Bro and FSIL are having a PPD- and not sure how to feel about it

Re: Bro and FSIL are having a PPD- and not sure how to feel about it

• lyndausvi mod

  

  May 2014

  Seems like you are more upset they are getting married before you than they are having a PPD.     Them getting married Sunday is not going to effect your wedding at all.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  

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• misshart00 member

  

  May 2014

  If they're just having a party in September, I don't view it as a PPD.

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• lilacck28 member

  

  May 2014

  I'm a little confused about what you're actually upset about. That you weren't invited to their ceremony with the pastor? That they still plan to have a wedding-like party (commonly referred to as PPD here)? That they are still planning to have that party close to when you will be married? Or that they got to be married before you? They are all different issues.

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• ashleyep member

  

  May 2014

  Unless they re-do the ceremony and all that, it's not really a PPD. It sounds like your brother isn't sure how much wedding stuff they can or should do at the party in September. Not quite a PPD yet.

  

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• manateehugger member

  

  May 2014

  So are they just having a big party this fall? If so, what's the big deal? They're doing what they feel they need to do for their family right now, and celebrating their marriage later. You can always help guide them/your family by making small suggestions against a full-blown PPD. 

  
  

  Also, agreed that you sound more upset by the stolen thunder than missing the wedding. 

  

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• kitsunegari89 member

  

  May 2014 edited May 2014

  Doesn't sound like a PPD. I think you're more upset that you've been beaten to the altar. They got married because they felt morally obligated to and they're planning a party for later. Nothing wrong with that. They also didn't keep it a secret. It has none of the hallmarks of a PPD, specifically the deception of the family and guests and the wedding-ness that are necessary to label it as such. Chill out. This is not a contest or a race. They didn't do it to upstage you.

  My colors are "blood of my enemies" and "rage".
  

  
  

  

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• JellyBean52513 member

  

  May 2014

  Just an FYI... last year I moved just over one mile away to a new apartment, and it took me doing "moving things" over the course of about 2-3 weeks. The distance of moving doesn't really matter when all the packing, sorting, etc. needs to be done regardless.
  
  As far as your brother's wedding goes, I'm with PPs: not sure quite what you're most upset about. If it's the fact that your bro and FSIL are getting married without you present, I would feel upset about that, too, especially if this whole time I'd been looking forward to watching them get married.
  
  If it's the other things.... like them moving their wedding date up to be sooner than yours... than I think you unfortunately need to let that go. They can do whatever they want when it comes to their wedding, and they get one day just like you get one day. Maybe you can talk to your brother and let him know how you feel, and you can be present for their ceremony on Sunday.

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• phira member

  

  May 2014

  I agree with previous posters. I think it's also frustrating because you (like many other people, myself included!) don't think it's necessary to be married before living together. But there's really nothing to be done, and as long as they're just throwing a party and they're honest about already being married, it's not a PPD.

  

  now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
  
  

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• Simply Fated member

  

  May 2014

  I'm not sure which of the things you're upset about or if it's a combination of things.
  
  
  A) They are getting married and you aren't invited. That sucks and I'd be bummed if it was my sibling, too.
  
  
  They're getting married before you, which shouldn't be a big deal.
  
  
  C) You're concerned there might be a PPD situation come September. You don't know if it'll be a PPD in the sense that there will be a ceremony reenactment, so you have plenty of time to decide whether or not to attend.
  I'm not a fan of PPD and I personally don't even agree with getting married in May then having a celebration in September. Like, way to drag this shit out. I had a friend that continued to have post-wedding events years after she'd been married. No joke. So I get why you might be annoyed. You get one day, isn't that what we say here? So, no, I don't think a person get's 2 days just because of the choices they made. But, to each their own.
  

  
  

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• rajahmd member

  

  May 2014

  lizzypoo96 said:

  Short version: I have been engaged for about 16 months and will be getting married in July. In the time I've been engaged, my little brother met and got engaged to a woman (whom I adore) and they had planned to get married in September, 2 months after ours.

