Invite Questions?

Re: Invite Questions?

• JCbride2015 member

  

  May 2014

  Sioux1986 said:

  Hi everyone!

  We just finalized our date (Feb 2nd 2015!!!) and we are finishing our guest list. I want to get in contact with people ASAP as we are having a destination wedding in Walt Disney World and there are a limited number of blocked rooms at a discounted rate. We will not be sending out our official invites for quite sometime, but I am trying to make sure everyone we are inviting gets a save the date.

  
  

  Currently, our invite list is EXACTLY 50 guests, but I have two issues.

  
  

  1.) My sister (who is also my bridesmaid) may or may not have a secret boyfriend. She is very private and when I've asked her about him, she dodges the question. No one in my family can figure out if she has a boyfriend. Now, if she is in a legitimate relationship, I would be happy to invite him (as etiquette dictates), but I can't invite him if he's a secret? I do not want to give her a random plus one as NONE of our truly single guests are getting them, and knowing my sister, she might just bring a friend along....?

  
  

  
  

  2.) My good friend, who is married, is getting an invite. Now, her husband travels for work, so there is a distinct possibility he will not be able to make the wedding (I will still address the invite to the married couple) I know this and my friend has mentioned it to me, and asked if that happens can she bring her sister (who loves Disney world). I know we say invites aren't transferable, but in this case I'm fine with it. It seems odd to send the sister her own STD/invite when I don't really know her, and I don;t want to give my married friend PLUS 1. In all honesty, if I have just 1 decline (which I probably will as its a destination, Monday wedding), she can bring both her husband and her sister, but I don't know how to express that without seeming like I'm b-listing, as I don't want to be rude. What would be the best way to approach this situation?

  
  

  Thanks,

  Kacie 

  1) Ask your sister directly.  If she dodges the question again, or says she doesn't have a boyfriend, then you are OK to not invite him.  As I understand the rule, anybody who publicly holds themselves out as a couple needs to be invited together.  If she's hiding this guy, she can't expect him to be invited.

  
  

  2) Why not just invite the sister?  Would one guest make or break your budget or your space?  Your other option would be to just allow her to transfer the invitation if her husband is traveling.  But if you'd consider inviting all three of them anyway if you get a decline, I don't see why you wouldn't just invite the sister to begin with.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  
  

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• ScoutF member

  

  May 2014

  1. I don't think you have to give a single guest a plus one, but I think it would be nice to give your bridal party one. I also think it's something you should consider for all singles guests because it's a destination wedding. 

  
  

  2. Don't send her sister a STD. Send one to the friend and her husband. Let your friend know that her sister is more than welcome to come if her husband can't make it. I wouldn't say anything about letting her come if you get declines. 

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• HisGirlFriday13 member

  

  May 2014

  Sioux1986 said:

  Hi everyone!

  We just finalized our date (Feb 2nd 2015!!!) and we are finishing our guest list. I want to get in contact with people ASAP as we are having a destination wedding in Walt Disney World and there are a limited number of blocked rooms at a discounted rate. We will not be sending out our official invites for quite sometime, but I am trying to make sure everyone we are inviting gets a save the date.

  
  

  Currently, our invite list is EXACTLY 50 guests, but I have two issues.

  
  

  1.) My sister (who is also my bridesmaid) may or may not have a secret boyfriend. She is very private and when I've asked her about him, she dodges the question. No one in my family can figure out if she has a boyfriend. Now, if she is in a legitimate relationship, I would be happy to invite him (as etiquette dictates), but I can't invite him if he's a secret? I do not want to give her a random plus one as NONE of our truly single guests are getting them, and knowing my sister, she might just bring a friend along....?

  
  

  
  

  2.) My good friend, who is married, is getting an invite. Now, her husband travels for work, so there is a distinct possibility he will not be able to make the wedding (I will still address the invite to the married couple) I know this and my friend has mentioned it to me, and asked if that happens can she bring her sister (who loves Disney world). I know we say invites aren't transferable, but in this case I'm fine with it. It seems odd to send the sister her own STD/invite when I don't really know her, and I don;t want to give my married friend PLUS 1. In all honesty, if I have just 1 decline (which I probably will as its a destination, Monday wedding), she can bring both her husband and her sister, but I don't know how to express that without seeming like I'm b-listing, as I don't want to be rude. What would be the best way to approach this situation?

  
  

  Thanks,

  Kacie 

  You only have to invite SOs if you know about them. If your sister isn't willing to own up to having a BF, then she doesn't get to bring him and she doesn't get invited with a random plus-one if you're not giving those to other truly single people. Actions have consequences; if your action is to hide your relationship, the consequence is that no one will respect your relationship.

  
  

  Invitations aren't transferrable unless you want them to be. Don't send the sister an STDate, because you're not inviting the sister individually. Frankly, if your friend wants to bring her husband OR her sister, that's fine, but it's flatly unreasonable of her to even think she could bring both.

