ohh FI

hanjoy · May 2014

FI and I got a letter today his cousin's graduation announcement. We got two in the envelope one more casual senior picture collage and the other the fancy announcements you can buy from the school. FI just looked and made a funny face and said

"Why did we need all these envelopes and paper? I get it he graduated."

Me "babe, they want a check..."

Him "Oohhhh, I'm glad I have you I just never know what the proper thing to do is... A few years ago I just didn't send an RSVP back to a wedding because I figured they knew I couldn't make it"

I'm so glad he found me..

Do you have any funny stories about the cluelessness of your other half?

Simply Fated · May 2014

Wait, they sent you an envelope so you can mail them a check? Or do you mean the pictures came in an envelope?

Simply Fated · May 2014

flantastic said:
I think OP means the reason they went to all the trouble of sending fancy announcement(s) with inner envelopes is because it's a clue that one "should" respond with a congratulatory gift... much like a wedding, where your invitation is your clue.

So they did send out envelopes for people to send checks back with?
It just seems so gift grabby. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for grad gifts, I recieved one from my parents, but sending out announcements in hopes of scoring cash seems so... wrong.

hanjoy · May 2014

No envelope for money but they sent both the formal and informal announcement and live on the other side of the country so it's not like we could attend the graduation. FIs family also makes it clear they think he makes the most money out of all his cousins/siblings. I'm totally fine with sending money it was just funny he had no idea you give gifts at graduations.

Simply Fated · May 2014

hanjoy said:
No envelope for money but they sent both the formal and informal announcement and live on the other side of the country so it's not like we could attend the graduation. FIs family also makes it clear they think he makes the most money out of all his cousins/siblings. I'm totally fine with sending money it was just funny he had no idea you give gifts at graduations.

Dd he not recieve any? Maybe that's why. Besides my parents when I graduated college, no one gave me a gift and I didn't expect one from any of them, even my parents.
I see it like Engagement parties in that it varies by families/area/circles.

Sorry if I went off topic, btw. Back we go... my other half never bothered to RSVP anywhere. He just let his mom do it for him. I put an end to that one.

Moiramab · May 2014

Re: invitation = gift, I'm not 100% on board with that. It's nice yeah, but when I sent out my grad announcements to extended family - both high school and college - I truly meant it as an announcement. I was the first to graduate in my generation and one of very very few in the family at large to have a college degree.

I know my parents had me send cards to certain family members because "It's what you do" but for me I was proud of myself and excited, and eager to share the news.

Maybe I'm being naive?

Andplusalso, as far as OP, formal and casual invite was way overboard. Ack.

hanjoy · May 2014

I definitely could have been mistaken! If it had been one announcement or the other I wouldn't have assumed but since it was both I just assumed.

adverb1129 · May 2014

On the subject of clueless SOs- my husband was in a wedding as the Best Man when he was 22 years old. At the reception he got pretty drunk and then a friend asked, "When are you doing your speech?" Somehow, he never knew that Best Men are expected to give a toast!

Lucky for him a close friend of his quickly scribbled down a perfunctory speech on a cocktail napkin which he was able to deliver. I understand that it was pretty unintelligible but it occurred late enough in the evening that the crowd was drunk too.

I didn't know him at the time so I couldn't have saved him. The couple that got married that day teased him about it at our wedding, it was pretty funny.

tortoisebride · May 2014

Apparently, until he was ring shopping, my FI didn't realize there was even a difference between the engagement and wedding rings. He assumed you just used the engagement one. I mean, you can, but dude where have you been?

grumbledore · May 2014

Simply Fated said:

I think OP means the reason they went to all the trouble of sending fancy announcement(s) with inner envelopes is because it's a clue that one "should" respond with a congratulatory gift... much like a wedding, where your invitation is your clue.
So they did send out envelopes for people to send checks back with? It just seems so gift grabby. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for grad gifts, I recieved one from my parents, but sending out announcements in hopes of scoring cash seems so... wrong.

No, I don't think they put a return envelope in there. I think they just sent a very formally designed announcement, as a sort of hint, hint.

huskypuppy14 · May 2014

tortoisebride said:

Apparently, until he was ring shopping, my FI didn't realize there was even a difference between the engagement and wedding rings. He assumed you just used the engagement one. I mean, you can, but dude where have you been?

My FI didn't know the woman had a separate wedding ring until after we were engaged. We talked about going ring shopping, and he said that I already had my ring. No I need to pick out my wedding ring. He said 'but I thought the e ring was your wedding ring'. 'No women usually have 2'. Oh.

