Rant: Hurry up already!

andrea4255 · May 2014

I posted a few months ago about finding "the box" in his bedside table and like knowing he has it isn't enough, but he keeps making comments that are just making me so anxious to get engaged! I just need to relieve some stress about the whole thing while by ranting.

The other day he told me that he talked to my mom about the idea of us getting engaged and said "we have the unofficial blessing"! He's also horrible at trying to keep secrets and if I hadn't of found the ring already, I would have started to suspect something when I was doing laundry last week and found a receipt for a payment made at People's!! I immediately threw it in the garbage and then mentioned to him that he needs to stop leaving paper in his pants because it causes a mess in the dryer.

Also, while we were on a road trip with a mutual friend, who he has told about the engagement ring, he made some off hand comment about how he had the engagement ring at home and he'll propose when we get back. Obviously he didn't propose, but our friend almost spit out her water because he actually admitted to having it at home, but thinks that I think he's just joking. He's made a few other comments to me about getting engaged and whenever we talk about getting engaged he jokingly says "I'll do it when we get home

"

*end of ran*

I'm so anxious to get engaged, but I'm glad that he's taking his time with it and I know it will be so special when he is actually ready, just wish he would hurry up! hahaha. I know the type of guy he is and he will wait until the ring is completely paid off and for the exact right moment.

Question for your girls:

How long did your BF/FI have the ring before he proposed and did he drop any hints to you while you were waiting?

I know when my BF's sister got engaged, her FI had the ring for 6 months and I jokingly stated to my BF that if he ever had an engagement ring for 6 months I'd shoot him, he's now had ours for 5 months. hahaha.

Blue & White · May 2014

Your rant makes you sound crazy. Bre just posted a similar post that does not make her sound crazy. So slow your roll slightly. It'll come. It's also "hadn't have" not "hadn't of".

1) My H had the ring like...3 weeks. I didn't know he had the ring, though, so that would be slightly different than your story.

2) I didn't know he had the ring, but knew we would be engaged eventually. We're not really in a rush for anything. I also got semi-deathly ill 2 months after he proposed and spent 3-4 months of our engagement in and out of hospitals and not wedding planning. There are more important things in life than being engaged

Like enjoying the one you're with.

ETA: changed right to ring because I can't type this early in the AM (even though it's not early)

[Deleted User] · May 2014

I know it's difficult to keep your cool when you know the proposal is coming but you will make yourself crazy if you don't calm down. Believe me!!! I knew DH was going to propose months before he actually did as well and I loved thinking about it but chatting with these ladies and occupying myself with other things helps. Just enjoy your relationship.

1. DH bought the ring in November 2012 and proposed February 2013 the day after Valentine's Day.

2. I had no idea he had bought the ring or anything. I knew he planned on proposing sometime in 2013 since he told me that it would happen next year. He had also talked to my parentals without my knowledge as well so it was very nice being completely ignorant of all his plans.

ShallowSeas · May 2014

FI had my ring for a month and a half before he proposed. I knew he had it and I knew where he was keeping it and it drove me crazy not to snoop and peek. I had no idea what the ring looked like until he proposed and I had no idea when he was going to do it. It was a complete surprise and he definitely caught me off guard.

There are some girls on TK who's SO had their ring for over a year before they proposed.

Dignity100 · May 2014

My BF never even had the ring. We picked it out together and when it came in, I just put it on and started wearing it right away. We were engaged before a ring was involved though. Sorry, I'm no help.

Have you told him that you don't need a grand gesture?

GoldenPenguin · May 2014

You're making yourself crazy.

I am 99.9% sure that BF doesn't have the ring (because I don't think he could have it for very long before giving it to me) but I'm content in knowing that it WILL happen. I don't know when, and although I'm impatient, there's no point in driving myself crazy.

Also, HE doesn't know that you know. So even though it seems unfair that he has it & hasn't given it to you yet, that's YOU making those feelings bubble up. If he knew that you knew and was purposely torturing you, that would be one thing, but it's only you and us that KNOW that you know.

They Don't Know That We Know They Know We Know

lmcooper86 · May 2014

GoldenPenguin said:

You're making yourself crazy.

I am 99.9% sure that BF doesn't have the ring (because I don't think he could have it for very long before giving it to me) but I'm content in knowing that it WILL happen. I don't know when, and although I'm impatient, there's no point in driving myself crazy.

Also, HE doesn't know that you know. So even though it seems unfair that he has it & hasn't given it to you yet, that's YOU making those feelings bubble up. If he knew that you knew and was purposely torturing you, that would be one thing, but it's only you and us that KNOW that you know.

Yup to the bolded. I know BF has ordered my ring. I know he wants to get engaged this summer. I'm excited for it to happen, and I'm looking forward to it (duh), but I'm not pulling my hair out wondering exactly when it's going to happen.

