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DECISIONS DECISIONS.....INPUT PLEASE

tirathemrstirathemrs member
First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
in African American Weddings
Ok soooo im going to have a small ceremony at the church on June 27th at about 4pm and then gather everyone up and let them know we arent having the normal reception but we will be going to Bahama Breeze restaurant where i will have a private area for my guests however i will not be able to foot the bill for everyone and its about 30 per person... And on top of that my original dress which is for a formal wedding i cant change to a informal dress so now im stuck with it and i dont know if i should or shouldnt wear it considering the type of wedding ceremony we are having.. Please help...

Should i invite ppl to the restaurant and expect them to pay and be ok with paying 30 per person for their food? Or should i just not do dinner and wait until i can afford to have a reception and pay for everyone????

Should i wear my dress and just roll with the flow or should i now find a informal dress and put out more money i dont have??

(note* this is my dress)
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Lilypie - H1jI


Daisypath - MFL5



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Re: DECISIONS DECISIONS.....INPUT PLEASE

  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    Should i invite ppl to the restaurant and expect them to pay and be ok with paying 30 per person for their food? Or should i just not do dinner and wait until i can afford to have a reception and pay for everyone????

    are these your only available options?   There's no rule that says you can't reverse the order of events right?  can you have a pre-fixe breakfast before your ceremony, then everybody goes to the wedding?  (please see Dr. Janvier- Palmer about having a super sophisticated fancy wedding reception to which she wore a dress that was made of oh my goodness and I do believe it was a brunch)  Is June 27th set in stone or can you change the wedding to a date that the reception becomes available?   if your guests pay for their dinner, that's not a reception, that's dinner with you and T.    Are ya'll getting married locally?  It's the weekend before July 4th lovie, one of your girlfriends could host a cookout in their back yard.  It doesn't have to be fancy but:  "I'm inviting you" and "you have to pay for"  don't belong in the same sentence.

    Uh guh, you said a sentence brides/grooms aren't allowed to say.  Should I get a  _______  that I can't afford - already answered your own question, but if it helps - it's prom season and you can get a lovely white dress - shaped very much like this one on ebay for about $50.   whassup lol.

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  • tirathemrstirathemrs member
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    sultryzulu The thing is my invites and everything is set up for 6/27 and although im sure i can do a breakfast even trying to get ppl together to do breakfast would be a task and still something i would need to pay for.. Im sure for the 4th we would still do a lil bbq but im not sure i want to just get dressed in this dress and go to the church get married and what? go home and wait until the 4th to celebrate... I know my family will at least want to go out to eat.. (kinda like everyone does whenever they celebrate something ie: graduation, birthday party) however i guess my question is to you.. How would you feel if i invited you to the ceremony and tell you hey we are going to dinner at the restaurant and its gonna be about 30 pp... would you go or just opt out???? 

    And do you think that dress would be tooo much to wear to the dinner?

    Lilypie - H1jI


    Daisypath - MFL5



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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    How would you feel if i invited you to the ceremony and tell you hey we are going to dinner at the restaurant and its gonna be about 30 pp... would you go or just opt out????

    I'd opt out babe.  Obviously I can't speak for your guests but in my view, either the couple pay for the event/meal that follows a wedding or they don't have it, asking me to pay for it is not an option  (my opinion).  From your perspective if you change things now, you've lost the invitation money and what else?  Because honestly, let's face it, the investment part of a wedding is the reception.  Asking your guests to pay their own way for your reception is the same as asking them to pay for your wedding.  It's not a good idea and if I didn't know your heart i'd say it was impolite.  I know that's not your intention, it's why I'm trying to lightweight talk you out of it.

    I know my family will at least want to go out to eat.. (kinda like everyone does whenever they celebrate something ie: graduation, birthday party)

    they will also not be expecting to travel from wherever they came from and have to pay for it.  And please know from a guest perspective $30 will not be the issue, the amount doesn't matter. 

    And do you think that dress would be tooo much to wear to the dinner?

    context-specific and also a personal decision.  I'm sure there are plenty of jackee harry uber confident types who'd wear their gown to the piggly wiggly lol, not mad at em, I just wouldn't have the confidence to do this.  You'd have to decide that you're comfortable with.   

    The thing about july 4th wasn't to suggest that you host 2 parties, what I'm saying is, it's summertime, your alternative could be to have a friend close by who is willing to lend their home/yard? and host the reception at his/her house.

    ok answer this, aside from the cost of the shower and wedding invitations, what else would you lose by moving the date?