  
  

  Brother and FSIL are very religious- Christian (we grew up Catholic but not super traditional so this is new for us), and she has a 5 year old from a marriage when she was very young. Brother is great with her and they are all part of the family. 

  
  

  Bro calls me last night- they decided to have their pastor marry them on SUNDAY so that they can, in good faith, live together with the daughter. They are still planning the "party" for September but they don't know how much "wedding" or how much "celebration" there will be. He starts his residency next month and doesn't think he'll have time to move in the fall- which if you ask me is kind of a lame excuse (I know he'll be busy, but it's not an impossible task... he's moving like 2 miles away). 

  
  

  Now, in our family the idea of "living in sin" wasn't something our parents preferred for us but always said they'd support if circumstances proved it necessary, so no judgement there. I guess I just don't know how to feel. I am happy for them, I really am, but I do feel a little beat down about it. They never asked me to come down for their marriage- they're just going out to dinner after with the in-town family after they have their pastor marry them in private. I can't help it but I do feel a little "special snowflakey" about it as we are in the home stretch of our wedding planning and I was so excited to get married, have our time, and get ramped up for their wedding shortly after. Le sigh.

  
  

  Am I crazy for being hurt by this or is it just pre-bridal feels? ugh.

  Other posters have already tackled the main issues well, so I'm just going to address the moving issue. As someone about to also start their residency this summer, I can tell you that I am absolutely dreading having to move after it starts. I was hoping to be able to move either this month or June, but it's not in the cards just yet. Residency is tough- 80 hour weeks, usually working 6+ days in a row. I don't even have a traditional intern year and moving won't be easy for me. Moving during a traditional intern year? Nightmare. So yeah, I'm totally behind his decision to move now rather than wait. And if that means he gets married now because of what his beliefs are now (how you were raised doesn't matter, as clearly he has new beliefs), then as long as he doesn't have a second ceremony at the big party in September, I don't see anything wrong with the plan.
  
  

  

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• karimichele member

  

  May 2014

  You can't really judge him for the moving part. If he's graduating now I'm sure he has all the time in the world. After he starts residency he's going to be a kind of tired comparable to having a newborn baby. I once well asleep writing a note, forget about managing to stay awake to eat dinner.
  
  I'd be surprised if he ever knows at this point if he can get off of work for his own wedding (or party or whatever) and if he can manage to stay awake. With the new duty hour rules, our interns almost never have a weekend off
  

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• CMGragain member

  

  May 2014 edited May 2014

  lizzypoo96 said:

  Short version: I have been engaged for about 16 months and will be getting married in July. In the time I've been engaged, my little brother met and got engaged to a woman (whom I adore) and they had planned to get married in September, 2 months after ours.

  
  

  Brother and FSIL are very religious- Christian (we grew up Catholic but not super traditional so this is new for us), and she has a 5 year old from a marriage when she was very young. Brother is great with her and they are all part of the family. 

  
  

  Bro calls me last night- they decided to have their pastor marry them on SUNDAY so that they can, in good faith, live together with the daughter. They are still planning the "party" for September but they don't know how much "wedding" or how much "celebration" there will be. He starts his residency next month and doesn't think he'll have time to move in the fall- which if you ask me is kind of a lame excuse (I know he'll be busy, but it's not an impossible task... he's moving like 2 miles away). 

  
  

  Now, in our family the idea of "living in sin" wasn't something our parents preferred for us but always said they'd support if circumstances proved it necessary, so no judgement there. I guess I just don't know how to feel. I am happy for them, I really am, but I do feel a little beat down about it. They never asked me to come down for their marriage- they're just going out to dinner after with the in-town family after they have their pastor marry them in private. I can't help it but I do feel a little "special snowflakey" about it as we are in the home stretch of our wedding planning and I was so excited to get married, have our time, and get ramped up for their wedding shortly after. Le sigh.

  
  

  Am I crazy for being hurt by this or is it just pre-bridal feels? ugh.

  The bolded does not fit the definition of a PPD.  They can have a party to celebrate their marriage at any time, as long as it isn't held on your wedding day.  You get ONE DAY!  You should congratulate them, and wish them well.
  

  

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