I agree that the hints are totally frustrating, but you know that he has the ring, and that he is eventually going to propose. Find something to distract yourself with in the meantime; otherwise you run the risk of building it up in your head for every date, every trip, every occasion, and you might end up ruining those times expecting it to happen and being disappointed when it doesn't.

phira · May 2014

I think that the major problem here is what @GoldenPenguin so elegantly summed up in the above Friends GIF (from one of the best episodes of the show, of course).

You're sitting there squirming, feeling crazy, and stressing like whoa because you know he has the ring and you're feeling consumed waiting for the proposal. As far as YOU know (because you don't know for sure), he DOESN'T know that you're aware that he has the ring. I wasn't joking about the GIF--this is pretty much the situation.

I don't think that the experiences of the folks here is going to be much help to you. The stories are as varied as our relationships. My brother proposed the day he bought a ring because he was so impatient to get it over with. My cousin designed and bought a ring last summer, and didn't propose for months (and kept postponing the proposal). My partner and I bought our rings about 2-3 months before we got engaged, but we both knew when we'd be getting engaged.

My advice for you is to just talk to him about it. Tell him that you know that he has the ring. Tell him that you're feeling really stressed because you're starting to anticipate a proposal at every corner. Ask him if he can clue you in on about when he'd like to be engaged by (not when he'll propose, even if they're basically the same thing). Emphasize that you really don't need an elaborate proposal.

Because basically, you're sitting here, obsessing and stressing and not telling your partner. He doesn't know any of these things. Communicate.

GoldenPenguin · May 2014

lmcooper86 said:

GoldenPenguin said:

You're making yourself crazy.

I am 99.9% sure that BF doesn't have the ring (because I don't think he could have it for very long before giving it to me) but I'm content in knowing that it WILL happen. I don't know when, and although I'm impatient, there's no point in driving myself crazy.

Also, HE doesn't know that you know. So even though it seems unfair that he has it & hasn't given it to you yet, that's YOU making those feelings bubble up. If he knew that you knew and was purposely torturing you, that would be one thing, but it's only you and us that KNOW that you know.

Yup to the bolded. I know BF has ordered my ring. I know he wants to get engaged this summer. I'm excited for it to happen, and I'm looking forward to it (duh), but I'm not pulling my hair out wondering exactly when it's going to happen.
I agree that the hints are totally frustrating, but you know that he has the ring, and that he is eventually going to propose. Find something to distract yourself with in the meantime; otherwise you run the risk of building it up in your head for every date, every trip, every occasion, and you might end up ruining those times expecting it to happen and being disappointed when it doesn't.

I can't say that I don't have my BSC moments when I'm like "OMG WHERE IS IT??!" but I keep it in check for the most part.

I think.

luckya23 · May 2014

What does BSC mean?

GoldenPenguin · May 2014

Bat Shit Crazy.

buddysmom80 · May 2014

Like other PPs said, the fact that you know it's going to happen will keep you content.

To answer your questions, my FI had the ring only one day before he proposed. We looked at rings together, I knew when he ordered it, but other than that I had no clue. He was so excited to propose he couldn't wait, he originally wanted to do it on Christmas or New Years.

Blackbird230 · May 2014

Seconding PPs.

I was actually engaged without a ring for quite a few months. FI and I went ring shopping together and he got the ring and decided to give it to me in a fun way, even though it wasn't a OMG PROPOSAL because we were already engaged. We just had fun with it.

bethsmiles · May 2014

I have to agree with PPs that you sound a little crazy in your post. You need to find a way to stop thinking about this! It will happen when it happens and just because he has the ring doesn't mean it will happen soon. Some women's SO had the ring for over a YEAR before proposing. I suggest getting a hobby or something to take your mind off of this.

labro · May 2014

I didn't know FI had the ring before he proposed but I did know he had been shopping and thanks to @southernpeach89 getting drunk and telling me secrets I also knew that he had a ring on layaway and was making payments for it. I found out about the layaway thing probably two months before we got engaged. The women here helped me keep my cool when I needed them too. I think @GoldenPenguinsaid it best though. He doesn't know you know about the ring, he's not intentionally torturing you. You're doing this to yourself right now. You need to work on finding distractions to keep yourself from dwelling on it so much. Start a new hobby. Something that always keeps my mind busy is working on a new crochet project. I have to concentrate on the pattern and therefore can't focus on other things that may be bothering me.

[Deleted User] · May 2014

I'm a bad sister : (

phira · May 2014

southernpeach89 said:

I'm a bad sister : (

Nah, it all worked fine! They're getting married

kaitlynmichelle · May 2014

FI had my ring for one week before he proposed. It was a 3 week process to have it designed and made before that, and a freaking year of discussing it and waiting for a proposal.
He said on our 8th anniversary he wanted to start looking for rings. He proposed on our 9th anniversary.

