when you're not a bride? Hello, you're a wife. I'm wondering if she's going to have a bachlorette party since...um...you're not a bachlorette. Typically I'm ok with PPDs so long as it doesn't scream big fancy wedding with a gift grab. B-listed for a PPD means I would already have plans that day that can't be canceled or rescheduled.

MY FI was a GM in a PPD and the bride and groom both had bach parties. It was gross and weird.

We went to a wedding a month ago or so. The couple got married a few months ago for visa reasons I think. He had a bachelor party two nights before the wedding. Weird. But at least a bunch of the guys knixed the stripper idea. And they didn't really have a bridal party but I think that's just because it's not really a Russian thing.

monkeysip · May 2014

ashleyep said:

monkeysip said:

ninewest86 said:

We're invited to a PPD this year complete with a Catholic ceremony and reception in a hall. The invitation came with the time of the ceremony penciled in as well as a registry card from BB&B. The next day I was also invited to the bridal shower. How can you have a bridal shower when you're not a bride? Hello, you're a wife. I'm wondering if she's going to have a bachlorette party since...um...you're not a bachlorette. Typically I'm ok with PPDs so long as it doesn't scream big fancy wedding with a gift grab. B-listed for a PPD means I would already have plans that day that can't be canceled or rescheduled.

For the record, I wouldn't really consider being invited to a Catholic convalidation ceremony a PPD, since technically, in the eyes of the Church, the couple is being married for the first time (since the legal wedding would've been considered invalid).

But a convalidation should NOT include a bridal shower or registry. It's about the couple making their marriage in the Church, not about having a do-over wedding with all the frills.

True, but you don't generally throw a full blown wedding reception after a convalidation. It's not a wedding ceremony.

I mean, yes and no. Again, in the eyes of the Catholic Church it IS a wedding ceremony. The couple is not married yet. The couple becoming sacramentally married is a cause for celebration.

I agree it should be toned down a little. I wouldn't do the whole bridal party, bridal shower, etc. kind of trimmings like a normal wedding. But it doesn't mean it's not an important ceremony or that the couple can't have a big celebration of it.

ashleyep · May 2014

@monkeysip - Is it the same ceremony as a normal Catholic wedding ceremony? I thought it was different.

monkeysip · May 2014

It's actually up to the priest, diocese, and couple. I've heard it being done in different ways. The ceremony can be abbreviated for a convalidation, but it still includes scripture readings, homily, exchange of rings, and vows, so it still has the same elements of a normal Catholic wedding.

*Typically* the bride wouldn't wear a big white dress, there wouldn't be a bridal party, and they may not even do a processional at all. And the invitations should be worded in the way of informing the guests that this is a convalidation, so that guests are aware that the couple has already been *legally* married.

Convalidations are just a unique situation etiquette wise.

PrettyGirlLost · May 2014

monkeysip said:

It's actually up to the priest, diocese, and couple. I've heard it being done in different ways. The ceremony can be abbreviated for a convalidation, but it still includes scripture readings, homily, exchange of rings, and vows, so it still has the same elements of a normal Catholic wedding.

*Typically* the bride wouldn't wear a big white dress, there wouldn't be a bridal party, and they may not even do a processional at all. And the invitations should be worded in the way of informing the guests that this is a convalidation, so that guests are aware that the couple has already been *legally* married.

Convalidations are just a unique situation etiquette wise.

I went to a PPD last summer that had a full on Catholic wedding mass, the "bride" was in a big poofy gown, she had a bridal party, her husband had GM's, there was a processional, a recessional, and a receiving line.

BUT we all knew up front is was a PPD, and they hosted the shit out of us.

monkeysip · May 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

monkeysip said:

It's actually up to the priest, diocese, and couple. I've heard it being done in different ways. The ceremony can be abbreviated for a convalidation, but it still includes scripture readings, homily, exchange of rings, and vows, so it still has the same elements of a normal Catholic wedding.

*Typically* the bride wouldn't wear a big white dress, there wouldn't be a bridal party, and they may not even do a processional at all. And the invitations should be worded in the way of informing the guests that this is a convalidation, so that guests are aware that the couple has already been *legally* married.

Convalidations are just a unique situation etiquette wise.

I went to a PPD last summer that had a full on Catholic wedding mass, the "bride" was in a big poofy gown, she had a bridal party, her husband had GM's, there was a processional, a recessional, and a receiving line.

BUT we all knew up front is was a PPD, and they hosted the shit out of us.

Well, nothing wrong with it being in a mass. A lot of convalidations are within mass.

I would side eye the wedding party bit, but at least they were honest and you were well hosted!

mrs4everhart · May 2014

ninewest86 said:

We're invited to a PPD this year complete with a Catholic ceremony and reception in a hall. The invitation came with the time of the ceremony penciled in as well as a registry card from BB&B. The next day I was also invited to the bridal shower. How can you have a bridal shower when you're not a bride? Hello, you're a wife. I'm wondering if she's going to have a bachlorette party since...um...you're not a bachlorette. Typically I'm ok with PPDs so long as it doesn't scream big fancy wedding with a gift grab. B-listed for a PPD means I would already have plans that day that can't be canceled or rescheduled.

