What to do when a guest RSVPs "maybe"?

Re: What to do when a guest RSVPs "maybe"?

• HisGirlFriday13 member

  

  May 2014

  Deadlines exist for a reason. Give her until the day before you need to give the count to the venue and tell her if she can't definitively say yes, you're going to have to mark her out as a 'no.'

  

  
  

  
  

  I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'

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• RebeccaB88 member

  

  May 2014

  You let her know the absolute latest date she needs to get back to you by, and if that you don't hear by then, you'll unfortunately have to mark her as not attending.
  
  However, you're way too early on this. Most people won't know a month out if they can attend or not. Hold off on bugging people for at least another week, if not two. You should only need a couple days before your headcount is due to get hold of people. And your headcount shouldn't be due until maybe a week out at most.
  

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• ashleyep member

  

  May 2014

  When is your wedding? Your RSVP date should only be about a week at most before your venue needs a headcount.

  
  

  It sounds like you have time to let her figure this out. Right before you need to give your head count, follow up with her and ask where she stands.

  

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• afaber24 member

  

  May 2014

  Your RSVP deadline is very early, so its no surprise that people don't know if they'll be available or not in a month.

  I would just politely say "Thanks for getting back to me. I'll go ahead and mark you down as a decline, but if anything changes just let me know". Then don't worry about it unless she contacts you.

  She might just feel bad that she's missing you day and doesn't want to say no. If you give her an out it might be a little easier.

  Good luck!

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• Jen4948 member

  

  May 2014

  Give her the latest date your headcount is due as a fixed deadline, and let her know that she needs to give you a definite answer of "yes" or "no" by that date.  

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• phira member

  

  May 2014

  I know that some venues/caterers ask for final headcounts early, but it's not clear from the information given whether or not the RSVP date is early because of the caterer/venue or because of the couple getting married.

  
  

  Either way, like PPs said: give her the deadline for a yes or no. "Thanks for letting me know! We need to have our RSVPs in by [date] for our caterer. Can you give me a definite yes or no by then?"

  
  

  If she doesn't let you know by then, then she's a no. If she calls you up on the deadline and says, "I'm still not sure!" then say, "Okay, well, let's put you down as a no, and after the wedding, we'll schedule dinner together so I can still see you and spend time with you!"

  

  now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
  
  

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• photokitty mod

  

  May 2014

  Perhaps she only plans to come to the ceremony?

  Call her and ask her about she special meal requirements, then you can get a feel for what's going on.

  I agree with PPs, a month out is a long way out to require an rsvp and is probably why you received the maybe response.

  
  

  You say summer, but your rsvp was due Friday (May 2) and you suggest that is under one month to the wedding from the rsvp deadline. So you are getting married in the spring, at the end of May or you actually requested rsvp way in advance and that's why guests are unsure of their plans.

  ~xoxo~

  
  

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• kitty8403 member

  

  May 2014

  It is a faux pas, but it's also one to let go. This person is your guest, who has second thoughts about accepting an invitation to your event. This is not the same as a workplace situation with colleagues and a majorly blown deadline.
  
  Just be firm about when you need to know, and be clear that if she cannot give an affirmative response at that time, you will unfortunately have to mark her as a decline.

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• QueerFemme member

  

  May 2014

  phopher said:

  My RSVP deadline was last Friday, so now I'm following up with people who haven't RSVPed yet.  (Luckily I planned ahead and gave myself an extra two weeks until I need to give the venue a guaranteed guest count.)  For reference, the wedding date is just under one month away.
  
  I just emailed a friend to follow up and ask if she will be able to make it.  This is someone I know from high school whom I've kept in touch with periodically over the past eight years.  She wrote back that she doesn't know where she will be this summer (she is doing an academic program right now, so I think maybe she is waiting to hear back from summer programs/jobs) or if she will have the resources to make it.  She said not to count on her for my guaranteed guest count, but that she will try to make it if she can.  She also said that she has a special food plan, so she wouldn't need us to feed her.  She ended by saying "Love you and I will try to figure something out."
  
  I'm extremely torn about how to respond!
  
  On the one hand, I would like my friend to be at my wedding, and hypothetically it wouldn't be that much trouble to add her at the last minute-- I would just have to let the venue know that we'll need an extra chair at the ceremony and at one of the tables for the reception.
  
  On the other hand, with everything else on my mind right now, I don't want to have to worry about this.  I don't want to have to be responsible for making sure there is a chair for her or figuring out which table we can put her at.  I also don't want to be responsible for following up to make sure she she keeps me updated.  I mean, in my mind this is a big faux pas-- if you can't commit to a wedding by the RSVP deadline, you should decline with regret-- so I'm worried that she might tell me very last-minute if she can come.
  
  The other part of it is that I just literally don't know what to say.  I don't want to be a jerk to my friend, but I don't know what the right words would be to tell her that if she can't commit, then she has to decline.  Maybe the best thing would be to give her a deadline closer to when I have to give the venue my guest count?
  

  
  When is your wedding? Your RSVP deadline should only bee 2 to 4 weeks before your wedding date. She isn't sure where she will be "this summer"? That makes it sound like your Invites and RSVP date is way too early.
  
  

  

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  http://www.dapperq.com/2013/11/a-very-dapper-wedding/
  

  http://www.onabicyclebuiltfortwo.com/2013/10/wedding-christina-g.html
  

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• 500days member

  

  May 2014

  In my contract it states that I have to give the final count 14 days before, so I will probably have a similar timeline to OP's. If I were in your shoes I would let her know that you need either a "yes" or "no". Also let your friend know that you totally understand if she is unable to attend. That's what it sounds like from the OP anyways.

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• APDSS22 member

  

  May 2014

  
  

  500days said:

  In my contract it states that I have to give the final count 14 days before, so I will probably have a similar timeline to OP's. If I were in your shoes I would let her know that you need either a "yes" or "no". Also let your friend know that you totally understand if she is unable to attend. That's what it sounds like from the OP anyways.

  If you have a timeline like the OP's you'll probably also have the problem she's having with people not knowing their schedules that far out.  All you can do at that point is tell them you have to have a definite "yes" or "no" by X date (just before your caterer deadline) or you will have to mark them as a no and you'll miss them.
  

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• ashleyep member

  

  May 2014

  500days said:

  In my contract it states that I have to give the final count 14 days before, so I will probably have a similar timeline to OP's. If I were in your shoes I would let her know that you need either a "yes" or "no". Also let your friend know that you totally understand if she is unable to attend. That's what it sounds like from the OP anyways.

  If you have to give your count 14 days before, you still should only have an RSVP of about 3 weeks before. 

  

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