Battle of the Bridesmaids

mbcscrat04 · May 2014

I need some advice. My best friend of 15 years (S) is my MOH and my other closest friend (L) is a BM in my September 2014 wedding. They are very different people with 2 very different personalities, which is I adore them the way that I do. However, they have been battling since day 1. When we went to look at a wedding gown, there was eye rolling and snarky comments being made between the two of them the ENTIRE time I was in the dressing room and I was not made aware of it until well after the fact. Then, when I did a get together so all of my local girls could meet each other, my BM "L" left after only being there 30 min and not speaking to "S" at all, even after "S" made several attempts to talk. A few weeks later, we went out to look at BM dresses, and apparently there was more of the snarky comments and eye rolling and judgmental comments being made while I was helping another BM with her dress. Tonight, I got a phone call from "S" saying that she had been talking to my mom and "L" regarding my bridal shower and mentioned that I wanted to pick the date (to ensure that I wasn't double booked with a work thing or another wedding vendor) and, I'm not sure what all was said, but "L" made some comment to the effect of "not that you asked me" when the idea of a location or party ideas came up. I talked to my mom about it and she said that I need to tell them that I don't want to hear about any of the negativity and to just tell them that they need to find a way to get along until after the wedding. I feel like I need to confront them about this. They are my 2 closest friends and I love them dearly, but it's really bumming me out that they're acting like such children and making their issues/problems, MY problem. Any advice or insight? I'm on the verge of tears and I don't know what to say to them without crying or totally losing my cool and turning into the dreaded bridezilla.

JCbride2015 · May 2014

mbcscrat04 said:

I need some advice. My best friend of 15 years (S) is my MOH and my other closest friend (L) is a BM in my September 2014 wedding. They are very different people with 2 very different personalities, which is I adore them the way that I do. However, they have been battling since day 1. When we went to look at a wedding gown, there was eye rolling and snarky comments being made between the two of them the ENTIRE time I was in the dressing room and I was not made aware of it until well after the fact. Then, when I did a get together so all of my local girls could meet each other, my BM "L" left after only being there 30 min and not speaking to "S" at all, even after "S" made several attempts to talk. A few weeks later, we went out to look at BM dresses, and apparently there was more of the snarky comments and eye rolling and judgmental comments being made while I was helping another BM with her dress. Tonight, I got a phone call from "S" saying that she had been talking to my mom and "L" regarding my bridal shower and mentioned that I wanted to pick the date (to ensure that I wasn't double booked with a work thing or another wedding vendor) and, I'm not sure what all was said, but "L" made some comment to the effect of "not that you asked me" when the idea of a location or party ideas came up. I talked to my mom about it and she said that I need to tell them that I don't want to hear about any of the negativity and to just tell them that they need to find a way to get along until after the wedding. I feel like I need to confront them about this. They are my 2 closest friends and I love them dearly, but it's really bumming me out that they're acting like such children and making their issues/problems, MY problem. Any advice or insight? I'm on the verge of tears and I don't know what to say to them without crying or totally losing my cool and turning into the dreaded bridezilla.

I'm sorry this is stressing you out. Honestly, you can't do much to change them and it's just not worth getting upset over. Let yourself feel your feels, cry it out if you need to, and just accept that these two women don't like each other. That's okay. Just be friends with each of them independently.

It sounds like a lot of gossip is flying around. Next time either one of them makes a snarky comment about the other, just say, "I don't want to hear anything like that. Please don't gossip about her." Same response if someone else brings up the comments. Just make it clear you don't want to hear about the drama.

Lastly, there shouldn't really be a lot of BM activities besides showing up to the wedding. If they want to host a shower or whatever, that's on them, and they should leave you out of their drama. As for this get-together so the BMs can get to know each other-- I know it's already done, but it really wasn't necessary. All your BMs don't have to be friends. Most of my BMs don't even know each other, are spread across three different countries, and probably won't meet each other until the week of the wedding. That's fine.

You guys don't all have to be BFFs together. Just try to enjoy your friendship with each of them individually and stop stressing about whether they like each other or not.

beethery · May 2014

Ohhhhh boy. Everybody isn't going to be besties, but this is the kind of thing you hope wouldn't happen D8

First off, are you going to have any more events besides the shower, RD, and your wedding/ceremony that they will have to be in the same location at one time?

Second, it might be a good idea to speak to them individually. Explain that you understand that they don't get along, but after this is all said and done, it's unlikely that they will need to see each other or share space ever again. At which time, maybe they might want to hire a personal performance by a gospel choir or mariachi band to celebrate. Right now, they should keep this behavior low-key and leave you out of it.

Battle of the Bridesmaids

Re: Battle of the Bridesmaids

Choose Another Board

Search Boards