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Etiquette

NWR- "Coming Home" shower? WTF??

Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 Cowtown mod
Moderator Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
My SD announced today that she was heading to her friend's for a "coming home" shower. I am sure my jaw dropped to the floor, so she explained that her friend was bringing her newborn home from the hospital today, so she was holding a party. W.T.F. The girl already had a baby shower about two month ago. My SD is heading into her sophomore year of college, so I hoped that she did not buy another gift, as she is on a student budget. Well, she did. DH and I were both beyond words, as this is purely a gift grab. At least SD did acknowledge it was of poor taste. There are so many things wrong with this (other than being 19 and with child). Has anyone else ever heard of this non-sense??

 







Re: NWR- "Coming Home" shower? WTF??

  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    *Still picking my jaw up off the floor*

    Nope.
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

    rycbar123
  • wow how gift grabby and tacky....

    Anniversary

  • I had to re-read this 3 times to make sure that I hadn't misread it.  

    WTF?
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  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 Cowtown mod
    Moderator Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its

    I had to re-read this 3 times to make sure that I hadn't misread it.  


    WTF?
    Oh yeah- you read that right!! Hosted by the new mom herself!

     







  • I've heard of these before. The term shower is used very loosely here. The first time I heard of one was when my friend brought her baby home from the hospital. I was invited to hers and at first I was surprised because she hates getting gifts as much as I do. I went to meet the baby and I did buy her a gift. I get there and I was the only one who brought one. My friend was surprised I did because I had already bought her a ton of things (I admittedly can't help myself when it comes to baby stuff). Our conversation went like this.
    Her: why on Earth did you bring a gift?
    Me: because it is a shower. You're supposed to bring gifts to a shower.
    Her: no we only called it a shower because it is baby related. I saw this article about them and it said that it was a way to let everyone meet the baby. It didn't say anything about gifts.
    Me: oh. They probably should have called it something else.
    Her: yeah apparently.

    So now when I hear of someone else having one I try to give them the benefit of the doubt. 
    grumbledore
  • @jcbride2015 I "loved it" your post because of your sig. Lafayette is my fave.

     

    JCbride2015
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I am definitely judging this.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited May 2014
    I'm totally judging this and anyone with the energy to host a party when she just gave birth.
    HisGirlFriday13
  • Methinks the new mommy thinks she didn't get enough presents at the first shower.
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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
    afox007KatWAG
  • jdluvr06 said:

    I've heard of these before. The term shower is used very loosely here. The first time I heard of one was when my friend brought her baby home from the hospital. I was invited to hers and at first I was surprised because she hates getting gifts as much as I do. I went to meet the baby and I did buy her a gift. I get there and I was the only one who brought one. My friend was surprised I did because I had already bought her a ton of things (I admittedly can't help myself when it comes to baby stuff). Our conversation went like this.

    Her: why on Earth did you bring a gift?
    Me: because it is a shower. You're supposed to bring gifts to a shower.
    Her: no we only called it a shower because it is baby related. I saw this article about them and it said that it was a way to let everyone meet the baby. It didn't say anything about gifts.
    Me: oh. They probably should have called it something else.
    Her: yeah apparently.

    So now when I hear of someone else having one I try to give them the benefit of the doubt. 
    I am really hoping there is just miscommunication and it turns out to be a situation like this. But if not that is a new level of ridiculousness.
    image
  • Definitely is gift grabby.

    In my mom's circle they have the baby shower just after the baby is born. Everyone can meet the baby and people usually bring frozen meals or help clean the new parents' house in addition to bringing a baby gift. If there was a baby shower before the baby was born the guest list is different from the one for the post-baby shower.

