Anyone catch this on the today show yesterday?

crunchymamaof2 · May 2014

You know how the today show anchors talk to people in the audience? Well yesterday they went up to two girls who were holding "college shower" signs and asked about it. Yeah, you guessed it. Apparently college showers are the new cool thing (ie another way to suck money out of people for something you should be responsible for). So they could "get money for college" and find "sponsors". I just threw up in my mouth from writing that.

I'm the first to admit I'm spoiled. I've been beyond fortunate that my family has always provided for me, and even now helps us out (voluntarily, they do it just because at this point). But even I grew up being taught that soliciting money should be done by 2 groups- prostitutes and charities. When I went to college I took out loans for whatever my family wasn't able or willing to cover and I busted my ass for scholarships. Because that's what you do. I wish every child had the opportunity to go to college but this just crosses the line. I guess this is the new honeyfund.

lyndausvi · May 2014

gross.

doeydo · May 2014

I'm fortunate that my grandparents created an RESP for me when I was born. That money pays/paid for all my school funds, text books, my laptop, and printer ink. My grandparents were not as well off when they were younger and had their kids going to school. My uncle worked all through high school and saved that money to pay for himself to be able to attend university. He also continued to work while he was in university. There are also student loans and assistance programs, scholarships, bursaries, etc. for students.

RebeccaFlower · May 2014

I had a high school graduation party where people were very generous and I had cash for expenses, but that was it. This just sounds gross.

LabLove86 · May 2014

I will not allow my future children to have one of these. Ugh.

crunchymamaof2 · May 2014

RebeccaFlower said:

I had a high school graduation party where people were very generous and I had cash for expenses, but that was it. This just sounds gross.

W
At least they gave voluntarily.

hyechica81 · May 2014

so tacky if she really wanted money and gifts host a graduation party at the house serve light food or a meal cake and punch dont ask for gifts but know most will bring one

i see some of the big box retailers getting on this trend and having a college registry for a college shower.

when i graduated hs many years ago many people sent me cards and checks or money i was not expecting it but i got it and sent out my thank yous

tcnoble · May 2014

What happened to the "if you can't afford it, don't buy it" mentality?? People are just shameless with asking for money. Gross.

SammiNJonni · May 2014

Yuck. I know BBB has a college registry which just adds to this view that people need to buy stuff for you for college.

tigersgirlgv · May 2014

I had a party when I graduated from high school, which was fully hosted. Many people brought gifts/cash, but it was not definitely not a shower and no one was asked to "sponsor" me, whatever that means.

wrigleyville · May 2014

I don't understand the point. I had a graduation party when I graduated from high school, and most people showed up with either cash/checks or items I could use in my dorm room.

I don't see the need to have a separate "shower". People have already given you money to help you get started your first year of college when you have a graduation party. After that, you're an adult, and you get to learn how to budget like the rest of us.

[Deleted User] · May 2014

But the graduation gifts are your beer and pizza money. You're throwing the shower so you can buy books and tuition.

lilacck28 · May 2014

I didn't do this (I didn't have a graduation party either), and I don't know anyone who has, but... why are bridal showers less tacky/ seemingly more acceptable? Because bridal showers are traditional? Doesn't seem like great logic to me. In fact, it is similar to my favorite logical fallacy: argumentum ad antiquitatem. If someone decides to throw some kid a "college shower", I don't see how that is different than someone deciding to throw a woman a "bridal shower."

Also, about: "What happened to the "if you can't afford it, don't buy it" mentality??"

I understand that this is just a "pile on the tacky new thing" kind of post, and that you probably didn't mean it this way but... Most people can't "afford" college, without some form of assistance. And even with that assistance, it is a financial hardship. I do not think budgeting for education should be equated with the type of budgeting people should use for a fancy purse. Being able to afford an education outright is a terrible way to determine who gets educated.

lilacck28 · May 2014

Personally, I have no problem with other people giving cash or even telling people that say they want to give them a gift that money to go towards x is preferred. I don't fully understand the immense preference for physical objects, but I'm not going to argue with this, because it is just a preference.

If the issues people have with "college showers" are just that they assume only money is being changed hands, well, I can think of quite a few things I used in college that are physical items that I would have been more than happy to receive at a shower had someone decided to throw one for me. Towels, sheets, a comforter, a pillow, a backpack, a computer, Microsoft word, a little shower caddy, note books, a printer, pencils, pens, even a pair of rainboots. These items aren't very different from what is listed on a registry for a bridal or baby shower.