To the bold: I'm curious what the real difference between a bride/wife really is in the instance of a shower? It's a party designed to give a woman housewares to set up a household. Wouldn't the possibility of offending people be equal if the couple already had a household set up, i.e. living together, or two divorced people, people over 25, you get the gist. But those happen all the time without any real issue.

And the bachelor/bachelorette party thing too - is it reasonable to think a man or a woman would behave differently because they are not legally married yet? I think the expected behavior would be the same either way, no? I mean, I know it was with my ex when we got married - any behavior on his part that I would have been offended by a week before our wedding at his bach party would have offended me a week after our wedding, and vice versa. Gone are the days of a guy or girl acting truly "single" at their "last hurrah."

afox007 · May 2014

FI was B listed to a PPD in April. I thought that was as bad as it got until we were there and discovered we were still pretty damn important since they had a C and D list.

JCbride2015 · May 2014

STBMrsEverhart said:

ninewest86 said:

We're invited to a PPD this year complete with a Catholic ceremony and reception in a hall. The invitation came with the time of the ceremony penciled in as well as a registry card from BB&B. The next day I was also invited to the bridal shower. How can you have a bridal shower when you're not a bride? Hello, you're a wife. I'm wondering if she's going to have a bachlorette party since...um...you're not a bachlorette. Typically I'm ok with PPDs so long as it doesn't scream big fancy wedding with a gift grab. B-listed for a PPD means I would already have plans that day that can't be canceled or rescheduled.

To the bold: I'm curious what the real difference between a bride/wife really is in the instance of a shower? It's a party designed to give a woman housewares to set up a household. Wouldn't the possibility of offending people be equal if the couple already had a household set up, i.e. living together, or two divorced people, people over 25, you get the gist. But those happen all the time without any real issue.

And the bachelor/bachelorette party thing too - is it reasonable to think a man or a woman would behave differently because they are not legally married yet? I think the expected behavior would be the same either way, no? I mean, I know it was with my ex when we got married - any behavior on his part that I would have been offended by a week before our wedding at his bach party would have offended me a week after our wedding, and vice versa. Gone are the days of a guy or girl acting truly "single" at their "last hurrah."

For once I agree with you, but probably for different reasons. Showers are just sort of outdated for most couples now, as many couples live together. And it's not the parents' responsibility to send their teenage daughter out of the house with a dowry anymore. Plenty of Knotties are anti-shower for this reason.

As for the bach-- I always think it's funny when people are like, "Last night of freedom!!!" Ummmmm you're in a committed relationship. What exactly are you doing at your bach party?

JCbride2015 · May 2014

Pipsqueak34 said:

The groom went to school with my brother. My brother was the BM at the actual wedding. Our parents are friends, but I have not talked to the groom in years.

Wait, so they already had a bridal party the first time around? Now they are having.... a second one? I don't get it.

Pipsqueak34 · May 2014

jcbride2015 said:

Pipsqueak34 said:

The groom went to school with my brother. My brother was the BM at the actual wedding. Our parents are friends, but I have not talked to the groom in years.

Wait, so they already had a bridal party the first time around? Now they are having.... a second one? I don't get it.

I don't either. The first wedding was a full catholic mass, and since the groom comes from a large family, I would guess almost half of the guests at the PPD were at the wedding. When people have private weddings and then a PPD, I can at least understand the logic. In this case, I really don't know why they would even bother.

PrettyGirlLost · May 2014

jcbride2015 said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

ninewest86 said:

We're invited to a PPD this year complete with a Catholic ceremony and reception in a hall. The invitation came with the time of the ceremony penciled in as well as a registry card from BB&B. The next day I was also invited to the bridal shower. How can you have a bridal shower when you're not a bride? Hello, you're a wife. I'm wondering if she's going to have a bachlorette party since...um...you're not a bachlorette. Typically I'm ok with PPDs so long as it doesn't scream big fancy wedding with a gift grab. B-listed for a PPD means I would already have plans that day that can't be canceled or rescheduled.

To the bold: I'm curious what the real difference between a bride/wife really is in the instance of a shower? It's a party designed to give a woman housewares to set up a household. Wouldn't the possibility of offending people be equal if the couple already had a household set up, i.e. living together, or two divorced people, people over 25, you get the gist. But those happen all the time without any real issue.

And the bachelor/bachelorette party thing too - is it reasonable to think a man or a woman would behave differently because they are not legally married yet? I think the expected behavior would be the same either way, no? I mean, I know it was with my ex when we got married - any behavior on his part that I would have been offended by a week before our wedding at his bach party would have offended me a week after our wedding, and vice versa. Gone are the days of a guy or girl acting truly "single" at their "last hurrah."

For once I agree with you, but probably for different reasons. Showers are just sort of outdated for most couples now, as many couples live together. And it's not the parents' responsibility to send their teenage daughter out of the house with a dowry anymore. Plenty of Knotties are anti-shower for this reason.

As for the bach-- I always think it's funny when people are like, "Last night of freedom!!!" Ummmmm you're in a committed relationship. What exactly are you doing at your bach party?

I agree with both of you on the bach party thing- I hate the "last night of freedom" mentality. It's disrespectful and total BS, IMO.

Really?! B-listed to a PPD

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