  

  
  

  
  

  I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'

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• Sioux1986 member

  

  May 2014

  HisGirlFriday13 said:

  Sioux1986 said:

  Hi everyone!

  We just finalized our date (Feb 2nd 2015!!!) and we are finishing our guest list. I want to get in contact with people ASAP as we are having a destination wedding in Walt Disney World and there are a limited number of blocked rooms at a discounted rate. We will not be sending out our official invites for quite sometime, but I am trying to make sure everyone we are inviting gets a save the date.

  
  

  Currently, our invite list is EXACTLY 50 guests, but I have two issues.

  
  

  1.) My sister (who is also my bridesmaid) may or may not have a secret boyfriend. She is very private and when I've asked her about him, she dodges the question. No one in my family can figure out if she has a boyfriend. Now, if she is in a legitimate relationship, I would be happy to invite him (as etiquette dictates), but I can't invite him if he's a secret? I do not want to give her a random plus one as NONE of our truly single guests are getting them, and knowing my sister, she might just bring a friend along....?

  
  

  
  

  2.) My good friend, who is married, is getting an invite. Now, her husband travels for work, so there is a distinct possibility he will not be able to make the wedding (I will still address the invite to the married couple) I know this and my friend has mentioned it to me, and asked if that happens can she bring her sister (who loves Disney world). I know we say invites aren't transferable, but in this case I'm fine with it. It seems odd to send the sister her own STD/invite when I don't really know her, and I don;t want to give my married friend PLUS 1. In all honesty, if I have just 1 decline (which I probably will as its a destination, Monday wedding), she can bring both her husband and her sister, but I don't know how to express that without seeming like I'm b-listing, as I don't want to be rude. What would be the best way to approach this situation?

  
  

  Thanks,

  Kacie 

  You only have to invite SOs if you know about them. If your sister isn't willing to own up to having a BF, then she doesn't get to bring him and she doesn't get invited with a random plus-one if you're not giving those to other truly single people. Actions have consequences; if your action is to hide your relationship, the consequence is that no one will respect your relationship.

  
  

  Invitations aren't transferrable unless you want them to be. Don't send the sister an STDate, because you're not inviting the sister individually. Frankly, if your friend wants to bring her husband OR her sister, that's fine, but it's flatly unreasonable of her to even think she could bring both.

  Hey Everyone, thanks so far for the advice! Just to clarify, she never asked if she could bring both, I'm just of the mindset that if we have room, I CAN accommodate both. I hesitate to send the sister her own invite as I don't really know her. And I can't really list her on my friend and her husband's invite as she is an adult and lives in a different state. 

  
  

  I have decided against extending plus ones to my truly single guests. If between now and then any of our single guests do enter a relationship, I will be happy to include their significant others. But, as my fiance and I are paying for this ourselves, it really doesn't fit into our vision for my single sisters (the only truly single people) to bring a friend. And while Disney is a destination for most, said sister lives in Orlando, so it's not really a destination for her. 

  
  

  Thank you all so much! 

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  May 2014

  Also, since your wedding is so far away still, sending a STDate to your friend (and her husband) shouldn't be an issue. If, before the invites go out, you want to contact your friend and find out if her husband is going to be able to make it, you can decide then how to address the invitation.

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• Sioux1986 member

  

  May 2014

  adk19 said:

  Also, since your wedding is so far away still, sending a STDate to your friend (and her husband) shouldn't be an issue. If, before the invites go out, you want to contact your friend and find out if her husband is going to be able to make it, you can decide then how to address the invitation.

  That's a good idea! I know I am jumping the gun with invites and all that, but I am super nervous about people being informed and booking their discounted rooms in time. Also, Disney has all these random deadlines for different deposits and headcounts that are like 60 days out. We chose them so I know we have to play by their rules. But I don't want to sacrifice etiquette either. I am horribly afraid of offending someone....all I want is people to have a blast at my wedding! 

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• short+sassy member

  

  May 2014

  adk19 said:

  Also, since your wedding is so far away still, sending a STDate to your friend (and her husband) shouldn't be an issue. If, before the invites go out, you want to contact your friend and find out if her husband is going to be able to make it, you can decide then how to address the invitation.

  The same is true for your sister.  Send the STD to just her.  You won't be even sending the invitations for many months.  I would think, by then, secret b/f will either not be so secret or they will have broken up.  That might be why she doesn't want to give you a direct answer.  Maybe it is early on in their relationship and she has no idea if they will still be together that far in the future.

  And, just as a general guideline for all brides.  Not all guests need to receive an STD...but anyone who was sent an STD needs to receive an invitation.  In other words, it is okay to send STDs to people that are definitely being invited to the wedding...even if the guest list isn't finalized.  You do not have to send STDs to people you are not sure yet are being invited.  This is NOT b-listing. 

