Maid of Honor help NEEDED

Re: Maid of Honor help NEEDED

• pinkcow13 member

  

  May 2014

  hannah2691 said:

  My Maid of Honor recently told me she is pregnant and her due date is 10 days after the wedding....I was totally supportive especially because this was not planned on her part and I wanted to be there for her! I don't care that she will be REALLY pregnant at the wedding or anything like that. But recently she has totally fell off the bane wagon and won't return my calls about whether she has ordered her dress yet or how things are coming together for the bachelorette party ( which was her idea to plan and keep a secret for me) etc. Most the wedding planning is done and I am ok with taking care of the details on my own and with my moms help. I would just really like her to play a leadership role among the bridal party and a supportive role to me throughout the whole process.

  
  

  My question is how do I plan for the fact that she may not even be there the day of the wedding whether she is giving birth or just doesn't come around? Is it appropriate for me to ask one of the other bridesmaids to step in as a second MOH? I don't want to hurt anyones feelings but also worried my MOH will never admit to all this being to much. Its a tough situation, trying to be supportive of my friend who is scared about being pregnant but also looking out for myself and my one and only wedding.... 

  
  

  Any guidance is appreciated! or if anyone has had to deal with the same issues would love to hear how it ended up! 

  No, it would not be appropriate to replace her with anyone, whether the person is in your bridal party or not. Even though she is your MOH, she is not required to "step up" or anything. For all you know, the other bridesmaids may be planning a surprise bachelorette for you.

  
  

  I know that you would like some support from her, but that is really not her job. Have you thought that maybe she needs some support herself? If you want support, that is what your FI is there for. It sounds like she recently became pregnant, and on top of that it was unplanned, so that may be a stressful situation for her. Have you tried asking how she is, or how she's feeling, or have your calls only been about your wedding? If so she may be feeling overwhelmed. 

  
  

  Call her, ask how she is, don't mention the wedding, and move on as if she is still your MOH. Like you said, this is your one and only wedding, but you don't want to lose a friend over it either.

                               

  

  
  

   

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• *Barbie* member

  

  May 2014

  hannah2691 said:

  My Maid of Honor recently told me she is pregnant and her due date is 10 days after the wedding....I was totally supportive especially because this was not planned on her part and I wanted to be there for her! I don't care that she will be REALLY pregnant at the wedding or anything like that. But recently she has totally fell off the bane wagon and won't return my calls about whether she has ordered her dress yet or how things are coming together for the bachelorette party ( which was her idea to plan and keep a secret for me) etc. Most the wedding planning is done and I am ok with taking care of the details on my own and with my moms help. I would just really like her to play a leadership role among the bridal party and a supportive role to me throughout the whole process.

  
  

  My question is how do I plan for the fact that she may not even be there the day of the wedding whether she is giving birth or just doesn't come around? Is it appropriate for me to ask one of the other bridesmaids to step in as a second MOH? I don't want to hurt anyones feelings but also worried my MOH will never admit to all this being to much. Its a tough situation, trying to be supportive of my friend who is scared about being pregnant but also looking out for myself and my one and only wedding.... 

  
  

  Any guidance is appreciated! or if anyone has had to deal with the same issues would love to hear how it ended up! 

  you're not coming off as supportive - you're coming off as selfish/self-centered and demanding. 

  
  

  your focus should be on your friendship and not your PPD.

  
  

  your friend is going through a lot right now. It's stressful to be pregnant when it is PLANNED, let alone if it was unplanned, and maybe not under the best circumstances (I could be completely off base, but I'm getting that vibe here.) nobody can ever predict how a pregnancy is going to go -  there's always a chance of miscarriage or unforeseen medical complications. If she's not financially stable or in a committed relationship, she will also have those things to work through.

  
  

  Your friend taking care of her health/well-being, and that of her unborn child takes priority for her over planning parties for you. If she wants to do those things and has the time and resources, I'm sure she will.  

  
  

  If you want to maintain the relationship, you need to give her time to figure things out, and stop peppering her with requests to do things for you and your PPD. You also will not "demote" MOH or "promote" one of your bride-slaves, just so you have someone who will throw you parties/help with DIY/support you/whatever. 

  
  

  Your friend is probably avoiding you because you only want to talk wedding and she has other things on her mind. I don't get why you're harassing her about buying a dress that likely won't fit in a month or so, and asking her about a (surprise) party for you. If it's a surprise, why in the world would you know anything about it?

  
  

  It's sad to see someone who is more concerned about parties in her honor than her relationship with her (BFF). 

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• 6fsn member

  

  May 2014

  Due dates, anatomy scans, GD tests, daycare, FMLA, strollers, lunch meat, feta cheese, paternity things (if this is the case) are all on her mind while you are thinking about dresses and bachelorette parties. 

  For the dress: One email saying "this is the dress in this color ordered by this date."

  The bachelorette is a secret.  You don't need to know how things are coming along. 

  There is nothing to come around to.  Her life has just changed drastically she will never think your wedding is as important as her child. Don't demote/promote. 

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• thejucheidea member

  

  May 2014

  Jesus wept.

  
  

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• bekahjo1119 member

  

  May 2014

  I understand that you are really stressing out about things.  She is, too.  Her life has just drastically changed.  I truly get that this is your one and only wedding and you're getting anxious about things getting done, but right now, she needs you.  As you have said, most of the planning is done.  Just call her up and hang out.  Try to cheer her up.  Assure her that you've got her back.  Your wedding will be beautiful.  Your life is coming together as planned and perhaps she's a little jealous of that.  Just be her friend.
  
  As for the promoting/demoting thing, I was demoted by a friend for having to wor on a final paper for a class the one day that she wanted to go look at bridesmaid dresses.  It sucks.  It really hurts the person who is demoted.  I don't know how she would feel about promoting one of the other girls.  Perhaps if you had a Matron of Honor and a Maid of Honor.  It is something to think about.  Just don't put any undo pressure on her.  Your day will work out.   Best of luck in this!

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