Need ideas for asking people to be in our bridal party

Dignity100 · May 2014

FI and I are having a really really small wedding (immediate family only). I originally did not think about having a 'true' bridal party but asking somebody to help fix my dress and such for pictures. FI said that he really wanted his brother to be his Best Man, my thought was 'Ok, cool, I can just ask FI's sister to be my MOH and all will be well in the world'. So - now we know WHO we want as our bridal party, but no idea how to ask. I know better than to text (or even call) FI's sister and ask her, but at the same time I rarely see her 'alone'. I was thinking of somehow just asking FI's brother and sister to lunch or dinner, but I also don't know how to do that without it being awkward and saying 'no significant others'. I don't want to put either on the spot and I want them to be able to turn us down if they so choose. Any ideas? How did you ask your bridal party?

emmyg65 · May 2014

Just call her. Don't do it over text, and don't do it along with FI's brother. Give her some time to think about it and be understanding whatever she decides.

RebeccaFlower · May 2014

Just call and ask. It doesn't need to be some big, expensive production.

Since it's just one person on each side, I suggest letting them just wear something in their closet or just give color guidelines. Doing this was one of the best wedding decisions I made.

climbingsingle · May 2014

You can call her and ask her on the phone. Or you can call her up and ask if she wants to grab lunch and ask her in person. You're over thinking this.

chibiyui · May 2014

I sent facebook messages mostly. My friend group are not phone people.

Dignity100 · May 2014

Cool cool - thanks. I just thought it was something that should be done 'in person' - but if there's no etiquette around that, it makes it WAY easier!!

I plan on just giving her guidelines (I'd like it to be knee-length in one of the wedding colors), if she has something that fits, great, if not I'll offer to go shopping with her.

Jen4948 · May 2014

Ask them each separately and directly and let it go at that. Don't "pop" the question or use gimmicks. It can make the people involved feel uncomfortable, especially if they have to say no for whatever reason.

delujm0 · May 2014

i was only able to ask one of my 4 BMs in person because the other 3 live in different cities and i didn't want to wait until i saw them each again - i wanted to ask them all at the same time. i asked one in person, one on Skype, one on the phone, and one over text (my sister/MOH - that is literally the only way she will communicate unless there is an extreme emergency).

"i would really like for you to stand up with me durng the wedding because you mean a lot to me. Will you be a bridesmaid?" is really enough, despite the ridiculous crafting atrocities that Pinterest would lead you to believe are essential.

thelastdreamer · May 2014

yeah I just texted my bms ha. they all seemed cool with it.

sarahonlife · May 2014

I announced my engagement to my sister by texting her a picture of my ring with "Be my maid of honor?" So...yeah, don't worry about doing anything fancy.

Gina0887 · May 2014

My sisters got a phone call, and I sent my FSIL flowers with a note that said, "I've got my guy, but I need my girl. Will you stand beside me as we say yes." or something like that.

Jen4948 · May 2014

Gina0887 said:

My sisters got a phone call, and I sent my FSIL flowers with a note that said, "I've got my guy, but I need my girl. Will you stand beside me as we say yes." or something like that.

I wouldn't do it this way. Sending or giving your intended wedding party members anything may feel to them like too much pressure, especially if they have to say no.

KGold80 · May 2014

My bestie and I communicate by Facebook message most of the time so that is how I asked her to be my MOH.

The cutesy proposals are just too much IMO.

phira · May 2014

I asked in person. So did my partner.

My only recommendation is to make sure you're asking people one on one (not like ... in UTTER PRIVACY) but not while you're at dinner with a few other people. Calling is fine, too.

And just make sure that, well, you're actually in conversation. J asked his brothers to be best men by walking into the living room while we were all hanging out at their parents' house and just asking, and one of his brothers was in the middle of a conversation with someone else. They were both distracted (one of them didn't even hear the question) and one of them didn't even officially say yes. J seemed really disappointed because neither of them seemed interested or excited.

Need ideas for asking people to be in our bridal party

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