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How to ask my father if he wants to contribute financially for wedding? From Wedding Bee

Thought you'd all enjoy this. Most people were giving her tips, but a few called her out which of course upset the little snow flake. It wasn't enough that daddy paid for school, but he's obligated to pay for the wedding as well. Her fiance is also pressuring her to get money from her father since he doesn't want to use the money he has in savings. The OP cites her Dutch culture for this, but my best friend in college was Dutch (lived in a very Dutch area of Illinois) and she paid for her college tuition and her wedding because her dad wanted to instill some values. 



Re: How to ask my father if he wants to contribute financially for wedding? From Wedding Bee

  • APDSS22APDSS22 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    I can't take anyone seriously who says they are so "scaredo".  If her father wanted to provide money for her wedding, he would offer it.  The fact that he hasn't should indicate she should just plan with what she has, NOT that she should find a "nice way" to hit up her father for cash for her wedding.
  • Hahha and she keeps saying they had "money issues" in the past, but she likes that she's "independent" now.  So if your dad gave you money problems in the past when he was paying for your school... and you like being independent... don't fucking ask!

    The entitlement just kills me.
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  • She's so independent and likes paying for things herself because it makes her feel grown-up... but not when it comes to her wedding. I mean... really?

    My thought on this is... if he hasn't already offered, he most likely won't. Take the hint, kiddo.

    Also, what if he offers, then takes back his offer at the last minute. Either way, she should be planning what she can afford, in case all the parents decide to back out.
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  • I think a knot has developed in my neck from all the head shaking. Also, I seriously question whether someone who says that being employed "feels grown up" is really grown up enough to get married.

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  • Is it really shocking for some people to realize their parents don't want to contribute to their party day? When we announced our engagement the first time around, we were shocked when each of our parents gave us $1,000 towards the wedding (so $3,000 total). We figured they wouldn't give us anything because we were adults. We've always planned to pay for our own wedding.

    I liked how she kept saying "we need to know for the budget" darling when one makes a budget, one does not count on other people's money.
  • When I got engaged, my mother made it a point to tell us that she used whatever money she would have contributed towards a wedding to pay for work done on her house. We were adults and old enough to pay for our own wedding.
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  • FiancBFiancB member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    MagicInk said:
    Is it really shocking for some people to realize their parents don't want to contribute to their party day? When we announced our engagement the first time around, we were shocked when each of our parents gave us $1,000 towards the wedding (so $3,000 total). We figured they wouldn't give us anything because we were adults. We've always planned to pay for our own wedding.

    I liked how she kept saying "we need to know for the budget" darling when one makes a budget, one does not count on other people's money.
    Yeah I predict a new thread in a few months that goes like "OMGGGG my dad said he'd pay and now he won't and I can't afford all the fancy stuff I ordered what do I doooooo?"

    FI pressured me a little bit to ask my parents, knowing they are well off. I finally told him look, my sister went bankrupt and they didn't help her, what makes you think they'll help us with our wedding? Seemed to get the point across. 
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  • I actually found it annoying that my mom told me last year after paying for my sister's pre-wedding booze cruise that since they paid $3,000 for it, that's how much I get for my wedding so it's fair.  She doesn't know what her financial situation will be when I get married, how dare she make a promise like that.
  • KGold80KGold80 member
    First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    adk19 said:

    I actually found it annoying that my mom told me last year after paying for my sister's pre-wedding booze cruise that since they paid $3,000 for it, that's how much I get for my wedding so it's fair.  She doesn't know what her financial situation will be when I get married, how dare she make a promise like that.

    How dare she? Really? I think you need to rethink the way you phrased that. It came across as really bitchy.

    She is offering you the money based on what she thinks she will have. Plan to pay for your own wedding until you have that money in hand. If she can't then afford to give you the money she hoped she could give, well that sucks. If she can, fantastic!

    But to say "how dare she!" is ridiculous.
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  • Yeah, I guess "how dare she" was a bit much, but I was more thinking that 1. I didn't need to know what she spent on my sister's party. 2. She and my dad have retired since throwing my sister's party and so are now on a fixed income.  I don't expect her to give me anything, but of course I'd completely appreciate her throwing me a pre-wedding party.  And I certainly don't want her to go into debt over it because she did it for my sister. 3. she's always been overly overly weird about perfect monetary equality when it comes to me and my sister.  i.e. I bought your sister this thing for $20 so what do you want me to buy you for $20?  I mean, of course I'd love to accept a gift that you want to give me, but I don't want something just because you spent money on my sister.  Again, that probably sounds bitchy too, but gifts out of obligation just don't suit me.  If you want to throw me a party, feel free, but if it's several thousand dollars on a boat or if it's a couple hundred dollars in your living room is irrelevant as long as it's given with an open heart and because you WANT to, not because my sister did this all first.
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