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  • footballwife77footballwife77 member
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    okay. we got 2 months to get this figured out guh. you got my email address and i'm the cheapest chick around. You gonna wear the mess outta that dress AND feed your guests. #theend If this sounds crotchety, don't mean it to, i'm kind of panicking for you right now.
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  • tirathemrstirathemrs member
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    sultryzulu I honestly wouldn't lose anything its not like its a grand wedding i'm having... its like going to the courthouse and dinner except we are going to the church (i needs the Lord to be there) but if i say you know what lets wait until we have about 5-10k to have a big wedding and reception  that may not happen until sometime next year.. We honestly have a few things going on and to pull out that kinda funds wont be happening anytime soon... Which is why im like cool lets do a small intimate ceremony and dinner (now just know this is only going to be about 20-30 ppl really close family and friends)... And as far as someone with a house/yard to host a lil gathering......nope not one person i know has a place like that... *shrugs* idk i may just have to sit back and rethink some things and possibly just go to the courthouse and wait until next year to have a reception... 

    Lilypie - H1jI


    Daisypath - MFL5



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  • tirathemrstirathemrs member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    footballwife77 lol at you.... idk honey i may be only doing the courthouse or a small private thing at the church and calling it a day lol

    Lilypie - H1jI


    Daisypath - MFL5



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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    {{hugs T}}  I understand babe.  Don't feel like you need to list numbers and reasons and stuff, the dollar amount isn't important.   I love that you said you need God in your day.  :)
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  • MissusD1116MissusD1116 member
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    Lawd....bless you! It's gonna work out. I agree with B though. I wouldn't want to pay as a guest at your post wedding dinner. Especially if I was invited to come. Were out of towners invited? If so, I wouldnt want them to have to pay when they've traveled to share in y'all's love. IMO. PS...you know how WE are..*rubs back of hand* Folks are gonna talk too and it may not be so nice...
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  • LouisianaLove33LouisianaLove33 member
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    Ok I understand where you are coming from on not being able to pay for a small reception. So is there a way you could talk to a restaurant about spending $500 to have a small selection of food available for your guests.
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  • Soon to Be Mrs JaySoon to Be Mrs Jay member
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    Ok this is just a suggestion.

    Last year a friend of my FI got married. They had a small church wedding after Sunday service. It was about 35 of us there. Afterwards, instead of a big reception they had cake and punch at the church. Our church does not have a hall to it nor a basement so the cake and punch was served in lobby. We sat around inside the church for about an hour and chatted.

    After all that, close friends and family ( about 10 of us) took the couple to a restaurant. We all discussed it before hand and split the bill. The couple paid for nothing. This was our gift to them.

    My suggestion is to have cake and punch after ceremony and if your family still want to go out to eat, than just go with family. I would discuss this with them to get their input. If they not feeling it, than save up and have a nice reception next year to celebrate your 1st anniversary.

    I would wear my dress to the ceremony and if yall decide to go out to eat, change to something more casual.

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  • tirathemrstirathemrs member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    After talking this over with The Mr and a some family and friends they all agreed that going out to dinner afterwards was ok with them and not a problem so ill just stick to going to dinner after the ceremony and im still a bit indecisive about my dress but if i can find a dress to wear after then i  will but other than that im wearing my dress and moving on with life lol... Thanks for the help and input ladies it was much appreciated

    Lilypie - H1jI


    Daisypath - MFL5



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  • marsm4marsm4 member
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    Wear your dress! It's your wedding day. I love seeing brides in their dresses anywhere!
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  • island07b2bisland07b2b member
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    Glad you came to a resolution for your reception and, yes, please wear your glam dress. You need to wear the heck out it. It is so pretty. I know I am going to wear the heck out of mine. Hayle even after the wedding I may wear that thing to get the mail, put up a few things at CVS, check out a book at the library, garden. I ain't playing. I am going to squeeze every dollar out of that dress. LOL!



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  • M1ssJM1ssJ member
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    Hey girl! I say totally wear your dress!!!! It is your wedding day and your wedding dress , I would follow up on the suggestion to have a formal cake and cookies and punch reception in the church hall right after and do a first dance & cake cutting. You can't redo your firsts! Afterwards head to the restaurant with those close family members and then head home with your hubby :)
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