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Seriously? (Rant)

FoxandBunnyFoxandBunny member
100 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
in Not Engaged Yet
I missed OLW yesterday and this will be a little bit of a rant, so I figured I would just make it a topic of it's own.

BF recently started working at an outdoor retail store. He's really enjoying it and loves working there. Last night, I found out that his mother (he still lives with his parents due to finances) asked him if there were any "cute girls" at his new job that he wanted to ask out and date instead of me. And was then surprised when BF went off on her and said, "Oh, I guess y'all are pretty serious then." Really? Seriously? We've just been dating for four years, you know. No shit we're serious! 

She has been doing this since we started dating. She did this constantly during our first two years of dating and then stopped for a while, but has apparently decided to pick it up again. BF has always either brushed her off (telling his single brother to have fun on the date she had set up for BF a year after we had started dating) or gotten mad at her, telling her he was incredibly happy dating me and she needed to stop. She always complains about how he needs to "expand his horizons" and date other people because there is no way we will work out as it is the first serious relationship for both of us. Not to mention her victim mentality she takes every time BF calls her out on it (which is par for the course when dealing with her in any form or fashion).

I am so glad this bitch is moving to Florida soon so she will be out of our lives.
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Re: Seriously? (Rant)

  • loves2shop4shoesloves2shop4shoes member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Wow.  That is so incredibly disrespectful.

    Honestly, he needs to move out.  And tell her flat out, "Fox is my girlfriend.  It's serious.  We've been together for multiple years, and it has been serious the whole time.  If you refuse to respect this woman, who I intend to be with long-term, then I will sever our relationship until you can find some respect."

    And then follow through.

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  • Ollie08Ollie08 member
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    Shoes… She has balls the size of Chicago. And she's also right. I'm sorry she's being a twat. I agree that he needs to work on moving out of his parents house. How old are you guys again? (I'm way too lazy to look haha)

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  • FoxandBunnyFoxandBunny member
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    edited April 2014
    We are both 20 and currently in school. He is working on moving out (hence the new job) but with rent prices in the area he can't afford it right now. The good thing is his mother is moving to Florida in the next month or so alone. BF and his father are not moving due to her current and past actions and her personality, as well as BF's dad can't move due to his job (even if he could he wouldn't).

    BF plans to cut almost all ties with her when she moves as she has always acted this way toward him; not respecting him, blaming him for things he didn't do, not listening to him and blowing up on him, ect. He has always been planning on doing this, but her actions toward me have made his decision clear to him. He has told his mother essentially (probably not as eloquently though) what Shoes wrote, but she still does it and tells him how wrong he is and how he knows nothing and how he's her child so he shouldn't be talking to her like that (even though he says nothing disrespectful, it's just not what she want to hear).

    ETA: I'm just super frustrated at the situation, especially with this new revelation.
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  • loves2shop4shoesloves2shop4shoes member
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    Hugs, Fox.  I can relate.

    My mother is all kinds of crazy.  Strictly enforced boundaries are the only thing that keeps our relationship halfway together.

    My mom pulls the, "You are talking to your mother," card every so often…until she forgets who she's talking to.  Then I promptly respond, "Yes.  And you are talking to your daughter.  What does the fact that you birthed me out of your vag have to do with anything?  It doesn't make you right.  It's completely irrelevant.  That's like saying, 'The sky is blue, so I win.'"  Then she shuts up, or stomps her little foot.  One or the other.

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  • FoxandBunnyFoxandBunny member
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    loves2shop4shoes said:
    Hugs, Fox.  I can relate.

    My mother is all kinds of crazy.  Strictly enforced boundaries are the only thing that keeps our relationship halfway together.

    My mom pulls the, "You are talking to your mother," card every so often…until she forgets who she's talking to.  Then I promptly respond, "Yes.  And you are talking to your daughter.  What does the fact that you birthed me out of your vag have to do with anything?  It doesn't make you right.  It's completely irrelevant.  That's like saying, 'The sky is blue, so I win.'"  Then she shuts up, or stomps her little foot.  One or the other.
    I need to tell BF the bolded so he can try it. His mother pulls it All. The. Time. It's so annoying. Like last night, she got mad that BF ate some noodles she had in the fridge that he thought were free for the taking. And I mean she got spitting mad, blamed him, yelled at him, tired to guilt him into coming and making dinner for her (after he had set up everything for her when she asked), and eventually pulled the "I'm your mother so you should know not to eat my stuff (that's not marked as my stuff) and you have to come make me more because you're my son and you should respect me!" It was insane. She is insane.

