Pre-wedding Parties

A "it's not a 'shower' party"

I'm co-hosting a "shower" along with my friends' grandmother for my friends wedding... Her grandmother doesn't want to call it a shower because she plans to invite family and friends that weren't invited to the wedding due to various reasons. I know it's not cool to invite people to a shower that aren't invited but her grandmother doesn't care, she's getting old and this is a chance to gather everyone. How the heck do I word the invites?

Re: A "it's not a 'shower' party"

  • MGPMGP member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    If I were in your situation I would decline hosting and let Grandma deal with it on her own. Acknowledging that its wrong to invite non invited guests is at least a step in the right direction for her, but I would still not want my name to be tied to a mess like that.
    skyhigh27
  • I've known her for 25 years, don't think dropping out is an option. :(
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    If you call it a tea or luncheon, people may not realize it is a shower.  If they don't think it's a shower, then they may come without gifts.  If that were to be the case, it might not be absolutely horrid if grandma includes guests not invited to the wedding.  

    That is the only potential way to make this a "win".  

    However, if guests come without gifts, thinking the event is a non-shower, will this upset grandma?  She can't have it both ways.  Call it a shower and invite only guests invited to the wedding.  Call it a tea and perhaps you can get away with inviting grandma's friends, but then assume gifts will be at a minimum.
  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    She wants to have a party and gather family and friends. Her party has nothing to do with any wedding, which she's just using as an excuse. You can help her with her party, but it shouldn't be in honor of the bride. Imagine how hurt the wedding non-invitees will be when the impending wedding talk arises.
  • I think I'm just going to try to handle it like it's an engagement party, not put any registry information anywhere. I'm trying my hardest to stay out of the family drama politics of why so and so isn't invited. Can't please everyone I suppose.
    AddieCake
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    She wants to have a party and gather family and friends. Her party has nothing to do with any wedding, which she's just using as an excuse. You can help her with her party, but it shouldn't be in honor of the bride. Imagine how hurt the wedding non-invitees will be when the impending wedding talk arises.
    This.  The party needs to be disconnected from the wedding in order for it to pass etiquette muster.  The grandmother may not care, but it will reflect badly on the bride if this party is made wedding-related.
    skyhigh27
  • I've tried explaining that to her grandmother on several occasions, she really doesn't care if anyone's feelings get hurt. My friend is in town for one weekend prior to the wedding and I feel terrible she's not getting to enjoy all the perks of having her own party. I was thinking of going behind grandma's back and hosting a couple's cocktail party at my own home the same evening... just worried it might be a little too much action packed into one day. 
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    skyhigh27 said:
    I've tried explaining that to her grandmother on several occasions, she really doesn't care if anyone's feelings get hurt. My friend is in town for one weekend prior to the wedding and I feel terrible she's not getting to enjoy all the perks of having her own party. I was thinking of going behind grandma's back and hosting a couple's cocktail party at my own home the same evening... just worried it might be a little too much action packed into one day. 

    Stuck in the box...

    Can you schedule it for the following day or the day before?
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    skyhigh27 said:
    I've tried explaining that to her grandmother on several occasions, she really doesn't care if anyone's feelings get hurt. My friend is in town for one weekend prior to the wedding and I feel terrible she's not getting to enjoy all the perks of having her own party. I was thinking of going behind grandma's back and hosting a couple's cocktail party at my own home the same evening... just worried it might be a little too much action packed into one day. 

    Stuck in the box...

    Can you schedule it for the following day or the day before?
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