Wedding Etiquette Forum

std's and online rsvp

qdeeds22qdeeds22 member
First Comment
edited May 2014 in Wedding Etiquette Forum
We plan on sending out save the dates and having everyone rsvp online (don't tell me it's tacky, we're doing it). I have a few questions about this process though... when do the save the dates go out when doing online rsvps? Our wedding is Memorial Day 2015, and everything I have read says 6-9 months in advance for stds. Also... the wording... since stds usually say "formal invite to follow" how do I get the point across that we're not sending them out? Thanks!

Re: std's and online rsvp

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Huh? How do STDs serve as RSVPs? You're not sending invitations?
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • smalfrie19smalfrie19 Home of SB XLVIII Champs member
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    why would you not send invitations. Whether you are using online rsvp's or not is not the issue here. a STDate is to let people know. Why not extend a formal invite and nix STDates all together then?
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  • SmileDamnitSmileDamnit Mile High City member
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited May 2014
    STD's and RSVP's do not go together. 


    STD - 9-12 months out

    Invites - 6-10 weeks out.

    RSVP are sent by guests AFTER they receive the invite.  RSVP by date should be as close to the wedding as possible.  Basically you find out when you need your hard numbers to the caterer (normally 3-10 days out from the wedding).  Then add 5-7 days to get in contact with non-responders.  


    ETA - I just noticed you are not sending out invites?  umm, that does not make sense.  STD - are not invitations.  If you are sending out only one thing, then that needs to be the invitation.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    indianaalum
  • beetherybeethery So sayeth the fuckin' Pope. member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Real invitations? Good. Online RSVP, sure! As long as you either make sure everyone can figure it out, or someone will help any oldsters that require assistance with online stuff or the oldsters call you, sure!

    STD's with an online RSVP thing? No. Do not. It doesn't make sense.
    --

    I'm the fuck out.

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  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    qdeeds22 said:
    We plan on sending out save the dates and having everyone rsvp online (don't tell me it's tacky, we're doing it). I have a few questions about this process though... when do the save the dates go out when doing online rsvps? Our wedding is Memorial Day 2015, and everything I have read says 6-9 months in advance for stds. Also... the wording... since stds usually say "formal invite to follow" how do I get the point across that we're not sending them out? Thanks!
    JIC






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    SmileDamnit[Deleted User]beetherytabathafaye
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    That's going to be a hot mess.  Good luck with that.



    sweetwisconsin
  • MNVegasMNVegas member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    Say what?  You are sending out STDs but then not actually inviting people! That is quite bizarre!

    OP, you do know the difference between STDs and invitations right? Ok well obviously you don't. A STD is not an invitation. How do you expect people to know they are invited if you don't send them an invitation?  People are going to be very confused and probably won't realize they are invited. 


  • Sugargirl1019Sugargirl1019 Deep in the Heart of Texas member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Your "save the date " card would have to say "you're invited to the wedding of bride and groom on this date at this time at this location. Which turns it into an invitation. If you leave any of that off, it's not going to give your guests enough information and they'll have to contact you multiple times. And you'll have to include a card telling guests how to RSVP.

    Sounds like an invitation to me.

    Send them out 10 weeks out then. Any sooner (or months sooner) and guests will forget and not have the exciting anticipation of your wedding for the coming month!

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    RebeccaB88[Deleted User]
  • This seems kinda silly.

    If you're trying to save money, forget the STD and just send an invitation.  They don't need to be super elaborate and crazy, make them as simple as a save the date.

    For instance, I made my STD on the computer, signed up at shutterfly which gives you 100 free 4x6 prints - glued them to some fancy paper and will send them on their merry way in envelopes I water colored.  Very small cost, and all you need to do is word it for an invitation.

    The invitation is what you use to RSVP, the save the date is just a "Hey we're getting married this day in the future."
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  • STD are an absolutely unnecessity. Save your money and buy INVITATIONS because your idea is guaranteed to back fire on you.

    You cannot invite your guests via STD 10 months ahead of your wedding. I guarantte with 100 percent certainty that will screw you over. you will have people never RSVP, a ton of no shows, because the forgot the wedding, or just a little of confused guests wondering why they got a STD and no invte.

    We aren't trying to be mean, but we GUARANTEE this idea will come to haunt you. DO NOT DO THIS.. Send out invitations 6-8 weeks ahea of your wedding and have people RSVP to that .. 
    luckysnorkelOpenHeart0117
  • edited May 2014

    You are definitely going to confuse your guests. I don't necessarily think online RSVP's are tacky, but you have to know your audience when going this route. For example, some people may not have access to the internet or own a computer. I had a friend do online RSVP's and they ended up having to call multiple guests who couldn't figure out the website.