My patience was razor thin by that point, but the time and care he put into picking out the stones for my ring and designing the setting with every little detail I'd ever mentioned I loved means the world to me.

I joked he's lucky it was ready in time as he planned to propose on our anniversary and it was getting close!

lavenderfields13 · May 2014

FI had my ring for 6 months before he proposed. I picked it out and I knew it was being sent to his parents' house when it was ready. I don't know how long he kept it there though and how long it was in our apartment for. After I knew the ring was ordered I actually calmed down a lot. My thought was "he has the ring, he is serious about proposing, now he'll do it when he feels it's the right time".

He proposed on Christmas and I really didn't even see it coming because I didn't think he would ever propose on a holiday, birthday, etc.

Even though he doesn't know you know I think it would be Ok to nicely ask him to stop teasing you with the idea of a proposal because it's making you anxious! Then just sit back and wait! I saw and still see so many people on here give the advice to just enjoy where you are now because once you're engaged you're done with "just dating". It is SO true. Now FI and I are happily planning our wedding, something I've been waiting to do for years now, but I have to admit there are times when I miss that excitement of wondering when he was going to propose. Maybe I'm just weird.

BreMR · May 2014

severmilli12 said:

FI had my ring for a month and a half before he proposed. I knew he had it and I knew where he was keeping it and it drove me crazy not to snoop and peek. I had no idea what the ring looked like until he proposed and I had no idea when he was going to do it. It was a complete surprise and he definitely caught me off guard.

There are some girls on TK who's SO had their ring for over a year before they proposed.

Ohmy.. I hope I don't know when/where the ring is when it happens. As much as I'd like to give myself credit and think I wouldn't look I'm not too sure I could resist. I think what would/will? stop me is the fact that my boyfriend deserves to be a witness to the first time I lay eyes on it and the first instant of excitement.

lennonkdc · May 2014

FI and I looked at rings when we'd been dating around six months. Nine years later he proposed, without a ring and two months after that my ring came in.

I second all the slow your roll ladies, once you are engaged the wedding planning starts and unless you're eloping that means more headaches then you could have ever imagined. He has the ring, he will propose, and you will be married. Relax, take a deep breath and enjoy the last stages of dating.

ShallowSeas · May 2014

BreMR said:

severmilli12 said:

FI had my ring for a month and a half before he proposed. I knew he had it and I knew where he was keeping it and it drove me crazy not to snoop and peek. I had no idea what the ring looked like until he proposed and I had no idea when he was going to do it. It was a complete surprise and he definitely caught me off guard.

There are some girls on TK who's SO had their ring for over a year before they proposed.

Ohmy.. I hope I don't know when/where the ring is when it happens. As much as I'd like to give myself credit and think I wouldn't look I'm not too sure I could resist. I think what would/will? stop me is the fact that my boyfriend deserves to be a witness to the first time I lay eyes on it and the first instant of excitement.

IT WAS TORTURE!!! Anytime we went anywhere it was always in the back of mind, "OMG is he gonna propose?! He's gonna propose, isn't he?!" Then the one time I didn't think that...it happened

Emmyghoul · May 2014

A year and a half my SO has had the ring and I still don't have it. I understand the torture you're feeling. He told be when he was buying the ring and even sent me pictures to make sure it was a style I would like.

Thanks to the lovely ladies here (and reading stories so similar to mine) I'm not feeling quite so crazy and am not obsessing so much. It really is helping.

lilacck28 · May 2014

I picked out the ring with fiance. When it was ready, he tried to pick it up without me knowing, but I texted that I'd be home early and it ruined the surprise (he had to say.. oh.. I won't be home...). That was a Wednesday I believe. So I knew he had the ring, and he knew that I knew. He proposed that weekend. He knew me, and didn't want to torture me. Of course, none of it was a surprise to begin with, so it wasn't that big of a deal for the timing of the proposal to not be (though, the way he proposed WAS a surprise. Much more romantic/ made an event of it than I anticipated.)

Calm yourself. It will all be okay. If you think it's important to him to let him do the surprise thing, then let him. I forced myself to not find where he hid the ring, even though I knew what it looked like and that he had it.

Honestly though, if you're going that crazy, maybe just be honest and tell him that you saw it/ saw the people's receipt. He'll know you know, and will maybe speed things along. You'll ruin the surprise for him, and you might be very mad at yourself for that afterwards though. And then there's the chance that he'll wait even longer to try and gain back some of the surprise element anyway. But you know yourself and your bf, we don't. You have to make that call.

Rant: Hurry up already!

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