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Luxury Weddings

XP - High Expectations

tammym1001tammym1001 Akron, Ohio member
500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
edited March 2014 in Luxury Weddings
So FI and I are having a small wedding (35 people), but we like nice things so it's going to be pretty fancy even though it's small. With the wedding so close I'm stressing about all kinds of stupid things, but other people are making me stress out so much more. I want my wedding to be perfect, but I know that's not realistic. People keep saying things to me like "we can't wait to come to your wedding and see how beautiful everything will be" and "this is going to be the nicest wedding I've gone too". One of my friends even called it "the wedding of the decade". They're putting a lot of stress on me to make sure that everything is super awesome. Are any of you guys getting this kind of pressure from people to have the perfect wedding?
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Re: XP - High Expectations

  • I can relate.  We are having a smallish wedding (85 guests) but trying to have every element be high end.  A lot of family is disappointed we're not having a big ballroom wedding and I feel the need for everything to be perfect to show them how nice a smaller wedding can be.  I was talking to a friend about being concerned about people's expectations, and she perfectly summed it up:

    "People's expectations can suck it."  :)

    But really, even if you had a million dollar wedding people would find something to complain about ("you wasted too much money"), so you just have to ignore other people's projections on to your wedding and know that what you put together will be great for you and your FI because it's what you want.
    KrisLSmileyjules3964
  • tammym1001tammym1001 Akron, Ohio member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    Yeah I'm definitely trying to ignore it. I know our wedding will be nice and I'm stressing over nothing. I think it's just because it's all becoming so real now and I'm freaking out about everything. I don't need other people adding to that! LOL
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  • Oh my gosh, I can so relate to the pressure. My fiancé is in the hospitality industry. He does a lot of consulting work for restaurants and hotels. And he's in the process of opening his own place. Most of our guest list are people he works for/with and he already told me that the wedding is somewhat a show of what he 's capable of. It's the ultimate "hey look at what kind of event I can manage"

    It's been good because he's super involved but I also am finding myself second guessing a lot of really small details because I know our guests will scrutinize a little bit more than some people.  
  • You really just have to ignore it. Anything you plan should be for you and your FI, not for other people.

    Good luck!
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    tammym1001
  • I have to disagree with that. Our ceremony is for my FI and I. But our reception is for our guests and has been planned accordingly.
    JoanE2012offthemarket915
  • I have 35 people too. I'm constantly managing my own expectations - I don't share the details with anyone. I've always worked in creative fields (advertising and photography) so people are expecting the wow factor, for sure.

    I was feeling exactly the same way - totally overwhelmed - until I wrangled my stylist and coordinator. And it wasn't until I hung my moodboards from the stylist up on the wall that the approach sort of "clicked" for me. I instantly knew which type of dress would work best for the day and a lot of the other elements seemed to fall into place. 

    I find that I have to really work on maintaining perspective. My favourite subconscious workaround is approaching the organising as though it's "just a party" which alleviates a lot of the nerves and stress attached to a wedding.
  • I have 35 people too. I'm constantly managing my own expectations - I don't share the details with anyone. I've always worked in creative fields (advertising and photography) so people are expecting the wow factor, for sure.

    I was feeling exactly the same way - totally overwhelmed - until I wrangled my stylist and coordinator. And it wasn't until I hung my moodboards from the stylist up on the wall that the approach sort of "clicked" for me. I instantly knew which type of dress would work best for the day and a lot of the other elements seemed to fall into place. 

    I find that I have to really work on maintaining perspective. My favourite subconscious workaround is approaching the organising as though it's "just a party" which alleviates a lot of the nerves and stress attached to a wedding.

    This is a big digression, but I love what you said here. 

    Total rant alert!!! -There's so much talk on the other boards about "themes" and how horrible they are and how everyone hates them.  "A theme is for a children's birthday party".  I'm sure the look and feel of a wedding can be done very badly, but to me when someone (or at least ME!) is talking about a theme, I'm really just talking about what you are describing with your mood board.. a cohesive image for the overall event so that you have some guidance when you pick all your details and everything's not all over the place!

    Our "theme" is 20s/30s, that doesn't mean we're having Great Gatsby themed paper plates and flapper costumes, it does mean I'm using that to help figure out what colors will work, my dress style, invitation fonts, etc.  It's definitely evolved over the past few months.  A mood board serves the same purpose (and I love that idea)- I have no idea how anyone would not be totally overwhelmed by the decision making process without that guidance.  I guess maybe those are the people who hate themes but have "colors"- "our colors are navy and pink and whenever I have to make a decision I choose everything that is navy and pink!"  Yuck no thanks.