    Anniversary
  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 Cowtown mod
    Moderator Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I've heard of these before. The term shower is used very loosely here. The first time I heard of one was when my friend brought her baby home from the hospital. I was invited to hers and at first I was surprised because she hates getting gifts as much as I do. I went to meet the baby and I did buy her a gift. I get there and I was the only one who brought one. My friend was surprised I did because I had already bought her a ton of things (I admittedly can't help myself when it comes to baby stuff). Our conversation went like this.
    Her: why on Earth did you bring a gift?
    Me: because it is a shower. You're supposed to bring gifts to a shower.
    Her: no we only called it a shower because it is baby related. I saw this article about them and it said that it was a way to let everyone meet the baby. It didn't say anything about gifts.
    Me: oh. They probably should have called it something else.
    Her: yeah apparently.

    So now when I hear of someone else having one I try to give them the benefit of the doubt. 
    I am really hoping there is just miscommunication and it turns out to be a situation like this. But if not that is a new level of ridiculousness.
    SD had to work after said shower, so she didn't get home until after we were in bed. I will definitely ask her how it went when she wakes up. We're on the West Coast, so it's still early here :)

     









  • jdluvr06 said:

    I've heard of these before. The term shower is used very loosely here. The first time I heard of one was when my friend brought her baby home from the hospital. I was invited to hers and at first I was surprised because she hates getting gifts as much as I do. I went to meet the baby and I did buy her a gift. I get there and I was the only one who brought one. My friend was surprised I did because I had already bought her a ton of things (I admittedly can't help myself when it comes to baby stuff). Our conversation went like this.

    Her: why on Earth did you bring a gift?
    Me: because it is a shower. You're supposed to bring gifts to a shower.
    Her: no we only called it a shower because it is baby related. I saw this article about them and it said that it was a way to let everyone meet the baby. It didn't say anything about gifts.
    Me: oh. They probably should have called it something else.
    Her: yeah apparently.

    So now when I hear of someone else having one I try to give them the benefit of the doubt. 
    I am really hoping there is just miscommunication and it turns out to be a situation like this. But if not that is a new level of ridiculousness.

    SD had to work after said shower, so she didn't get home until after we were in bed. I will definitely ask her how it went when she wakes up. We're on the West Coast, so it's still early here :)

    Yay! Thanks for the promise of updates. :) I am actually on the west coast too but am an early riser. I can understand if a new mom and dad wanted to have a gathering at their house when they brought the baby home sans the "shower" expectations.
    image
  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 Cowtown mod
    Moderator Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    UPDATE- So, yes, it was in fact a shower. SD said that there were a few overlap guests from the first shower, but there were some new ones. She didn't know exactly who the host was as there were never any invites (or she didn't get one- she just got a text from her friend) and it wasn't a "Real" hosted event, meaning it wasn't a formally organized shower. UGH.

     







  • UPDATE- So, yes, it was in fact a shower. SD said that there were a few overlap guests from the first shower, but there were some new ones. She didn't know exactly who the host was as there were never any invites (or she didn't get one- she just got a text from her friend) and it wasn't a "Real" hosted event, meaning it wasn't a formally organized shower. UGH.

    :/ Such fail.
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  • I have never heard of this before, and I hope never to hear of it again.
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  • The only parties I have heard about after the baby is born are Sip and Sees. Where the new parents invite friends and family over to come meet the baby but they generally serve food and drinks to their guests. Its not a gift giving party. I have never heard of having a second shower and expecting gifts after the baby is born.

     *Formerly ctexasgurl26 and mrsridings061513*

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      Anniversary
    Baby William born June 11, 2014 Weighing 6 lbs 5 oz and 17.5 inches long

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  • So that isn't what my friend had. That sucks.
  • A friend had a "second" shower after baby. However - she and her DH had nothing to do with the first shower, didn't want it as planned, were horrified it happened. Part of their belief is that it's bad luck to gift a person before birth. Then, her mother gave the gifts to a sibling. It's a nightmare at best. I didn't see her shower as a gimme gimme deal, but this case is way different.
  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 Cowtown mod
    Moderator Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its