If you (collective/royal you) want to argue that showers (thrown by someone else) in general are tacky, okay, but only arguing that specific types of showers are tacky still makes no sense to me.

lyndausvi · May 2014

Well I think wedding showers outdated. I barely like baby showers. I certainly do not want to add more showers to the mix.

Invitation are not subpoenas, that said I think there is a certain expectation to attend. As an older person who has friends and nieces/nephews who are nearing college age I really do not like this trend. Let's face it their peers are just as broke as themselves. So by logic the people funding these types of showers would be people like me. I don't like being thought of an ATM. Now I do not have a kid, but my siblings have enough expenses funding her own kids college, why would they want to "have" to contribute to a college of someone else also?

lilacck28 · May 2014

lyndausvi said:

Well I think wedding showers outdated. I barely like baby showers. I certainly do not want to add more showers to the mix.

Invitation are not subpoenas, that said I think there is a certain expectation to attend. As an older person who has friends and nieces/nephews who are nearing college age I really do not like this trend. Let's face it their peers are just as broke as themselves. So by logic the people funding these types of showers would be people like me. I don't like being thought of an ATM. Now I do not have a kid, but my siblings have enough expenses funding her own kids college, why would they want to "have" to contribute to a college of someone else also?

This I can agree with. I don't think there should be an expectation to throw or go to a shower for any event, but if someone wants to throw me a shower for moving or graduating, fine. Its up to those invited to decide whether or not to attend and give a gift.

Actually, if any shower becomes a social norm, I think a "I am moving into my first apartment" is preferable/ generally makes more sense nowadays than a wedding shower.

wrigleyville · May 2014

Good grief. At this rate, we'll have showers for first apartment, first car, first day of grad school, first day of doctoral program, first wardrobe makeover, first home renovation, and first trip to Europe.

Where does it end?

lilacck28 · May 2014

That was my last point. That I don't think anyone should expect a shower for anything, but if I had to pick one "event" for showers to become a cultural social norm, it would be first apartment. It fulfills the reasons that bridal showers became prominent to begin with.

My FMIL has mentioned throwing me a bridal shower. This thread has made me realize that I should have fiance make sure that she is doing it because she actually wants to, not because she feels like it is expected of her. I don't particularly want one or expect one. Two years ago, though, I would have been thrilled to have a "first apartment" shower.

PrincessOfHavoc · May 2014

I admit, I had a college registry. Very much so my various family who like giving boxed gifts had an idea on what I needed. I side eyed my mom there, but Grandma loved the list and the lovely mattress pad off my list was much more enjoyable than her usual questionable sweaters for presents. She got a thank you no matter what, I'm not a totally ungrateful heathen. Plus I got the Oreos which lead my aunt to send me a monthly junk food box.

I'll stay out of money raising as I'm a spoiled princess there.

tabathafaye · May 2014

crunchymamaof2 said:

But even I grew up being taught that soliciting money should be done by 2 groups- prostitutes and charities.

bahahahhahaaaaaa

crunchymamaof2 · May 2014

They were advertising their shower on national tv. Said they were looking for sponsors. Someone wants to throw you a college shower (though IMO a graduation party should be more than sufficient), great. It's awesome if your circle wants to get you your towels, books, a microwave, a box of condoms and a beer, whatever. But these girls were outright asking for cash. They stood in the today show audience, got dillan dryers (butchered that one) attention, and outright asked/said they needed money for college. To complete strangers. Were they waiting for some Prince Charming to call the show, get these girls' info, and cut them a check with his rainbow farting unicorn pen?!

I'd much rather see baby showers and wedding showers die out of existence than to see showers popping up for every milestone in a person's life. What's next, a "yay you took your first crap in the potty!" Shower? A pad and tampon shower for a girl when she gets her first period? A career shower after you land your first job?

But if this is a new trend, it's the same as wedding shower vs. honeyfund. Graduation party/true college shower (for tangible gifts), fine. Go for it. But college sponsor shower = cash grab and tacky.