I think he didn't know, because his mother only has 1 ring, her engagement ring. And she doesn't wear it all the time.

JellyBean52513 · May 2014

I posted a whole thread about how my SO didn't understand why the bride and groom pay for all of their guests; his "logic" was that the guests should be supporting the bride and groom. I came here, got great advice, and put an end to that quickly lol

KGold80 · May 2014

My FI said I shouldn't worry about things like making sure guests' meal preferences are clearly indicated for the servers at the wedding, table numbers, etc. because "It's OUR day and we shouldn't have to worry about stuff like that at our wedding." My response? "Exactly...that's why I'm worrying about that stuff now."

Moiramab · May 2014

huskypuppy14 said:

tortoisebride said:

Apparently, until he was ring shopping, my FI didn't realize there was even a difference between the engagement and wedding rings. He assumed you just used the engagement one. I mean, you can, but dude where have you been?
My FI didn't know the woman had a separate wedding ring until after we were engaged. We talked about going ring shopping, and he said that I already had my ring. No I need to pick out my wedding ring. He said 'but I thought the e ring was your wedding ring'. 'No women usually have 2'. Oh.

I think he didn't know, because his mother only has 1 ring, her engagement ring. And she doesn't wear it all the time.

My SO thought wedding rings were significantly more expensive than the engagement ring because after the wedding you'll never wear the engagement ring again. It's certainly possible, there's a couple ladies on here moving it to their right hand. But at first it was like "oh hunny no"
Eta: sorry for the super thread jack!

LDay2014 · May 2014

FI once (while standing in the bathroom half asleep) asked me if I'd ever tried to pee with a penis...

um, no dear...I didn't come equipped with that option.

clueclaw.defunct635777689035314155 · May 2014

I thought it was amusing that mine didn't realize how expensive wedding dresses can be. I guess its not a common thing for men to know, but it was funny when he found out.

ElcaB · May 2014

I am also not on board with invitation = gift. We know my friend serving in the Peace Corps halfway around the world is not going to make it to our wedding, but we are still sending her an invite because I want her to know we want her to be part of our celebration. There are zero expectations for a gift.

wrigleyville · May 2014

To me, graduation announcements are just that... announcements. They're like a wedding announcement in that regard. Plus, I love getting the picture collages that sometimes accompany them. I keep them in my family album(s).

If it's a relative I'm close to and I'm not attending their Open House, for whatever reason (not invited, can't make it), I'll send them a card with cash.

kitty8403 · May 2014

Mine was shocked when I gave him a ballpark on flowers from one vendor--and it was just a few hundred bucks.

ladyamanuet · May 2014

tortoisebride said:

Apparently, until he was ring shopping, my FI didn't realize there was even a difference between the engagement and wedding rings. He assumed you just used the engagement one. I mean, you can, but dude where have you been?

My FH is the same. We were looking at rings, and I saw a set I liked, and he asked "why are there two?" I said "one is the engagement, one is the wedding" -He was so confused. Thought I'd stop wearing my engagement ring after we got married. Didn't understand that I'd be wearing both.

Also doesn't understand the why I think it would be rude if one of us got an invitation to the wedding but the other wasn't invited (we have been together 5 years, lived together for basically 4.5)

gg&ld14 · May 2014

FI: "can't we just post something on FB about the wedding and skip the invites? Be green, save the planet (and money) and all that?"

gtgm: "(sigh) no honey, we can't"

alpacalunch · May 2014

tortoisebride said:

Apparently, until he was ring shopping, my FI didn't realize there was even a difference between the engagement and wedding rings. He assumed you just used the engagement one. I mean, you can, but dude where have you been?

My father has been using that line for nearly 40 yrs with my mom. So she still wants an e-ring. She loves her wedding band, but 'something with a rock would be nice'

I see a correlation b/w invites and gifts, but I'm not sure it's something always intended that way. I plan on inviting many friends who I know are likely not going to make it (different province or country) but I would love it if they could be. I'd like them to be aware of that, and will be sending invites their way.

(Yes, I will be prepared to properly host them should they be able to attend)

fleur1870 · May 2014

clueclaw said:

I thought it was amusing that mine didn't realize how expensive wedding dresses can be. I guess its not a common thing for men to know, but it was funny when he found out.

Mine was actually the other way around! He assumed a wedding dress (for the kind of wedding we're planning - laid back, garden setting) would be around $5,000. Even before I started figuring out discounted options, I knew I was only planning to spend a fraction of that!

ohh FI

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