One of my best friends from HS, Jen, just broke up with her girlfriend Amy. They were together for 6 years. Some more background info: Amy is younger than us and was good friends with my brother growing up. So, I knew her before Jen started dating her. Albeit, not well, but I did know her and we would exchange pleasantries when we saw each other.
When Jen and Amy began dating, our group of friends then also became good friends with Amy. We all spent a lot of time together. My friendship with Jen was always stronger though and while I became better friends with Amy, we were never the type of friends that would call each other or hang out just the two of us.
They broke up about 4 weeks ago. At first, the breakup seemed amicable. Unfortunately that's not the case now. Amy has already begun dating someone else is and rubbing it in Jen's face (I've seen the text messages. It ain't pretty). Jen was so unnerved by the things Amy was saying to her, that she had all of her locks changed.
Amy sent me a text last night asking to talk to me about the wedding. I was out to dinner with a friend so I told her I'd call her today. As a person that actively avoids any kind of confrontation or uncomfortable situations, I was internally freaking out. Now, it could be about a few things. My bach party is in July - Amy was supposed to attend along with Jen. My MOH spoke to both of them and said it was up to them to work it out if they both felt comfortable attending.
She could also be calling to see if she's still invited to the wedding (wedding is in September so invites have not gone out yet). And that's the part that I'm getting hung up on. Jen has been one of my best friends since HS (if I was having a wedding party and not just a MOH, she'd be a BM) and I don't want her to be uncomfortable with Amy being there. Knowing Jen the way I do, I know she will say to invite Amy - she would never expect us to choose sides or to kick Amy out of our lives. But knowing what's going on between them now, I don't know if I feel comfortable having Amy there. I almost feel like I'm not being loyal to Jen. And since Amy is already dating someone new, assuming they're still together by the time the invites go out, I will have to invite the new girlfriend too, adding to the uncomfortable factor.
I guess I really don't know what to say to Amy. Do I tell her we should wait out on things and see where everyone stands in July? Gah. I don't want there to be any hurt feelings. And I do want to stay friends with Amy.
Re: Need advice on sticky situation.
Why do you still want to be friends with Amy? She's actively making the break-up flare up by rubbing a new person into Jenn's face rather than just parting ways. If I saw someone doing this to my long-time friend, I wouldn't want to still be friends with the ex. Stressful times bring out people's true colors, and if Jenn is your long time friend, being reasonable, and trying to be an adult, while the ex who you have enjoyed getting to know if being an instigator, I'd pick Jenn. I'd tell Amy that I'm really sorry, but since the situation isn't all that great right now, that you just think it's best she not come. And I wouldn't feel guilty at all for it since she's the one making the situation tough on everyone.
Very much this. I'm not advocating cutting Amy out entirely, but maybe some cooling off time is needed.