JellyBean52513 · May 2014

I saw this segment on the Today Show. I guess the organization behind it, Girls, Inc., focuses on empowering young women and giving them a helping hand so they can achieve their goals and be successful in a world with so many gender-based barriers. I get the intent, I do, but part of me feels like it makes girls out to be a charity. Have a grad party, graciously accept any gifts that come your way, and carry on with your own personal plan for funding your education (even if that means loans, loans, loans). I do have to agree with @lilacck28 on the hypocrisy of bridal & baby showers being ok while something like this isn't. Getting married and having a baby are two huge life transitions, but so is going to college. Grown adults should be able to afford setting up their new lives together or their new baby on their own, but we still throw them showers...meanwhile, you have high school graduates who can't afford to put a roof over their own head, but they shouldn't be allowed to have people shower them with gifts in preparation for that? I can't agree with that concept. If someone *besides the college student* wants to throw such a shower, it has to be just as acceptable as any other big-life-changing-event shower on principle alone. Edited to fix formatting. It won't let me add paragraphs

wrigleyville · May 2014

I guess I think of the graduation open house as the shower, of sorts. People bring cash and gifts to those, so, in a way, it's just like a bridal shower or baby shower. Therefore, a separate "shower" isn't needed, as the graduation party IS the gift/money-giving event. I even got money from relatives who couldn't make it, similar to relatives sending us money and gifts even though they didn't come to our wedding.

lilacck28 · May 2014

I didn't have a graduation party. A lot of people don't have graduation parties or open houses. A lot of people also don't have families to host a graduation party, or help alleviate the costs of a college education. I am not suggesting that everyone deserves a party and gifts, but if those people have found a way to try and equal the playing field, that just doesn't bother me, and I don't see why it bothers anyone who is unaffected either. If you get invited to a future event, just don't go.

And I get that these two specific girls on the today show have ruffled feathers/ may have been tacky/ rude (I didn't see it, so I don't know), but with the general college shower vs. other showers issue... why is the assumption that a college shower is in ADDITION to a graduation party? Further, bridal showers are often in addition to engagement parties, and weddings, which though don't require gifts by definition, they are often given and semi expected. Just like at a graduation party. So really, that brings me back to my very first point. Why are bridal showers in addition to wedding receptions and engagement parties acceptable, but a theoretical college shower in addition to a graduation party is not?

bouncertony · May 2014

I only went to community college. If I enroll in a four year university...can I have a college shower?

lilacck28 · May 2014

If someone decides to throw you a shower, you can have one right now. "College" isn't the real issue here. It is comparing one type of shower to another, and arbitrarily allotting one version more validity than another.

Las0713 · May 2014

That's crazy! Last summer, these two high school seniors were knocking on every door in my neighborhood asking for money. He said he was raising money for college. I was put off by it immediately. Told him "Sorry, I don't have any cash on me." and went to close the door. He said "I can take a check or credit card too!"

Um, yea. I'm going to write you a check or just freely give a stranger my credit card number.

Take out a loan, work extra hours, etc. Whatever you have to do. I busted my ass to make sure my college expenses were nobody else's responsibility! It's insane how rude people have become.

crunchymamaof2 · May 2014

I don't necessarily have a problem with an actual shower, I just think it's getting out of hand. Even bridal and baby showers. People are relying on others to fund their lives. People have come to expect that showers be thrown for them, and that's my real issue. Get rid of them all!

jenna8984 · May 2014

Las0713 said:

That's crazy! Last summer, these two high school seniors were knocking on every door in my neighborhood asking for money. He said he was raising money for college. I was put off by it immediately. Told him "Sorry, I don't have any cash on me." and went to close the door. He said "I can take a check or credit card too!"

Um, yea. I'm going to write you a check or just freely give a stranger my credit card number.

Take out a loan, work extra hours, etc. Whatever you have to do. I busted my ass to make sure my college expenses were nobody else's responsibility! It's insane how rude people have become.

Exactly. The other day I was walking up to Walmart and there were middle school kids fundraising for something (boy scouts, football, whatever) which is fine. But the kid approached me with his cup and said "You have any money??" I was like not when you ask like that! The adults with them just stood there. I was like maybe teach them how to properly ask for a donation because I would have given but now I'm not.

larrygaga · May 2014

Man maybe we should lower the price of education then HUH

Anyone catch this on the today show yesterday?

Re: Anyone catch this on the today show yesterday?

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