Registry and Gift Forum

How do I stop the regift...attempt

I can't believe my MLTB told me that one of her friends is planning on regifting me! I don't even know what to do. she came to me and told me that her friend felt bad because she couldn't afford to get us a gift and my fiance is like a son to her. She went on to tell me that her friend has so dinner plates that were passed to her from her mother and she wants to give them to us. I insisted that it was ok and we just want her to come to the wedding - her presence would be gift enough. But my MLTB kept saying she really wants to do it and the plates are nice and they just need to be CLEANED UP AND REWRAPPED.  Are you kidding me?! So not only are you trying to regift me, you're trying to give me dirty crap!

How do I stop this from happening? I'm furious at the thought that she would even think to still want to do it after I told her it's ok and we just want her to be at the wedding this is worse than getting some random gift not on the registry because at least I can still take it back and make up an excuse as to why I had to exchange it. Someone, please help.

Re: How do I stop the regift...attempt


  • I can't believe my MLTB told me that one of her friends is planning on regifting me! I don't even know what to do. she came to me and told me that her friend felt bad because she couldn't afford to get us a gift and my fiance is like a son to her. She went on to tell me that her friend has so dinner plates that were passed to her from her mother and she wants to give them to us. I insisted that it was ok and we just want her to come to the wedding - her presence would be gift enough. But my MLTB kept saying she really wants to do it and the plates are nice and they just need to be CLEANED UP AND REWRAPPED.  Are you kidding me?! So not only are you trying to regift me, you're trying to give me dirty crap!

    How do I stop this from happening? I'm furious at the thought that she would even think to still want to do it after I told her it's ok and we just want her to be at the wedding this is worse than getting some random gift not on the registry because at least I can still take it back and make up an excuse as to why I had to exchange it. Someone, please help.
    Wow. I hope this letter is a fake. 
    If it isn't:
    Someone who cares deeply about your fiancé wants to give you a gift, and you're bitching and whining? 
    Shame on you. And I mean that. Even if it's the ugliest china in the world, shame on you.

    You obviously missed some important lessons about gift giving. Like this one: The only correct response is thank you, and appreciation that someone cared about you enough to make an effort. Any effort. That's it. Nobody is obligated to give a gift. The registry is not intended to be an obligation, or a shopping list, but rather a suggestion, a set of guidelines to let people know your tastes and needs. 

    If you're "furious" because a guest wants to give you a gift that wasn't on your list of demands, you need to sit down and A: read an etiquette book, and B: take a good long look at your attitude. You sound spoiled, greedy, and entitled. If my daughter ever ever said anything like this, I would feel that I had seriously failed as a parent. I would be deeply, painfully ashamed. Someone forgot to teach you manners that even a five year old should possess. You should be embarrassed.
    kitty8403Aray82ymc85Blue_Bird
  • MNVegasMNVegas member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    Seriously OP you are not coming across very nice here. You accept the gift and send a heartfelt thank you note. Do not mention this again to anyone. This person is trying to do something nice for you and all you are doing is complaining. Try being a little more grateful that someone cares about you and stop whining about material things.
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited May 2014
    Ahh, good point about the heirloom, @MyNameIsNot.  I retract my feelings on it being ok to bitch about it here. You really should just be grateful and move on. If you don't like or want the dishes, just store them away somewhere and use them if and when these people come for dinner. It won't kill you. 

    ETA: And as far as them being "dirty," I doubt that is the case. I have coffee mugs that need "cleaned up." They are certainly currently clean. However, they are white and hold coffee. From time to time, I have to bleach them to get the stains off. Perhaps that is all she means by "cleaned up." Most likely, they just need to be "freshened" like that. 




    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    ohannabellechibiyui
  • I second @MyNameIsNot

    She wants to give you something that has an emotional connection to her (her Mom gave them to her, so she wants to pass them on).  Your attitude seems to be pretty entitled.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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  • chibiyuichibiyui The Boring Part of MD member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    If it's scratched to hell plates, its understandable, even if ungracious, to bitch. You can not stop someone from giving you something.

    If the dinnerware is in excellent condition, you really have no reason to bitch. Hell, you might love the plates.

    Personally, i think its inppropriate of your FMIL to tell you this, before the wedding especially.
    image



    Anniversary
    Blue_Bird
  • I think perhaps your FMIL was out of line in spoiling her friend's surprise.
    I don't really understand why you sound so angry, or why on earth you think it's appropriate to try to "prevent" people from giving you things. It's a gift. If you really don't like it, you can always give it away, toss it, or sell it.
    Also, lots of people shop off registry. Myself included. I don't give cash, ever, and I may or may not use your registry depending on how well I know you and your personal situation. Your registry is not a list of all acceptable gifts that all guests are supposed to scramble over. It's a compilation of suggested things you like, need, or would use.
    And she probably isn't going to give you old dirty dishes, you're overreacting. I recently sold some china--more than 100 pieces, in fact--and before I sent it off, I needed to "clean up" each piece before packing to be sure no dust had collected and there were no chips. If it's been stored, she's likely just checking for dust and making sure it's wrapped safely.
    Hysilvinialithibel
  • You ladies are right. I think the word "clean up" translated to dirty to me and kinda sent me in a spin. I am thankful she was there for him when he needed her. I apologize for not thinking about that before venting
    ohannabelleejpentecostBlue_Bird
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    You ladies are right. I think the word "clean up" translated to dirty to me and kinda sent me in a spin. I am thankful she was there for him when he needed her. I apologize for not thinking about that before venting
    I get that. We did have a Knottie once tell a story about getting a gift that had old spaghetti sauce (she thinks) on it, so I immediately thought "dirty" as well. But when I got to thinking about it, I wondered if she didn't mean it like my coffee mugs. 

    And thank you for being so gracious in accepting our responses w/o freaking out on us. 



    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    ohannabellekitty8403
  • That was really nice of you,  OP,  and I'll apologize for being snappy and impatient, and going into uber-mom mode and shaking my finger and saying shame on you young lady. I really shouldn't post until I've had my second coffee, because I'm short tempered, and have a genuine soft spot for older ladies who give unconventional gifts. 

    It's something that used to be done, and I don't see much of anymore. Really rich families would give serious heirlooms like Chippendale tables or silver candlesticks, and families like mine (the other sort) might give a not valuable but pretty picture you'd always admired, or an auntie's fancy china vase, or even a pretty quilt someone had made. Family things, valuable or not.  I drag my great Auntie's unattractive little gravy boat out every Thanksgiving, and it's actually no longer an obligation, but a quiet moment in the day when I think about her, and smile. (The rest of her china stays in boxes, but oh, well.)
     
    So the intent is kind, and considered acceptable and polite. Maybe even just one of the dishes might be functional, to hold salad or rolls at a holiday dinner, or some such thing. It might turn into a sentimental moment someday. Or they might be genuinely hurt your eyes what in the name of god is that ugly things. That can happen. Pack them away at the back of the closet, and check later to see if they've become valuable. 
    :)
    Blue_Bird
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