  (For this next point, I'm pretty sure I'm right, but if not someone please correct me)...Also, if a guest is coming as someone's plus one (not an SO), as in, they would not normally receive their own invitation, they do not receive their own STD or invitation.  You could address your main guest's invitation as Jane Doe and Guest (if it is okay for them bring whatever plus one they want) or as Jane Doe and NameofJaneDoe'sFriend, if you want to give them a plus one for ONLY that specific friend. 
  

  

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• Jen4948 member

  

  May 2014 edited May 2014

  Tell your sister that if she's not willing to tell you if she's even in a relationship, she can't expect you to honor it by inviting her SO (if she has one). You can't read her mind. As for the couple, tell your friend, if she brings it up, that (if you are okay with her bringing someone other than her husband) that her invitation is only transferable if her husband can't come, but it is only for two people at any given time. By default, it's for her and her husband. She cannot bring anyone else if he comes with her.

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• loveislouder member

  

  May 2014

  Maybe your sister's boyfriend is actually a girlfriend, which is why she's hesitant about saying they're in a relationship.

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• VulgarGirl member

  

  May 2014

  loveislouder said:

  Maybe your sister's boyfriend is actually a girlfriend, which is why she's hesitant about saying they're in a relationship.

  That was my first thought. And then even expanded it to someone your family might not approve of in general, older/younger, divorced, different religion, has kids, different race, anything along those lines?

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• mysticl member

  

  May 2014

  I totally had your second situation happen.  I invited my very dear friend, her husband, and their kids.  They decided the husband and kids would not attend (really long story that doesn't) pertain.  He sister lived relatively near to where I was getting married (closer than they lived to each other) so she was driving down to see the one attending the wedding.  I know her and like her, I just don't know her well enough to invite her on her own.  So I had no problem having her attend and it was great having her there.

  

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• Sioux1986 member

  

  May 2014

  MagicInk said:

  loveislouder said:

  Maybe your sister's boyfriend is actually a girlfriend, which is why she's hesitant about saying they're in a relationship.

  That was my first thought. And then even expanded it to someone your family might not approve of in general, older/younger, divorced, different religion, has kids, different race, anything along those lines?

  LOL! LOL! I come from a family of hard core liberal atheists. My parents are total huppies (aged hippies + yuppie money) and this got me thinking my sister most be dating someone who is religious. (Maybe a girl? Who knows?) Then I heard from one of my other sisters that she thinks she's dating a man who practices Islam, which I guess would be something she'd hide. Who knows!  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  May 2014

  I have a cousin who never brought a girlfriend home to meet anybody until he brought home the woman he would soon propose to. He never even mentioned a girlfriend ever until he mentioned his now wife. Maybe she's more embarrassed by the family than she is by the boyfriend.

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• Sioux1986 member

  

  May 2014

  adk19 said:

  I have a cousin who never brought a girlfriend home to meet anybody until he brought home the woman he would soon propose to. He never even mentioned a girlfriend ever until he mentioned his now wife. Maybe she's more embarrassed by the family than she is by the boyfriend.

  This is VERY possible. 

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• phira member

  

  May 2014

  
  

  adk19 said:

  I have a cousin who never brought a girlfriend home to meet anybody until he brought home the woman he would soon propose to. He never even mentioned a girlfriend ever until he mentioned his now wife. Maybe she's more embarrassed by the family than she is by the boyfriend.

  This is, apparently, sort of similar to what happened with me and my partner. It was a Big Deal when I met his family because he had never dated anyone long enough or seriously enough to bring anyone home to meet everyone. I don't think they thought it meant for sure that we were getting married, but I think they all suspected that if he was bringing me to dinner to meet them, marriage was very likely.

  

  now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
  
  

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• JellyBean52513 member

  

  May 2014 edited May 2014

  My SO has a cousin that hid her boyfriend from the family because her father was SUUUUPER strict and would NOT have approved (she had just turned 18 and was a freshman in college.... I know, she's an adult, but she's still daddy's little girl to her father). It was seriously such a big deal that when I tried to invite Cousin and her BF to my SO's surprise birthday dinner, SO's sister texted me saying "I don't think it's a good idea that we invite Boyfriend. Uncle doesn't know about him, and I don't want to disrespect my godfather by hanging out with Cousin's bf that he doesn't know about. Plus, mom & dad will be there, and they will say something to Uncle. It's just not a good idea."
  
  Because this was my first "birthday" with him, and because his siblings were helping me out so much with getting the family together for the diner, I felt outnumbered and I certainly didn't want to be the one to rock the boat and cause family drama. I felt like SUCH AN ASS telling Cousin "nevermind about Boyfriend, I guess it's going to be a family-only thing except for me since I'm organizing it. We definitely have to go out the four of us sometime though!" And guess what... Cousin went from super excited to "omg im so sorry, my ride just bailed on me tell SO i said Happy Birthday and I'll make it up to him!" just 15 minutes later. IT HURTS PEOPLE'S FEELINGS TO EXCLUDE THEIR PARTNERS, LURKERS!
  
  Edited to make paragraphs since TK has no interest in allowing me to do so on the first try these days

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