Stop talking about it!!

BreMR · May 2014

Okay, I try to keep my BSC in check for the most part, but I have to say.. my BF has been hinting at getting engaged since January. He asked me in January if I prefered to be surprised or if I wanted to go shopping. I told him to do what felt best for him I was fine with either. He chose to surprise me. Meanwhile, he won't stop making offhand jokes about 'waiting so it's a surprise'

I told him he's giving me marriage blue balls, and to please stop talking about it, or just do it already!! I think he's enjoying this much more than me

lmcooper86 · May 2014

Hahaha, marriage blue balls...very apt. I feel like I'm straying awfully close to the BSC path myself, so I'm with you!

BF told me that he met with his family's jeweler a couple weeks ago, got everything figured out and ordered my ring. I told him that's great (!!!), but please don't tell me anything else; I don't want to know when you get it or when you're going to propose or anything.

But he won't stop with the updates! "I talked to the guy today", "He called me today, I know when I'm getting it", SHUT UP SHUT UP! I think he's purposely trying to drive me crazy and I am having a hard time keeping the crazy in check!

Blue & White · May 2014

I love the phrase "marriage blue balls" Yes, yes, I do.

I was completely surprised by FI's proposal lol, it was fantastic. The funniest part was that I forgot my phone when we went out to dinner (he proposed by the water before dinner) and so I literally couldn't tell anyone for like 2 hours - this was pretty awesome because we could just spend the time together with our little secret

So really, you should just keep forgetting your phone when you go places together? <--interesting advice, haha

BreMR · May 2014

This is what I love about this board, because there is usually someone who can relate. When I told my friend my frustration she said 'stop thinking about it!"

Uhh... sorrycant!

phira · May 2014

Ahahaha marriage blue balls. Perfect.

If your blue balls are really bad, just tell him to give you the month he's planning on.

BreMR · May 2014

I always could try that

I doubt he'll tell me.. he really is enjoying it. He said "it could be tomorrow... or the next blue moon.... or in January..."

Blue & White · May 2014

@phira oh god, then I'd be freaking out for a month!

My BFF's fiance told her he'd propose by august and ended up not getting around to it until like october. She was pretty upset about it, and I had to talk her down. Turns out he just hadn't gotten the ring in yet! Their wedding was still valid and everything.

Sometimes it's hard to stay in the moment, but I did a LOT of crafting during the waiting time. And I planned an awesome trip to Boston, which was kinda lame cause I didn't even know the Boston peeps by then (I don't even know if I was on TK yet!) but yea, Fenway was pretty cool. And I'm a Yankees fan. Sooooo...yea, branch out a bit

I was also the most chill bride in the world, according to multiple sources.

blabla89 · May 2014

I got the same way when FI mentioned that he had bought a diamond. And then when he told me he intended to propose in early spring (which makes me think late February/March) and March rolled around and it didn't seem to be getting any closer.

Keeping occupied with other stuff helps sooo much. Make intentional time to spend with friends, take up a hobby, learn a new skill, etc.

GoldenPenguin · May 2014

I FEEL YOU SO MUCH.

He picked out the damn stone over a month & a half ago. Not one itty bitty inkling of anything since. I'm going INSANE here.

DanikaMarie0227 · May 2014

Like everyone else - love the term "marriage blue balls" haha! FI & I went "shopping" to look at diamonds to get an idea of what I liked. Then he would constantly let me see him looking online at diamonds & rings (which drove me nuts, lol). The weekend he proposed we were away on a mini-vacation & a couple of people said to me before leaving "Do you think he will propose this weekend?" My response (and what I really believed) was "Obviously not, he doesn't even have a ring yet." He was purposely making me think he was still shopping for one... Little did I know he had one already!

BreMR · May 2014

I definitely need to find things to occupy my time. I recently got laid off so I have nothing BUT time to dwell. I've been doing a lot of job searching and interviewing, and trying to get back into working out... so maybe I'll just throw myself into working out... that's a win win!

GoldenPenguin · May 2014

The Bri/e's can commiserate with our GIANT BLUE BALLS.

