Father that has passed

GinaV0822 · July 2012

My father passed away 12 years ago and we plan to do some memorial roses and pictures on a table at the reception for him and grandparents. I recently heard about leaving a seat open at the ceremony if a parent has passed. This is the first I've heard of this and I wonder if anyone else has done this. I feel like this would be a great gesture to acknowledge how much we still miss him and want to make him a part of our day. My mother has been dating a man for five years now, and he would be there too, next to my mom. This was actully also done at his son's wedding, which is how I heard of this. I personally thought this was very touching. I just hadn't heard of it before so I'd like to hear your thoughts or any ideas you have for acknowledging a parent or loved one who has passed.

Thanks!

scstar17 · July 2012

My dad died five years ago, but I find the empty seat thing kind of odd and tacky (my opinion). My brother will be reading a poem my dad wrote when his mom died. But the empty seat idea seems sad and just an awful reminder to me, my bother, and my mom that we lost him. I mean the day will be weird enough to not have him there with me but to be so sorrowful is not good. Maybe 12 years is different, that it isn't as sad since it's been longer.

Kate61487 · July 2012

It could be a nice setiment or, like PP said, it coud be a painful reminder. If you decide to do this just make sure you clear it with those who may be upset by it (mom, brother, grandparents if any will be there). it's safer to stick wih memorial things that ae there for YOU, and not necessarily in everyone's face. Like a keepsake that you wear or tie onto your bouquet.

blubuilding · July 2012

My father passed 4 years ago. He met my FI and just adored him. His ashes will come to the ceremony. My family is really quirky though.

daffydillie · July 2012

We are having a flower arrangement set in the end of the first pew, one for my gram and one for his mom, that will follow us to the ceremony. I dont think anyone knows what they are for.

I just worry with such blatant reminders it seeming more like a memorial service than a wedding. Ive seen brides but a rose in their bouquets for their fathers and thought that was nice but not too in your face.

Starqueg · July 2012

I sort of feel like that kind of thing goes beyond "we wish he was here with us" and into "we're sad he's gone" territory. If that makes sense. Both are sad, but one has more of a mourning connotation to me. Can you do something positive to remember him by at your wedding? Like PP suggested, carry a flower in his memory, maybe something in his favorite color. If it wouldn't make you cry, play his favorite song during the reception and dance your heart out to it with your family.

If I were a guest at your wedding, I'd feel bad for your mom sitting next to an empty chair the whole evening.

JessAndTrav · July 2012

My grandmother, who was practically my mother passed away almost exactly 3 years before our wedding. We had a yellow rose (her favorite) in a vase displayed on the piano in her honor at our ceremony. It's meaning was printed in our programs.

I know that to some, a grandmother is different than a dad, but it was more painful for me when she died than it was when my dad passed.

While it's ultimately up to you, I agree that some people may think it's odd, unnecessary or creepy to have the empty chair.

They do make small picture charms to tie into your bouquet that you could use instead as a memorial, or you could light a candle. Here's an affordable charm from Etsy. <---Clicky

misssunshine17 · July 2012

I think PPs gave you some great ways to memorialize without talking it too far (the empty chair, IMO). I really love the idea about taking a flower from your bouquet to the burial site.

I am sorry for your loss.

GinaV0822 · July 2012

Thanks for the input. At first it seemed like a good idea when my mom told me about it. I think it was because she liked the idea and she sounded like she would like me to do it. But after thinking about this and reading the posts it would feel like he's missing even more if there's an empty chair. I don't know that I'd want to see that when I walk down the aisle. I have a blue silk hankerchief of his that I think I will carry with me that day.

scstar17 · July 2012

Oooh I forgot to also say that I'm having a small piece of one of my daddy's shirts sewn into my dress, by my heart. He wore Hawaiian shirts (in true middle aged dad fashion, with a fanny pack on vacations) and my mom pulled some out that I can cut out from. Then that is private for me. One of my hugest jobs with my wedding is making sure my mom stays happy and doesn't get too sad her husband can't see his daughter get married. So the chair thing is too much for us.

The poem my brother is reading will be dedicated to all that have passed - my dad, all my grandparents, my godparents, my fiancee's grandparents. The place we chose is filled with stained glass, which my dad used to make, and that in itself is a memorial to him.

cmperry17 · May 2014

so glad to see all these comments. My wedding is a yr from this October. Our church has a living garden, which is a place where your ashes can be buried. so he will be there at the church

I am very close to my dad, the thought of an empty space in the pew/reception sounds like it would be very painful. I love the idea of a favorite flower, also the piece of his shirt sewn into your gown as well as the charm. I want to do all. My dad loves bow ties and in his honor the my Fiance wants to ask all the men invited to the wedding to wear a bow tie. As well as the best man and groomsmen and the RB. My Fiance and my son,brother, brother-in-law, nephews, great nephew and my dads nephews i will have them wear one of his bow ties. I have asked my brother in law(like an older brother) to walk me down the aisle. My other brother-in-law is in the Living garden. Don't know how to remember him,he also was like a older brother. Any Ideas?

Gosh this is so hard and painful...... The hospice social worker want to have the chaplain come up with some ideas to acknowledge this before my dad passes as well.

huskypuppy14 · May 2014

@knotporscha zombie thread. Close please.

huskypuppy14 · May 2014

@cmperry17 sorry about your dad; that must be really hard.

But this thread is almost 2 years old.

You're welcome to start a new thread, but many of these previous posters are not here anymore, so they won't see your comment.

Father that has passed

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