+1 +SO?

catlady14 · May 2014

My two siblings will be in my wedding party and are truly single at the moment. I would love to give them +1s so that they can enjoy their time at the wedding with their friends and not be stuck with family or my friends.

I was talking to them this week and it came up that both of the people each sibling chose have SOs. I feel that if I invite their friends I have to invite their SOs but at that point it would be inviting these couples as a unit and they would not really be my siblings' +1, hence defeating the purpose of the invite. Any suggestions with this situation?

Sugargirl1019 · May 2014

I guess ask. Would you like SO to come to the wedding with you? If they say no, then try the friend. But only give them their SO if they want them to be there with them. They don't need a SO AND a friend.

Maggie0829 · May 2014

catlady14 said:

My two siblings will be in my wedding party and are truly single at the moment. I would love to give them +1s so that they can enjoy their time at the wedding with their friends and not be stuck with family or my friends.

I was talking to them this week and it came up that both of the people each sibling chose have SOs. I feel that if I invite their friends I have to invite their SOs but at that point it would be inviting these couples as a unit and they would not really be my siblings' +1, hence defeating the purpose of the invite. Any suggestions with this situation?

So the people that your siblings picked to bring as their +1 have SOs? Am I reading that right? If so, then no, you do not have to invite their SOs. Just because your siblings decided to bring a certain people as their guest does not mean that you have to accommodate the SOs of those people.

catlady14 · May 2014

Yes, both my brother and sister's BFFs are in long term relationships so I was wondering if their choices of +1 would mean I would have to make room for their SOs.

Maggie0829 · May 2014

catlady14 said:

Yes, both my brother and sister's BFFs are in long term relationships so I was wondering if their choices of +1 would mean I would have to make room for their SOs.

Ok, yeah you don't need to include the SO. You gave your siblings a plus one and it is up to them to choose whoever they want. Just because they chose their BFFs who happen to be in long term relationships does not mean that you must now include the SOs.

Jen4948 · May 2014

I think that if someone in a couple is attending a wedding as someone else's +1, they do not get the automatic right to bring their own SO along.

Sugargirl1019 · May 2014

Oh! Yea, the +1 friend does not need to bring their SO.

manateehugger · May 2014

Nope, not at all. FI and I were long distance for a while, and I ended up being someone's date to a few weddings. I would never have expected the couple to invite my FI.

smalfrie19 · May 2014

yeeaahhhh...no...If someone chooses to bring a guest that has an so...that does not automatically make them get two guests....+1 = 1 body...

catlady14 · May 2014

I have been trying to make sure everyone who has an SO is invited (by name) to the wedding, but this really tripped me up. I am glad to see it is not a requirement.

phira · May 2014

So let me clarify the situation--

Jane is single. Jane is allowed to bring a guest with her to the wedding. Jane decides to bring her friend Amy. Amy is in a relationship with Sue.

I've actually done this (went to my brother's wedding with a friend of mine who was in a relationship with someone else). The only tricky thing is honestly none of your business, which is that your siblings need to make sure that their dates' SOs are okay with the situation.

But yeah, in this situation, you invite Jane and Guest, and Jane brings Amy. Sue doesn't come.

MandyLand29 · May 2014

catlady14 said:

I have been trying to make sure everyone who has an SO is invited (by name) to the wedding, but this really tripped me up. I am glad to see it is not a requirement.

I'm not sure but this sounds like you're planning to send these +1s their own invitations? Is that true? As a +1 they don't need their own invitation. You just send the invite to your siblings with a +1, they ask someone and let you know who will be coming with them. I wouldn't send these people their own invitation because then they might not realize they are invited only as a +1 and think you invited them and didn't include their SO.

catlady14 · May 2014

MandyLand29 said:

catlady14 said:

I have been trying to make sure everyone who has an SO is invited (by name) to the wedding, but this really tripped me up. I am glad to see it is not a requirement.

I'm not sure but this sounds like you're planning to send these +1s their own invitations? Is that true? As a +1 they don't need their own invitation. You just send the invite to your siblings with a +1, they ask someone and let you know who will be coming with them. I wouldn't send these people their own invitation because then they might not realize they are invited only as a +1 and think you invited them and didn't include their SO.

We were in the process of addressing our invites when the subject came up. If we had to include their SOs I would send them a separate invitation for both of them, but as they are going to be +1s for my siblings I do not have to worry about that.

Inkdancer · May 2014

Cousin is your guest. Cousin gets a +1. Cousin chooses to bring Jerry. Jerry is Cousin's guest, not yours. Therefore, you do not have to invite Jerry's boyfriend.

Fairyjen1 · May 2014

I went to a wedding at a time I was single. I was given a plus one so I asked my mom as this was a girl I had danced with and she knew a lot of the people there.