BreMR · May 2014

Yes!!!

BreMR · May 2014

DanikaMarie0227 I love your story! I've been hearing that a lot, our 12 year anniversary "do you think he's going to propose?" Me : "YES!! I'm like 80% sure!" Nope. My birthday "Do you think he's going to propose" Me: "YES, I'M LIKE 99% SURE" Nope. Our date night "do you think he's going to propose?" Me: "Nope, I'm like 100% sure." Nope.

Blackbird230 · May 2014

Haha marriage blue balls...I have nothing else to add to this...

GoldenPenguin · May 2014

BreMR said:

DanikaMarie0227 I love your story! I've been hearing that a lot, our 12 year anniversary "do you think he's going to propose?" Me : "YES!! I'm like 80% sure!" Nope. My birthday "Do you think he's going to propose" Me: "YES, I'M LIKE 99% SURE" Nope. Our date night "do you think he's going to propose?" Me: "Nope, I'm like 100% sure." Nope.

yup, yup, yup.

Luckily, all the times that I HAVE built myself up to "OMG IT'S TOTALLY GOING TO HAPPEN" and it hasn't, I really haven't been disappointed. I thought I would be, but at this time I'm more wondering where the fuck it is. I KNOW it's going to happen - it isn't a matter of "if" it's just a matter of "when," so I'll just sit here with my patience pants and wait. UGH.

behsco90 · May 2014

I'm sooo glad my BF is not dropping hints. I'm the one who brings up a proposal a lot, but lately I've been trying not to because he tells me I'm going to ruin the surprise. The only thing he's mentioned lately was a couple weeks ago I mentioned the fact that if he gets a cushion cut diamond that I would prefer it to be square and not rectangular. So then he told me that he had been looking at diamonds online.

So the past couple weeks now I've been twiddling my thumbs wondering, is he just casually looking at diamonds, or he is gonna buy soon???

Emmyghoul · May 2014

I am so stealing that... Marriage blue balls... I think that's putting the visual of the torture these men are putting us through in a realm they can understand...

AuroraRose41 · May 2014

Oh my god marriage blue balls. Love it!

And I am in the same spot that most of you are. BF and I have been ring "shopping" to give him an idea of what I like. But I am not allowed to talk about it anymore for fear of ruining the surprise. However, sometimes he will bring it up, and ask a question about wedding planning. "Hypothetically, if I were to do that thing, where would you want to get married?".....questions like that, and it has been driving me crazy.

We even had a serious conversation last night about the reception for our "hypothetical" wedding, that he brought up. I was doing all that I could to not go BSC and just answer his questions in a mindset of "in the future...this is what I would like". But that was hard when we were literally discussing how much the catering would cost and how much wedding venues cost versus renting a tent and having his friend cater everything for us, in addition to discussing the option of a cake and punch reception. He's frugal, and pretty much had a heart attack when I told him most venues (in the area that we would get married in at least) are approx. $100 per person for the catering for dinner and don't allow outside caterers. All I want to do today is truly price things out, but at the same time I can't justify it when we aren't engaged yet. I just feel like telling him, "This is what I saw with brief google searches, but I will not find out anymore specifics until we are actually engaged."

phira · May 2014

@AuroraRose41 Are you "not allowed" to talk about it because he doesn't want you to? One of the things that stressed me out about a "regular" proposal was that I felt like I had to be in the dark about things and not ask any questions, while my partner got to ask questions and make decisions. If he's asking you questions that are driving you crazy, I feel like you should tell him that. There's a middle ground between you never being able to talk about it/bring it up, and talking about it non-stop and ruining the surprise proposal. Plus, you can mention things about weddings without mentioning things about proposals.

Sorry, I'm mostly rambling here.

AuroraRose41 · May 2014

@phira I was ranting without my coffee this morning and left that out! Yes, he is worried that talking about engagement rings/proposals/wedding things will ruin the surprise, even though I told him I don't care how he proposes, even if he does it at our home and then we go pick out a ring together, because what matters to me is that I will get to marry and spend the rest of my life with my best friend.