    And then she tries to pit me against BF, which I don't get into (I support BF most of time and always in front of her. If I think something is wrong or whatever I bring it up later so we have a united front). She is just so disrespectful of everyone (BF, his dad, me, ect.) while playing the victim if anyone talks back. I'm tired of the crap and feel so bad for BF and his dad for having to deal with her for over 20 years.

    I feel so much better complaining about her. I can't do this to BF because he has it worse than I do.
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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    *hugs* I'm so sorry! That was really horrible of her! It always sucks when people don't respect your relationship. BF and I had some issues with his friends early in our relationship and he set them straight real fast. But I think it would be even worse if it was family. Your BF is awesome for standing up for you! It sounds like you two have a really solid relationship and know how to handle her crazy.


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  • FoxandBunnyFoxandBunny member
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    @bethsmiles - Thanks, that means a lot. BF is pretty awesome. He's always stood up to his mom about us. We had to figure out how to handle her crazy really fast, that was for sure.
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  • stephelyse0913stephelyse0913 member
    First Comment
    My ex's mom did that all the time, but he didn't really stand up for me or for us (good thing he's my ex now). But it sounds like you've got a good guy and he's the only one that matters in this situation. As time goes on she'll see how happy you make him and she'll calm down.
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  • FoxandBunnyFoxandBunny member
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    edited May 2014
    stephelyse0913 said:
    My ex's mom did that all the time, but he didn't really stand up for me or for us (good thing he's my ex now). But it sounds like you've got a good guy and he's the only one that matters in this situation. As time goes on she'll see how happy you make him and she'll calm down.
    stephelyse0913! Thank you, BF is a really good guy. But I'm not sure she'll ever calm down, especially seeing how after 4 years of him being happy she still refuses to see it. Oh well. She's gone in less than a month and as she yell at BF the other night "he never has to see or talk to her again because he's a son of a bitch." And he is. She's quite the bitch. And she will probably have incredibly limited contact with him once she's gone.

    Edited to add the tag.
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  • carliealissacarliealissa member
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    OK, you guys might all disagree with me, and I certainly can understand why it upsets you, OP.  But to me, it seems pretty normal for a parent to encourage their child to play the field before getting so serious or getting married when you've been dating since you were 16.  Maybe my mom is just crazy too, but I know she pulled the same kind of stuff with us, especially in our teens and early 20's.  My little sister, who is 25 now, has been with her boyfriend since they were 15.  There were years where we all definitely encouraged her to see other people.  We like him, and I'm assuming he's here to stay. (They both still live with parents).

    Of course if she's downright mean to you, that's not ok.  There's a point where she needs to realize she has no real control over her son's life anymore.  And clearly he doesn't plan on listening to her, so you don't have anything to worry about :)

     

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  • carliealissacarliealissa member
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    I mean, from what you describe it sounds like she's crazy in other ways.  Just referencing that one aspect.  Hopefully things will be better after she moves.

     

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  • blabla89blabla89 member
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    I don't really have anything to contribute except for lots of wine and hugs.

    My first serious BF's family was like that (they especially hated me because I'm not Catholic, but that's a rant for a different day) and he NEVER stood up for me. It's good that your BF is standing his ground. Sounds like you picked a good one.
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  • FoxandBunnyFoxandBunny member
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    @TwoDimes - Normally I would agree with you as I don't really like to use the word and don't use it in day-to-day conversations. However, I do think it is a word that gets my point across and describes how both BF and I feel about her. I'm sorry, but when BF says he got tired of responding to "you're a son of a bitch" with "yes I am" at the age of 7, maybe that says something about her.

    My BF is totally fine with me calling her that as that is his go-to word for her. She has attacked me and our relationship in various ways for the past 4 years, and what's worse are the many other things that she has done to BF (and how she treats his dad) for his whole life. I am obviously not going to go into every little example here, but it's to the point that he is going very limited contact when she leaves, and will probably never talk to her unless absolutely necessary. 

    She has lost all respect he ever had for her (and it was very little to start with) and most respect I have for her as well. BF does not view her with a normal mother/son relationship. Like many people say on these boards, actions have consequences, and some of the consequences for her actions is the fact that she has lost our respect and that I think she's a bitch and her own son calls her one too. It's her personality and actions. I could probably use another word, but as I stated earlier, it's the best word to reflect my (and BF's from how he acts and what he's told me) feelings for her. It might not be the most politically correct, or the gentleist, but it's true.
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