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Wedding too late?

chasingsunlightchasingsunlight member
5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
in Jewish Weddings
Due to sundown / the timing of our catering hall, it is looking like we will do our ceremony around 7pm, cocktails at 8pm, and dinner sometime after the reception begins at 9pm.  Is this too late?  All of my Jewish relatives seem to think it's pushing it, but not so bad, but all of my non-Jewish friends think it is insane for a wedding to serve dinner that late.  
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Re: Wedding too late?

  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Are you doing this on a Saturday night in the summer?

    My cousin had a wedding like that, where the reception started about 9pm due to the Sabbath ending late in the summer.  I can understand it's starting that late, but I have to agree that non-Jewish persons will have a problem with it, as, for that matter, many Jewish persons.

    Can you at least move back the beginning of dinner and skip or shorten the cocktails so that the reception starts around 8:30 rather than 9pm?  If not, I'd reconsider whatever facets of your plans are requiring you to have a late start to your reception.


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  • chasingsunlightchasingsunlight member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    Unfortunately, we cannot skip the cocktail hour because our ceremony and reception are in the same exact space.  The cocktail hour is needed for the staff to change the furniture over. Also, there will be a lot of food at cocktail hour, so we want people to enjoy that.   


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  • casey8784casey8784 member
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    If guests see on the invite that the reception doesn't start until 9, I would think most would eat something before going to the ceremony. Perhaps have a heavy cocktail hour with lots of hors d'oeuvres/stations, and then a completely awesome dessert bar/late-night food station at the reception?
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its

    casey8784 said:
    If guests see on the invite that the reception doesn't start until 9, I would think most would eat something before going to the ceremony. Perhaps have a heavy cocktail hour with lots of hors d'oeuvres/stations, and then a completely awesome dessert bar/late-night food station at the reception?
    I like this idea along with eliminating a full dinner.  Then the start time of the reception might not seem quite so late to the guests.
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  • jessicabessicajessicabessica member
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    I don't think it's too late.  I've been to weddings with that timeline.  Are you sure your ceremony will take 1 hour?  Most Jewish ceremonies I have been to are not more than 30 minutes (including ours, probably about 20 minutes).  Have good apps--plentiful and heavy--during cocktail hour so people can start eating, and then serve dinner right away in the reception.  

    I respectfully disagree that you should eliminate a full dinner.  9 pm is not too late to eat, Jewish wedding or not, IMO.  I would much rather go to a wedding that starts a bit later and serves the meal promptly rather than a wedding that takes its time to actually serve guests (2+ hours of cocktails, extensive photos, etc.).  

    I went to a wedding in the midwest in the fall that started around 7 pm.  They had two stationed apps in cocktail hour (one was fried rice, cannot remember the other), served dinner promptly once we went into the room, and then had an awesome dessert bar later with cake, tons of different mini desserts, and coffee with kahlua and other alcoholic additions.  I thought their food/timing was fine.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    jessicabessica said:
    I don't think it's too late.  I've been to weddings with that timeline.  Are you sure your ceremony will take 1 hour?  Most Jewish ceremonies I have been to are not more than 30 minutes (including ours, probably about 20 minutes).  Have good apps--plentiful and heavy--during cocktail hour so people can start eating, and then serve dinner right away in the reception.  

    I respectfully disagree that you should eliminate a full dinner.  9 pm is not too late to eat, Jewish wedding or not, IMO.  I would much rather go to a wedding that starts a bit later and serves the meal promptly rather than a wedding that takes its time to actually serve guests (2+ hours of cocktails, extensive photos, etc.).  

    I went to a wedding in the midwest in the fall that started around 7 pm.  They had two stationed apps in cocktail hour (one was fried rice, cannot remember the other), served dinner promptly once we went into the room, and then had an awesome dessert bar later with cake, tons of different mini desserts, and coffee with kahlua and other alcoholic additions.  I thought their food/timing was fine.
    I'd say this is situational.  If the OP plans to invite a significant number of guests for whom 9pm is late, it really wouldn't make sense to do this-those people would leave early and not get the full thank-you that the reception is supposed to be.
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  • jessicabessicajessicabessica member
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    @Jen4948, I would hope that if that were the case, OP would think about doing a Sunday afternoon wedding (we had one, it was lovely).  That ship may have sailed, though.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    edited November 2013
    jessicabessica said:
    @Jen4948, I would hope that if that were the case, OP would think about doing a Sunday afternoon wedding (we had one, it was lovely).  That ship may have sailed, though.
    I would hope that too.  But if that isn't possible, I still think it makes more sense to eliminate dinner and have a bigger cocktail hour with appetizers and desserts.
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  • jessicabessicajessicabessica member
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    I think you need to start a wedding at 8 pm or later to avoid serving dinner.  At a Jewish wedding, however, when guests know you are starting so late because of Shabbat, I really think they will expect dinner even if you're starting so late--I certainly would.
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  • chasingsunlightchasingsunlight member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    The reason we avoided a Sunday was to accommodate all of our out of town guests.  Almost none of our guests live less than an hour's drive from the venue (which we chose because my fiance's family owns it).  With that in mind, most of our guests will be staying in a hotel nearby and we will be providing transportation to and from the wedding.  With no need to drive and no work the next day, we don't think our guests will have an issue with the timing.  In all honesty, I think I might be the only one concerned with when we serve the food, but I'm determined to ensure everyone has a great time.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    jessicabessica said:
    I think you need to start a wedding at 8 pm or later to avoid serving dinner.  At a Jewish wedding, however, when guests know you are starting so late because of Shabbat, I really think they will expect dinner even if you're starting so late--I certainly would.
    This assumes every guest is Jewish and/or understands this.  Many people invite non-Jewish guests who do not come with this understanding.
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  • jessicabessicajessicabessica member
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    Yeah, but I'd rather provide food for people who may have already eaten than have people go hungry because they were expecting dinner and I didn't serve it.  (sorry, quote is not working right now for me)
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    jessicabessica said:
    Yeah, but I'd rather provide food for people who may have already eaten than have people go hungry because they were expecting dinner and I didn't serve it.  (sorry, quote is not working right now for me)
    The thing is, you can't control whether or not other people know about the Sabbath or eat ahead of time, nor do you have any way of knowing whether or not they've already eaten, so regardless of what you'd "rather" do, I think it's more gracious to just provide sufficient refreshments of the right type for the time of day the reception is happening-and eliminate the cocktail hour if it's starting that late.  Not everyone can stay that late even on Saturday night.
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  • kimifridkimifrid member
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    Shabbat for us ends at 6:19 Ceremony will not start till 730.
    Will provide smorgasbord at 630 for guests, while we are signing Ketubbah, and taking a few pics with family. Ceremony is until 8 pm. then will offer guests to enter the reception area and serve them an appetizer while we are taking our 30 minute moment. Party to start at 830 . Guests will be well fed, ready for Hora, and first dance and the rest of the party! I hope it helps. I wish I could start earlier, but it is a Conservative wedding, nothing I can do. 
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