At no time did I think My dad should also be invited since he's married to my mom, who was my plus one.

singinchick13 · May 2014

Just to let you know, you are not inviting the plus-one by name....or at least you shouldn't be. You are inviting your "Sister and Guest", meaning the "Guest" is to be determined. Just because she already knows who she wants to bring does not mean you should invite that person by name. Because that person is not technically invited themself, then they are not entitled to have their SO be invited either. It would be a whole other story if you were planning to invite sis's bff as a guest already.

kitty8403 · May 2014

If I'm bringing a gal pal along to keep me company on a trip, no, you wouldn't have to invite her boyfriend, too. It's not like a dating situation, she's just there to hang with me.

hyechica81 · May 2014

i have a similar situation i ask fi with his list of friends and co workers who had so he said he was not sure on some of them. so we just send the invites to them, then a few days ago i just found out two of them co workers have so but i didn't know and neither did fiance

at this point the invites went out to them before we even knew about the so

we have sent out 158 invites our min is 100 but our venue holds 200, we already had 8 people call us a head of time before we sent out invites to let us know they could not come and to save a stamp and not send one out of the 158 we sent out we already know at least another 15-20 people will decline. ( live all over the usa, some are elderly in poor health, some are family with young children and its to expensive to much, and some who just never go anyplace except to local stores and places but they are family so we sent them anyways)

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2014

I have been a friend's plus-one to weddings where I was in a relationship. I didn't think my SO should be invited, because *I* wasn't invited -- I was a friend's plus-one.

catlady14 · May 2014

Thank you for clearing this up for me. When I mentioned to my mother who my siblings wanted to bring along she was very adamant that they be invited with their own SOs and made me doubt what was appropriate etiquette wise. Now I can tell them to bring whomever they like without the worry of having to add more people to my list.

ETA: Can't spell on early Fridays

short+sassy · May 2014

A little off the main topic, but is it okay to have "& Guest" on someone's invitation even if they have an SO...WHEN they have told you ahead of time that they will be coming, but are not sure if their SO will be able to make it?

Just curious because it happened to me. Invitations had not gone out yet, but I had already told my single friend verbally she could bring a good friend of hers so she would have company. Then, shortly before invites went out, she got into a relationship and said she might bring him instead. I told her she was welcome to bring whoever she wanted, especially since I knew it was a bit of a drive for her and she wouldn't know any of the other guests. I asked her if she just wanted my mom to put "& Guest" on her invite so she had the option to bring either one of them. She said that was fine. I do want to emphasize that she was the one who said "might" and joked that the relationship was pretty new.

Come to think of it, I guess to a large extent I answered my own question. I don't have any qualms about what I personally did, since I asked how she wanted the invite addressed. But if a bride can reasonably expect that a guest's SO will not be able to come but would like to give an option for them to bring someone else, should she call ahead and perhaps have a convo like that? I could especially see this being the case for a DW.

Maggie0829 · May 2014

short+sassy said:

A little off the main topic, but is it okay to have "& Guest" on someone's invitation even if they have an SO...WHEN they have told you ahead of time that they will be coming, but are not sure if their SO will be able to make it?

Just curious because it happened to me. Invitations had not gone out yet, but I had already told my single friend verbally she could bring a good friend of hers so she would have company. Then, shortly before invites went out, she got into a relationship and said she might bring him instead. I told her she was welcome to bring whoever she wanted, especially since I knew it was a bit of a drive for her and she wouldn't know any of the other guests. I asked her if she just wanted my mom to put "& Guest" on her invite so she had the option to bring either one of them. She said that was fine. I do want to emphasize that she was the one who said "might" and joked that the relationship was pretty new.

Come to think of it, I guess to a large extent I answered my own question. I don't have any qualms about what I personally did, since I asked how she wanted the invite addressed. But if a bride can reasonably expect that a guest's SO will not be able to come but would like to give an option for them to bring someone else, should she call ahead and perhaps have a convo like that? I could especially see this being the case for a DW.

If the person has a SO that SOs name should be written on the invite. If your friend then tells you that their SO won't be able to make it, it is then up to you to decide to allow them to bring someone else instead.

I don't think a conversation is needed a head of time. I will say that when you get RSVPs in and you see that Sarah is coming solo even though she is married to Jimmy, I don't see a problem calling her up and saying that she is welcome to bring a guest since Jimmy can unfortunately not make it. But in my opinion, if you do that for one person then you should do it for all to only be fair. Not sure how others would feel about this, but if they were my guests I would rather then be comfortable by knowing that they can bring someone else since their SO can't make it, or if they have just broken up or separated from their SO.

+1 +SO?

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