    Sending out a STD with no formal invitation 6-9 months in advance makes me cringe. I would just skip the STD and send out the formal invite instead if you only want to send one out. I personally would never RSVP to a wedding 9 months in advance. Also if I only got a STD to a wedding, by the time the deadline rolled around I would most likely forget.

  • KGold80KGold80 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    We are doing online RSVPs (not my choice - just wasn't a hill I was prepared to die on) and so far we've had good luck with it. In addition to the website, we also provided guests with my email address and phone number in the event they were more comfortable with either of those options. We are still a couple of weeks out from our deadline, but so far about 30% of guests have responded and of those, only two used email and one called me. If you do online RSVPs, do not let that be the only option for guests to respond.

    You can get cheap invitations online at vistaprint if budget is your reason for wanting to do STDs instead of invites.
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    thenewmrsq
  • Just to echo PPs, I strongly advise against your plan.

    If I got a save the date 9 months before the wedding, and then no invitation 6-10 weeks out, I'd assume I was uninvited.
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    Sugargirl1019[Deleted User]polly212[Deleted User]
  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I see this on DW boards sometimes. I'm not saying this is why the OP is doing it, but many brides figure they'll use the number of accepts/declines from their STDs to "gauge" how large of a venue to get. For DWs, the brides tend to worry they'll book a place for 100 and only have 30 show up. (Actually, I suppose this is true of many weddings, not just DWs.)

    While I understand that temptation, having just hosted a DW last fall, it will always come back to bite you in the ass. People will often change their mind between the STD and the invitation. We had many people say they couldn't come, but then when the invitations went out, every single one of them changed to a yes. You will also have some declines change to accepts.

    luckysnorkel
  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 Figment of Your Imagination member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I have no issue with online RSVP at all. Just as long as you make sure that anyone who doesn't have online access has an alternative way to RSVP (like a phone number), you can do so if you want. Just remember to call anyone who hasn't responded by the date given to get a firm answer.

    STDates aren't invitations, though, so no one needs to respond to them.  If it's a budget issue, just send out regular invitations a little early, like 10 weeks. Between STDates and invitations, always err on the side of invitations. It's the only official way people will know they are invited. You could do an online email invitation (again, making sure that non-online people still receive some kind of invitation), even though a lot of people don't like them and knowing they will likely get caught in people's spam filters, but it's still technically an invitation to an event.

    But, responding to an STDate just isn't realistic, partially because it's too far out from the event and partially because it's not an invitation. Planning ahead, plan for your entire list, and then either downsize later, upgrade things for those who are there, or enjoy coming in under budget.
    luckysnorkel
  • phiraphira Bahstin member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    Save-the-date = "We are getting married on [date] and we're letting you know in advance so if you want to come, you don't schedule any conflicting plans. Formal invitation will follow."

    Save-the-date =/= an invitation

    You can always skip save-the-dates if you'd like and just send invitations. Save-the-dates go out 6-12 months before the wedding (or never if you don't want 'em). Invitations go out 6-8 weeks before the wedding.

    Online RSVP is fine, although I recommend having a non-online option (e.g. phone number) for people who do not like online RSVP or don't know how it works.

    If you don't send actual invitations, people will not know they're invited.
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  • My STDates are going to be phonecalls to my VIPs and emails or face-to-face notifications to friends.  People will have "saved" the date even without a piece of paper to attach to their fridge.
  • sarawifenowsarawifenow Denver, baby! member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Not really sure why you are even asking this question...you obviously know people think it is tacky. Nobody here is going to tell you that you have a wonderful idea.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    A STD =/= Invitation....so there is that.

    Online RSVP?  Whatever, but the thing that I think you are missing is that a STD is not an invitation. An invitation includes all the necessary and pertinent information for your guests, like locations, times, RSVP information, etc.  A STD does not include any of that, it only includes a date and maybe the city in which your wedding is happening.

  • dgirl82dgirl82 member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper

    My parents are hosting a celebration thing for us and my dad insisted I send out some kind of STD card before we even knew what the venue was.  I put on the card the website that would have the information but no one even realized and we ended up having to just send emails anyway.  I am still trying to organize all the replies and it is super annoying since some people will send it to my parents, some to the husband, some to the joint email I had listed and some to my regular email.  Not at all worth the hassle.  Just do real invites and your online RSVP, not the STD’s.  

  •     We only have 18 or so guests so we just called and/or sent e-mails for our STD's. We aren't doing RSVP cards either, we will have our phone number and e-mail address for people to let us know if we are coming. Again, this is only because our wedding is immediate family only. 

        Online RSVP's are fine if  your crowd can handle them. Sending out your STD's as invites 10 months early will cause you more problems than your guests. I wouldn't do it just because of the head ache it would cause ME.
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