    I can possibly see having two showers if each side of the family lived in a different part of the country. But, in this case, the new mom and dad went to high school together, so the families live within a few miles of one another. I'm sure it has to do with the fact that the baby was totally unplanned and the new parents have ZERO money, so they are trying to get as much as they can for free. Um, don't have a baby in the first place then? I knew this situation was going to be a clusterfuck when SD told me that her friend's mom (baby's grandmom) was just so happy that she waited until 19 to have the baby, rather than 16 when the mom had her :-/

     

     







  • ei34ei34 member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    In addition to the blatant gift grab, I'm a bit confused about a bunch of people around a newborn. I'm due in 3 weeks, and both my doctor and the pediatrician have told me that the baby's exposure to lots of family/guests should be limited in the first two weeks.
    rajahmd
  • The only parties I have heard about after the baby is born are Sip and Sees. Where the new parents invite friends and family over to come meet the baby but they generally serve food and drinks to their guests. Its not a gift giving party. I have never heard of having a second shower and expecting gifts after the baby is born.

    I've also only ever heard of "Sip & See" parties after the baby is brought home. Our group doesn't usually do them as hosted events so much as a few hours one day where everyone can drop by and see the new parents & meet the new baby (instead of visiting at the hospital). A few of us will bring frozen meals that the new parents can reheat over the first week or two but no one brings presents.
  • It's a jewish tradition to have a shower (or similar) after the baby is born instead of beforehand. It's also a tradition to not register, receive or open gifts, or decorate a nursery prior to the birth. I think it's fair to choose one fo the other, but I could not fathom having the balls to invite friends to TWO showers for your baby! What a wreck.
  • I can possibly see having two showers if each side of the family lived in a different part of the country. But, in this case, the new mom and dad went to high school together, so the families live within a few miles of one another. I'm sure it has to do with the fact that the baby was totally unplanned and the new parents have ZERO money, so they are trying to get as much as they can for free. Um, don't have a baby in the first place then? I knew this situation was going to be a clusterfuck when SD told me that her friend's mom (baby's grandmom) was just so happy that she waited until 19 to have the baby, rather than 16 when the mom had her :-/

     

    Hmmm... Wow. 19 is so young.

    Around here is it normal for people to have multiple showers for different groups. My sister had three. One for her friends (thrown my her BFF), her MIL threw one for her H's side of the family, and my mom and I threw her one for her our side. 
  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 Cowtown mod
    Moderator Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited May 2014
    jdluvr06 said:

    I can possibly see having two showers if each side of the family lived in a different part of the country. But, in this case, the new mom and dad went to high school together, so the families live within a few miles of one another. I'm sure it has to do with the fact that the baby was totally unplanned and the new parents have ZERO money, so they are trying to get as much as they can for free. Um, don't have a baby in the first place then? I knew this situation was going to be a clusterfuck when SD told me that her friend's mom (baby's grandmom) was just so happy that she waited until 19 to have the baby, rather than 16 when the mom had her :-/

     

    Hmmm... Wow. 19 is so young.

    Around here is it normal for people to have multiple showers for different groups. My sister had three. One for her friends (thrown my her BFF), her MIL threw one for her H's side of the family, and my mom and I threw her one for her our side. 

    Yeah, it's sad because this friend is one of two that will be a new mom this year. The other was her college roommate. She was in school as a freshman for only 5 months before finding out she was pregnant by her illegal immigrant boyfriend of 3 months. So, they did what every 19 year old should do- get married so they could find a way to have him stay in the country. The one who held the shower this weekend is not marrying her boyfriend as of yet, but they have been seeing each other for a few years.

     

    I totally get the multiple showers for multiple groups thing. I wish I could say that was true in this case, but sadly, it does not appear that way.

    edit- grammar

     







  • InkdancerInkdancer The Shire member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    The only homecoming shower I would want after giving birth would be an actual getting-clean-with-water shower.
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    Jells2dot0KeptInStitchesselenathegreatbeharrington
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