So I basically stopped talking about any of it altogether. But last night really came close to driving me BSC, and I was half tempted to just tell him to do it so that we can plan this and price everything out.

I have one condition, which he knows already, and that is that I will not buy a house with him until we are married. The houses out here in San Diego are extremely expensive, and I am not willing to make a $500,000+ commitment to something like a house together until we make a commitment to each other first. However, he keeps bringing up buying a house, and our conversation last night started when we were talking about how long it would take us to save for a down payment. I made a comment saying that "you know my condition first, and that's another expense to take into account." So, it was also partially my fault, but I meant it as a very vague and adult statement of "don't forget about this expense that we need to plan for as well.". However, I didn't expect him to ask for specific details when I said that, which is what caught me off guard. And now I feel like I need to price out a venue/food/etc. so that we know how much we need to save in addition to a down payment for a house, even though we aren't engaged yet.

Normally we are pretty good about communication and making decisions together, so that also might be why I don't like this limbo situation of needing to price things out and not being able to talk much about it. Ugh I really feel BSC writing this right now, sorry guys

. Is 11:30 am too early for wine?

ETF: TK is being really glitchy for me right now and had to fix formatting.

phira · May 2014

@AuroraRose41 It is never too early for wine! Yeah, I'd be pissed in your shoes, with your boyfriend talking about houses when he knows that's not something that can happen until you're married.

AuroraRose41 · May 2014

@phira I also think it doesn't help that our friends just bought a house together, so now he wants to as well, since we are now the only couple that we know without our own house. But, I think he keeps forgetting that they are already married!

Thanks for not judging me, because I definitely felt like I was going crazy over all of this!

JollyGirl24 · May 2014

I've been dating my boyfriend for two years
and he hasn't proposed to me yet.
he says he will propose soon .

Pepperally · May 2014

@phira - I walked that line many a time about not being allowed to talk about it, yet he could bring it up whenever he pleased. It's annoying. Now it's just been replaced with actual wedding planning...we've decided we are getting married in 5 months which to me I know I have to get on the ball in the world of wedding planning, vendors, etc., but he feels pressured sometimes when I mention I inquired about a vendor. Yet he wanted to go shop for rings this past weekend. He will bring random stuff up about our wedding. But then sometimes he just gets this overwhelmed feeling and says we have only been engaged a week so I should relax. Five months is not a lot of time to get vendors lined up for a fall wedding, but he doesn't seem to understand this.

And then there's the control aspect you mentioned when having a regular engagement...he has all of the cards in his hands and you are walking around blindly. It's kind of a weird form of torture, really. lol. I lived it...somehow I survived it.

phira · May 2014

@Pepperally is there a reason you picked 5 months? Depending on the kind of person your fiance is, a longer engagement might be better. I honestly wish we'd picked a shorter engagement--J and I are much better at making decisions when we don't have time to agonize over them OR put them off indefinitely. But if your fiance is dragging his feet and not doing so well with a short engagement, it might be easier if you have more time.

Pepperally · May 2014

@phira - No, he's not dragging his feet per say, he just wants say a couple of weeks to enjoy our newly engaged status. He's very much ready for the wedding, he truly is. But he kind of open the floodgates and I just have to keep them closed. He's always had a hard time with decisions and we've already made a lot in the week we've been engaged. So I do agree with him in enjoying our time. I'm anxious about having an officiant and photographer....then I would just relax for a while. But I'm respecting his wishes and just relaxing a bit. It will work out. As it is, it was his idea to shop for rings. So there is some desire to do some planning on his part. He suggested I meet him by his work sometime where there is a craft store and we make a night of it, to look at wedding stuff. So he is somewhat into it. But more on his terms.

Pepperally · May 2014

He literally came home after I typed the above and asked me what wedding updates I had for him...I said none, that remember, he asked me to chill out. He said...nooooo, you don't have to, it's your big day, I don't want you to hold back, do what you'd like to do honey. So, complete 180 from yesterday.

Stop talking about it!!

Re: Stop talking about it!!

Choose Another Board

Search Boards