     

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    tammym1001CrazyCatLady3japrincess24
  • I spend a lot of time agonizing over details that nobody else is even going to notice,  I have a sickness like that.  I'm going to spend probably months in total working on invitation suites that I am well aware are in 99% of cases going to go in the trash.  (At least that one's really for my own enjoyment).  So I guess to the OP, I am getting a lot of pressure from myself to have the perfect wedding!!

     

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    tammym1001
  • tammym1001tammym1001 Akron, Ohio member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    @carliealissa - yeah definitely a lot of pressure is coming from me too. :) I want everything to be perfect, but I know everyone expects that too. As the wedding is getting closer now I'm just freaking myself out about little stuff and worrying that I'm forgetting something major. LOL No amount of spreadsheets, diagrams, or lists is helping me at this point.
    image
  • Anyone you can ask for input, FI, MOH?  I know that when I am too close to a project I kind of just end up thinking it's awful, even when everyone else thinks it's amazing.. just because it's not exactly what I was envisioning in my head.  I'm betting you've got it together more than it feels like to you :)  Anything that's particularly bothering you, or are you just stressing out that you must be forgetting something?

     

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  • tammym1001tammym1001 Akron, Ohio member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    I just think I'm forgetting something, but I have no idea what. I wish I could ask people, but everyone just tells me everything is awesome and everything will be fine. I know they're trying to be supportive, but I need some real help! LOL

    It will all work out fine and I'm sure if I don't even know what I'm forgetting then it must not be important so I don't know why I'm worried. Just pre-wedding stress I guess.
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  • I'm sure you have it together, but I completely understand.  I kind of feel that way now, and I'm 8 months out lol.  I'm probably going to be a wreck when I'm in your shoes.  Maybe browse some wedding checklists online just for peace of mind that you aren't completely missing something?

     

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  • sydneyvioletsydneyviolet member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    edited April 2014
    carliealissa Thanks so much! 20s 30s would make for a stunning moodboard. Best of luck with it. I totally get what you were talking about with end of project timeline disappointment, because it's not what you originally set out for. So strange!

    A theme, kind of, is for a children's birthday party, I feel like people who talk about themes or colors don't really know how to work with aesthetics... it's a very literal approach.

    For everything that we shoot in photography – be it fashion or advertising – we moodboard it down to the last detail. I used to do the same when I worked as a directors assistant too. That's why it's so hard for me, when I spend a lot of time (eg) getting the invites right and FH tells me that the details aren't important and that no one will notice, it's very disappointing. But I also understand, he is an economist and all of his friends are business people where as all of mine and architects, photographers or in creative fields like adverting, so they absolutely will notice and appreciate the details. 

    Mostly, I do this because the details are important to me. I do find myself having to find a balance somewhere inbetween the amount of effort in detail that I would do for work and what my FH thinks is reasonable, so I don't come off as a crazy.
    carliealissa
  • I always notice everyone's details (or lack thereof).  And I want to see pictures of your weddings!!!

     

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    sydneyviolet
  • I had this feeling too, and it definitely participated in making the process stressful. 

    My best advice is to keep doin' what you're doin'. 
    You hear it ALL THE TIME, but as long as your guests are taken care of, everything else is just icing on the cake. You're probably not going to be able to have every single little detail you want, but I'm sure your guests will still be impressed with you attention to detail and fine taste. Maybe everything won't be perfect, but most guests probably won't even notice. 

    Keep calm! You're almost there! 
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    tammym1001carliealissa
  • tammym1001tammym1001 Akron, Ohio member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    @AmJam04- thanks! I think I've let go a little bit now that the wedding is so close. Basically what's done now is what's getting done. I don't have time for anything else so it will have to be enough :)

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  • OK so one of my best friends went through this. She was working at Martha Stewart as a designer at the time and had lots of people in the design field coming... Along with all the MS expectations. She fretted about EVERYTHING - I mean EVERYTHING and in the end no noticed those details on the day. She could have enjoyed the process so much more if she had just chosen a few things to worry about. 
    So- worry about a few things people will notice (ie no one notices the cuts of the escort cards) and enjoy your last week 
    tammym1001
  • tammym1001tammym1001 Akron, Ohio member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    OK so one of my best friends went through this. She was working at Martha Stewart as a designer at the time and had lots of people in the design field coming... Along with all the MS expectations. She fretted about EVERYTHING - I mean EVERYTHING and in the end no noticed those details on the day. She could have enjoyed the process so much more if she had just chosen a few things to worry about. 
    So- worry about a few things people will notice (ie no one notices the cuts of the escort cards) and enjoy your last week 
    They better notice the escort cards because they will be filled with hand dipped chocolates from the best candy maker in our area. LOL
    image
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