Firing my Bridesmaids

Jixxt · May 2014

Hi guys - need your opinion on my situation!!
I had been convinced by my partner to have two BMs because he wanted two Groomsman, and he even convinced me which two girls to choose. So after choosing them, asking them via cute little 'proposal' boxes and thinking all would be sweet... I am now thinking of firing them.

It's not that I don't love them anymore, it's just that we are at different phases of life. One has been single for 3 years after bailing on her wedding, the other just got out of a divorce. They are both 'single, young and free' and don't see the future or the need to plan the future. It's getting frustrating and I can't talk to them about wedding plans. The other day one accused me of 'not having her back' because I told her brother the truth about the random guy she was sucking face with at the front of a club - 'excuse me, are we in highschool?'!!??

I am just not getting any support and its a bit of an issue because I don't have a mother or any siblings to share the experience with... but do I want them there by my side if all they're bringing to my experience is frustration, and awkwardness?????? I'm also not sure if I want to replace them, or just do it alone. I've always been of the notion that the only person you can trust if yourself.

Would you fire them too? What would you say?

Valeriecruz82 · May 2014

I would. From experience. Let me break it down. One of my best friends through out the planning didn't seem to put hardly any effort into being apart of the wedding. She was more talk then anything. I had to bug and bug her to go to her dress fittings. I even had to pick up her dress for her and take it to her moms. On top of that she didn't make it to our meet and greet because she decided going out clubbing with other friends back home in LA was more important. She didn't get to Vegas until 2 hours before the wedding and with a big hangover. So if you have a feeling these girls wouldn't be a good decision I would go with your gut. Best of luck though!

myriah505 · May 2014

It is VERY poor etiquette to "fire" a bridesmaid after asking them, unless it's for a VERY good reason. The simple fact that they are not that interested in your wedding is not reason to fire them. I understand it's a huge bummer that they are not nearly as excited as you are, but be the bigger person. I would be mad if my friend tattled on me to my brother too.

Valeriecruz82 · May 2014

Etiquette ...pfft lol as much as i miss all the wedding planning and excitement I'm glad I don't gotta deal with etiquette anymore lol

spoon1984 · May 2014

Perhaps just see them as friends to have fun on the day with rather than being involved leading up to, you don't want to ruin a friendship. Deep down they are maybe a little jealous that you are settling down on the other hand they may just be enjoying their single life and not that interested in wedding details.

missmo14 · May 2014

Whilst I agree it is poor etiquette and possibly a friendship ending move to fire a bridesmaid... I think the best first move is to have a good deep n meaningful chat with them.

Another alternative is to make me your bridesmaid haha... ok so we dont have a sentimental friendship but I know a thing or 2 about Vegas weddings and im dying to go back.

Hope you work it out Jixxt. Either way your wedding will rock babe!

Valeriecruz82 · May 2014

I'm with Mo! I'll be a BM! I only live just over 3 hours from Vegas too haha

lisaosumarie · May 2014

I am having the same issue at the moment. I just feel like one is very disconnected. I wish you luck through out this process. I am not sure what is "right" to do, but just remember at the end of the day you are marrying the love of your life and what will matter the most is you two standing up there saying your vows.

KrisLSmiley · May 2014

Mo and Valeria- You guys are hilarious! You're both available for BM if needed! HA!

myriah505 · May 2014

Etiquette has to do with how others perceive you. That's all. If you do not care what anyone else thinks then do as you wish. But obviously you do care you you would not be seeking out the opinions and advice of others.

ssteele04 · May 2014

kris~ I'm sorry you are going thru this, I have had major drama the whole time with bridesmaids, who now are no longer in my wedding party, you gotta look at it this way..at the end of the day it's you and him getting married, and you really should have people there that support you @valerie~ i was wondering how that played out! how stressful!!

Valeriecruz82 · May 2014

@ssteel‌ actually I didn't let it get to me so much on the day of. After I saw the way she had been within the last few weeks before the wedding I wasn't surprised. One thing I can say is don't let anything or anyone ruin your big day!

Jixxt · May 2014

thanks for much for the advice girls, I knew talking this out would help.

@valerie @missmo you girls are awesome. Let me see how I go, I might take you up on the offer!!!!

@myriah i understand what you're saying about etiquette but we are pissing alot of people off by having the wedding so far away, and it not being in a church and not inviting half the family. so I don't really mind what other people think. Alot of people will be more shocked that my dress is half see through haha!

I do see what you're all saying about ruining the friendship though. It's as though this request to be BM pushed our friendship too far that it's started to die anyway. I'm on a whole other level to them in life. *****sigh*** @valerie, you are amazing for 'not letting it get to you' I would be pissed and start a fight!!! lol, which is probably why I think I should fire them now to save the tension on the day.

Thanks girls

Jixxt · May 2014

@spoon thanks for your comment. It's naive of me to not even think about this whole situation from the perspective that you've just given me. hmmm

a13049 · May 2014

It's sucks when friends down act as happy as we hoped in big life events like marriages. But they did agree to be in your wedding and they will probably be a blast the day of your wedding. Firing then could be friendship ending move. I had to take a step back when I was pregnant and realize theat yes, some of my girls were in very different places in their life, but in the end we still love and care for each other and when my dd was born they were by my side when it mattered. One friend later confided in me how my pregnancy was a trigger of her miscarriage our freshman year of college. That was forever ago, but she had to relive some issue she hadn't dealt with before my pregnancy. I bet if you give your friends the benefit thy will be amazing the day of your wedding.

As for the sucking face thing, well maybe it's in poor taste, but it's really only her business to share and maybe you saying something was adding salt to the wound because you have found your love and for now she is filling the void with random in a nightclub. Maybe she felt like you were being judgemental, or she felt embarrassed.

I hope you can come to peace with whatever you choose.

Jixxt · May 2014

@spoon1984‌ @a13049‌ I spoke to them tonight and had your comments in mind. It turned out ok. They were annoyed at things because they didn't know I was annoyed at things, and we all hugged and made up. It was def. just a case where lack of communication and non face to face communication made things worse than they were. Talking things out works!! I sucked up and held back my normal sarcasm and it all ended well. I need to remind myself to do that more often

Thanks all

Valeriecruz82 · May 2014

Happy it all worked out! And yes communication is always important in any relationship. But it's great that you were able to get things straightened out before it got worse

good job!

spoon1984 · May 2014

Glad it's worked, hopefully it's all good going forward!

vegasgroom · May 2014

Good thing you didn't post this thread on some of the other topics on this site; you would not believe the replies you'd have received. In any case, glad you were able to work things out with them. However, my wife had a similar experience and the make up portion was unfortunately short lived. Two of her four were classmates from med school and not truly long time friends; just friends you bond with when you're working 80 hours a week. I told her the friendships would be over if she dropped them, and that ended up being the case, but it is what it is. She was like a completely changed person after getting rid of those two; back to being wedding excited instead of dreading anything related to planning.

I would not let uneven sides play any role in your decision making; no one cares except typically either the bride or groom. Been to plenty of uneven weddings and never thought twice.

Jixxt · May 2014

Thanks VG!!

ssteele04 · May 2014

we have uneven sides and we don't care:)

Firing my Bridesmaids

Re: Firing my Bridesmaids

Choose Another Board

Search Boards